Have you ever examined how you measure others?

Greetings!

One day, Winnie* talked to me about a new comer that joined our circle in recent weeks.  She said this friend had a doctorate degree, and went on to tell me some personal information about her.  I said, "She (our new friend) knows a lot about energy and spiritual matters.  She rarely talks about herself.  You and she must have come to know each other quite well."  Winnie said, "No, I have not talked to her outside of the circle.  I use the computer to look up her personal information."  I was very surprised to hear that.  I said, "Why do you want to do that!"  Proudly, Winnie said, "I have a master degree. I have worked in the human resources department for over 30 years.  It has become a habit of mine to check out personal information of those that I know."

Winnie continued to talk about her work experience.

When Winnie first joined our circle, we could see she was unhappy with her life.  For weeks or months (we met once a week for two hours), she talked about how her family and coworkers had treated her unfairly.  Some of my friends tried to help her to look at life from a different perspective, but Winnie was not ready to listen.

When the meeting was over, all of us at the circle usually hugged one anther before we parted ways.  For weeks, I observed Winnie did not seem to see me.  Sometimes she walked past me to hug the person next to me.  I had lived in USA for a long time. Some people were just not that open to people that were different from them.  They were not necessary racist.  Though I never saw myself as shy, I knew my quiet nature sometimes might give other people the impression that I was.  Therefore, I did not take Winnie's behavior personally.  

Most of us, consciously or subconsciously, formed an opinion of another person after we got to know him or her for a while.  Each one of us used different measures to form an opinion of another person.  For examples, some people might judge others by their appearances, clothing, and manners while some formed their opinions based on social status, academic achievements, or the cars / houses others owned.

On that day, I realized Winnie's distant behavior toward me in the earlier weeks could be the result of her opinion about me.  I had always been honest with my friends.  I told them my English was not good and I never went to college.  For a while, I studied Winnie as she talked.  At the time, we had known each other for quite some time, and Winnie was no longer distant toward me.

I decided to ask her directly.  "Winnie, you know that I have never gone to college . . ." Before I finished, she said, "Yes, I do.  After I joined the circle, I always wondered why XXX (the teacher of the circle) and XXXX (the owner of the center) treated you with so much love and respect.  Others loved you too.  You can't even speak English fluently.  I did not understand what they saw in you.  You are simple and ordinary."  I smiled and admitted I was a simple woman.  Winnie continued, "Do you remember the day you walked to me and gave me a hug?"  I said, "Yes.  When the circle was over, I saw you were very frustrated.  I decided to give you a hug.  Unexpectedly, you sobbed for a long time while we hugged."  Winnie said, "I did not know why I cried.  I was so embarrassed that I did not know what to say."

I remembered that day.  Seeing the expression on her face, my heart was filled with compassion.  Though she seemed to avoid me, I decided to take the first step.  I walked to her and gave her a hug.

After a pause, Winnie said, "We did not become friends after that.  (She might not yet see me as a friend.  I always regarded her as a friend.)  There was another incident. You seldom talked during discussion.  One day, you suddenly said you wanted to talk to me.  As you talked, I wanted to talk back or counter what you said.  As soon as I opened my mouth, I heard a voice saying for me to shut up and listen.  That was why I said 'No' when you asked if I wanted to say something.  I felt negative energies coming out of me as you talked.  You walked out of the center soon after the circle was over.  I had to run out to the parking lot to tell you what had happened.  Do you remember that incident?"  I said I remembered.  She said, "It was the strangest experience I ever had."

Winnie said, "I truly regarded you as my friend after you saved my life.  If you had not told me about the good in me on the day Cindy said those words to me, I could not imagine what would have happened."  (For that incident, please view Be mindful of what we say )

Suddenly, I saw the light in Winnie's eyes dimmed.  She said, "I see how others hug you.  Do you know that XXXX never gives me a hug?"  I was very surprised to hear that.  XXXX was one of the brightest loving lights I had ever met.  I was eternally grateful for her love and encouragement.  I said, "Many want to talk to her when the meeting is over.  I believe she is just busy talking to the others."

I had wanted to talk to Winnie about judgment, but decided not to.  At the time of the talk, Winnie was not ready.  I had A Lesson of Judgment in my teens.  I observed at times I still judged, but my experience helped me to observe my action / thought.  I fully trusted that in time Winnie would improve on her view of life too.

The owner of the center was very loving and intuitive.  I wondered if she was an empath like the woman that sat next to me in I asked to be a channel of healing .  She might not have hugged Winnie, but she had always talked to her truthfully during the circle.

Do you form an opinion of others after you know them for a while?  Have you ever examined how you measure others?  Do you accept others the way they are?

