Greetings!
Do you get upset when people call you using a racist term? Do you want to correct others every time you hear people talk about other races using politically incorrect racial terms?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A Chinese couple with their baby in a stroller took a walk near where they lived. They walked past a building (a senior activity center). Quite a few older men and women were chatting outside. A man asked loudly, "Are you Jap or Chink?" The young Chinese woman knew very well the man called them by old racist terms. Peacefully, she said, "We are Chinese." Some women walked forward to look at their baby, and a few men followed. They surrounded the baby. Their faces brightened up. They said "how adorable" and "what a handsome boy". As they were adoring the baby, they began to have a conversation with the couple. It was a while before the couple could continue on their walk.
In time, the seniors said "here comes the Chinese couple" when they saw them walked by.
After their second son was born, people often stopped the Chinese couple while they were shopping in stores. They asked if the boys were twins. Occasionally, they asked the couple to stay where they were so that they could ask their friends who were somewhere in the store to come to see the boys. Sometimes the husband did not want to wait. The wife always said they had time. To her, it was a joy to see the joy on people's faces as they looked at her sons. They asked where the couple came from. It was a simple conversation, yet in treating each other with friendliness, everybody walked away with a happy smile.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Yes, the above was my experience.
Some people (particularly the older generation) might use politically incorrect racial terms because those were the terms they had learned while they were growing up. However, they might not hold any animosity towards other people. At the same time, people might use politically correct terms, yet they had racist views within.
On a few occasions, I heard my Chinese friends / relatives used old racist terms while talking about other races. To me, it was all about intention. For example, Mr. Lee talked about his American friend with politically incorrect racial term. Then he said, "We hang out from time to time. I talk to him in broken English, and he understands me well. We help each other out at work. He is a good man. We are friends." He said his American friend did not find the racial term offensive. Instead, he took it with good spirit. Sometimes he introduced himself to other Chinese using that racist term.
Of course, just like any other race, there were some Chinese that had racist views. I did not feel the need to correct others every time I heard people using racist terms. If they had been using those racist terms all their lives, they would not change because of a few words of mine. My approach to a few of my friends / relatives that had negative views of other races was l listened to them with patience. When they were done talking, I shared with them the good I saw in other people. They listened with their eyes opened. A lot of times, they actually agreed that what I said was true. At times they even recalled the good about other race from their own past experiences.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Have a harmonious April!
Many blessings,
Q of D
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Saturday, March 26, 2016
A Talk with a Store Manager about Racism
Greetings!
My husband and I were inside a big shopping mall. We had bought something from a department store. As we came out of the department store, I noticed there was a gifts shop to the right. I told my husband I wanted to buy a birthday card for my sister.
Soon after we walked in, I heard a man said, "Watch that Chinese woman! She is holding a shopping bag. She is going to steal something and put it into the bag." I turned to find the source of the voice. The counter was in the middle of the store. A man in shirt and tie was standing behind two female cashiers. I took a quick look at him. He was a white male in his 40 s. He caught my glance. He stared back at me with spite. He said to the cashiers again, "Watch that Chinese woman. I am sure she will steal something and try to walk out without paying..." He must be the manager of the store, I thought. He had probably assumed I did not understand English. The cashiers did not say anything in response to what he said.
My husband did not speak English. In a quiet voice, I told him what I heard. He said, "Let's buy a card somewhere else." I said, "It may be I should not have walked in with a shopping bag." He said, "Other people walk in with shopping bags too! This is a mall where people come to shop. That manager is racist. Let's leave." I looked around. Indeed, many people had shopping bags in their hands. I told my husband I would buy a card there. He gave me a puzzled look. I asked him to wait for me outside.
I took the time to choose a nice card. A few people were in front of me when I lined up to pay. As I waited for my turn, some people lined up behind me. Many had shopping bags in their hands just like me except I was the only person of color.
When it was my turn, I handed the cashier the card and paid for it. Then I said to the manager, "Soon after I walked in, you said to the cashiers to watch that Chinese woman. You thought I did not know English. You openly told them I was going to steal something and put it into my shopping bag." He opened his mouth. Before he said anything, I asked the cashiers, "You heard him said those words, didn't you?" They looked downwards, and did not say anything to counter what I said. Seeing that, the manager could no longer hold onto his mean demeanor. He stood there stiffly, and did not say anything.
