Greetings!
About a week ago, I felt tired in the afternoon. So I took a nap. Strangely, some thought came to me as I woke up. I would tell you what happened later in the post.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Some years ago, I attended a workshop facilitated by a scholastically acclaimed young man. He was a good facilitator. The audience responded enthusiastically throughout the gathering. With about 15 minutes left on the schedule, he asked us to say an affirmation that came to us because of our participation in the workshop; we might also speak something that we felt inspired to share. He said it was voluntary, and it was quite alright if someone chose not to participate. Hearing that, I said in my heart 'Good! I don't have to speak!' I seldom spoke up in gatherings because my English was not good.
A man spoke first. Another man who sat at one end of the room followed. Across the room, a woman voiced her inspirational thought. Randomly, people stood up and spoke. There were many people at the workshop. It seemed everyone wanted to participate (or almost everyone since I didn't). The sharing went on for a long time. I sat there peacefully listening to their words. The room gradually became quiet as everybody had his or her turn. We turned to look at the facilitator. We waited for him to speak.
However, he did not say anything. He sat there looking straight in one direction, or more accurately, I found him looking right at me! Dismissing that he was looking at me, I looked to my left and right. Then I looked back at him. There he was, staring at me without saying a word. I thought there was no way he could have noticed that I had not spoken since people in the room spoke up randomly. Minutes went by like hours as he continued to stare at me in silence. Luckily, all the eyes were on him (the facilitator) for people were waiting for him to speak. Some more time passed. From the serious look on his face, I knew this young man would not budge until I did my part of sharing. I relented. I opened my mouth, and spoke for a short while. Then and only then, he moved on to the last part of the gathering.
When the event was over, a few people came to thank me for what I said. I did not recall what I said, and they were probably some simple words from my heart. On that day, I had wondered how the facilitator could have noticed that I had not spoken up.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The incident was not on my mind at all before I took the nap. However, as I was waking up from the nap, I 'got' that 'I was the only Chinese there', and was reminded of the incident. It was then I realized the facilitator easily recognized that I had not spoken because I was the only Chinese there. With this realization, my old view of my shortcomings and disadvantages came to my mind. I understood it was no accident that I recalled all of these at this time.
Before I came to USA, I seldom needed to speak in English. In my time, our teachers did most of the talking in class. We did not have public speaking class. We never had to present a book report in front of our classmates as our sons did. Some of my classmates were much better in English than me. They went to religious or private elementary schools, and learned English since preschool or first grade. I began learning simple English words such as a man and a pan in 4th grade. The teacher did not teach us pronunciation. In secondary school, I had a hard time remembering the words especially words with many letters.
In order to get a passing grade or above in English in the official secondary school diploma, we had to take an oral exam. in additional to the written tests. Students were scheduled to go to different schools for the oral exam. Three teachers (not teachers of our own school) would ask some questions to start a conversation with the student to see how well she was in spoken English. I still remembered my lower teeth knocked against my upper teeth making sounds audible to students standing near me while I lined up waiting for my turn to enter the examination room. That was how nervous I was. It was a good thing I recalled what happened with a laugh, and, with compassion.
When I came to USA, I knew my English was insufficient. However, as much as I did not want to, I had to speak on behalf of my family. My husband had only a few years of education, and he did not learn English. Things changed for the better when I became a mother. As I tried to figure out how to teach our sons, I suddenly realized English was not as hard as it seemed. Still, my English was far from good. My vocabulary was very limited. Many times I could not express what I wanted to say. I had an accent, and could not speak fluently.
Nine years ago, I stepped out of my comfort zone to mix with people as guided. I went to spiritual gatherings, and eventually attended church services regularly. Most of the time, I was the only Chinese. When I was told to learn a healing art, I did not follow for I could not envision a Chinese woman working in energy healing in a western culture. I also did not think I could teach or write for 'my English was not good'. For years, I regarded my English as my shortcoming, and 'a Chinese woman in a western culture' as a disadvantage.
