One morning, I watched a short documentary on PBS World Channel. It was about a man who loved to tap dance on wood. I listened to his words with an agreeing smile. Most of us saw life differently at different stages of our lives. Sometimes we felt life was exciting, joyful and wonderful; at other times we might find life boring, sad and challenging. As we aged, we might come up with some sort of understanding about life. This understanding might not necessary fit in the context of right or wrong. In the brother's case, he said -
" . . . there is a need to speak to God, but I think that everybody has the way of doing it (i.e. one's own way of talking to God). For me, you (referring to himself) have that drive to do that (tap dancing) everyday, all of the time, it clears me out, it gives me my personal strength, and the main thing is that it doesn't have me trying to convince somebody they need to go to this church or that church, or they need to believe in me, or they need to do this, or they need to do that. I don't need to say any of that stuff to people. I'll just be silent because I know I found joy, and it is not Jesus, not Allah, it is a piece of wood. *** see postscript
After watching the documentary, I thought of Rosie. I edited Gateway to Heaven , and published it again.
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Rosie, a relative who lived in another state, called me for the first time about 13 years ago. She said her mother was gravely ill. After her father died, her mother lived in sorrow and lost the will to live. Rosie feared her mother might die soon. She called me because she wanted me to pray for her mother. Over the phone, she cried on and off. I could feel how sad and desperate she felt. She said she had already lost her father, and could not bear the thought of losing her mother.
Before her call, other relatives had talked to me about Rosie. They said Rosie had turned to religion a few years earlier (i.e. a few year before she called me for the first time). In time, she totally believed in what she heard at church that only Christians could go to heaven. She believed she had found the best religion and the true god. She handed out flyers of her church on the street. She urged her loved ones and relatives to go to church. She called them constantly saying that they must go to church or they would go to hell when they died. When they came across her on the street, all she talked about was her belief. As a result, many relatives as well as her loved ones had stopped answering her calls and avoided seeing her.
Rosie did not say anything about her religion that day. Before she hung up, she asked me to pray for her mother again.
At the time, I had not stepped outside of my family to join the Thursday circle. I did not go to church. I had read many spiritual books because I wanted to find answers to my mystical experiences. However, I kept these experiences to myself. When I talked to my relatives over the phone or sat among them, I often chose to listen and let others talk. We had many relatives living in USA. Rosie had not called me before. I wondered what caused her to ask me to pray for her mother.
At night, I prayed for Rosie's family especially her mother. When my mother passed away in 1984, I cried for three years whenever I thought of her. (Re Happy Mother's Day ) I could relate to what Rosie's mother might be going through. From books and in my own experiences, I knew my mother continued to love me from the other side. I decided to write her a letter hoping it might ease her sorrow. With full sincerity, I wrote a 4-page letter to Rosie's mother.
Few days later, Rosie called me. She was obviously shocked to read my letter. She said she had asked the pastor of her church to call me. She asked me to take his call. I wrote the letter out of love, but I should have known this might happen. Calmly, I told her I would talk to her pastor. The pastor was courteous and gentle. We had a good talk. We talked for an hour. The pastor had an open mind, and I mentioned some books for him to read. Afterward, Rosie called. She seemed to be embarrassed and apologetic.
Since we had different views, I thought Rosie would not call me again. However, she continued to call me every now and then. Knowing that she could not convince me, she did not talk about what she believed in. She talked about her childhood and other painful memories. She held lots of pain within, and had a hard time of letting go.
In recent years, some relatives said Rosie continued to force her belief on them. She sent them religious books even though they told her not to. Those books ended up in the trash the minute they received them. They said Rosie was hostile when they did not want to listen.
One day, I had an honest talk with Rosie when she called me. I asked her to stop forcing her belief on others. She said all she wanted was to save others so that they could go to heaven like her. I said, "If you have found the true god, should you be joyful instead of living in pain everyday? If the religion you believe in is the best religion, how come you do not live in peace?" Despite of our talk, I knew she would only change when she was ready or willing.
Rosie was about the age of my older sister. They were both the oldest child in their families. We grew up in the same place, but their family moved to USA ten years before I did. During family gatherings, we (the children) used to play card games in a room. Sometimes we took turns doing what we did best, e.g. singing, dancing and telling stories. In my memory, Rosie was a good big sister to her siblings. She was pretty and had a sweet voice. She liked to sing, and sang beautifully. Last year, I finally asked why (of all the relatives) she asked me to pray for her mother. She said, "Did you remember we, the children, used to play and sing in a room during family gatherings? You might not have noticed that I liked to sit near you. Even though you were small and younger than some of us, I always felt there was something special about you. I felt very peaceful sitting next to you. When I was very worried that my mother would die, I thought of calling you to pray for her." (Rosie's mother had moved on a few years ago.)
Time flies by. Rosie and I are grandmothers now. With love and hope, may Rosie release her view of hell and heaven, may peace fill her heart and joy fill her life.
Many blessings,
Q of D
P.S. After watching the documentary on TV, I wanted to find out the actual words of wisdom that the brother said. I found "He Who Dances On Wood" on YouTube. It was about 5 min. 46 sec. long. I watched the video and wrote down what he said. However, when l looked it up today, the video did not work, but the words were still clear.
April 12, 2024 - I happen to reread this post today. I am glad to find the video on YouTube. The video is clear and is a longer version than the previous one. Here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUFJxZST9sc
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