Greetings!
In the Chinese newspaper, a title of an article in extra large characters drew my attention. The translation of the title was "Foolish elderly good son". It was a column similar to "Dear Abby" in the American newspaper. "Why did she (the adviser) use 'foolish' to describe a good son?" I wondered.
A woman wrote that her husband's parents (i.e. her parents-in-law) lived in another state. Her husband's younger siblings and their families lived close to their parents, and had been taking care of them. Her husband flew to visit his parents 2 to 3 times every year. The wife often went with him. In recent years, she did not feel like going on those trips anymore. She and her husband were themselves seniors. She felt tired after the trip.
Recently, her husband's family planned to have a big party on her mother-in-law's birthday. When her husband talked to her about it, they got into a big fight. She said she would not go. She said he should not go too. Her husband had heart surgery some months ago. She worried that he might not survive the flight. She thought her husband was foolish to think that he must be there. He refused to listen to her.
The adviser sided with the woman. That was why the title of the article was "Foolish elderly good son." The man wanted to be there on his mother's birthday. His wife feared losing him if he went on the trip. Who was right? Who was wrong? It was not easy for us to say. We might look at it with our human logic since we were not directly involved. However, in truth, life was never simply about who was right or wrong.
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From time to time, real-life dramas threw us into a time of conflict, decision making, love and dismay. Many times we struggled to make a decision. Afterward, we either regretted or were happy of the decisions that we made.
I had my share of struggle to make decisions too especially during the challenging years. From my experiences, I learned not to make a decision when I was angry, my mind was clouded or was filled with fear. Eventually, I began to let go let God (i.e. to trust that no matter what happened, All Is Well). I prayed for love and grace for all the parties that were involved. Occasionally, I woke up hearing a message that helped such as in Love Has No Fear. However, most of the times, I did not seem to hear anything. Fortunately, as I centered in peace, love and compassion within always came through to guide me. On the whole, I was at peace with what I decided to do or not do.
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In our Chinese culture, we revere those that live to old age. Many Chinese want to live a long life. As we age, death is like a shadow in our heart even though we may not talk about it. I understand the woman's fear. I also understand how much it means to her husband to be there at his mother's birthday party. Wherever they are, may peace be with them.
Many blessings,
Q of D
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