A few years ago, the words of a wonderful channel (he was not a psychic) gave me a new perspective of my self-perceived shortcoming and disadvantage. I learned that it was by design I did not have the mastery of English so that I taught by simply being who I was and not by lofty words. As a Chinese woman in a western culture, some people were drawn to me because they wanted to know more about me while others reached out to me thinking I needed help. It was through these interactions that people might receive what they most needed to be healed without knowing that healing had taken place. I knew the words that came through were true. On many occasions, healing did occur even though the recipient might or might not be aware.
I had not gone to any church or gathering for some months. Old thinking and living patterns died hard. Sometimes my wrong view still crossed my mind like a shadow, and gave me an excuse not to do what I should do. I understood why I recalled all of these at this time. I needed to keep working on eradicating my wrong views.
In love, I share with you my experiences. My friends, do you have any self-perceived shortcomings and disadvantages? It may be you should re-examine your view. We do not come into a lifetime by chance. Our appearances, the personalities we take on, and every aspect of our life are carefully designed. Sometimes our shortcomings and disadvantages may be gifts or blessings in disguise. We just do not see the big picture. Sometimes our shortcomings may be something for us to work on in this lifetime. For example, if we get angry easily, we need to work on controlling our temper; we have to look deep within to find the source of our anger, and change. Let us give ourselves a chance, and don't waste the opportunity to overcome.
Love and blessings,
Q of D
Friday, November 20, 2015
Random Acts of Kindness
Greetings!
In the morning of Saturday, Nov. 7, our older son was driving home. He stopped at McDonald to buy breakfast. As usual, he lined up at the drive-through lane. Before it was his turn, he thought of bringing home some breakfast for us. Therefore, in addition to his own breakfast, he ordered two coffee, two egg muffins, and two apple pies. When he drove to the window to pay for his order, he was surprised the driver of the car in front of him had paid for his order! He did not expect this to happen. For a while, he did not know what to do. The car in front of him was gone. He recalled it was with an Illinois license plate.
At home, he told me what had happened. He thought it must be one of those random acts of kindness. I asked how he felt about it. He said he was grateful. He said, "Mom, I should have paid for the car behind me, but I did not. I was too surprised that someone had paid for my order." I said, "It is alright. You can do it anytime when you feel you want to."
To the one who paid for our breakfast, thank you for your kindness and generosity. Many blessings to you!
Love,
Q of D
In the morning of Saturday, Nov. 7, our older son was driving home. He stopped at McDonald to buy breakfast. As usual, he lined up at the drive-through lane. Before it was his turn, he thought of bringing home some breakfast for us. Therefore, in addition to his own breakfast, he ordered two coffee, two egg muffins, and two apple pies. When he drove to the window to pay for his order, he was surprised the driver of the car in front of him had paid for his order! He did not expect this to happen. For a while, he did not know what to do. The car in front of him was gone. He recalled it was with an Illinois license plate.
At home, he told me what had happened. He thought it must be one of those random acts of kindness. I asked how he felt about it. He said he was grateful. He said, "Mom, I should have paid for the car behind me, but I did not. I was too surprised that someone had paid for my order." I said, "It is alright. You can do it anytime when you feel you want to."
To the one who paid for our breakfast, thank you for your kindness and generosity. Many blessings to you!
Love,
Q of D
Friday, November 13, 2015
The Beautiful, Powerful LOVE in You and in Me
Greetings!
Continue from Is turning off the TV the only way to maintain our peace?
In the afternoon of Sept.2, 2006, I was all alone in the family room. I thought of what happened earlier.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It was the Saturday before Labor Day (Monday, a public holiday). Many stores had big sales. In the morning, I asked my sons if they wanted to go shopping. I was delighted my younger son said yes. My older son said he never liked shopping as other people did. He wanted to stay home to finish revising his resume so that he could email it to a company as soon as possible. He had a job. However, due to the slow economy, the auto company he worked for had laid off many people, and was planning for more cuts. I said he had plenty of time to work on his resume since all the offices would close on Monday. He chose to stay home.
