One day, Winnie* talked to me about a new comer that joined our circle in recent weeks. She said this friend had a doctorate degree, and went on to tell me some personal information about her. I said, "She (our new friend) knows a lot about energy and spiritual matters. She rarely talks about herself. You and she must have come to know each other quite well." Winnie said, "No, I have not talked to her outside of the circle. I use the computer to look up her personal information." I was very surprised to hear that. I said, "Why do you want to do that!" Proudly, Winnie said, "I have a master degree. I have worked in the human resources department for over 30 years. It has become a habit of mine to check out personal information of those that I know."
Winnie continued to talk about her work experience.
When Winnie first joined our circle, we could see she was unhappy with her life. For weeks or months (we met once a week for two hours), she talked about how her family and coworkers had treated her unfairly. Some of my friends tried to help her to look at life from a different perspective, but Winnie was not ready to listen.
When the meeting was over, all of us at the circle usually hugged one anther before we parted ways. For weeks, I observed Winnie did not seem to see me. Sometimes she walked past me to hug the person next to me. I had lived in USA for a long time. Some people were just not that open to people that were different from them. They were not necessary racist. Though I never saw myself as shy, I knew my quiet nature sometimes might give other people the impression that I was. Therefore, I did not take Winnie's behavior personally.
Most of us, consciously or subconsciously, formed an opinion of another person after we got to know him or her for a while. Each one of us used different measures to form an opinion of another person. For examples, some people might judge others by their appearances, clothing, and manners while some formed their opinions based on social status, academic achievements, or the cars / houses others owned.On that day, I realized Winnie's distant behavior toward me in the earlier weeks could be the result of her opinion about me. I had always been honest with my friends. I told them my English was not good and I never went to college. For a while, I studied Winnie as she talked. At the time, we had known each other for quite some time, and Winnie was no longer distant toward me.
I decided to ask her directly. "Winnie, you know that I have never gone to college . . . " Before I finished, she said, "Yes, I do. After I joined the circle, I always wondered why XXX (the teacher of the circle) and XXXX (the owner of the center) treated you with so much love and respect. Others loved you too. You can't even speak English fluently. I did not understand what they saw in you. You are simple and ordinary." I smiled and admitted I was a simple woman. Winnie continued, "Do you remember the day you walked to me and gave me a hug?" I said, "Yes. When the circle was over, I saw you were very frustrated. I decided to give you a hug. Unexpectedly, you sobbed for a long time while we hugged." Winnie said, "I did not know why I cried. I was so embarrassed that I did not know what to say."
I remembered that day. Seeing the expression on her face, my heart was filled with compassion. Though she seemed to avoid me, I decided to take the first step. I walked to her and gave her a hug.
After a pause, Winnie said, "We did not become friends after that. (She might not yet see me as a friend. I always regarded her as a friend.) There was another incident. You seldom talked during discussion. One day, you suddenly said you wanted to talk to me. As you talked, I wanted to talk back or counter what you said. As soon as I opened my mouth, I heard a voice saying for me to shut up and listen. That was why I said 'No' when you asked if I wanted to say something. I felt negative energies coming out of me as you talked. You walked out of the center soon after the circle was over. I had to run out to the parking lot to tell you what had happened. Do you remember that incident?" I said I remembered. She said, "It was the strangest experience I ever had."
Winnie said, "I truly regarded you as my friend after you saved my life. If you had not told me about the good in me on the day Cindy said those words to me, I could not imagine what would have happened." (For that incident, please view Be mindful of what we say )
Suddenly, I saw the light in Winnie's eyes dimmed. She said, "I see how others hug you. Do you know that XXXX never gives me a hug?" I was very surprised to hear that. XXXX was one of the brightest loving lights I had ever met. I was eternally grateful for her love and encouragement. I said, "Many want to talk to her when the meeting is over. I believe she is just busy talking to the others."
I had wanted to talk to Winnie about judgment, but decided not to. At the time of the talk, Winnie was not ready. I had A Lesson of Judgment in my teens. I observed at times I still judged, but my experience helped me to observe my action / thought. I fully trusted that in time Winnie would improve on her view of life too.
The owner of the center was very loving and intuitive. I wondered if she was an empath like the woman that sat next to me in I asked to be a source of healing . She might not have hugged Winnie, but she had always talked to her truthfully during the circle.
Do you form an opinion of others after you know them for a while? Have you ever examine how you measure others? Do you accept others the way they are?
Have a happy Easter!
Love,
Q of D
*not the real name
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