I looked at the people that lined up behind me. They were looking at the manager. I said, "I am not the only one who walks in with a shopping bag. Many of your customers carry shopping bags in their hands too. It is not because of the shopping bag, isn't it? It is because I am a Chinese that you think I will steal. How long have you been the manager of this store? 10 years? 20 years? How many Chinese have you caught stealing?" I waited for him to answer.
The manager's face turned very red. I said, "None. Is that correct?" He murmured, "I am sorry." I said, "Hearing your racist remarks, my husband asked me to buy a card somewhere else. I choose to stay. I want to tell you it is wrong to discriminate against others because of their race, skin color, or appearance. More importantly, I feel I should talk to you because you are a manager. As a manager, you have an influence over those that work for you. When you voice your racist view, some people may unknowingly take in what you say. There is a saying 'Treat others as how you want to be treated'. I hope you will think about what I said." The manager said, "I am sorry." I walked out of the store.
The above incident happened long time ago. I had arrived in the USA a few weeks earlier. I was very self-conscious that I was not fluent in English. However, deep within I felt I should talk to the manager. I had not planned what to say, but words came as I spoke.
When I questioned the manager how many Chinese he had caught shoplifting, I never meant to imply Chinese did not steal. We, the Chinese, were not any different from other races. Some Chinese committed crimes too. At the time, there were far less Chinese living in where we lived than it was today. Other than those that came to attend universities, many Chinese did not know much English like my husband. They worked long hours in restaurants and stores owned by Chinese. All they wanted was to earn a living. Most of them (or us) knew not to commit any crimes.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Other than the above occasion, I seldom chose to speak up again when I came across people who were racist. I might take a stand by action as I did in Racism and Discrimination - Story 3 . In my opinion, debates hardly changed people's racist views, and only experiences would.
In Racism and Discrimination - Story 1, the teacher was raised in a family with strong racist views. Through interactions with his friends and coworkers of other races, he gradually realized his parents were wrong. He did not have to share his racist upbringing with his students, but he chose to. He told his students that it was wrong to discriminate others based on our differences. As he opened up and shared his story truthfully, his words touched many young women and men in his classes (my son included). When these students had families of their own, it was foreseeable they would teach their children to treat others with fairness.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We all play a part in how the world turns out to be. Racism causes separation among us. It is with hope and faith that we come out of our experiences with positive influence on others as the teacher has on his students.
Love and blessings,
Q of D
My husband and I were inside a big shopping mall. We had bought something from a department store. As we came out of the department store, I noticed there was a gifts shop to the right. I told my husband I wanted to buy a birthday card for my sister.
Soon after we walked in, I heard a man said, "Watch that Chinese woman! She is holding a shopping bag. She is going to steal something and put it into the bag." I turned to find the source of the voice. The counter was in the middle of the store. A man in shirt and tie was standing behind two female cashiers. I took a quick look at him. He was a white male in his 40 s. He caught my glance. He stared back at me with spite. He said to the cashiers again, "Watch that Chinese woman. I am sure she will steal something and try to walk out without paying..." He must be the manager of the store, I thought. He had probably assumed I did not understand English. The cashiers did not say anything in response to what he said.
My husband did not speak English. In a quiet voice, I told him what I heard. He said, "Let's buy a card somewhere else." I said, "It may be I should not have walked in with a shopping bag." He said, "Other people walk in with shopping bags too! This is a mall where people come to shop. That manager is racist. Let's leave." I looked around. Indeed, many people had shopping bags in their hands. I told my husband I would buy a card there. He gave me a puzzled look. I asked him to wait for me outside.
I took the time to choose a nice card. A few people were in front of me when I lined up to pay. As I waited for my turn, some people lined up behind me. Many had shopping bags in their hands just like me except I was the only person of color.
When it was my turn, I handed the cashier the card and paid for it. Then I said to the manager, "Soon after I walked in, you said to the cashiers to watch that Chinese woman. You thought I did not know English. You openly told them I was going to steal something and put it into my shopping bag." He opened his mouth. Before he said anything, I asked the cashiers, "You heard him said those words, didn't you?" They looked downwards, and did not say anything to counter what I said. Seeing that, the manager could no longer hold onto his mean demeanor. He stood there stiffly, and did not say anything.
