It takes courage to walk away from a conflict

Greetings!

There was a confrontation between the father and son yesterday.  It began when our son tried to start a conversation with his father.  He made a comment about the movie on the TV, and asked for his father's opinion.

I knew our son did it out of good intention.  He wanted to show his father he cared about him by talking to him.  Since the restaurant years, his father had bottled up his emotions and acted distant.  He could sit all day without saying a word if we did not take the initiative to talk to him.  He had not let go of his bitterness towards life because of the restaurant business.

Instead of saying his opinion, my husband said some very harsh words about our son's simple comment of the movie.  Of course, our son did not expect such strong negative reaction at all.  And, the confrontation started.

I stayed in my peace.  I learned from my experiences that anything I said would be considered as taking sides.  Still, I jumped in once in a while saying 'I know you do it out of good intention, but your father cannot see it' and 'no matter what, you cannot say that to your father because you are a son'.

The father and son continued to get at each another with words.  Hearing those ridiculous words again and again, I burst out laughing. 

Our son protested, "Mom, you make things worse when you laugh!"
 
Looking at him, I said peacefully ***, "I am the new me.  I will laugh when I feel like laughing.  I used to feel dismay when you and your father argued.  Not anymore.  I find it laughable that both of you say those hurtful words that you don't really mean.  You know it is wrong.  You want to stop, but you don't know how for your father's loud voice adds to the tension.  He yells because it is his way to overpower others.  At his age, your father probably won't change much except if he really wants to.  To walk away takes courage.  It is not weak."

Our son who always put out a warrior mentality paused for a while.  He stopped arguing.  Later, he apologized to his father.

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Life is not only about right and wrong.  If it is, we may fight to no end.  

I am glad our son chose to let it go.  Indeed, it takes courage to walk away from a conflict.  With our human nature, many of us want to win; we want to prove we are right or prove that others have wronged us.  Some people think we can always talk it out and clear any conflict.  If that is the case, there should be no war in the world.  Earth is a school.  Life lessons pop up here and there.  It is worth taking some time to contemplate over a situation (or a relationship), and handle it as best as we can. 

May peace be with you always.

Love,
Q of D

*** In the above situation, I talked to my son in English.

When our sons were young, I talked to them in Chinese.  I wanted the father and sons to be able to talk to one another since my husband (or their father) knew very little English.  I encouraged my husband to talk to our sons more.  At the time, our sons spoke and understood Chinese well.  However, my husband always said he did not know what to say, and it was the women's job to raise children.  When I asked him to praise sons, sometimes he added his own view or criticism.  (For example, our son got the highest mark in class, he praised him and said, "You got one wrong!  Next time you have to get every question right."  With our difference in temperament and personality, there were times life situations really got to me.  Luckily, these situations no longer bothered me that much.