A friend called. She told me months ago some of the electrical appliances in her house broke down one after another within a few days. She now wondered if her energy or her emotional state had anything to do with it. She said she was very angry in those days.
What she said reminded me of a similar experience that happened during the restaurant years. Some appliances malfunctioned one after another in a matter of days. I was overwhelmed by the situation. We did not have the money to fix the appliances because it was already a struggle to pay for the rent, utilities, and other bills. At that time, I did not connect with what happened around us might have something to do with our emotional state.
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Business had been very slow. My husband was angry and bitter. He started cussing ** which he never did before in our marriage. He vented his anger at his family. At times, he was loud and unreasonable. Although I would not enter into a shouting match with him, but I was angry at his expression of anger. The worst of all, he detached himself from all the problems. Whenever I talked to him about what to do, it was like talking to a wall. He either gave me a blank look or he simply said he did not know what to do. It was due to his insistence of owning his own restaurant and choosing a location with many red flags that put us in the situations that we were in. I resented it that he now left all the problems for me to handle. (** He had told me he used to cuss as many that lived in the village did. Cussing words were part of the language in their conversation, and did not really mean anything. He gradually learned to avoid using those cussing words after he left the village.)
Business had been very slow. My husband was angry and bitter. He started cussing ** which he never did before in our marriage. He vented his anger at his family. At times, he was loud and unreasonable. Although I would not enter into a shouting match with him, but I was angry at his expression of anger. The worst of all, he detached himself from all the problems. Whenever I talked to him about what to do, it was like talking to a wall. He either gave me a blank look or he simply said he did not know what to do. It was due to his insistence of owning his own restaurant and choosing a location with many red flags that put us in the situations that we were in. I resented it that he now left all the problems for me to handle. (** He had told me he used to cuss as many that lived in the village did. Cussing words were part of the language in their conversation, and did not really mean anything. He gradually learned to avoid using those cussing words after he left the village.)
I prayed a lot during those years. Occasionally, there was a sudden surge of business which gave us some financial relief. Sometimes I woke up with an idea to fix a problem. Sometimes help came from an unexpected source. For instance, we went to a hardware store wanting to buy some tools to fix an appliance by ourselves. We happened to come across an employee of the store who was a regular customer of our restaurant. He told us not to buy the tools. Later that day, he came with his own tools and taught us how to fix the problem. He would not accept anything in return.
Other than the 'Night Vision - Pieces of a Dream' phenomenon that lifted my spirit from time to time, there were other cases of the grace of God. For example, I knew the restaurant inspector could be coming anytime, and one appliance needed to be serviced before he came. I called the company that used to service that particular appliance. The woman that answered the phone acted as if she did not understand my English. I tried to be patient, but it was getting nowhere. I called another company, and was told the earliest they could send someone out was some days later. I accepted the scheduled day, and let go of my concern. After lunch hours were over, I went shopping for the restaurant. When I came back, a man was working on the appliance! He told me he came because he just finished his work at another restaurant. While he was there, he flipped through his work orders, and noticed our restaurant was near that restaurant. Therefore, he decided to come to our restaurant instead of days later. When he gave me the invoice, I was all smiles. The invoice number ended with 4444. 444 which meant the Power of God's love was a very significant number in my life.
Due to these incidents or touches of God, my heart was constantly filled with awe and gratitude. I wrote in my other posts I used to include many people in my prayers. When I heard of a divorce, illness or death, I prayed for those families. I also prayed for the world and Mother Earth. Looking back, my love and concern for others had unexpectedly helped me to look away from my own problems. As a result, I was able to return to peace despite of the situations.
I could not say for sure that our anger or my friend's anger triggered or caused the malfunctioning of the appliances. However, it served us well to pay close attention to our emotions in order to stop strong negative emotions from taking hold.
We are spiritual beings living a physical life. Our state of being matters. When we change our way of looking at other people or a situation, we change the outcome too.
If electrical problem happens in your house, please call for a complete inspection for it is better to be safe than sorry. Both my friend and us had to call the electricians to come to fix the problems.
