Greetings!
Here is the 4th grade speaking experience that I said I would share. (Re Our Voices Matter and I was grateful for the opportunity to connect with my brothers and sisters)
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In 4th grade, I went to a new elementary school. The school had over a thousand students from 1st to 6th grade. At each grade, there were four classes. Each class had about 45 students.
One day, the head teacher of our class gave us an assignment. He asked us to prepare for a speech at home. We could either get the material from a book or make up our own speech / story. Each one would have to stand in front of the whole class and deliver the speech. He would choose the best one to represent our class in the school speech competition.
At home, I decided to write a short story by myself. To me, it was easier to remember the words that came from my own writing than words from a book. I had not spoken in front of the class before. I took it as any other homework, and tried to memorize the story as best as I could. I never thought of winning.
My sons were born in USA. I saw the big difference between their early schooling and mine. From kindergarten onwards, they had to speak in front of their classmates from time to time, e.g. during 'show & tell', present their projects, recite poems, and read their book reports to the whole class. At a young age, most students in USA were encouraged to be vocal and participate actively in class. In the schools I went to (other schools might operate differently), the teacher did most of the talking while we sat quietly. The teacher might ask a few students to answer questions or read part of a lesson. We stood up from where we were to answer the questions or read from a book. We did not have to walk to the front and speak before the whole class. In fact, some students might never had to speak in class if they did not raise their hands or the teacher had not called their names.
In the following days, the teacher called our names one by one to go to the front to speak. I was new to the school. I thought my classmates had done that before. As it turned out, many of them were very nervous, and forgot part of what they planned to say. I had an easier time than most because I wrote the story by myself. After everybody had their turns, the teacher picked me to represent the class.
On the day of the competition, the whole school gathered on the ground floor. I sat among my classmates waiting for my turn to go on the stage. My heart was beating quickly, and my body was trembling. When my name was called, I had to walk past lines and lines of students. I walked up the stage. Seeing the crowd below me, my whole body hardened like a rock. I could hear the pounding of my heart, and my mind went blank. Eventually, I heard voice coming out of my mouth, but I had no idea how I did. Afterward, instead of trembling, my body was stiff like a statue as I walked to join my class. I told my classmates how nervous I was. They said, "No. You voice was calm and peaceful. You did great!" Unexpectedly, I was the winner of the speech competition.
Before it was my turn, many that represented their classes had spoken. Some of them were amazing. Since I was so nervous, how could I have won? I wondered. A few months later, my mother brought me to a radio children talent show. There were about 80 children. Some danced, some acted, some sang, some played musical instruments, and some told stories as I did. The atmosphere was free and joyful. I enjoyed watching others performed. I did not feel nervous at all. Later, the woman host announced the winners in each category and age group. Then she announced the grand prize winner of the show. I could not believe my ears. I did not talk about it in school, but some of my classmates came to congratulate me because they listened to the show regularly. (If I remembered correctly, the popular radio show was on every Sunday.) As young, I never did anything because I wanted to win. I did not think of winning when I went to the show. That day I was at ease as I talked. I heard my voice and observed how I did. From my participation in the show, I knew I must have done alright in the speech competition even though I was nervous.
In 5th grade, I was placed in a different class. Most of my former classmates were in another 5th grade class. The head teacher simply asked me to represent the class without asking my classmates to go through the selecting process as the 4th grade teacher did. In 6th grade, the head teacher did the same. Both teachers chose the material for me to memorize. I did not have the liberty to write my own speech. I won 3rd and 2nd place in those competitions. In 5th and 6th grade, I still went through the same state of panic on the day of the competition, i.e. my heart beat fast and loud, I trembled, and my whole body hardened like a rock as I got on the stage.
Looking back, I realized this panicky feeling stayed with me for years after the speech competitions. In Our self-perceived shortcomings and disadvantages , I wrote about a similar panic attack when I waited for my turn to go into the room to face three teachers for my English Oral Examination. Luckily, I became calm and collected once I got inside the room. After I graduated from secondary school, I also got quite anxious whenever I had a job interview. I did not tremble, but my heart started to pound the minute I woke up in the morning. It continued as I was on the bus to go there. Then peace began to take over when I stepped inside the office.
In those years, all my interviews were successful. My sister and some of my friends were not as lucky. I was a simple, unassuming young woman. I was not any better than the others. It might have much to do with one's fate at the time. I felt humbled and fortunate. I always answered questions with honesty during an interview. I did not know if it made a difference.
When I got out of my comfort zone to join the Thursday Circle in 2005, I was nervous as well as excited. For two years, I gradually opened up to speak with my friends in English. I would always remember their loving presence in my life.
Was I nervous when I spoke at church in 2010 and 2011? Well, it was a self-set assignment, and I was very grateful that the church accepted my request. I did not tremble. My heart might be beating a little bit faster, but I was peaceful. I held no expectation but the pure intention of sharing / connecting with my friends. I knew I would be alright no matter how I did because I sat among my brothers and sisters.
Love and Blessings,
Q of D
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