My younger son bought a nice pair of shoes at a very good price. At home, he showed them to his brother. My older son looked at the shoes. It was obvious he felt the shoes were nice too. Then I caught a brief expression on his face, and it touched my heart. I said he could still go to the store, or we could go there for him. As his mother, I knew he would said no, and he did.
Since he got a decent job, he told us not to buy things for him anymore. He said it was time for us (his parents) to spend money on ourselves. He always said he would gladly gave us money if we needed money to buy something. He said he would rather give than receive. On a few occasions, he had shown annoyance / displeasure when we bought things for him. Therefore, we did not go to the store to buy the shoes for him.
Years ago, I went for a half hour reading wanting to know what to do with the restaurant. I did not tell the psychic (a gentle, young woman) anything or what I wanted to hear. She described my husband's personality accurately. She went on to talk about our older son. She said he wanted to be the breadwinner of the family. He loved his parents and his brother. He wanted to take care of his parents. Suddenly, she paused for quite a while. She said, "I see lots of white light around you. You are a very, very good teacher. You should teach." She then related a vision of me. Hearing her vision, I dismissed her reading. With my English and my level of education, I thought there was no way I would teach. I did not talk to my older son about the reading.
In many ways, the psychic was right about my older son. In high school, he worked after school. Knowing that we struggled to pay the bills, he gave me his paychecks even though I asked him to keep the money for his college education. When he graduated from a university, the economy in our state was very slow. He could not find the job he wanted. Without hesitation, he went to work in a store to earn an income to support himself and help the family. For over a year, I drove him back and forth because we had only one car. In time, he saved some money as a down payment for a used car. Months later, opportunities opened up. He got a better job, and his younger brother also got a job soon after. (Re my post Happy Mother's Day to all the loving mothers & grandmothers )
After our sons found decent jobs, they soon began to take up their shares (i.e. 1/4) of the household expenditure except for the months* I asked them not to. (*After we sold the business, their father only found temporary jobs once in a long while. When I could manage the expenses for the whole family, I asked our sons to save the money for their use in the future .) Our older son worked in a company far from home. Two months into his job, he had to rent an apartment near where he worked to avoid the long drives. Our younger son lived at home because his workplace was not far.
Saturday was the 2nd of a month. Our older son must have paid for the rent and utilities of his apartment. Every month, he also had to pay for his student loans, car payment, insurance, food, and other expenses of living on his own. In addition, he continued to pay for his share of the household expenses as his brother did. He said he wanted to for he had the money. Like most young people, he never concerned himself with saving money. At home, he ate a lot. Living by himself, he probably had to spend quite some money on food. From the brief expression on his face that day, I understood he was not as free financially as he said he was.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All alone in the family room that afternoon, I thought of my sons.
I loved my sons dearly and equally. They had different personalities. When they were young, the older one was outgoing, friendly, and kind; the younger one was sweet, self-directed, and creative. The struggle in the restaurant years affected each one of us in the family. With his sense of obligation, the challenging situations had probably been very hard on our older son. Looking back, those were the years my older son began arguing with me and wanting me to agree with him that money was the most important thing in life. (I never did.) As an adult, many saw him as shallow, immature, and materialistic because of the way he presented himself. They could not see his generosity, gentle, and caring side that hid behind his warrior mentality. (Re my post Who's driving? )
Sitting there, I thought of this wonderful soul who had chosen me as his mother. I thought of his generous, giving nature. As a baby, he happily handed his father what he had (soup or food) when his father came home from work. As a small boy, he gave whatever he got at school (e.g. candies and toys) to his little brother as soon as he came home. He did it on his own! I knew not many children would do that. He gave good tips to wait persons, pizza delivery persons, and hairdressers even when he did not earn much money. I thought of his courage. He graduated from a university, and was willing to work in a store instead of waiting for a job. He always said he got to do what he had to do. I also thought of his talk with me recently. I knew he was anxious about his job. He wanted to find another one.
