She loves her daughters more than her son because .......

Greetings!

One Saturday, our older son invited us to eat dim sum.  It was a slow day at the restaurant.  Some servers took the time to chat with the customers.

While taking care of our orders, the server heard my son called me 'mom'.  She started a conversation with me about daughters and sons.  The server was a Chinese woman in her 30 s.

She said, "Oh!  You are his mother!  How many children do you have?"

I said, "I have two sons."

She said, "You must be very happy to have sons since most Chinese want to have sons."

I said, "I see no difference in having sons or daughters.  If I have a daughter, I would love her just as I love my sons."

She said, "I have two daughters and a son.  I love my daughters more.  Daughters are better than sons are.  You and I are women.  You must know our parents always have their place in our hearts.  As long as we live, we, the daughters, care about our parents.  On the other hand, sons are different.  Once a son gets married, he only cares about his wife and his children.  I love my daughters more because I know they will take care of me when I am old."

I said, "I am very close to my mother too.   However, as a mother, we should love our children no matter they are sons or daughters."

She said, "My son often complains that I love his sisters more than him.  My son is young.  Once he grows up, I know he will only take care of his own family.  I have heard many sad stories affirming that.  It is especially so when a son marries a woman who is not a Chinese.  In that case, it is like you don't have a son anymore. That is why I love my daughters more."

She began walking away.  I reached out and lightly patted her arm.

I said, "Please love your son as you love you daughters.  No matter they are male or female, they are our children.  Besides, it is not necessary true that sons do not care about the parents."

She said, "No.  I will continue to love my daughters more."

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Our sons looked very cute and adorable when they were little.  Many women and older couples (mostly Americans) liked to stop us in the streets, stores, and malls so that they could have more time to look at our sons.  They asked if our sons were twins, and commented on how adorable they were.  They were joyful in seeing us. However, a few woman, after adoring our sons, sighed and said, "Your sons are very handsome, but, it is luckier to have a daughter.  Daughters are better than sons."  I was happy and content to be a mother.  Their words had no effect on me.  I responded to what they said with a smile.

Therefore, what the waitress said was not new to me.  While many cultures favored male offspring, the view that 'daughters were better than sons' was not that uncommon among women.  In life, we often formed a view or drew a conclusion because of what we heard, saw, and experienced.  Like the waitress, I had heard some sad stories too.

This story happened many, many years ago in the place I came from.  A woman lost her husband when their son was small.  She had to work very hard to support herself and her son.  (At that time, life was not easy.  Nowadays, this place had a good welfare system.)   Her son grew up and got married.  As with many Chinese families, the wife moved into the place where the man and his mother lived.  One day, the son asked his mother to go on a trip.  The mother was surprised, but she thought it might be a good idea to leave her home for a while.  There had been some disharmony between her and her daughter-in-law.

The mother and son checked into a hotel.  After a day or two, the son told his mother he had to go home to take care of something.  He said he would be back in a few days to bring her home.

Her son did not return.  When she called him, she found out the phone line had been disconnected.  Furthermore, she found that her passport and identity card were missing.  She remembered seeing her son getting something from her luggage.  She realized her son might have intentionally left her there or abandoned her.  Soon she did not have the money to pay for the room.  The hotel evicted her, and she had to live on the street.  At first, the woman did not want others to know what happened because she still loved her son.  Eventually, some people learned about her story.

A reporter got a hold of her son.  He admitted to abandon his mother because his wife had given him an ultimatum: if he wanted her to stay, he had to get rid of his mother. When asked about the conflict between the two women, he said it was not his mother's fault.  However, he could neither afford to have another wife nor rent a separate place for his mother.  He said he was sorry for what he did to his mother.  It was one of the biggest news stories at that time, and most of the people were disgusted with the heartless son.

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Personally, a few that were dear to my heart had also gone through some heartbroken situations involving their sons.  To a greater or lesser degree, their pain in those situations was very much part of my emotional journey too.  Therefore, I understood very well why some women felt that way towards sons.


                                            ~         to be continued         ~

Link to the next 3 posts

 

             Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

             A talk among girls about the criteria of an ideal husband

             Sometimes life may not be what it appears to be

There is extra money in the drawer of the cash register!

Greetings!

After we sold the restaurant in 2004, I said to myself I would never work in a restaurant again.  Looking back, I should never say never for when I focused on where I did not want to be, I learned now it was likely where I might be.

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Not long after we sold the business, my husband got a call from his friend, Mark*, who owned a restaurant.  Mark said he needed some help urgently.  He said one of his employees had not shown up for work on weekends.  He asked my husband if I could work a few hours at night on Fridays and Saturdays.  Of course, I said no.  I did not want to work in restaurants anymore.  I said he could easily hire help because servers liked to work on weekends.  However, Mark said he did not need someone to wait on tables.  He needed someone to seat the customers, answer the phone, write down carryout orders, and take care of the cash register.   He said some Chinese might not be able to answer the phone because of their limited understanding of English.  He asked my husband to talk to me again.  I did not really know Mark, but my husband had known him since young.  My husband wanted me to  help Mark, and I finally agreed to work there temporary (i.e. until Mark hired someone else).