Have a happy Easter!

Love,
Q of D

*not the real name

The 4th grade speaking experience

Greetings!

Here is the 4th grade speaking experience that I said I would share.  (Re Our Voices Matter and I was grateful for the opportunity to connect with my brothers and sisters)

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In 4th grade, I went to a new elementary school.  The school had over a thousand students from 1st to 6th grade.  At each grade, there were four classes.  Each class had about 45 students.

One day, the head teacher of our class gave us an assignment.  He asked us to prepare for a speech at home.  We could either get the material from a book or make up our own speech / story.  Each one would have to stand in front of the whole class and deliver the speech.  He would choose the best one to represent our class in the school speech competition.

At home, I decided to write a short story by myself.  To me, it was easier to remember the words that came from my own writing than words from a book.  I had not spoken in front of the class before.  I took it as any other homework, and tried to memorize the story as best as I could.  I never thought of winning.

My sons were born in USA.  I saw the big difference between their early schooling and mine.  From kindergarten onwards, they had to speak in front of their classmates from time to time, e.g. during 'show & tell', present their projects, recite poems, and read their book reports to the whole class.  At a young age, most students in USA were encouraged to be vocal and participate actively in class.  In the schools I went to (other schools might operate differently), the teacher did most of the talking while we sat quietly.  The teacher might ask a few students to answer questions or read part of a lesson.  We stood up from where we were to answer the questions or read from a book.  We did not have to walk to the front and speak before the whole class.  In fact, some students might never had to speak in class if they did not raise their hands or the teacher had not called their names.

In the following days, the teacher called our names one by one to go to the front to speak.  I was new to the school.  I thought my classmates had done that before.  As it turned out, many of them were very nervous, and forgot part of what they planned to say.  I had an easier time than most because I wrote the story by myself.  After everybody had their turns, the teacher picked me to represent the class.

On the day of the competition, the whole school gathered on the ground floor.  I sat among my classmates waiting for my turn to go on the stage.  My heart was beating quickly, and my body was trembling.  When my name was called, I had to walk past lines and lines of students.  I walked up the stage.  Seeing the crowd below me, my whole body hardened like a rock.  I could hear the pounding of my heart, and my mind went blank.  Eventually, I heard voice coming out of my mouth, but I had no idea how I did.  Afterward, instead of trembling, my body was stiff like a statue as I walked to join my class.  I told my classmates how nervous I was.  They said, "No.  You voice was calm and peaceful.  You did great!"  Unexpectedly, I was the winner of the speech competition.

Before it was my turn, many that represented their classes had spoken.  Some of them were amazing.  Since I was so nervous, how could I have won?  I wondered.  A few months later, my mother brought me to a radio children talent show.  There were about 80 children.  Some danced, some acted, some sang, some played musical instruments, and some told stories as I did.  The atmosphere was free and joyful.  I enjoyed watching others performed.  I did not feel nervous at all.  Later, the woman host announced the winners in each category and age group.  Then she announced the grand prize winner of the show.  I could not believe my ears.  I did not talk about it in school, but some of my classmates came to congratulate me because they listened to the show regularly.  (If I remembered correctly, the popular radio show was on every Sunday.)  As young, I never did anything because I wanted to win.  I did not think of winning when I went to the show.  That day I was at ease as I talked.  I heard my voice and observed how I did.  From my participation in the show, I knew I must have done alright in the speech competition even though I was nervous.

In 5th grade, I was placed in a different class.  Most of my former classmates were in another 5th grade class.  The head teacher simply asked me to represent the class without asking my classmates to go through the selecting process as the 4th grade teacher did.  In 6th grade, the head teacher did the same.  Both teachers chose the material for me to memorize.  I did not have the liberty to write my own speech.  I won 3rd and 2nd place in those competitions.  In 5th and 6th grade, I still went through the same state of panic on the day of the competition, i.e. my heart beat fast and loud, I trembled, and my whole body hardened like a rock as I got on the stage.

Looking back, I realized this panicky feeling stayed with me for years after the speech competitions.  In Our self-perceived shortcomings and disadvantages , I wrote about a similar panic attack when I waited for my turn to go into the room to face three teachers for my English Oral Examination.  Luckily, I became calm and collected once I got inside the room.  After I graduated from secondary school, I also got quite anxious whenever I had a job interview.  I did not tremble, but my heart started to pound the minute I woke up in the morning.  It continued as I was on the bus to go there.  Then peace began to take over when I stepped inside the office.

In those years, all my interviews were successful.  My sister and some of my friends were not as lucky.  I was a simple, unassuming young woman.  I was not any better than the others.  It might have much to do with one's fate at the time.  I felt humbled and fortunate.  I always answered questions with honesty during an interview.  I did not know if it made a difference.  

