Frankly, I have no idea how to write this post even though I have promised to share with you the experience and the message. (Re my post The business card was but a prompt to share the message )
The message, like other golden rules of life or quotes of wisdom, was not new. We heard these words of wisdom all the time, and found resonance in them. Still, most of us found ourselves falling short of how we should conduct ourselves from time to time. The experience was about a misunderstanding between people. As with any misunderstanding, our human nature was often the cause of the situation. I loved my brothers and sisters. The human I did not want to write about it. I wanted to skip the experience and go directly to the message. However, without relating the experience, the words in the message, no matter how inspiring, were but liked grains of sand being thrown into the sea. The message caused some stir, and then settled in our mind without making a noticeable difference in our life.
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When I moved to Y state in August 2007, I understood the move was very much in divine order. (Re The Amazing Prophetic Dream of Moving ) However, I had no idea what to do or how my life would unfold.
One day, the teacher of healing who lived in another state called me. She told me to go to a Unity Church to meet up with two visiting Unity Church ministers who had learned the healing art. She thought the three of us could offer healing after service on that particular Sunday. It did not happen because the ministers visited the church for their own reason. While there, I met a mother and a daughter. They were both mediums. They told me to check out a small inter faith church, which they thought might be for me. They were right. I eventually called this small church my spiritual home, and it still is. It was another experience of divine plan at work. (Later that year, the teacher came to visit the big spiritual center in the city I lived. She called me. We met in a restaurant. She encouraged me to work as a healer.)
During the first few Sundays at the small church, I left after the service was over. I was not comfortable sitting among people that I did not know well. Fortunately, My Big Moment of Embarrassment helped me to break the ice (formed by myself). I was more at ease with my new friends after this hilarious incident.
On Jan. 6, 2008, a kind pastor told me to ask another pastor for the permission to participate in the quarterly healing service. I was hesitant to do so. I only learned a healing art in March 2007. I might be a conduit since healing energy flowed into me when I sat among people. However, I could not call myself a healer because I did not know much about healing. Before I met the pastor of the quarterly healing service, I had planned to tell him it was alright to tell me that I was not qualified, but all that I planned to say turned out to be unnecessary. (Re my post It is the not knowing that makes life intriguing ) I participated in the quarterly healing service for the first time at the end of that month.
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In Oct. 2008, I had a vivid dream. I went to a holistic store for a free dream interpretation. Months later, the store printed out its Feb. 2009 newsletter with me holding a healing workshop. The manager had never talked to me about it. (Re A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove) I did not regard myself a healer. How was I going to facilitate a workshop? Part of me understood it was all meant to be. I became ill because of stress, but was well the day before the workshop. When it was over, I was very relieved. I thought I would not hold another workshop.
Some months later, the friend that worked with me in the workshop urged me to consider holding another workshop at church. She was on the board of directors, and a few people had expressed an interest in the healing art. One of them was a friend I had come to know and respect. This friend, a Reiki master, told me a couple of her friends (Reiki practitioners) who lived in another city would like to come to the workshop. That was how the second workshop came into being, and so were the subsequent healing workshops. The human I had not intended for these workshops to take place at all.
The second workshop was held in the church in Oct. 2009 on a Saturday and a Sunday. On Sunday, we scheduled the workshop in the afternoon. In the morning, most of us came for the service as usual. It was the quarterly healing service. The facilitating pastor did something different that day. He did not ask the healers to go to the front of the chapel and give healing. It might be he saw three pastors (healers) who used to participate in the service were not there. Afterward, some people expressed their disappointment for they had wanted to receive healing. I felt the service was fine. I never thought we had to do things this way or that way. Healing could occur anywhere, any time, or by attending service. I enjoyed the continuous praying and singing.
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Two days later, I went to the healing prayer service as I did on most Tuesdays. At that time, I had joined the prayer circle for almost two years. We prayed for those who emailed the church or left slips in the chapel asking for prayers. The pastor who facilitated the quarterly healing service was also the facilitator of this circle. Another pastor, a sister, was always present. When the brother could not come or was out of town, the sister took over the service.
When I arrived, the sister (i.e. the pastor) and a young man were already there. The sister asked about the Sunday healing service. The young man said he was disappointed because he had wanted to receive healing. The sister said she could not come that Sunday because she did not feel well. (She was a long time Reiki practitioner, and had always participated in the quarterly healing service.) From the conversation, it was obvious she had heard what happened on Sunday. She asked how I felt about the Sunday service. I said it was fine. I enjoyed the praying and singing. Later, a few more people came. Then the facilitating pastor arrived. A short conversation that followed shocked me.
The sister said to the facilitating pastor, "Who were the healers on Sunday? Of course, Q of D (i.e.me) was there, the powerful and one of the top leading healers in our church!"
In shock, I interjected, "What are you talking about? I had never said I was powerful!"
The brother muttered a response to what the sister said. His response shocked me.
It was then I realized there was this misunderstanding about me. I closed my eyes. I did not say anything because there were other people in the circle.
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When I was home, I thought about the possible cause of the misunderstanding.