I arrived at the restaurant in the afternoon.  Since I had to take care of the cash register, Mark told me what to do every time I came to work.  He said he put a certain amount of cash in the register every morning, e.g. 20 $5 and 10 $10.  When I came to work, I should add up all the receipts of dine-in and carryout orders of the day.  Then I should check if the money in the cash register corresponded to the money he put in and the sum of the receipts.  I did as he said.  There was $10 more than it should be. I thought I had make a mistake somewhere.  I added the receipts again.  Indeed, there was an extra $10.

The boss (Mark) worked in the kitchen.  I told him what I found.  He said, "Oh, before you came, a customer walked in and ordered.  I took care of his order.  He gave me $10.  I forgot to write a receipt."

The job was easy.  I got along with the waitresses.  When they were busy, I helped them clean up the tables.  Sometimes they asked me to take care of their customers. They asked me to take the tips on those tables, but I never did.  A waitress who had worked there for a couple of years was surprised that some customers left tips for me when they picked up their carryout orders.  She said she handled the cash register before, but she never got any tips.  I did not keep the tips.  I passed the tips to the cooks.  The customers came because they liked the food.  The cooks decided to use the money to buy lottery tickets.  They always gave me a copy of the numbers.

After a couple of weeks, I asked Mark if I could leave.  He wanted me to stay.  I said I really did not want to work in restaurants anymore.  I asked him to hire new help.

Some more weeks passed.  Mark told my husband and me that he had to go to China for four to five days to take care of some personal business.  He wanted me to take care of the restaurant while he was away.  In other words, I had to work from morning to close up at night. I suggested for him to let another person take charge. This person was very good in English, and had worked for him for a long time.  However, he said he knew whom he could trust.  I promised to help him this time, but he needed to hire someone else when he came back.  He asked me to go to the restaurant the day before he left for China so that he could show me how to set up everything in the morning.

When I came in that morning, he said he did not have the time to add up last night's receipts.  He asked me to check if the money in the cash register was correct while he worked with the cooks to get things ready in the kitchen.  I was surprised the same thing happened again.  There was $5 more than it should be!  I told Mark about it.  He said a customer came in late last night and ordered a few egg rolls.  The customer gave him $5, and he forgot to write it down.

Mark, a cook, or a waitress packed the carryout orders.  They usually put two packets of soy sauce with an order.  If a customer wanted another packet of soy sauce, cookie, or chopsticks, Mark charged 5 to 25 cents for each additional packet or item. It was very different from what I did in our restaurant.

In our restaurant, I never charged any money when customers asked for more soy sauce packets.  We also gave hot mustard packets free if they asked.  For each small order, we put one fortune cookie in the bag.  Many times, I put two cookies in because I knew the husband and wife were sharing it.  In time, I came to know the customers well.  A few families had five or six children.   When they ordered, I always put more cookies in.

One time, my son was taking care of the dining room and the orders.  He told me a woman came in with five kids to pick up a small order.  She asked for four more cookies so that the kids could each have one.  My son asked how much money should he charge for the cookies.  I told him to give her five more cookies free so that the woman could have a cookie too.  After the woman and her children left, my son was upset.  He said, "Mom, how can you give them cookies without charging more money?  No doubt the restaurant is not earning money."  I said I knew this family was not rich.  Sometimes they dined in our restaurant.  They could not order much. They shared the soup and food.  The children were very happy as if this was a special occasion for them.  I said, "I always put more cookies in if I know a family has more than one or two kids.  For instance, a family with three kids order a quart of sweet and sour chicken from us.  We normally put two fortune cookies with a quart size order. Do you want to be the kid who cannot have a cookie because there are only two cookies?"  My son was quiet for a while.  "Is it very wrong for me to put in another cookie if I know there are three kids?"  I added.

Of course, I had to follow Mark's instruction since I worked in his restaurant. Occasionally, I saw customers winced when I told them the extra charge for each additional packet of soy sauce.  I talked to Mark about it.  I knew some Chinese restaurants did not charge for soy sauce packets.  Mark said every penny mattered, and it was the reason his business was a success.  He had his restaurant for a long time, and it was true he was quite successful.  I thought I was not there to change anything since my work there was temporary.  I came up with a way to handle the situation.  Every time I came to work, I took with me a handful of coins.  When a customer asked for an extra packet of soy sauce, I gave it to him or her without charge.  I took a nickel from my own pocket and put it in the drawer of the cash register.  I believed I used less than a dollar of my own money while I worked there since most of Mark's regular customers did not ask for extras.

