Greetings!
In a recent visit, a relative expressed his desire to buy a new TV. He was hesitant to spend the money because his income had dropped due to the present economy. I said, "The pictures on your TV are crisp and nice. Your TV seems to be fine." He confirmed that there was indeed nothing wrong with his TV. He bought the 42" TV a couple of years ago. He said he and his wife seldom had the time to sit down and watch TV, however, he saw his friends had larger size TVs in their homes.
I asked how his two children were doing, and if they watched TV a lot. He said they seldom watched the TV. When they were home after school, they often went straight to their computers. If they weren't on their computers, they were talking or texting on their phones. He resigned to the fact that they were growing up. There had not been much verbal communication or interaction between them (he and his wife) and their children.
My relative's family is not that different from many other families. Nowadays, some people spend more time on their electronic gadgets than interactions with their family and friends. Some line up overnights in order to be the first ones in line to buy the latest electronic models. When new version comes out on the market in four to five months, they feel the need to keep up. So the chase for the newest model of gadget goes on. We are like the hungry dogs on a race track chasing after the fake rabbit (our endless desires) which is forever running a distance ahead.
We went to eat dim sum in a Chinese restaurant the other day. A family of four came and sat at a table next to us. The woman was very upset with her two teenage daughters for their nonstop use of the phones. She kept admonishing them. Her daughters never responded because their attention was on the phones in their hands. While this was going on, the woman's husband was on his notebook computer. He, too, did not seem to hear a word she said.
Some children and teenagers are so addicted to electronic gadgets in part** because of the parents. The parents allow them to spend as much time as they want on these gadgets at an early age. In some families, video games, computers, and phones have inadvertently become the babysitters of choice. The parents assume they give their children what they want as well as a step ahead of others in this modern age of technology. Furthermore, with the 'babysitters of choice', the adults are glad that they have more time to themselves. In time, some parents feel the disconnection between them and their children. However, they see it as the common behavior of today's youth. They conclude they can do nothing about it but to accept.
A friend told me she felt very lonely on the days she and her husband did not have to go to work. I was surprised. They were a happy couple at work. She said, "At work, we interact and work well together. On the days we are off, sometimes we just stay home. He is on his laptop, and I am on mine. Although we are in the same house, but I feel more isolated than I am alone in the house."
We are in the electronic age. Electronic gadgets have become part of our life. Some people identify their worth with the gadgets they hold in their hands or in their houses. Some people are so attached to their computers and phones that they feel they cannot live without them. Some students as well as adults cannot do a simple math without a calculator. We forget they are the tools we create to make our life more convenient, or they are gadgets for entertainment purposes. Instead, some of us have become the slaves of the tools, or the dependents of our creation.
We must not forget we are in control of our own life. We can choose how to spend our money and time. Holding the latest model of a gadget, driving the newest fancy car, or living in a luxurious mansion may give us some temporary satisfaction of ownership. However, the model we hold in our hands will in time become an old model, and so is the fancy car. When the economy was blooming, some people invested in bigger houses than they could afford. Many houses were foreclosed in recent years due to the downturn of the economy. When will we learn the lesson that simple is a better way of living?
We should not let our lavish desires rule our life. At the end of our days on earth, we cannot bring with us the luxurious mansion, the fancy car, or the wealth we have accumulated. Let us take some time to think about what truly are important in our life. We can begin by asking ourselves questions such as 'What do I want to accomplish in this lifetime?' and 'How do I live a meaningful or purposeful life?' The answer lies within each one of us. We all make mistakes in the journey of life, however, it is never too late to make a change or some adjustments.
Our children need our love, care, and time. We cannot substitute love and time with gifts. Most of the children look up to the parents. We can't expect them to listen to us such as don't smoke or use drugs if we ourselves smoke or use drugs. It is the same with talking on the phone or using the computer. When we set rules for their use of electronic gadgets, we have to make sure we don't spend unnecessary long period of time on them ourselves. We can ask our children to be more involved in the family activities, e.g., cleaning the house, taking a walk in the park, seeing a movie, walking the dog, or participating in a family discussion. Don't be discouraged if they say 'no', and don't stop reaching out to them. Have patience listening to their talk or even complaints because it is vital in the process of fostering a healthy relationship.
I read on the newspaper that Mr. Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft Corporation, and his wife only let their children have their first cell phone when they reach the age of 13. I also read that The First Lady and President Obama set strict rules for their daughters on how much time they can spend on the TV and their computers. As busy as they are, they make sure they eat dinner and spend time with their daughters too. It may be we can learn something from them.
My friend said sometimes she felt lonely when she and her husband were on their own laptops. I understood how she felt. My husband had a very passive personality. During the restaurant years, I was greatly affected by his unhappy mood and negative attitude. One day, I 'heard' my spirit guide said I was partly at fault of how I felt because I could be (or choose to be) happy no matter what. Over the years, I found what he said was true. We had a choice. We could choose to be happy and joyous no matter what situations we were in. It was our attitude that mattered the most in any situation. (Click to view If he loves me enough, he would have..... )
I asked my friend to think of the things that gave her joy in doing them. For instance, if she liked painting, she could take a painting class on the days she was off. Or, she could put away her laptop and go to the basement to do some paintings. If her husband had no plan for the day, she could plan where she wanted to go or how she wanted to spend the day. It was their day off, her husband would likely agree if she suggested.
What are the things that give you joy, my friends? In truth, we are expressions of love and joy. When our life is not, it may be a reminder to look within and see if we need to make some adjustments in the way we live or the way we look at a situation.
Love and peace,
Q of D
**Life is far more complicated than what seems to be on the surface. It is no coincidence we are members of a family. Some parents may have tried their best, but their children turn out to be an alcoholic or a drug addict. Therefore, it would be wrong to generalize that it is the fault of the parents. Earth is a school. Each one of us has different lessons to learn and challenges to overcome.
May all of us live, love, and learn in the ease and grace of the Loving Divine. Amen.
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