My son said, "Mom, you and I are so different . . ."

Greetings!

I sat on the couch watching TV.  My son sat several feet away on the carpet.  He was using his android.  He seemed to look in my direction every now and then.  I did not think much about it.  When he was on his android, I had seen him looked away occasionally as if to think about what he had read on the screen.  At one point, I happened to see him looking directly at me.  It was a look of disapproval !  When he saw me looking back at him, he turned to look at his phone.  I was surprised.  Obviously, he was not happy about something, and it was about me.  Peacefully, I waited for him to look at me again.

A few minutes later, my son looked at me again.  The look on his face was not as serious as it was earlier.  Before he looked away, I asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Something is bothering you, and it is about me."

His eyes opened wide.  He exclaimed, "How do you know that?"

I smiled and said, "I am Mom."

My son said, "Mom, you and I are so different!  I have the mentality of a warrior.  I don't give up.  I like to win.  I like to compare, but you say don't compare.  Mom, you are so unambitious and noncompetitive."

I said, "I say don't compare, but it is up to you if you want to listen.  You continue to compare all the time, don't you?  When you come to ask for my opinion (e.g. comparing different body builders), sometimes I give you my honest opinion; at other times, I smile and refuse to say anything.  You laugh too for you know sometimes no comment is in itself a comment.  I understand it is your personality, and accept the way you are.  Indeed, in situations that others may give up, you don't.  You work hard, and always have an attitude that everything can be done.  You act tough and believe that is the way one should be.  Well, as your mother, I see the generous, kind side of you that others may not see.  I have told you *** of the good I see in you.  You are not the only one that sees me as unambitious and noncompetitive.  To me, other's opinion of me is not that important, but how I conduct myself is important.  At work, I give my best and always try to improve.  I never think about winning or I am better than others.  In the years that I worked, most of the bosses or owners of businesses respected and appreciated me."  (*** Re Who's Driving? )

My son said, "It is true."  (While my sons were growing up, I had shared with them some of my work experiences.)

I said, "What is on your mind this morning that you look at me like that?"

The look of disapproval returned to his eyes.  He said, "Do you remember the day Mrs. Y came to our apartment and bragged for a long time about how smart her sons were?"

I was surprised.  It happened long time ago when my sons were young.

My son continued, "I still remembered that day clearly.  Did you know how much I wished that you said it in her face that we (he and his brother) were much, much better than they were!  But you just sat there listening with a smile.  You praised her sons too.  Her son (the older one) proudly told you his mother had finished secondary school.  You said good.  Why didn't you say you finished secondary school too?"

If I did not observed the way he looked at me, I would not know that day had such an effect on him.  I said, "I am sorry you feel that way.  Graduating from secondary school was no big deal in the place I came from, but it could be special for a female to finish secondary school in Mrs. Y's country (an Asian country).  You and your brother did well at school.  Your father and I had let both of you know we were proud of you.  Mrs. Y was very proud of her sons.  I did not feel the need to say anything.  It may be I am a Chinese."

Immediately, my son said, "No, Mom, you are not like other Chinese at all!  I have been to my friends' homes.  They are Chinese too.  Their parents did not act like you.  They (the parents) bragged about their own success, and how much money they spent on hiring tutors for their children such as playing piano and other musical instruments.  Sometimes they scolded my friends right in front me, and my friends did not talk back.  I almost wanted to yell back at them on my friends' behalf.  Some Chinese look down on other race too.  Mom, you are not like other Chinese."

I said, "Hey, you always say we should not generalize.  They are not representative of other Chinese parents."

My son thought for a while.  He said, "It is true.  At work, some of my coworkers bragged to others that their sons or daughters went to this famous university or that university.  One day, a coworker said her daughter went to a famous college, and another coworker immediately said her daughter went to an even better one.  I saw the first coworker's face darkened.  We (i.e. he and the other coworkers) felt awkward standing there.  Indeed, it is not just the Chinese."

I said, "They may be very proud and happy of the success of their children.  They simply want to share with others the good news, and you view it as bragging.  Now, do you see what is wrong with comparing?"

My son said, "But, Mom, with your noncompetitive attitude, you can't survive in the workplace here?  In company meetings, sometimes the higher ups shut others up even though they are wrong."

