A Fight Against Poverty in Black and White

Greetings!

In my last post The message in a fortune cookie, I wrote I would share with you another story of a fortune cookie insert.  In order to write about the story, I went through my notebooks of 2003.

I did not write on a daily basis.  There were days I did not write anything even though something significant had happened.  I noticed I wrote down some of my dreams in details because I recorded them when I woke up.  However, during the working hours, I had to take care of the business.  Sometimes I only wrote a brief account of a special incident or a meaningful conversation.  I did not write down the details for I did not know I would share my experiences someday.

After going through my notebooks, I found out the cookie insert incident occurred in June of 2003.  However, I wish to share with you an experience that happened a month earlier first.

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In my post Writing Is Healing, the sentence "On a cloudy, gloomy morning, I go looking for the sun" came to me as I woke up from my sleep.  I could not get the sentence out of my mind.  For about four weeks, I expanded on the sentence.  Before the writing, I used to worry a lot.  I allowed the weather to affect my mood.  I also had fear looking at the night sky or dark ocean.  Unexpectedly, I no longer felt fear seeing the night sky or sea after I finished the writing.  In many ways, I also had less worries than before.

Below was another interesting story of writing.

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In 2003, the business was very, very slow.  In addition, some of the equipments began to have problems.  From time to time, we needed money to fix the equipments. The cost of fixing or buying new equipment was very expensive.  When I talked to my husband, he did not seem to hear a word.  I was left to handle all the situations. Month after month, I struggled to pay for the bills; meanwhile, I knew my husband still did not want to sell the restaurant.

One night in early May, I was crying in the restaurant.  My mind was flooded with frustration.  In the midst of my pain, I picked up a pen and wrote "Poverty, a humongous monster".  Thus started my fight against poverty in black and white.

Whenever I had time, I sat down to write and re-write.  All the while, I had no idea how I would win the fight.  When ideas came, I dropped them down on paper.  Since English was not my first language, many times I found it challenging to figure out the right word to express what was in my mind.  I never thought of giving up.  I might stop writing for a couple of days, but would resume once new ideas came.  When I really did not know how to continue, I prayed for inspiration.  On May 19, with divine inspiration, the fight was finally over.

May 19, 2003 was a Monday.  Monday was usually a slow day.  After I finished my fight against poverty in black and white, as if God / the Divine was congratulating me, we had exceptional business at night.  To top it off, an elderly customer walked in while I was copying my fight against poverty onto another piece of paper.  The total of his order was

$4.44  (444 The Power of God's Love, a very significant sign / number in my life)

Below was my fight vs poverty in black and white.

P O V E R T Y

A humongous monster

A massive black energy

Seemingly boundless

Powerful and unbeatable

Silently looming

Without me ever knowing

In its blackness

I see no light, no sun, no day

Frantically, I search for a way out

To my greatest dismay

I find myself running into walls and walls

Of terrifying chilly energy

Blocking me wherever I go

To regain my calmness

I stand still and listen

Only to the pounding of my heart

The pressure is mounting

The air murky and suffocating

Whatever it is, I can feel it is closing in

Paralyze with fear, I freeze like a statue

In the deadliness, I hear a faint cry

It gets louder and louder, and eventually

Like thunders that rock the earth

And shake me out of my paralysis

"I want to live! I want to live!"

It's the desperate cry of my heart, and

My Declaration of War

With all my might, I charge

But off I bounce by a force far greater than mine

Up in the air

Down on the cold hard ground

As if broken into thousands of pieces

I lie lifelessly and hopelessly

Waiting for the final moment of darkness

Sure of its soon-to-be victory and

The collection of yet another victim

The monster breaks out of its silence

Shrieking, dancing,

Celebrating

Mocking mercilessly at this weakling

Proclaiming its invincibility to all

Hearing that, my long buried memory is evoked

I remember now I am a loving creation of God

A soul everlasting

A being of Light

Immediately, my inner spark light up and expand

In a flash, the blackness retreats and completely disappears

In the beautiful sunlight, my tears of joy glisten like gold

I shared with you the words to show how I got stuck in the fight.  For instance, when I wrote "I freeze like a statue", I did not know how to continue.  Later, it came to me "I hear a faint cry".  I wrote I charged with all my might.  Then I thought I could not win by charging.  "As I lie lifelessly", I figured the monster that had been silently looming would break out of its silence to claim its invincibility.  Still, I did not know how to win the fight.  On May 19, I suddenly said, "Oh, I am a light being!"  That afternoon the fight against poverty in black and white was over.

Since 2002, we had tried to sell the restaurant to no avail.  There were callers, but no serious buyer.  The business in 2003 was even slower than 2002.  The situation was overwhelming.  Many times I had to pick myself up.  In the afternoon of May 19, I felt a renewed sense of hope.  The fight might be on paper, but I had fought the fight.

Why couldn't we sell the restaurant?  What message did I get from the June 2003 cookie insert?  I will write about it in my next post.

Many blessings,
Q of D