Greetings!
Happy New Year to all of you!
In my last post, I wrote about a dream in which I was told to thank my friends at the holistic center in writing. At that time, I did not understand the dream because it never crossed my mind I might be moving to another state. Months later, after participated in a 2-day healing workshop, I spontaneously picked up a pen and wrote a thank-you letter. Knowingly or unknowingly, I had in truth written a farewell letter even though I never gave it to my friends. In a restaurant months later, I thanked my friends one by one before moving to another state. (Please view my posts The dream of a new handbag and a new role and The amazing prophetic dreams of moving )
Why did I recall the dream while I was reading a book? Why was I inspired to write about it in my last post? I promised to share with you my thought in my next post (i.e. this post). I understood it was a lesson of gratitude and a new beginning, but for many weeks, I did not know how to go about writing it. I prayed for inspiration. Since then, many relevant past experiences and stories had come to my mind.
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In the final days of the restaurant business, I wrote a heartfelt letter expressing my gratitude to our customers. I posted it by the counter. It was right after Christmas and the New Year holidays. Those days were cold, and not many people walked in. I only got to thank a few regular customers personally before the business changed hands. As I prayed at night, I said goodbye to the people that I had come to know; I sent them love and blessings.
Despite of the challenges, I had served with love. I knew I had overcome. I also felt humbled as I began to realize each one of us was far more than who we thought we were. From time to time, the touches of the Loving Divine filled my heart with awe. I had always looked at others with love and compassion even as a child, but I used to keep how I felt within. It had much to do with the Chinese culture. I wasn't raised to express the feeling outward. Of course, my personality also played a part in how I conducted myself. After the restaurant years, I was more at ease to be who I am. I felt freer than I had been in accepting and expressing love.
I was wholeheartedly grateful for the experience. With love and gratitude, I joyfully looked forward to a new phase of my life. Unfortunately, the same could not be said of my husband. When the business was sold, he felt defeated and bitter.
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My husband had worked very hard all his life. He might not be a good businessman, but he was a good cook. There were many unexpected, adverse situations that happened before and after the opening of the restaurant. He was not always pessimistic, but the unexpected situations must have overwhelmed him. As things got tough, he looked back at his old pain. His mother died when he was little. In his teens, he lost his father. He was the youngest of 4, and the only sibling that cared about him was killed during the Cultural Revolution in China. With the hardships in the restaurant, he felt life was unfair that nothing good had ever happened to him.
During those years, I was overwhelmed by the challenges too. However, I never failed to see the good and wonders here and there. I smiled in the summer breeze and the warm sunlight in the winter. When a huge flock of birds circled above my head 3 times, I was filled with awe. Our customers' (friends) kind words, friendly smiles, and genuine concern warmed my heart. Our sons, knowing the situation we were in, never asked for pay when they helped in the restaurant. One day, they said, "Mom, we don't want the tips (from customers). You keep them." When they found part-time jobs after school, they willingly helped paying the bills. They were my sunshine in those gloomy years, and I knew everything was going to be alright no matter how hard life seemed to be.
Wallowed in bitterness and anger, my husband could neither see the good I saw nor feel the wonders of being in gratitude. After the business was sold, he was depressed for years.
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Spiritually, there was no accident we came together as a family. My husband served a purpose in our life journey, and so were we in his. We had different personalities and temperament. We saw life differently, and handled things differently. Therefore, each one of us seemed to go on a separate way. However, it was through our differences we learned to accept one another, and continued to love despite of our differences. The story of my family or your family was but a unique miniature version of the world reflecting what was going on around us.
The restaurant years had greatly affected our family, and each came out of the experience with a different outlook of life. (If you have time, please view other posts Who's driving? and The importance of maintaining our peace)
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Over the years, I had met quite a few who held onto the pain of the past like my husband. We could hear their strong unresolved emotions (e.g. hurt, anger, and guilt) in their voices as they talked about their experiences. For instance, a man in his late 40 s who was married and had children of his own still choked up whenever he talked about his childhood. He said his mother never showed him any affection, and his older siblings did not care much about him. Some people tucked away their painful memories, and never talked about them. They continued to suffer because they did not really resolve or let go of their pain.
Some might say our mind automatically recorded whatever happened in life. We remembered the good, the bad or whosoever caused us pain. "How could we forget or let go?" they asked.