I began to pray. I sent my son love and blessings. Suddenly, I felt love sprang out of my heart. Love kept flowing from me, expanding, and filling the space. (These were mainly words, and no words could adequately describe what had happened.) I did not know how long it went on. My whole being was vibrating strongly long after the energy stopped flowing out of my heart. I knew everything was going to be alright.
My older son sent out his resume anyway even though he knew the offices were closed on Monday. His determination succeeded. He got a call from that company on Tuesday morning asking him to go for an interview two days later. The interview was a success, and he got a new job.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After the experience, I found people around me including those I saw on TV looked more beautiful than before. I easily said truthfully in my heart, "She (or he) is beautiful." In circle or gathering, when a friend said she was sad or sick, I listened with compassion. I looked at her with love, but I was not sad. I did the same when I watched the news on TV. "I love you, I love you..." was a song that automatically began in my heart when someone on the screen was overwhelmed with grief or sadness.
One day in the Thursday circle, a friend said she could not watch the news on TV anymore. The stories made her felt sad. Other joined in expressing the same feeling. I shared with them my story, and how love sprang out of my heart. I told my friends to practice sending love with truthfulness. We might not see / feel it, however, love reached and embraced beyond distance, space, and time. I said sometimes it might help to say "Peace be with you" or "Peace be with me" in our hearts. My friends were quiet after I talked. I shared truthfully, and held no expectations.
A week or two later, a dear friend told the circle her experience. One day, she turned on the television. On the screen, she saw a boy with a badly deformed face. In the story, the boy was known as the "Elephant Boy". Looking at the boy, the loving being that my friend was, she felt very, very sad for the boy. Sadness overwhelmed her, and she did not know how to deal with it. Suddenly, she remembered my story. She began to send the boy love with all her heart and soul. Love filled her and sprang out of her towards the boy. She no longer felt sad. She was in love and peace. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me for the experience.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Love soothes. Love heals. Love neutralizes and modifies what are not of love. And, that beautiful, powerful LOVE is in you and in me.
Many blessings,
Q of D
Continue from Is turning off the TV the only way to maintain our peace?
In the afternoon of Sept.2, 2006, I was all alone in the family room. I thought of what happened earlier.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It was the Saturday before Labor Day (Monday, a public holiday). Many stores had big sales. In the morning, I asked my sons if they wanted to go shopping. I was delighted my younger son said yes. My older son said he never liked shopping as other people did. He wanted to stay home to finish revising his resume so that he could email it to a company as soon as possible. He had a job. However, due to the slow economy, the auto company he worked for had laid off many people, and was planning for more cuts. I said he had plenty of time to work on his resume since all the offices would close on Monday. He chose to stay home.
My younger son bought a nice pair of shoes at a very good price. At home, he showed them to his brother. My older son looked at the shoes. It was obvious he felt the shoes were nice too. Then I caught a brief expression on his face, and it touched my heart. I said he could still go to the store, or we could go there for him. As his mother, I knew he would said no, and he did.
Since he got a decent job, he told us not to buy things for him anymore. He said it was time for us (his parents) to spend money on ourselves. He always said he would gladly gave us money if we needed money to buy something. He said he would rather give than receive. On a few occasions, he had shown annoyance / displeasure when we bought things for him. Therefore, we did not go to the store to buy the shoes for him.
Years ago, I went for a half hour reading wanting to know what to do with the restaurant. I did not tell the psychic (a gentle, young woman) anything or what I wanted to hear. She described my husband's personality accurately. She went on to talk about our older son. She said he wanted to be the breadwinner of the family. He loved his parents and his brother. He wanted to take care of his parents. Suddenly, she paused for quite a while. She said, "I see lots of white light around you. You are a very, very good teacher. You should teach." She then related a vision of me. Hearing her vision, I dismissed her reading. With my English and my level of education, I thought there was no way I would teach. I did not talk to my older son about the reading.
