I examined the feeling of separateness between my friends and me. I realized this feeling was not new. To a lesser degree of separateness, I had felt somewhat disconnected before.
Most of the people in the group knew each other. Many were of the same ethnicity. Others came from a spiritual circle that had met regularly for years. I had always felt a little uncomfortable among people that I did not know well. Therefore, I thought how I felt was natural, and in time the feeling would fade away.
As I dug deeper, I realized there was more to how I felt. We did not meet often, but, we had come together as a group for over a year!
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In the retreat, the teacher often talked about the importance of total surrender to the two masters so that they could guide us from the higher dimension. We could continue to worship whoever we used to worship if we chose to. However, we should understand the masters were not just any other masters but two great powerful beings, and we were the chosen** ones to set the mission in motion.
** The word 'chosen' had no bearing on me (or others too) in seeing myself as part of the group. It was the synchronicity of events that took place during the 2nd half of June to Sept. in 2016. (Re posts published during that time) I liked the response of a sister to the word 'chosen'. She was very open and aligned to the divine. She said, "Many (souls) did not want to take on this task. Instead of 'the chosen ones', it was more appropriate to say that we had signed up for this before we came."
As part of the group, I wanted to be one with my brothers and sisters in action and mind. It bothered me that I could not read the book series with enthusiasm as my friends did. I found some parts of the books helpful, but did not feel like reading them from top to bottom. Was my judgment or ego at play? I prayed for guidance, but did not seem to receive any response.
Meanwhile, I wondered if I should discontinue my blog because I could not finish any post. One morning, I had a vivid, colorful dream. (In my experience, vivid, colorful dreams were always of significance. If you are interested, please read my other posts on dreams by clicking the label on top of my blog.)
I used the same words to describe my dream as I recorded it upon waking up.
I was using the computer. Whatever I typed on the computer was recorded in a transparent tape. Soon the roll of tape was completely used up. As I pondered what to do, another roll of tape appeared next to the computer 'ready' for my use.
I took out the tape that I had typed on. It turned into a big transparent sheet with colors and pictures. I put the sheet on a kid as if it was a long coat. It was beautiful. It looked like a transparent coat with beautiful designs and beautiful pink color. Everyone marveled at how beautiful it looked or how beautiful the recorded tape turned out to be.
I marveled at the new technology. I typed words into the computer, and it turned into such a beautiful record that I had not / could not have imagined.
Then I woke up. I understood the dream was telling me to keep recording what happened in my life.
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Some days went by. I did not publish any post. I did not want to share the feeling of separateness or my mental struggle about reading the books. I tried to write about other things that happened in my life, but could not finish a post.
Many of my friends came from a culture of worshiping deities and gurus. They believed / had faith that the masters were supreme beings incarnated to bring heaven on earth. Their surrender to the masters was natural and complete. I loved and respected my friends' way of being.
In my post Gateway to Heaven, I wrote I loved Buddha as I loved Christ. In other words, I held the view of equality. I believed "in each one of us is the spark of God, and Truth resides within; we are of the same nature, and it was in divine order we have unique / different expressions." In my heart, I loved many, ascended masters as well as wonderful people I had met or heard of. I might feel closer to some, but my love did not vary because some were portrayed as more powerful than others.
Some days passed. I finally decided to stop reading the books for the time being, and focused on my blog. One of the masters had written "Truth must be experienced". I agreed. Reading books might inspire us and ignite the spark of knowledge, but true teachings (or Truth) resided within all of us. My feeling of separateness came from wanting to be one in action and mind with my brothers and sisters. My reaction to what happened was a relevant experience in life. I might not read the books, but I was one with them in love and intention of service.
Now, I have finished writing about the experience. I shall read the master's powerful, poetic book again. I shall read the book series too, but not page by page. To the three Masters ***, thank you for devoting your lives for humanity. I am committed to the task. As what we often said during the retreat, "I am in!"
Many blessings,
Q of D
*** The spiritual teacher is a realized master. The two masters knew he would be the one to carry on their work. They sent teachers to his home to train / teach him since he was a boy.
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