On the surface, it seemed to be the case. However, if we observed objectively, we would notice our mind was very selective in remembering what happened. For instance, we watched the same movie, but each might find a different scene more touching or interesting; we might be part of a dramatic event that unfolded suddenly, and each would come out of the incident with his or her own unique perspective.
The truth was, we often subconsciously saw what we chose to see, and remembered what we wanted to remember. For example, someone who complained a lot about traffic kept seeing lots of traffic wherever he went, e.g. cars cutting in front of him without their turn signals on and people driving way below the speed limit. A woman said she was the scapegoat in her family ever since she could remember. As a grown up, she had worked in many offices for over 30 years. She said it was the same story wherever she worked - her coworkers took advantage of her by passing on their work to her. Her friend asked, "During those years, why didn't you say 'NO' or tell your coworkers you were busy?" She said she was indeed busy with her own job, but she did not want to offend them. Holding onto her old view as a scapegoat, she continued to give others the power to rule over her. She never thought she was in control of her situation. It was important for us to realize that we were responsible for our life. We could choose to observe objectively and see good wherever we were.
Some said it was easy for others to say forgive or let go when they were not in their shoes. True. Last year three young women in Cleveland were rescued after 10 years in captivity. They had been brutally assaulted and abused. We could only hold them in love and compassion. It would be cruel and insensitive to say anything else. They had suffered a lot, and it would take time to heal. However, with love and hope, we all prayed that in time they would let go of their pain and move on with their lives.
Some people might think the man's childhood was not very harsh; there were many that grew up in much harsher condition than his, and they thrived despite of their difficult beginning. It was not our place to judge the man's reaction to the challenge / difficulty he was in. We had to understand the challenge might be similar, but each reacted to what happened from where they were at. The best we could do was to listen with compassion or discernment.
Nowadays, many people learned about spiritual laws and truth from books and lectures. Some people easily said what they learned. For example, a woman said to another woman who had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, "There are no victims. You have asked for the abusive relationship." On another occasion, a woman was sad about her husband's extreme jealousy. One of her friends said what she saw in him (i.e. jealousy) was in her too. The woman was so upset that she could not utter a word until her friend walked away. On both occasions, what others said did not help their situations at all, and only added to their misery. We should be mindful of what we said. We should listen with compassion, and oftentimes, that was what was needed.
One of the stories that came to me when I prayed for inspiration was about a loving, intelligent woman. She had a good career. She took care of her siblings. Her parents were very proud of her. Her siblings loved and respected her. She got married and was a good mother to her children. Then her father died. Her heart ached over his early passing. She blamed herself for not doing enough. She welcomed her mother into her house so that her family could take care of her. Years later, her mother died. For a long time, she mourned over the loss of her parents. It cost her health. While waiting for surgery in a hospital, she made a vow to honor the love of her parents by treating all seniors as if they were her own parents. When she retired from her job, she volunteered in hospitals and nursing homes. Truthful to her words, she was always patient, loving, and respectful to all the people she met.
Why did we have to forget, forgive or let go of those unwholesome emotions? It was because they did not serve us any good. When we held onto them, we continued to give power to the cause of our suffering. In the above story, the woman's sorrow almost cost her life. With gratitude for her parents' love, her sorrow was transformed into strength. By the grace of Love / God, she survived. She was an inspiration to all who knew her, and a great asset to the community.
When I began to write my last post, I had originally typed in the title "Gratitude and a new beginning". I supposed I was guided to share the experience because people often reflected upon the past near the end of a year. To me, writing this post was like going through a mind journey. As I looked back at my own experiences, I realized no matter what I went through, a heart of gratitude always helped more than I could imagine. For example, my experience of writing the thank-you letters (first to our customers, years later to my friends at the circle) was like looking back at life with love and gratitude. I was able to move forward with peace and hope.
I could not finish the post before 2013 was over. However, every day is a new beginning. Let us look within to see if there is any unresolved emotion that is holding us back from living a peaceful, joyful life. Don't be a hostage of our old negative feelings such as hurt, pain, sorrow, jealousy, anger, hatred, guilt, or shame. Let us free ourselves, and turn a new page in our life. Remember, our loving spirit guides and angels are always there to help if we ask.
Again, Happy New Year! In 2014, may your heart's desires be fulfilled, and may you continue to live in the joy of your passion.
Many blessings,
Q of D
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