In many ways, the psychic was right about my older son. In high school, he worked after school. Knowing that we struggled to pay the bills, he gave me his paychecks even though I asked him to keep the money for his college education. When he graduated from a university, the economy in our state was very slow. He could not find the job he wanted. Without hesitation, he went to work in a store to earn an income to support himself and help the family. For over a year, I drove him back and forth because we had only one car. In time, he saved some money as a down payment for a used car. Months later, opportunities opened up. He got a better job, and his younger brother also got a job soon after. (Re my post Happy Mother's Day to all the loving mothers & grandmothers )
After our sons found decent jobs, they soon began to take up their shares (i.e. 1/4) of the household expenditure except for the months* I asked them not to. (*After we sold the business, their father only found temporary jobs once in a long while. When I could manage the expenses for the whole family, I asked our sons to save the money for their use in the future .) Our older son worked in a company far from home. Two months into his job, he had to rent an apartment near where he worked to avoid the long drives. Our younger son lived at home because his workplace was not far.
Saturday was the 2nd of a month. Our older son must have paid for the rent and utilities of his apartment. Every month, he also had to pay for his student loans, car payment, insurance, food, and other expenses of living on his own. In addition, he continued to pay for his share of the household expenses as his brother did. He said he wanted to for he had the money. Like most young people, he never concerned himself with saving money. At home, he ate a lot. Living by himself, he probably had to spend quite some money on food. From the brief expression on his face that day, I understood he was not as free financially as he said he was.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
All alone in the family room that afternoon, I thought of my sons.
I loved my sons dearly and equally. They had different personalities. When they were young, the older one was outgoing, friendly, and kind; the younger one was sweet, self-directed, and creative. The struggle in the restaurant years affected each one of us in the family. With his sense of obligation, the challenging situations had probably been very hard on our older son. Looking back, those were the years my older son began arguing with me and wanting me to agree with him that money was the most important thing in life. (I never did.) As an adult, many saw him as shallow, immature, and materialistic because of the way he presented himself. They could not see his generosity, gentle, and caring side that hid behind his warrior mentality. (Re my post Who's driving? )
Sitting there, I thought of this wonderful soul who had chosen me as his mother. I thought of his generous, giving nature. As a baby, he happily handed his father what he had (soup or food) when his father came home from work. As a small boy, he gave whatever he got at school (e.g. candies and toys) to his little brother as soon as he came home. He did it on his own! I knew not many children would do that. He gave good tips to wait persons, pizza delivery persons, and hairdressers even when he did not earn much money. I thought of his courage. He graduated from a university, and was willing to work in a store instead of waiting for a job. He always said he got to do what he had to do. I also thought of his talk with me recently. I knew he was anxious about his job. He wanted to find another one.
I began to pray. I sent my son love and blessings. Suddenly, I felt love sprang out of my heart. Love kept flowing from me, expanding, and filling the space. (These were mainly words, and no words could adequately describe what had happened.) I did not know how long it went on. My whole being was vibrating strongly long after the energy stopped flowing out of my heart. I knew everything was going to be alright.
My older son sent out his resume anyway even though he knew the offices were closed on Monday. His determination succeeded. He got a call from that company on Tuesday morning asking him to go for an interview two days later. The interview was a success, and he got a new job.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After the experience, I found people around me including those I saw on TV looked more beautiful than before. I easily said truthfully in my heart, "She (or he) is beautiful." In circle or gathering, when a friend said she was sad or sick, I listened with compassion. I looked at her with love, but I was not sad. I did the same when I watched the news on TV. "I love you, I love you..." was a song that automatically began in my heart when someone on the screen was overwhelmed with grief or sadness.
One day in the Thursday circle, a friend said she could not watch the news on TV anymore. The stories made her felt sad. Other joined in expressing the same feeling. I shared with them my story, and how love sprang out of my heart. I told my friends to practice sending love with truthfulness. We might not see / feel it, however, love reached and embraced beyond distance, space, and time. I said sometimes it might help to say "Peace be with you" or "Peace be with me" in our hearts. My friends were quiet after I talked. I shared truthfully, and held no expectations.
