In June, 2006, the teacher of the Thursday Circle rented a bus and brought us to Camp Chesterfield, a spiritual center in Indiana. The morning before the trip I woke up in a happy mood. I was excited about the trip. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I looked at the me in the mirror. There was a big smile on my face. Happily, I said, "Yes! I am going to Camp Chesterfield! I am going to Camp Chesterfield! I am going to Camp Chesterfield!" Then I said, "Please let me know what my life mission is." Right after, I 'heard' a gentle, calm voice.
"Will you allow yourself to be happy?"
"Yes, I will," I answered. Meanwhile, I wondered what was going on, or if it was my mind.
"Will you allow yourself to be prosperous?"
"Yes, I will." At this point, somehow I felt very humbling as I answered.
"Will you allow yourself to be successful?"
"Yes, I will," I humbly answered. I no longer doubted what was going on.
"Will you allow yourself to be loved?"
"Yes, I will," I said.
"So be it."
After that, there was no more questions. I stood there in a state of awe of what had happened.
A short while later, I began to doubt. "Was it me or my mind...." I stopped myself from wanting to analyze what had happened. I recorded the experience in my journal. I found it puzzling that I felt very humbled when I answered those questions.
A few nights later, I realized it was not my ego that made up those questions. There was truly a dialogue since it began with "Will you allow yourself to be . . . . .?" I felt so humbled that morning because I began to realize that it was 'me' who had not allowed myself 'to be happy, prosperous, successful and loved'.
One might think everybody in the world would want to be successful, prosperous, happy, and loved. Why would anyone in the right frame of mind not want any of these? I had indeed prayed constantly for prosperity during the restaurant years because we struggled financially month after month. As I contemplated, I realized I was not wholeheartedly into what I prayed for because I had conflicting thought.
Ever since I was small, I was sensitive to people's pain and suffering. Stories of loving kindness touched me deeply. If I accepted a job, I gave it my best no matter how minimal the pay was. I always tried to improve on my job, and it was never about competing with others.
My loved ones occasionally said that I was not competitive enough or I was not ambitious. My brother, who had a successful career, once said to me, "Sis, those that do not put their own interest above others or as their top priority are condemned by heaven and earth!" (This was a translation of an old Chinese saying.) He was upset because I told him what happened that day in my office. The boss told me that I would soon get another raise, and I asked him to give a coworker a raise instead of me. I had only worked there for about half a year. I already got two raises. I never talked to other co-workers about salary or raises. However, one day a co-worker who was feeling down told me she never got a raise in her years with the company. Therefore, I immediately thought of the coworker when the boss said I would be getting another raise. (I did get another raise. I did not know if the co-worker got a raise. I never talked to her about what I said to the boss.)
In my Dec. 2001 reading by the angel channel , my guides and angels told me that I would soon enter a period of influx. They told me if I wanted a happy relationship, I should not fixate on anybody but simply thought of what a happy relationship was. If I wanted financial freedom, I should not fixate on how financial freedom should come through or set limits on the flow of money. The same advice also applied to other aspects of my life such as love and success.
After the reading, I broke down and cried instead of feeling excited about the future. I wondered why I was told not to fixate on anybody. I took it as an implication that something would happen to my husband. Our relationship had become quite challenging, but I had never stopped praying for him. He worked very hard all his life, and most of all, he was the father of our sons. Instead of not fixating on anybody, I prayed earnestly for his wellbeing and success. With success and money, I hope he would change his way of thinking that life had not treated him kind.
When it came to financial freedom, I said to the Divine, "God, you know I never ask for fame or fortune." I set a limit which I thought I could handle, and promised I would use it for the good of all. Looking back, it was laughable that I did exactly the opposite as to what I was instructed to.
As for love, I knew my family loved me, and I loved my family with all my heart. I saw myself as a married Chinese woman. I built walls based on the premise that I was a female and I was married. Due to the self imposed barrier based on my worldly identity, my heart was not very open in receiving love.
When I was asked to think about success, I sent the Divine a mixed message. I often prayed for success for others, and not for myself. I knew my husband would be happy if the business was a success. He would have a whole new look about his life. Therefore, I prayed for his success in the restaurant business. However, my angels and guides had already confirmed that I had made the right decision to sell the restaurant. They wanted me to move on and do what I came to do. With that in mind, I said I was willing to fulfill my life purposes, and asked for their help in selling the restaurant. I did not realize how contradictory my prayers for success were.
After praying with all my heart, I thought I had prayed for financial freedom, success, prosperity and a loving relationship as my guides and angels told me to. Part of me was excited about the future while part of me had lots of doubts as I did not think I could teach or write. In retrospect, I realized I was into praying for success for my husband and not for myself because success had a hint of attention. And, I did not like attention.
For years, I lived in my own doubts and the feeling of uncertainty. Meanwhile, I wondered why my prayers were not answered. Oh, did not our mind create the situations we were in!
My friends, do you have any unanswered prayer? If you do, please contemplate if you really mean what you pray for, and examine if you have been sending the Divine contradicting messages.
In love, I share with you my experience.
Many blessings,
Q of D
When it came to financial freedom, I said to the Divine, "God, you know I never ask for fame or fortune." I set a limit which I thought I could handle, and promised I would use it for the good of all. Looking back, it was laughable that I did exactly the opposite as to what I was instructed to.
As for love, I knew my family loved me, and I loved my family with all my heart. I saw myself as a married Chinese woman. I built walls based on the premise that I was a female and I was married. Due to the self imposed barrier based on my worldly identity, my heart was not very open in receiving love.
When I was asked to think about success, I sent the Divine a mixed message. I often prayed for success for others, and not for myself. I knew my husband would be happy if the business was a success. He would have a whole new look about his life. Therefore, I prayed for his success in the restaurant business. However, my angels and guides had already confirmed that I had made the right decision to sell the restaurant. They wanted me to move on and do what I came to do. With that in mind, I said I was willing to fulfill my life purposes, and asked for their help in selling the restaurant. I did not realize how contradictory my prayers for success were.
After praying with all my heart, I thought I had prayed for financial freedom, success, prosperity and a loving relationship as my guides and angels told me to. Part of me was excited about the future while part of me had lots of doubts as I did not think I could teach or write. In retrospect, I realized I was into praying for success for my husband and not for myself because success had a hint of attention. And, I did not like attention.
For years, I lived in my own doubts and the feeling of uncertainty. Meanwhile, I wondered why my prayers were not answered. Oh, did not our mind create the situations we were in!
My friends, do you have any unanswered prayer? If you do, please contemplate if you really mean what you pray for, and examine if you have been sending the Divine contradicting messages.
In love, I share with you my experience.
Many blessings,
Q of D
Link to my posts on the Camp Chesterfield trip -
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