When I got out of my comfort zone to join the Thursday Circle in 2005, I was nervous as well as excited.  For two years, I gradually opened up to speak with my friends in English.  I would always remember their loving presence in my life.

Was I nervous when I spoke at church in 2010 and 2011?  Well, it was a self-set assignment, and I was very grateful that the church accepted my request.  I did not tremble.  My heart might be beating a little bit faster, but I was peaceful.  I held no expectation but the pure intention of sharing / connecting with my friends.  I knew I would be alright no matter how I did because I sat among my brothers and sisters.

Love and Blessings,
Q of D

My higher self and the human I in my healing experiences

Greetings!

In Part 1 - The Unexpected Incident, powerful healing energy moved me to work on five people in the middle of a Sunday service.  I understood how disruptive my action was, yet part of me was very peaceful.  I had made a vow to commit to Thy Will.  I knew it was not my ego that raised me up to give healing.  Afterward, the human I did not know what to think of the incident.  In the days that followed, I eventually came to understand there was a big reason (or purpose) behind what happened.  

If you haven't read Part 1, you may also want to read Part 2 - The Gathering , Part 3 - The Big Dollar Bills and Part 4 - Afterthought of the Whole Experience .  To me, the aha moment in the auto shop was the most significant of the whole experience.  (i.e. Part 4 - Afterthought of the Whole Experience)  In that brief moment, I understood a lot.  Indeed, my experiences were not just my experiences.  As I went through mine, others went through their own unique experiences too.  Nothing happened by accident, and our experiences were intricately interconnected.

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When I participated in the 2-Day workshop in March 2007, the teacher of healing had talked about the proper protocol before and after a healing session.  For example, we should ask for permission before we worked on him or her.  As a grown up, I knew very well the appropriate and acceptable manner in social gatherings.  However, when I followed the guidance to go among people, I soon found myself in situations that I had never anticipated.

For instance, 2 1/2 months after the healing workshop, my husband and I went to a local festival.  Different organizations and hundreds of vendors set up booths in the park.  Suddenly, I was surged with powerful energy (or filled with the Holy Spirit).  My hands began to move vigorously to send out healing energies.  Since I had asked to be an instrument, I allowed myself be.  My husband was very surprised at my sudden hand movements.  When I walked past, I saw that it was a booth where Muslims handed out pamphlets of their religion.  It was then I understood why those who walked ahead of us tried to keep a big distance from the booth.**  I 'got' it I should walk around the booth to cleanse and purify the negative energy that people had sent out when they saw the booth.  My husband feared for me.  He wanted to stop me, but I chose to follow the divine guidance.  I knew I was safe for people probably thought 'this Chinese woman had a physical condition'.

 
** After the 9/11 Terrorists Attacks, some people held an opinion against the Muslims.  However, in every race and religion, there were good, peace-loving people.  It was wrong to generalize and discriminate against other people based on race or religion.

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Most participants at the March 2007 workshop were experienced professional healers.  Therefore, they had precepts of how to go about in healing sessions.  The teacher gave us some instructions.  Then she added that we would eventually know we did not have to think what to do during a session because the Energy that worked through us guided us in every way.  She said the best we could do was to

                                            set a pure intention of service,

                                                 put our egos aside, and

                                             be an open vessel of healing.

The teacher said each person would move differently during healing session because everybody had a unique energy structure.  All credits went to the Source / God, and we should not be concerned with the outcome.

When we paired up to practice, I had an easier time of letting go letting God than others because I had no precept of what to do.  I was open to the loving energy that came through.  I found my movements unconventional and different from others.  The teacher's calm, comforting words put me at ease.  It was an amazing experience as all of us accepted each other in the spirit of love.

In the healing workshops that I facilitated *, I observed it was true that each participant moved differently in sessions.  (* I never thought about holding healing workshops for I knew very little about healing.  If you want to know how the Divine pushed me to hold my first workshop, please click to view A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove .)

In time, I understood my participation in the Mar. 2007 workshop was but a process to realize what was within, and it was not about the name of a healing art.  Recently I happened to read some articles online in which people fought over whose healing art was more powerful than the other, and a few fought over the title of importance.  I supposed all of us learned healing for two possible reasons: to heal ourselves and/or to be of service.  Should we ask 'how may I serve' instead of fighting over such things as mentioned earlier?

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I did not go to church for some weeks after The Unexpected Incident.  When I returned to church, many loving brothers and sisters came to talk to me.  I learned everything that happened was in Divine order.  The brother that looked healthy did need healing.

