One day, the speaker at church talked about the challenges in relationships. Many of us nodded in agreement as we listened to his talk. Indeed, sometimes a small conflict in our daily life could become an iceberg in a relationship.
Here is a story on relationship.
After getting married, a couple found that they had a very minor conflict over their daily routines. (For your information, it was not about the toilet seat.) They talked, and the husband said he would change his habit. However, old habits died hard. Every now and then, he forgot about it. Whenever he forgot, the wife thought, "He obviously does not love me enough, otherwise, he would have remembered it!" She felt hurt. When she voiced her frustration, the husband felt hurt too. He thought, "If she loves me enough, she would not get mad over such a non-issue!"
Gradually, their reaction to this minor conflict became the point of reference whenever they had a disagreement. The feeling of love was lost as they focused on blaming the other.
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As human beings, we forget who we truly are. We do not love unconditionally as Love Is or God Is. We love others with conditions or expectations. The love between a husband and a wife is different from that of a parent and a child. Outside of our family, we have good friends, friends, acquaintances, and those we may not have much affinity with.
Let us examine our own relationships using the couple's example.
He obviously does not love me enough, otherwise, he would . . . . .
or
If she loves me enough, she would not . . . . .
Are there times we feel hurt because we think he or she does not love us enough? I do not mean the relationship between a husband and a wife only. It can be the feeling between siblings where one feels the other does not love her as much as she does. It may be a child who thinks a parent does not love him enough. It may be a mother feels hurt because a daughter does not love her back as she expects. It can be an experience where one feels betrayed by a 'good' friend who does not stand up for him while he has always stood by him.
Please know that you are not alone if you have similar experiences. I have my own share of lessons too.
We often react to things that happen around us. We are happy when people meet our expectations. We feel hurt when others do not love us the way we want. In other words, how we feel has much to do with what others do or not do. Meanwhile, we have no control over what people will or will not do. We give others the power to greatly affect us, and blame them when we feel hurt. Life is challenging partially because we dwell in our suffering, and forget that it is our responsibility to take care of our own well-being. We forget we can choose to forgive, let go, and move on. (Please click to view We are all tools in the divine plans)
In a few days, it is the New Year. Is there someone who we feel does not love us enough? It may be it is time to ask ourselves another question.
Do I love myself enough to let go of my feeling of . . . . . (e.g. hurt, anger, sadness, jealousy, pain, fear, hatred, insufficiency, and the feeling of unloved)
When we look for love outside of ourselves, we have forgotten who we are. The first and most important lesson of life is self-love or to remember who we truly are. We are beings of love. Do we love ourselves enough to let go of what is not of love?
I would like to quote some words from my post The importance of letting go or forgiving.
"We all deserve to be happy. When we have deep feelings of pain, anger, guilt or shame, we can't be happy or at peace. The importance of forgiving is first and most of all for the good of ourselves. When we let go or forgive, we allow grace to come into our life to heal whatever needs to be healed."
Happy New Year! May 2013 be a year of love and wonders for all!
Love and blessings!
Q of D
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