When my younger son encouraged me to start my own blog, he said, "Mom, I know you think your English is not good enough, but, you do know you are supposed to write. Mom, you can revise your post anytime you want to. If you are not pleased with a post, you can delete it after you have published it. It is very easy. Mom, just start writing!" By then, we lived in different states. Over the phone, he guided me through the process of setting up my blog.
Then my son asked when I would publish a post. I said I needed time (months!). He insisted that I gave him a date. Reluctantly, I promised I would publish a post by the end of March. My son knew me: if I made a promise, I would try to keep it. My first post was published on March 25, 2011. Yes, I barely made it!
Earlier this year, I chose a new template for my blog. I began revising some of my old posts because the layout of the new template was different from the old one. I rewrote some posts, and deleted a few. Incidentally, in recent months, a post which I had deleted appeared on the list of my posts on Google. Of course, it was labeled 'preview not available'.
After some thought, I decided to rewrite this post. It was about how I changed my attitude towards other people. In many ways, it was an important incident in my spiritual journey.
By the way, I really like the new look of my blog. I want to take this opportunity to thank Google or those at Google who work hard to improve Blogger. Thank you!
Be Like Him
(Originally published on Oct. 8, 2011)
I grew up in a traditional Chinese family. I was sensitive to people's emotions since I was a little girl. I knew who was happy, sad, or not feeling well. By then, my heart was very open, and I followed what my heart guided me to do. If I could be of help, I simply did it without hesitation. I never took gender into account, and treated everybody (a boy or a girl) equally. In elementary school, I did not joined small groups as most girls did. I was like an observer among my peers. When there was a conflict between groups, girls often came to ask for my opinion. They always listened to what I said. In different elementary schools, my classmates as well as the teachers had chosen me to be the class captain. (I had not asked or wanted to be a class captain.) Teachers usually picked a good student, and I was a good student. When it was the students' turn to choose their own captain, it was usually done by a vote of hands. It might be I treated everybody fairly, and helped those that needed help.
As I grew a little bit older, I started to take in the cultural / traditional standards of a Chinese female. In my teens, I began to build walls. Boys and girls interacted during classes. However, boys played / talked with boys during breaks on the playground. It was the same with girls.
When my husband opened the small restaurant, my heart was somewhat closed because we had lived as a family of four for a long time. I was not used to speak in English. I felt uncomfortable in front of people that I did not know well. It was quite a challenge for me in the beginning of the restaurant business. It took me some time to put aside the feeling of uneasiness.
When teenagers came in to order, I was at ease talking to them because I was a mother. Many of them were very friendly. Over the years, many talked to me about school and what happened in their lives. Sometimes they rushed in to tell me they got a good grade or they got an after school job. One day, a young lady came in and talked to me for a long time. She shared with me her sadness because her father passed away suddenly.
I also felt comfortable talking with female customers because they were like me - daughters, sisters, wives, and mothers in the family. When I sensed they were sick or sad, I easily reached out to them with love. Some customers had also graced my life with their presence. I would always remember their kindness, friendship, and love.
When male customers walked in, I treated them with respect, but my stance was reserved if not distant. Sometimes I sensed they were sick or depressed. My heart was filled with compassion. I knew a few words of loving kindness might ease their pain / mind, but I would not allow myself to do that. In my quiet time, I did pray for all - men, women, young, and old. I thought my self-set barrier was very much in order. I was a married Chinese woman, and there was nothing wrong with this attitude. Then came the divine intervention.
During the restaurant years, I had met quite a few wonderful, loving spiritual beings. Among them was a very special couple. Whenever they came, they took their time to talk to us (our sons and me). They listened with sincerity. Before they left, they often gave us a hug***. They treated us as if we were members of their family. I could feel their truthfulness. I admired the way they conducted themselves - treating everybody truthfully with love and respect.
*** In America and many other countries, people hug each other when they meet or before they part ways. Universally, it is a way of acknowledging one another. It may or may not include the truthfulness of love, compassion, friendship, or support. As a Chinese woman, I was not used to this kind of physical contact.One day, the man came in and picked up an order. He showed genuine concern when he heard that our business had been very slow. As usual, he gave me a hug before he left. As we hugged, suddenly I heard, "Be like him." I did not expect to hear this out of nowhere advice from my spirit guide at all. It caused me to look back at my life, and examined the way I had been conducting myself. I realized I had on many occasions treated others with reserve and not love just because they were men. It was wrong to discriminate others based on gender. I certainly did not want others to discriminate me because I was a woman.
Did I change my attitude overnight?
No. It took me some years before I could embrace another person with pure love and not a bit of fear in my heart. On a few occasions, people cried as we hugged. With truthfulness, I believed we were connecting on a heart to heart level of love as we hugged.
The walls I built may have collapsed, however, at times I still observe the shadow of a barrier in my actions.
Love and blessings,
Q of D
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