I understood the church did not want the same thing to happen again.  Oh, believe me, so did I (the human I)!  A kind pastor said he could ask the church to consider making an announcement to the congregation that if I approached anybody during service, he or she could choose to receive healing outside of the chapel.  Another pastor said I should mentally send healing energy without drawing any attention or leaving my chair.  It was never my intention to draw attention, but I knew it was hard for others to understand.  After some thought, I said I would walk out of the chapel if I found myself in the same situation again.

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In the 2006 readings, I was told healing could occur when I sat among other people.  Other than setting the intention to serve and affirming my vow to commit to God's Will, I had never imagined / asked powerful energy to flow into me.  Occasionally, I found myself surged with energy.  I had no idea how healing worked through me or if healing truly took place.  I took comfort in the assumption**** that nobody knew I was surged with energy except me.  Sometimes people cried when I looked at them and spoke a few simple words.  On a few occasions, people cried or shook when they accidentally touched my hands.  

As time went by, I was more at ease with the sudden happenings around me.  Still, there were times I found it challenging to follow the guidance.  When I did follow, I knew how I acted did not conform to the acceptable social manner.

For example, in the quarterly healing services at church, powerful energy filled me and moved me to begin giving healing before the facilitating pastor told us (the healers) to.  Each healer was supposed to work on the person who sat in the chair before him or her.  However, I was all over the place.  One of my hand might be sending energy to one person, while the other hand worked on another.  I had also been moved to work on people that had not come forward to receive healing.  While some people thought I did not know the proper protocol of healing, the human I was embarrassed because I did remember.

Understandably, some people thought that I was egotistic.  Some thought that I was inexperienced and did not really know healing (in a way, it was true) because of my unconventional movements.  Before my first participation in the quarterly healing service, a woman had expressed her desire to know more about me and be my friend.  After the healing service, she kept a distance from me.  That was her reaction to what she saw, and there was no way for me to explain.  I never harbored any ill feeling toward her.

Unexpectedly, some people became my friends after I worked on them.  They asked how I knew they had problems with certain part of their bodies.  They had not told me, but the pain was gone after I worked on them.  I honestly told them I did not know why I worked on one's knee or one's neck for I simply let the Energy guide my hands.

In A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove, I mentioned the pastor gave me a DVD in which the healing energies that came through were obviously seen.  It was the third time I participated in the quarterly healing service.  When I watched the DVD, I found it 'funny' for I was again all over the place.  It was a good thing I could watch with discernment instead of feeling embarrassed and unsettled.

Some months after  The Unexpected Incident, I was at church sitting next to a friend on one of the pews in the front.  At one point, someone I had never met before came to sit on the same pew.  Suddenly, I was surged with energy and my body turned to that direction.  I quickly walked to the back of the chapel.  In my heart, I said, "Sorry, God, I can't.  I have promised the church I will not disrupt the service."

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One day in the Tuesday's healing prayer service at church, a man walked in.  I rose from my chair (well, not my will but Thy).  I asked if I could work on him.  I could see he was surprised and embarrassed.  He reluctantly said 'yes'.  I closed my eyes and worked on him for a long, long time.  The pastor who facilitated the circle had not even started the circle. Oh, dear Brother, I did not mean any disrespect.  I sighed in my heart.

On another day, I was late.  Healing energy filled me and moved me to work on three people.  The healing took quite a while.  My action disrupted the proper procedure of the prayer service.  As I sat down on my chair, everybody was very quiet.  Since I was sensitive to people's feeling, I was quiet too.  When the circle was over, a woman said, "I told others this morning that I had a severe headache for some days.  You must have heard about that.  That is why you work on my head.  But ... you haven't arrived yet when I talked about my headache."

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On a few occasions, the healing energy did not come through.

For instance, one time the pastor asked me to work on a woman.  No healing energy filled my hands.  I honestly told the woman the truth.  I said it might be I was not the right one to work on her or I should work on her some other time.  She told me she had recently gone to three different healers.  It was then I understood why healing energy did not come through.  When we went to see a healer, sometimes we had to be patient for the healing energy to work through us.  Although instantaneous healing happened, but oftentimes it took time to see some results.

One day, my son told me over the phone that my grandchildren had a cold and had been coughing a lot.  We lived in different states at that time.  Naturally, I wanted to send them healing energy right away, but healing energy did not come through.  I realized it was the ego that felt the need to do something.  I let go of my concerns for my grandchildren.  Of course, my dear ones recovered after some days.

On another occasion, the energy pulled my hands behind my back.  I understood why I was not supposed to work on that person at that time.  An experienced healer told me that I should have continued working on a person believing that healing energy was coming through.  However, in truth and honestly, I could not do that.