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My guides and angels had told me again and again the importance of maintaining my peace in all situations. Now let me share with you another experience which also happened in the restaurant years.
My guides and angels had told me again and again the importance of maintaining my peace in all situations. Now let me share with you another experience which also happened in the restaurant years.
Every night my husband turned off the fryer before we left the restaurant. In the morning, he lit the pivot and turned the fryer back on. It was as easy as ABC to light the pivot. However, during the time the appliances were malfunctioning, my husband had a hard time lighting the pivot. It took him a long time and many matches before he could light the pivot. Of course, he was mad, but he knew we could not afford a new fryer or call in a technician. One morning while he was cussing and trying to light the pivot, I heard 'Go and stand behind him'. Naturally, I doubted what I heard. When I heard my guide asked me to go and stand behind him again, I walked over to the fryer. As I stood there, he easily lit the pivot. For the next few days, whenever I saw he needed help lighting the pivot, I went and stood behind him. It worked time after time, but I did not talk about it.
One day, he looked back at me. I saw that he was annoyed! He wondered why I had to watch over him.
He gave me the box of matches and said: "You must think it is easy to light the pivot. Why don't you do it?"
He was surprised I lit the pivot on my first try. He said: "Since you can do it better than me, it may be you should light the pivot from now on!"
I looked into his eyes and said: "Everyday when you cannot light the pivot, you lose your cool and begin to cuss. Does it ever help when you get mad? I am not more capable than you are. Don't you remember a Chinese saying 'If you rush to get something done, it is very likely you can't get it done or as fast as you wish'? Next time take it easy and maintain your peace."
When we lose our peace or feel aggravated, it is more likely things can get even worse. So it is important to maintain our peace. For instance, when there is a fire in a high-rise building, it is the one who remains calm and says out loud for others not to use the elevator that saves some lives.
Despite of my husband's behavior, every time I saw how weary and fragile he was, I could not help but looked at him with compassion. I understood his bitterness and disappointment toward life. He worked very hard all his life. His hope of paying for our sons higher education was dashed. When things did not go well, he looked back at the pains in his life. He lost his mother when he was 2 years old. In his teens, his father died. He was the youngest of four. The only brother who really loved and cared about him was killed during the Cultural Revolution in China. So he felt life had not treated him kind.
Sometimes I tried to help him to look at life from another perspective when I observed he was more at ease / peace with life. I talked about the good in him, reminded him of the wonderful and kind people in his life that he had told me, stories of the touches of God, and good people good deeds. Occasionally, his face brightened up as he listened. However, it did not last long.
Everybody had to come to term with life or the truth of life at one's own pace. I had my own lessons to learn, so had my husband, and our sons. It was not a coincidence that we came together at this time as a family. As humans, sometimes we easily blamed others for our misery. As mentioned earlier, I resented my husband for leaving all the problems for me to handle. With the passing of time, my resentment seemed to become lesser and lesser. However, in time of conflict, it would surface like a fleeting shadow in my mind. One day while I was with the Thursday circle, the facilitator started the circle by talking about resentment. She said 'even a tiny bit of resentment will in a way block the flow of love'. Immediately, tears filled my eyes. When we formed the closing circle, I heartily thanked the facilitator, angels, guides, and the Loving Divine for the words that came through. Over the years, I realized that self-love was indeed very important. Each one of us had one's own, unique spiritual journey; I should not be overly concerned or attached to the human labels such as husband and wife or parents and children.
I share with you my experiences with the hope that we will all look within, and release those unwholesome feelings. When we hold onto negative feelings such as pain, guilt, anger, or resentment, we are hurting ourselves because we continue to give it power.
Nowadays when negative view or thought arises in my mind, I mentally say a mantra to clear my mind. Sometimes I write down how I feel, and surrender the situation or relationship into the loving care of the Divine. I will end this post with the words of Christ which I find much comfort in time of stress.
Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
Love,
Q of D
Q of D
* This post was originally published on September, 13, 2012. I edited it and decided to publish it again.