When the boss was away, I had to take care of packing carryout orders.  Therefore, the cooks and I came to know each other better.  They had worked for Mark for years. It seemed they worked well together.  The waitresses talked to me after the rush hours.  They told me Mark liked to scold people.  Some servers left after working there for just a few days because of his temper.  The waitress who had worked there for two years said I was the only one that Mark had shown much respect.  She said the boss had spent less time in the restaurant in the recent year.  He asked the waitresses to take turns taking care of the cash register when he was not there.  One day, he scolded her for stealing $10.  She said she was sure she did not make a mistake, and did not understand why the boss said $10 was missing.  I realized the extra $10 and $5 in the drawer might be a test for my honesty.

When Mark came back, I told him to hire somebody else.  He sat down with me in the restaurant a few times trying to convince me to stay, but I did not stay.  In all fairness, it was a pleasant work experience.  There was harmony in the restaurant, and Mark did not scold anybody while I worked there.  However, my mind was set.  I did not want to work in restaurants anymore.

Months later, my husband and I happened to come across Mark.  During our conversation, he said it was not easy to find someone who was honest and capable of taking care of the restaurant.  He said to my husband, "Your wife is honest, but many are not.  When I let other people handle the cash register, it is like there is a hole in the drawer."

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If you have been reading my blog, you probably know that years later I worked in a cafe.  My amazing dream played a part in that experience.

One day, I participated in the quarterly healing service at church.  I believed there were seven or eight healers that day.  Afterwards, a woman came to me.  She asked, "Where do you work?"  I said, "I work in a cafe."  It seemed she already knew that. She looked at me.  She said, "You are a healer!  Why do you work in a cafe?"  I did not expect to hear that.  I did not know how to respond.  She repeated those words (i.e. you are a healer...) before she walked away.

I knew my cafe experience was relevant on my journey.  It was in divine order that we were here to connect and work with other people.  When I said I did not want this or that, there was a negative emotion attached to what I said.  I was glad I felt good in these restaurant experiences.  I truly appreciated the people I met and worked with.

I understood the sister who talked to me at church meant well.  She must have seen something that day, and wanted me to step forward.  Oh, Sister, at times I wonder what to do too.

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Different people have different experiences.  To some people, giving away something without charging money or paying for the soy sauce packets out of my own pocket is stupid.  Every penny counts may be the right attitude towards building a business.  I cannot say I am right or wrong.  Experiences are experiences, and it is not about who is right or wrong.  However, what matters to me the most is I am at peace with what I do, and, I am.

Peace,
Q of D

*not the actual name

May your days be full of laughter!

Greetings!

Yesterday I listened to the channeled messages of the Ascended Masters on YouTube.  In one of the messages, I heard the words man, woman, and child.  It reminded me of an incident during which I burst out laughing uncontrollably and heartily.  I knew there was no way to convey how I felt at that time, but I would try.

A few years ago, I booked a reading with a channel who gave readings in a way similar to Edgar Cayce, the sleeping prophet.  Before the reading, a friend told me it was not the same as a psychic reading.  The channel would lie down and get into a trance.  He would then relate information from the Akashic Record and guidance from our guides / angels.  My friend said, other than the channel, someone would be there to assist or conduct the reading.

When I arrived, I learned that the one who was supposed to conduct the reading could not come.  Therefore, the channel gave me a sheet of paper with instructions as what to say before and after the reading.  Unlike Edgar Cayce who went into a deep trance, the channel told me he was about 20% conscious of what went on during readings.  At one point while we talked, he left the room to attend to something.  I began reading the instruction sheet, and found the following confusing.

.........release the outcome to the universal forces that help this _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
                                                                                                     man / woman /child

I thought, " Why not simply say the name of the one who comes for the reading?" Instead of saying 'the universal forces that help this woman', I wanted to say -

.........release the outcome to the universal forces that help (my name)

Meanwhile, I wondered if there was a particular reason for the instruction to be the way it was.  I decided to talk to the channel about it.  When he came back to the room, we talked for quite a while.  However, I forgot to ask him about it.  Later, he lay down and the reading began.

It was an amazing reading.  The information from the Akashic Records or Book of Life was interesting.  It answered some of the questions that I could not get from a regular psychic reading.

When the reading was over, I began to say the words on the instruction sheet that helped the channel to  come back to the present.  I soon came to those words man/woman/child.  I paused.  At that very moment, I thought, "Hey, I have lived many lifetimes, and I have been man, woman, and child!"  So I said -

.........release the outcome to the universal forces that help this man, woman, child ....

As the words came out of my mouth, they sounded hilarious.  I burst out laughing, and the channel laughed too.  We had another round of laughter after I managed to finish saying the words on the instruction sheet.

Well, it is true I have been all of that - man, woman, and child.

To the brother who gave me the reading, thank you.

Laughing is good for the body, mind, and soul.  May your days be full of laughter!

Many blessings,
Q of D