Greetings!
With my younger son's prompting, I began blogging in March of 2011. It was easy to share heart warming stories such as A Story of the Touch of God and A lighthearted story of the Touch of God; but, I soon found out how challenging it was to write about some personal experiences especially those that involved my friends.
Thanks to a dream, I am writing again. I shall share with you the dream in my next post.
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Before the spiritual teacher returned to his country, he encouraged us to meditate consistently and spend as much time as we could to read certain books. A few in the group had been reading those books for years. Some had started reading them after the 2016 spiritual retreat. They said reading the books had transformed them. To give us a visual image of the books we were to read, some friends stacked them up on a couch. The piles of books took up a whole lot of space, but reading them was an achievable task.
After the teacher left, I read on a daily basis. I finished the book that the teacher often referred to in his discourses. I found this poetic book amazing and powerful. I also read a page or two of a book on meditation and prayers everyday. Later, I started to read a book series. At some point, I asked myself, "Am I really going to read the complete book series page by page and one book after another?"
The teacher had left instructions as what to do during our monthly meeting. We were supposed to meditate, discuss what we read, and share our experiences of reading the books. In our first meeting after the teacher left, many of my friends said they had been reading the books diligently. Some shared their wonderful experiences. Their faces glowed as they spoke.
At home, I tried to continue reading. Meanwhile, I wanted to get back to my blog. I was quite aware I had not published any post for many weeks. I usually read the books, and signed into my blog afterward. Time after time, I seemed to hit a brick wall, and could not finish any post.
Days and weeks went by. I realized what the problem was. The book series recorded some teachings and experiences of the master that had moved on. They also included stories and emotions of other people on their spiritual journey. While some parts were useful and interesting, there were times I did not have resonance with what I read. My mind was somewhat clouded because of how I felt. As I was not at peace, I could not write.
I had never met the two masters. They had moved on and were guiding us from another dimension. Many in the group had seen them in visions and dreams. I had no doubt they were powerful beings that had devoted their lives for the betterment of humanity. I loved and respected them as I loved and respected the spiritual teacher. I loved my friends, and knew I was part of the group.
Why couldn't I follow the teacher's guidance and read the books with enthusiasm as my friends?
Was I judgmental while reading the books? Was my ego at work? I was troubled by this feeling of separateness between my friends and me. With this mental struggle, I could not really get into what I read. I tried to write about other things in life, but could not finish a post. Since I had not published any post for 2 months, I thought of discontinuing my blog. I prayed for guidance, but did not seem to receive any answer.
~ to be continued ~
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