I looked at the people that lined up behind me. They were looking at the manager. I said, "I am not the only one who walks in with a shopping bag. Many of your customers carry shopping bags in their hands too. It is not because of the shopping bag, isn't it? It is because I am a Chinese that you think I will steal. How long have you been the manager of this store? 10 years? 20 years? How many Chinese have you caught stealing?" I waited for him to answer.
The manager's face turned very red. I said, "None. Is that correct?" He murmured, "I am sorry." I said, "Hearing your racist remarks, my husband asked me to buy a card somewhere else. I choose to stay. I want to tell you it is wrong to discriminate against others because of their race, skin color, or appearance. More importantly, I feel I should talk to you because you are a manager. As a manager, you have an influence over those that work for you. When you voice your racist view, some people may unknowingly take in what you say. There is a saying 'Treat others as how you want to be treated'. I hope you will think about what I said." The manager said, "I am sorry." I walked out of the store.
The above incident happened long time ago. I had arrived in the USA a few weeks earlier. I was very self-conscious that I was not fluent in English. However, deep within I felt I should talk to the manager. I had not planned what to say, but words came as I spoke.
When I questioned the manager how many Chinese he had caught shoplifting, I never meant to imply Chinese did not steal. We, the Chinese, were not any different from other races. Some Chinese committed crimes too. At the time, there were far less Chinese living in where we lived than it was today. Other than those that came to attend universities, many Chinese did not know much English like my husband. They worked long hours in restaurants and stores owned by Chinese. All they wanted was to earn a living. Most of them (or us) knew not to commit any crimes.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Other than the above occasion, I seldom chose to speak up again when I came across people who were racist. I might take a stand by action as I did in Racism and Discrimination - Story 3 . In my opinion, debates hardly changed people's racist views, and only experiences would.
In Racism and Discrimination - Story 1, the teacher was raised in a family with strong racist views. Through interactions with his friends and coworkers of other races, he gradually realized his parents were wrong. He did not have to share his racist upbringing with his students, but he chose to. He told his students that it was wrong to discriminate others based on our differences. As he opened up and shared his story truthfully, his words touched many young women and men in his classes (my son included). When these students had families of their own, it was foreseeable they would teach their children to treat others with fairness.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We all play a part in how the world turns out to be. Racism causes separation among us. It is with hope and faith that we come out of our experiences with positive influence on others as the teacher has on his students.
Love and blessings,
Q of D
Thursday, March 17, 2016
A Child's Reasoning of Race
Greetings!
After publishing my post We Are More Than A Color, a few of my experiences of color or racism came to my mind. I would like to begin with a light-hearted one.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Before I do, I must share with you a story that happened when our sons were young.
My husband knew very little English. He worked long hours and six days a week. At home, I always talked to our sons in Chinese (Cantonese) so that the father and sons could talk to one another. Sometimes we rented some Chinese movies and TV drama series for the same purpose.
For some days, my sons and I had been watching a Chinese TV drama series. It was about a young man who fell in love with a beautiful young woman. One day, I left the video on when I went to the kitchen to make lunch. I did not turn it off because I observed my sons seemed to enjoy watching the video.
While I was preparing food, my younger son walked into the kitchen. He said, "Mama, I want to ask you some questions." I turned to look at him. I could see something really bothered him. I stopped what I was doing. We went to sit by the dining table. He said, "Mama, when I grow up, where can I meet Chinese girls?" I said, "You will probably meet some Chinese girls when you go to college." He asked, "Do you know which university in the state we live in has the most Chinese students?" I mentioned the name of a university that I thought had the most Chinese students. I told him I was not sure if that was the case. My son asked if it was the best university in the state. I said, as far as I knew, there were a few universities that were better than the one I mentioned. He wanted to know more about those universities. I told him what I knew. At the time, I did not know much about the educational system in USA or the universities. We did not have a computer until years later.
He went on to ask me one question after another such as the courses he should take and his chance of meeting the right one. I told him I had never gone to college, and he should choose the classes he was interested in. As for marriage, I assured him the right one would show up when it was time for them to meet. I could not remember all that we had talked about. It was a long, long conversation. All the while, I listened to his questions with amazement. He was only six years old!