The church videotaped all the Sunday services, and had told us that we could borrow the videos. I participated in the quarterly healing service for the first time in Jan. 2008. Since then, I was present during all the quarterly healing services. It never occurred to me to borrow a video to see how I did during healing. It was not important to me. I was glad to be of service, nothing more nothing less.
Ten months later, I walked past a pastor*. He was talking to a woman. When he saw me, he told her I was a wonderful healer. I immediately said I was not. He was surprised that I had never watched the healing service videos. (On most Sundays, he was the one who videotaped the service.) He went to get me a video. He said he named the video 'Golden Glow' because of the powerful energy that channeled through. (Re my post A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove . All the healers channeled powerful healing energy that day. The colors of the energy were vivid by my side because I stood by a white wall while the rest of the healers stood by a wall with colorful wallpaper. ) *The same pastor who suggested for me to ask for permission to participate in the quarterly healing service.
When I learned I had to facilitate a workshop in the store, I asked the pastor if I could use it for the workshop. The kind pastor said yes. With my quiet nature, I only talked briefly to a few (incl. the brother and sister in the prayer circle) about the story behind the workshop (i.e. my dream interpretation in the store that led to the workshop). My friend who worked with me in the workshops was probably the only one who knew the truth about how all the workshops came into being.
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Many healing modalities had step by step instructions or systematic procedures. The healing art I learned did not have specific instructions except an emphasis in the intention of service and the letting go of the ego. Each practitioner moved differently because each one of us had a unique energy structure. During my first participation in the church's healing service, a few people had formed an opinion of me because of my unconventional movements. Therefore, I played the video of the quarterly healing service so that the participants at the workshop, seeing how I went about in healing, might be more at ease with their unique movements instead of feeling odd / uneasy.
In the workshop, I talked about we should not concern ourselves if the energy that flowed through us was green, blue, gold, purple, white, cold, warm, powerful or subtle. (A few of my friends had confirmed they felt the flow of healing energy diminished once they placed their attention on how powerful the energy was.) As a conduit, we held a pure intention of service, set aside our ego, placed our trust in love, and left the outcome to the Divine. The Divine knew what the recipient needed the most at the time of the healing.
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The sister was always sweet and nice. I told her I did not know much about healing. She gave me some books on healing saying she did not need them anymore. I was very grateful for her kindness. When I learned I had to hold a workshop in the holistic store, I went to the brother and her. I told them briefly about the story behind the workshop. Both of them encouraged me. The sister came to the workshop to show her love and support. I was grateful for her support. When I played the 'Golden Glow' video in the workshop, I did not know if it was the first time she saw it. (Not many people borrowed the videos and watched them at home. I believed most people at church including some pastors did not know about the 'Golden Glow' video.)
After the workshop, the sister and I talked. She told me she had a lot on her mind that day. She might not have listened to what I said about discernment during the workshop since her mind was full.
I loved and respected the brother who facilitated the healing and prayer service. He was the pastor who showed up all the time on Sundays. He enthusiastically joined in the singing, and encouraged others to participate actively. He taught, participated, volunteered, and gave his best to the church. He was a wonderful healer, teacher, speaker, poet, and author. When I learned about the unexpected workshop in the store, I talked to him. His words were calming and supportive. He did not come to the workshop, but I knew the sister's presence in the workshop was representative of the circle.
Sometimes people asked for healing during the prayer service. Knowing that I was inexperienced in healing, the brother (the facilitating pastor) often called my name so that I could practice. I was grateful for the opportunities to serve. As time went by, I sensed the disharmony in our circle for I had always been sensitive to people's feeling. We used to meditate before the pastor asked if anybody wanted to receive healing. I decided to continue sitting there with my eyes closed so that the brother would call the other healer (particularly the sister/pastor) in the circle to give healing. I never meant any disrespect to the brother.
In retrospect, I understood why some people misunderstood me. At church, I had always been honest about my inexperience in healing. But there I was in Oct. 2009 holding another healing workshop. It was easy to understand why some people assumed I had a bloated ego after the 'Golden Glow' video. They did not know I agreed to hold the workshops out of love and respect for my friends and those that wanted to come.
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Would the misunderstanding be dissolved if I explained? Should I let it go and move on as if it had never happened? Since I was the cause of disharmony, should I stop participating in the quarterly healing service and prayer service? How should I conduct myself at this time? All of these came to my mind as I thought about the misunderstanding.
I decided to write down what had happened, and thought of what to do later. I took out my journal. I wrote down the date. I noticed I had written down something on the back of the page***. (***Whenever I read or heard something inspiring, I liked to pick up any notebook and write them down on the pages at the back.) As I read what I had written down, I knew it was not a mere coincidence.
The Message
From Edgar Cayce's Soul Development by Kevin J. Todeschi
One of the greatest lessons facing all of humankind is "cooperation". It is not about getting along and working together.
It is a state of being that somehow sets aside personal agendas, beliefs, motives, and desires that enables an individual to become an agent of spirituality in the lives of others.
In other words, true cooperation is learning to work with God so that the Creator can work through you.
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I am going to sign off now. Let all of us keep in mind what true cooperation is. It is a state of being that somehow sets aside personal agendas . . . True cooperation is learning to work with God so that the Creator can work through us.
Good night! (Next post The rest of the story about the drama of misunderstanding )
Love,
Q of D
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