Greetings!
After publishing my post We Are More Than A Color, a few of my experiences of color or racism came to my mind. I would like to begin with a light-hearted one.
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Before I do, I must share with you a story that happened when our sons were young.
My husband knew very little English. He worked long hours and six days a week. At home, I always talked to our sons in Chinese (Cantonese) so that the father and sons could talk to one another. Sometimes we rented some Chinese movies and TV drama series for the same purpose.
For some days, my sons and I had been watching a Chinese TV drama series. It was about a young man who fell in love with a beautiful young woman. One day, I left the video on when I went to the kitchen to make lunch. I did not turn it off because I observed my sons seemed to enjoy watching the video.
While I was preparing food, my younger son walked into the kitchen. He said, "Mama, I want to ask you some questions." I turned to look at him. I could see something really bothered him. I stopped what I was doing. We went to sit by the dining table. He said, "Mama, when I grow up, where can I meet Chinese girls?" I said, "You will probably meet some Chinese girls when you go to college." He asked, "Do you know which university in the state we live in has the most Chinese students?" I mentioned the name of a university that I thought had the most Chinese students. I told him I was not sure if that was the case. My son asked if it was the best university in the state. I said, as far as I knew, there were a few universities that were better than the one I mentioned. He wanted to know more about those universities. I told him what I knew. At the time, I did not know much about the educational system in USA or the universities. We did not have a computer until years later.
He went on to ask me one question after another such as the courses he should take and his chance of meeting the right one. I told him I had never gone to college, and he should choose the classes he was interested in. As for marriage, I assured him the right one would show up when it was time for them to meet. I could not remember all that we had talked about. It was a long, long conversation. All the while, I listened to his questions with amazement. He was only six years old!
Near the end of our conversation, he paused and thought for quite a while. I could sense something was still troubling him. Then he looked at me and said, "Mama, what if I cannot find a Chinese girl that I like? Will you be mad at me if I do not marry a Chinese girl?" Oh, that was what was troubling him! I smiled and looked at him with love. I said, "I will not be mad if you do not marry a Chinese girl. Love is a matter of the heart. I will love whom you love." With that, the cloudiness on his face disappeared. Happily, he walked away to join his brother in the family room.
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Our daughter-in-law is white. She is of British, German, and Italian descent. (She might have mentioned Polish too.) She has always tried to make our grandchildren understand that they are half Chinese. She and our son celebrate some of the traditional Chinese holidays in their home. Our grandchildren have white skin, auburn curly hair, and appearances like their mother. They love their daddy and mommy. However, at their young age, the talk of race is too complicated for them to truly comprehend.
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A while back, we were in their house. As we ate, the subject of race came up in our conversation. Our daughter-in-law said, "When we (she and our son) were dating, I saw him as someone I loved being with. I never noticed he was Chinese." She said it might be hard to believe, but it was true.
I believed her. When our older son was young (i.e. until his early teens), he looked at everybody as the same. He did not pay attention to the difference of races or ethnicity. Many times he puzzled how his friends or us knew someone was black, white, yellow, brown, Chinese, Indians, or other ethnicity. We responded with "How could you not see?" From the blank look on his face, I knew he told the truth. He really did not register the difference as we did or that was not how he recognized other people. As we questioned how he could not see what we saw, we instilled in him what we deemed as normal. He gradually paid attention to the difference in appearances, and recalled other people in details. In contrast, I normally did not remember what others wore, their hair styles / colors, and eye colors.
Now, let me get back to the conversation at the dining table. Our daughter-in-law said, "I have been telling them (the children) they are also Chinese because their daddy is Chinese." Our granddaughter looked at us. She said, "No, we are not Chinese." Her brother agreed. I smiled. It must be quite confusing to our beloved grandchildren for our appearances were very different. Our daughter-in-law looked at the kids. She said, "You are Chinese. In fact, you are 50% Chinese. That means you are more Chinese than German, British, or Italian." Our daughter-in-law stayed home to take care of the children, but she was a certified teacher. She tried to explain some more using percentages.
Our grandchildren listened. They were young. I did not think the oldest one learned percentages yet. Suddenly, our grandson said, "Since Daddy is Chinese, Mommy, you must be Chinese too!" I burst out laughing. A child's reasoning of race! How adorable! Once I started laughing, I could not stop. The children thought that I agreed with what they said. They all pointed at their mother and said, "Yes, Mommy, you must be Chinese too!" My daughter-in-law tried to explain that "their daddy" was her husband and not her daddy. However, my laughing was certainly a distraction for the children to listen to her words. Sorry, my beloved daughter-in-law.
Live, Love, and Laugh! May your days be filled with laughter.
Love,
Q of D
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