WHAT DO YOU HEAR?

Greetings!

Have you ever thought what you heard (or thought you had heard) might not be true?

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It was late afternoon.  A man sat on the couch.  His face looked gloomy.  From his expression, his wife knew he was upset about something.  However, she also understood he would not open up or admit something was bothering him except he was ready to do so.  After all, they had been married for a long time.

The television was on.

She said, "(the name of their son) will be home soon."

Immediately, he grumbled, "Son only respects you.  He does not respect me!"

In disbelief of what she heard, she asked, "Why do you say that?"

He said, "Every time he comes home from work, he only says 'Mama, I am home!'.  He never says 'Papa'.  He walks past me as if I do not exist!  In his heart, he only loves and respects you."

With her eyes opened wide, she said, "No!  You are wrong!  He always says 'Papa, Mama, I am home!"

He said, "No, all these years he only says 'Mama, I am home'.  I hear it clearly!"

For a while, his wife looked at him.  Then she said, "Well, our son will be home soon.  Would you please listen carefully if he says 'Papa' before 'Mama'?"

After a pause, she added, "You know, when our son was a baby, he learned to say 'Papa' first before he said 'Mama'.  Do you know why?  It was because I always talked to him about you such as 'Papa loves you' while you were at work.  Every night, he excitedly waited for you to come home because I said 'Papa will be home soon'.  Did you remember he always insisted on sharing his soup or food with you after you came home?"

The man was quiet for a while.  Afterward, he said, "When sons* were young, many times they saw me and did not say 'good morning, Papa'.  They kept on playing with their toys or games.  As grown ups, they seldom talk to me.  They do not love or respect me."  (*The younger son was married and lived with his family.)

Before the wife could say anything, their son opened the door and walked in.

He said, "Papa, Mama, I am home."

The man was surprised that his son had indeed said 'Papa' before 'Mama'. 

The wife smiled.  She said to her son, "How is your day?"

He said, "Busy."  He went into his room to change his clothes.  Afterward, he left for the gym.

The wife continued with their talk.  She said, "Yes, I remembered you complained about sons' manner when they were young.  I had taught them manners.  I told them to say 'good morning' to you and other people, e.g. their teachers and the school bus drivers.  You thought they should greet you first because you were the father.  To you, that meant respect.  But, children are children.  They loved playing with their toys and games.  Many times I said 'good morning' to them first, and they in turn said 'good morning' to me.  To me, it really doesn't matter who say 'good morning' first."

The husband interjected, "Did you remember XXXX **?  (**The owner of a business where he had worked for a few months.)  I said 'good morning' to him on the first day I worked there.  He walked by as if he did not hear me.  On the second day, I greeted him again.  Since he did not respond, I never said 'good morning' to him again during the few months I worked there.  When he learned I had found another job, he begged me to stay and promised to give me a raise.  Of course, I would not work for someone who showed me no respect."

The wife was silent for a while.  In the years that he worked, she had gone through many of his experiences with him.  He was only happy when his employers showed him much respect.  He worked hard, but at times he was too critical of some that worked with him.  Many times she had to help him to look at life situations from another perspective.  (Indeed, one's experiences are not just one's experiences.  His experiences affected those around him too.)  The wife decided not to talk about his past working experiences.    

She said, "So all these years you thought Son did not acknowledge you when he came home from work!  Why didn't you speak up?  Anyway, I am glad you finally get to hear what Son truly says when he comes home.  Sometimes what we thought we heard might not be accurate.  Son does love you."

His face softened.  The gloominess on his face was gone.  

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In life, many times we suffer mentally or emotionally because of misunderstanding and conflicts.  Sometimes we do not realize our suffering is self-inflicted as in 'What do you hear'.

Love and Peace,

Q of D