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After I facilitated my third healing workshop, the participants wanted to meet monthly to practice the healing art.  The church was kind enough to allow us and other healers to practice and offer healing after Sunday service.  We had to wait until everybody left the chapel, which usually took over an hour.  Only a small number of people stayed behind because it was way past the lunchtime.

One day, a woman and a man stayed behind for healing.  I had worked on the woman before.  That day a dear friend who was a Reiki master and a participant in my workshop was there.  I asked my friend to work on the woman while I worked on the man.  However, as I stood behind the man, the energy moved me to work on the woman.  My friend looked at me.  Then she went to work on the man.  Afterward, I apologized to my friend.  I told her the energy moved me to work on the woman.  I knew it was improper, and could only pray that my friend would forgive me.

On another day, quite a few people stayed behind to join the healing circle.  As usual, I asked who wanted to receive healing and who wanted to give healing.  Since there were more people that wanted to give healing than to receive, I decided I would let someone work on me.  Those that wanted to give healing went to stand behind someone that asked for healing.  A healer began to work on me.  Just then, I found myself rose from my chair, and went to work on a woman whom another healer was working on!  The human I was embarrassed.  Surprisingly, as I moved to work on the woman, the whole setting or pairing up also changed.  For instance, E worked on D instead of B, and C who set to receive ended up standing and working on someone.

I was not good in remembering faces and names.  After the healing was over, the woman whom I was pushed to work on said, "I could feel powerful energy working on me as soon as you walk to me.  Immediately, you work on my stomach.  My stomach is not well in recent days.  You probably did not remember me.  A couple of weeks ago, I stayed behind for healing for the first time.  I was suffering from all the terrible symptoms of menopause.  You worked on me that day.  I never told you why I needed healing.  All the symptoms of menopause had disappeared after you worked on me.  Thank you."

Looking back, could it be the Divine had a better plan of pairing up people in healing sessions?

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Someone at church said I could remain seated to send out healing energy without drawing any attention.  He was a very loving being.  I believed he had intentionally sent out healing energy every time he sat at church.  However, he obviously did not understand it was never my intention to draw attention; I held the pure intention to be of service, and had not intentionally called forth the Holy Spirit / the healing energy on those occasions. 

One Sunday long after the Unexpected Incident, I was at church.  It was one of those high energy days such as Easter Sunday and Christmas Sunday.  I sat on the third or fourth pew near the back of the chapel.  I sat there enjoying the service.  My heart was open.  I was in joy.  Suddenly, powerful energy flowed into me.  I found myself standing up with my hands high up in the air.   I 'got' it that the Holy Spirit / God / Love was giving the congregation a blessing.  There was energy all over me, in me, and around me.  I closed my eyes and let the blessing be.  I sat back down when it was finished.  I knew I had said I would walk out if it happened again.  I knew the usher and a couple of pastors were standing at the back of the chapel.  I hope I had not disrupted the service since I sat near the back.  I rushed out of the church once the service was over.

What would you do if you were me? 

My spirit guide once said, "What is an instrument?  Is it your will or Thy Will?"  The human I wanted very much to conform to the appropriate social manner.  I did not want to work on someone that another healer was working on.  I did not want others to see me as rude and egotistic.  However, as I stood there with my hands raised up in the air that Sunday, there was no other thought but to honor the Love of God.

Two days later, I was at the healing prayer service.  A sister pulled me aside saying she wanted to tell me something.  With tears in her eyes, she said, "On Sunday, you suddenly stood up.  Oh, it was so beautiful!  I could see beautiful energies all around you.  Your hands were like wings of an angel.  I saw you sent out energies as if giving the whole congregation a blessing."  Thank you, Sister for confirming what I 'got' from the Divine.

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Please understand that I do not share with you my experiences to show that I am extraordinary.  In truth, each one of us is extraordinary because all of us are divine in nature.  I share with you my experiences to show my struggle to come to terms with what happens in life.  I believe some of you may go through similar conflict too.  In my experiences, the human I may feel embarrassed, yet my higher self is forever calm and peaceful.  In times of doubt / turmoil, I have learned to center in love and trust everything is going to be all right.   So it is.

Love and blessings,
Q of D

**** As regards to my assumption, it turned out I was very wrong.  I was not the only one that knew I was surged with energy.  In my posts, I wrote people (strangers) came to me and said things about me out of nowhere.  I did not know how to respond because I seldom asked questions.  For years, those strange encounters made me feel very unsettled.  Now I realized the people that talked to me were those that could see or sense, i.e. they were clairvoyant or psychics.