I said, "My work experience is different from yours.  Before I came to USA, I worked in import and export companies.  I knew my brother had to attend meetings all the time because he worked for a big corporation.  In the small companies I worked for, there was no meeting.  In USA, I had worked for restaurants and a grocery store.  These were low paid jobs.  I did not know how it was in your workplace.  But, you had heard my experience working in the store.  A few had tried to discriminate me.  Though it was a low level job, I had done my job.  Most had become my friends, and I worked with integrity.  I may be noncompetitive to you, but I always do my job.  I was not afraid to speak up.  I had made improvement in the store without making it obvious because I knew good bosses listened."

My son said, "You and I are very different.  If I am better than others, I want to make it obvious.  Mom, I still wished you had told Mrs. Y we were much better than her sons.  I found it annoying that you did not want to show off.  Did you remember the young woman who looked at us with spite because of our damaged old car?  That day you and I went to a drug store.  As you parked the car, she parked her car next to us.  We got out of the car at the same time.  She looked at us with a smirk.  I almost wanted to swear at her.  But, Mom, you laughed as if you saw something funny!  Mom, how could you laugh when someone looked down on you?"

The incident happened in the restaurant years.  

I said, "Oh, I remembered that day.  I laughed because I found her smirk funny.  I laughed because in her reaction I saw the fallibility of being a human.  As she walked away, I saw you looked at me angrily.  Knowing you, I knew there was no way to explain myself for you did not share the same feeling I had.  Others can look down on us, but we do not have to react or feel hurt.  Sorry, Son, I understand sometimes my response to what happens can be annoying to you.  Is that why you always maintain that people admire those who wear fancy clothes and drive luxurious cars?

He said, "People do pay attention to those that have fancy clothes and luxurious cars.  I know you do not, but there are not many people like you."

I said, "I am sure there are many people like me that do not judge others by the clothes they wear or the cars they drive.  In later years, Mrs. Y did realize you and your brother were doing much better than her sons.  One day, she invited me over.  She said her sons had to go to summer school every year.  It was then I learned only those students that failed had to go to school in the summer.  She said her sons were smart, and wondered why they did poorly in school.  She was sad and ashamed.  She got married at a young age.  It was a normal practice in her country.  After the war in her country, she, her husband and their first child were allowed to come to USA.  Soon they had two more children.  She said she normally allowed her children to do whatever they wanted.  She said they either played outside or played video games for hours; they did not like to read.  It might be she was too young when she became a mother of three."

My son said, "I still wished you had said to her on that day that we were much better than her sons.  In bodybuilding, if you are very, very good, it is not wrong to show off and brag that you are way superior."

I said, "Didn't you say earlier you were upset when your friends' parents bragged about their own success and belittled your friends?  Meanwhile, you think it is alright for a bodybuilder to brag that he is way superior.  It seems you hold a double standard toward bragging.  If I am not as good as you are in a certain aspect, do you feel you have the right to look down on me?  If that is the case, why did you feel angry at the young woman that looked down on us because of the car we drove?"  

His phone rang.  His friend called.  Our conversation ended.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       

In the March 2006 reading, the psychic medium said, "In your family, everybody seemed to go on a separate path.  The personalities are very different."  She went on to describe our personalities accurately.  She said, "Sometimes you are dismayed over the differences, but it is all meant to be.  On the surface, your older son does not listen to you at all, but he does listen to what you have to say.  He loves his dad, and he loves you.  He loves his brother too."  At the end of the session, with her eyes closed, the psychic said, "You don't see what I see.  You are a wondrous light.  You come to live an ordinary life, but because of who you are you will . . . . Have faith and place your trust in God, surrender . . ." (Re The Grand Prize and the 2nd Reading )  

Many years had gone by since the reading in 2006.  The loving words of the psychic (or the words of my guides through her) helped me a lot in handling the differences of personalities in our family.  This day I was glad to have the conversation with my son for I did not know the above two incidents had bothered him all these years.

Thank you Loving Divine.


Peace and blessings,
Q of D 

P.S.  This post was originally published on Feb. 14, 2018.  With our difference in personality, we react to each other's way of being every now and then as shown in my next post Pay Attention to our Reactions .