Near the end of our conversation, he paused and thought for quite a while. I could sense something was still troubling him. Then he looked at me and said, "Mama, what if I cannot find a Chinese girl that I like? Will you be mad at me if I do not marry a Chinese girl?" Oh, that was what was troubling him! I smiled and looked at him with love. I said, "I will not be mad if you do not marry a Chinese girl. Love is a matter of the heart. I will love whom you love." With that, the cloudiness on his face disappeared. Happily, he walked away to join his brother in the family room.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Our daughter-in-law is white. She is of British, German, and Italian descent. (She might have mentioned Polish too.) She has always tried to make our grandchildren understand that they are half Chinese. She and our son celebrate some of the traditional Chinese holidays in their home. Our grandchildren have white skin, auburn curly hair, and appearances like their mother. They love their daddy and mommy. However, at their young age, the talk of race is too complicated for them to truly comprehend.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A while back, we were in their house. As we ate, the subject of race came up in our conversation. Our daughter-in-law said, "When we (she and our son) were dating, I saw him as someone I loved being with. I never noticed he was Chinese." She said it might be hard to believe, but it was true.
I believed her. When our older son was young (i.e. until his early teens), he looked at everybody as the same. He did not pay attention to the difference of races or ethnicity. Many times he puzzled how his friends or us knew someone was black, white, yellow, brown, Chinese, Indians, or other ethnicity. We responded with "How could you not see?" From the blank look on his face, I knew he told the truth. He really did not register the difference as we did or that was not how he recognized other people. As we questioned how he could not see what we saw, we instilled in him what we deemed as normal. He gradually paid attention to the difference in appearances, and recalled other people in details. In contrast, I normally did not remember what others wore, their hair styles / colors, and eye colors.
Now, let me get back to the conversation at the dining table. Our daughter-in-law said, "I have been telling them (the children) they are also Chinese because their daddy is Chinese." Our granddaughter looked at us. She said, "No, we are not Chinese." Her brother agreed. I smiled. It must be quite confusing to our beloved grandchildren for our appearances were very different. Our daughter-in-law looked at the kids. She said, "You are Chinese. In fact, you are 50% Chinese. That means you are more Chinese than German, British, or Italian." Our daughter-in-law stayed home to take care of the children, but she was a certified teacher. She tried to explain some more using percentages.
Our grandchildren listened. They were young. I did not think the oldest one learned percentages yet. Suddenly, our grandson said, "Since Daddy is Chinese, Mommy, you must be Chinese too!" I burst out laughing. A child's reasoning of race! How adorable! Once I started laughing, I could not stop. The children thought that I agreed with what they said. They all pointed at their mother and said, "Yes, Mommy, you must be Chinese too!" My daughter-in-law tried to explain that "their daddy" was her husband and not her daddy. However, my laughing was certainly a distraction for the children to listen to her words. Sorry, my beloved daughter-in-law.
Live, Love, and Laugh! May your days be filled with laughter.
Love,
Q of D
After publishing my post We Are More Than A Color, a few of my experiences of color or racism came to my mind. I would like to begin with a light-hearted one.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Before I do, I must share with you a story that happened when our sons were young.
My husband knew very little English. He worked long hours and six days a week. At home, I always talked to our sons in Chinese (Cantonese) so that the father and sons could talk to one another. Sometimes we rented some Chinese movies and TV drama series for the same purpose.
For some days, my sons and I had been watching a Chinese TV drama series. It was about a young man who fell in love with a beautiful young woman. One day, I left the video on when I went to the kitchen to make lunch. I did not turn it off because I observed my sons seemed to enjoy watching the video.
While I was preparing food, my younger son walked into the kitchen. He said, "Mama, I want to ask you some questions." I turned to look at him. I could see something really bothered him. I stopped what I was doing. We went to sit by the dining table. He said, "Mama, when I grow up, where can I meet Chinese girls?" I said, "You will probably meet some Chinese girls when you go to college." He asked, "Do you know which university in the state we live in has the most Chinese students?" I mentioned the name of a university that I thought had the most Chinese students. I told him I was not sure if that was the case. My son asked if it was the best university in the state. I said, as far as I knew, there were a few universities that were better than the one I mentioned. He wanted to know more about those universities. I told him what I knew. At the time, I did not know much about the educational system in USA or the universities. We did not have a computer until years later.
He went on to ask me one question after another such as the courses he should take and his chance of meeting the right one. I told him I had never gone to college, and he should choose the classes he was interested in. As for marriage, I assured him the right one would show up when it was time for them to meet. I could not remember all that we had talked about. It was a long, long conversation. All the while, I listened to his questions with amazement. He was only six years old!
