Greetings!
Continue from Is turning off the TV the only way to maintain our peace?
In the afternoon of Sept.2, 2006, I was all alone in the family room. I thought of what happened earlier.
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It was the Saturday before Labor Day (Monday, a public holiday). Many stores had big sales. In the morning, I asked my sons if they wanted to go shopping. I was delighted my younger son said yes. My older son said he never liked shopping as other people did. He wanted to stay home to finish revising his resume so that he could email it to a company as soon as possible. He had a job. However, due to the slow economy, the auto company he worked for had laid off many people, and was planning for more cuts. I said he had plenty of time to work on his resume since all the offices would close on Monday. He chose to stay home.
My younger son bought a nice pair of shoes at a very good price. At home, he showed them to his brother. My older son looked at the shoes. It was obvious he felt the shoes were nice too. Then I caught a brief expression on his face, and it touched my heart. I said he could still go to the store, or we could go there for him. As his mother, I knew he would said no, and he did.
Since he got a decent job, he told us not to buy things for him anymore. He said it was time for us (his parents) to spend money on ourselves. He always said he would gladly gave us money if we needed money to buy something. He said he would rather give than receive. On a few occasions, he had shown annoyance / displeasure when we bought things for him. Therefore, we did not go to the store to buy the shoes for him.
Years ago, I went for a half hour reading wanting to know what to do with the restaurant. I did not tell the psychic (a gentle, young woman) anything or what I wanted to hear. She described my husband's personality accurately. She went on to talk about our older son. She said he wanted to be the breadwinner of the family. He loved his parents and his brother. He wanted to take care of his parents. Suddenly, she paused for quite a while. She said, "I see lots of white light around you. You are a very, very good teacher. You should teach." She then related a vision of me. Hearing her vision, I dismissed her reading. With my English and my level of education, I thought there was no way I would teach. I did not talk to my older son about the reading.
In many ways, the psychic was right about my older son. In high school, he worked after school. Knowing that we struggled to pay the bills, he gave me his paychecks even though I asked him to keep the money for his college education. When he graduated from a university, the economy in our state was very slow. He could not find the job he wanted. Without hesitation, he went to work in a store to earn an income to support himself and help the family. For over a year, I drove him back and forth because we had only one car. In time, he saved some money as a down payment for a used car. Months later, opportunities opened up. He got a better job, and his younger brother also got a job soon after. (Re my post Happy Mother's Day to all the loving mothers & grandmothers )
After our sons found decent jobs, they soon began to take up their shares (i.e. 1/4) of the household expenditure except for the months* I asked them not to. (*After we sold the business, their father only found temporary jobs once in a long while. When I could manage the expenses for the whole family, I asked our sons to save the money for their use in the future .) Our older son worked in a company far from home. Two months into his job, he had to rent an apartment near where he worked to avoid the long drives. Our younger son lived at home because his workplace was not far.
Saturday was the 2nd of a month. Our older son must have paid for the rent and utilities of his apartment. Every month, he also had to pay for his student loans, car payment, insurance, food, and other expenses of living on his own. In addition, he continued to pay for his share of the household expenses as his brother did. He said he wanted to for he had the money. Like most young people, he never concerned himself with saving money. At home, he ate a lot. Living by himself, he probably had to spend quite some money on food. From the brief expression on his face that day, I understood he was not as free financially as he said he was.
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All alone in the family room that afternoon, I thought of my sons.
I loved my sons dearly and equally. They had different personalities. When they were young, the older one was outgoing, friendly, and kind; the younger one was sweet, self-directed, and creative. The struggle in the restaurant years affected each one of us in the family. With his sense of obligation, the challenging situations had probably been very hard on our older son. Looking back, those were the years my older son began arguing with me and wanting me to agree with him that money was the most important thing in life. (I never did.) As an adult, many saw him as shallow, immature, and materialistic because of the way he presented himself. They could not see his generosity, gentle, and caring side that hid behind his warrior mentality. (Re my post Who's driving? )
Sitting there, I thought of this wonderful soul who had chosen me as his mother. I thought of his generous, giving nature. As a baby, he happily handed his father what he had (soup or food) when his father came home from work. As a small boy, he gave whatever he got at school (e.g. candies and toys) to his little brother as soon as he came home. He did it on his own! I knew not many children would do that. He gave good tips to wait persons, pizza delivery persons, and hairdressers even when he did not earn much money. I thought of his courage. He graduated from a university, and was willing to work in a store instead of waiting for a job. He always said he got to do what he had to do. I also thought of his talk with me recently. I knew he was anxious about his job. He wanted to find another one.
I began to pray. I sent my son love and blessings. Suddenly, I felt love sprang out of my heart. Love kept flowing from me, expanding, and filling the space. (These were mainly words, and no words could adequately describe what had happened.) I did not know how long it went on. My whole being was vibrating strongly long after the energy stopped flowing out of my heart. I knew everything was going to be alright.
My older son sent out his resume anyway even though he knew the offices were closed on Monday. His determination succeeded. He got a call from that company on Tuesday morning asking him to go for an interview two days later. The interview was a success, and he got a new job.
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After the experience, I found people around me including those I saw on TV looked more beautiful than before. I easily said truthfully in my heart, "She (or he) is beautiful." In circle or gathering, when a friend said she was sad or sick, I listened with compassion. I looked at her with love, but I was not sad. I did the same when I watched the news on TV. "I love you, I love you..." was a song that automatically began in my heart when someone on the screen was overwhelmed with grief or sadness.
One day in the Thursday circle, a friend said she could not watch the news on TV anymore. The stories made her felt sad. Other joined in expressing the same feeling. I shared with them my story, and how love sprang out of my heart. I told my friends to practice sending love with truthfulness. We might not see / feel it, however, love reached and embraced beyond distance, space, and time. I said sometimes it might help to say "Peace be with you" or "Peace be with me" in our hearts. My friends were quiet after I talked. I shared truthfully, and held no expectations.
A week or two later, a dear friend told the circle her experience. One day, she turned on the television. On the screen, she saw a boy with a badly deformed face. In the story, the boy was known as the "Elephant Boy". Looking at the boy, the loving being that my friend was, she felt very, very sad for the boy. Sadness overwhelmed her, and she did not know how to deal with it. Suddenly, she remembered my story. She began to send the boy love with all her heart and soul. Love filled her and sprang out of her towards the boy. She no longer felt sad. She was in love and peace. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me for the experience.
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Love soothes. Love heals. Love neutralizes and modifies what are not of love. And, that beautiful, powerful LOVE is in you and in me.
Many blessings,
Q of D
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