Near the end of our conversation, he paused and thought for quite a while. I could sense something was still troubling him. Then he looked at me and said, "Mama, what if I cannot find a Chinese girl that I like? Will you be mad at me if I do not marry a Chinese girl?" Oh, that was what was troubling him! I smiled and looked at him with love. I said, "I will not be mad if you do not marry a Chinese girl. Love is a matter of the heart. I will love whom you love." With that, the cloudiness on his face disappeared. Happily, he walked away to join his brother in the family room.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Our daughter-in-law is white. She is of British, German, and Italian descent. (She might have mentioned Polish too.) She has always tried to make our grandchildren understand that they are half Chinese. She and our son celebrate some of the traditional Chinese holidays in their home. Our grandchildren have white skin, auburn curly hair, and appearances like their mother. They love their daddy and mommy. However, at their young age, the talk of race is too complicated for them to truly comprehend.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A while back, we were in their house. As we ate, the subject of race came up in our conversation. Our daughter-in-law said, "When we (she and our son) were dating, I saw him as someone I loved being with. I never noticed he was Chinese." She said it might be hard to believe, but it was true.
I believed her. When our older son was young (i.e. until his early teens), he looked at everybody as the same. He did not pay attention to the difference of races or ethnicity. Many times he puzzled how his friends or us knew someone was black, white, yellow, brown, Chinese, Indians, or other ethnicity. We responded with "How could you not see?" From the blank look on his face, I knew he told the truth. He really did not register the difference as we did or that was not how he recognized other people. As we questioned how he could not see what we saw, we instilled in him what we deemed as normal. He gradually paid attention to the difference in appearances, and recalled other people in details. In contrast, I normally did not remember what others wore, their hair styles / colors, and eye colors.
Now, let me get back to the conversation at the dining table. Our daughter-in-law said, "I have been telling them (the children) they are also Chinese because their daddy is Chinese." Our granddaughter looked at us. She said, "No, we are not Chinese." Her brother agreed. I smiled. It must be quite confusing to our beloved grandchildren for our appearances were very different. Our daughter-in-law looked at the kids. She said, "You are Chinese. In fact, you are 50% Chinese. That means you are more Chinese than German, British, or Italian." Our daughter-in-law stayed home to take care of the children, but she was a certified teacher. She tried to explain some more using percentages.
Our grandchildren listened. They were young. I did not think the oldest one learned percentages yet. Suddenly, our grandson said, "Since Daddy is Chinese, Mommy, you must be Chinese too!" I burst out laughing. A child's reasoning of race! How adorable! Once I started laughing, I could not stop. The children thought that I agreed with what they said. They all pointed at their mother and said, "Yes, Mommy, you must be Chinese too!" My daughter-in-law tried to explain that "their daddy" was her husband and not her daddy. However, my laughing was certainly a distraction for the children to listen to her words. Sorry, my beloved daughter-in-law.
Live, Love, and Laugh! May your days be filled with laughter.
Love,
Q of D
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
We Are More Than A Color
Greetings!
What color are you?
I watched "The Voice" on Channel 4 last night. One of the participants said both his mother and him had faced a good amount of racism because they were black. His mother passed away when he was thirteen years old. He said his mother used to tell them (her children) "We are more than a color" and "You are more than what everybody calls you".
We are more than a color
"We are more than a color." Do these simple words mean anything to you? Have you ever faced discrimination? Have you ever discriminated against someone or others because they are different from you?
In my next post, I will share with you some of my personal stories. At the same time, if you may, will you please take some time to think about the wise words of this wonderful woman, "We are more than a color"?
Love,
Q of D
What color are you?
I watched "The Voice" on Channel 4 last night. One of the participants said both his mother and him had faced a good amount of racism because they were black. His mother passed away when he was thirteen years old. He said his mother used to tell them (her children) "We are more than a color" and "You are more than what everybody calls you".
We are more than a color
"We are more than a color." Do these simple words mean anything to you? Have you ever faced discrimination? Have you ever discriminated against someone or others because they are different from you?
In my next post, I will share with you some of my personal stories. At the same time, if you may, will you please take some time to think about the wise words of this wonderful woman, "We are more than a color"?
Love,
Q of D
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