A week or two later, a dear friend told the circle her experience. One day, she turned on the television. On the screen, she saw a boy with a badly deformed face. In the story, the boy was known as the "Elephant Boy". Looking at the boy, the loving being that my friend was, she felt very, very sad for the boy. Sadness overwhelmed her, and she did not know how to deal with it. Suddenly, she remembered my story. She began to send the boy love with all her heart and soul. Love filled her and sprang out of her towards the boy. She no longer felt sad. She was in love and peace. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me for the experience.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Love soothes. Love heals. Love neutralizes and modifies what are not of love. And, that beautiful, powerful LOVE is in you and in me.
Many blessings,
Q of D
Friday, November 6, 2015
Is turning off the TV the only way to maintain our peace?
Greetings!
In a war torn zone
After another round of bombing
A man stood on the ground
Pools of blood here and there
Fires and smoke everywhere
Seeing the destruction around him
He looked up at the sky
With his arms raised
He let out a deafening, painful cry
"All we want is to live in peace!"
Lowering his head
In a choking, barely audible voice, he asked
"Is it too much for us to ask for?"
The above were the words I wrote after watching a man in a war torn zone said to a journalist on TV, "All we want is to live in peace!" His words touched me. "All we want is to live in peace." Was it not what all of us wanted? However, in some places, children grew up knowing only the tragic and violence of wars; as for the adults, peace was like a fading dream they had long time ago.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In spiritual circles and at church, quite a few of my friends had expressed their sadness over what happened in our world. Some said they had stopped watching the news. They did not want to hear the news about the wars and violence every day. Some said they seldom turned on the television for that was the only way they could maintain their peace.
I knew how my friends felt. There were times I felt sad watching the news too. I prayed as many of my friends did, yet, praying seemed to be the only thing I could do.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On May 26, 2005, I joined the Thursday circle for the first time. In July, the facilitator asked us to write a simple vision statement for our next meeting. Many of my friends at the circle were long time spiritual seekers. Some were psychics / mediums, workshop facilitators, spiritual / metaphysical teachers, and healers. They held visions of what they wanted to do, but I could only see myself as a simple Chinese woman. For days, I could not come up with a word for my vision statement. I decided to give up, and then something unexpected happened. (Please view my post Who are we and the meaning of life ) On the day I proclaimed "who I am", I could feel powerful energy all around me. It was a life transformation experience.
However, as time went by, the sense that "I am a powerful, beautiful, loving being created by God" as I had proclaimed began to wane. I allowed myself to react to life dramas again. At times, I felt sad and powerless towards what happened around me.
~ to be continued ~
Next post The Beautiful, Powerful LOVE in You and in Me
In a war torn zone
After another round of bombing
A man stood on the ground
Pools of blood here and there
Fires and smoke everywhere
Seeing the destruction around him
He looked up at the sky
With his arms raised
He let out a deafening, painful cry
"All we want is to live in peace!"
Lowering his head
In a choking, barely audible voice, he asked
"Is it too much for us to ask for?"
The above were the words I wrote after watching a man in a war torn zone said to a journalist on TV, "All we want is to live in peace!" His words touched me. "All we want is to live in peace." Was it not what all of us wanted? However, in some places, children grew up knowing only the tragic and violence of wars; as for the adults, peace was like a fading dream they had long time ago.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In spiritual circles and at church, quite a few of my friends had expressed their sadness over what happened in our world. Some said they had stopped watching the news. They did not want to hear the news about the wars and violence every day. Some said they seldom turned on the television for that was the only way they could maintain their peace.
I knew how my friends felt. There were times I felt sad watching the news too. I prayed as many of my friends did, yet, praying seemed to be the only thing I could do.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On May 26, 2005, I joined the Thursday circle for the first time. In July, the facilitator asked us to write a simple vision statement for our next meeting. Many of my friends at the circle were long time spiritual seekers. Some were psychics / mediums, workshop facilitators, spiritual / metaphysical teachers, and healers. They held visions of what they wanted to do, but I could only see myself as a simple Chinese woman. For days, I could not come up with a word for my vision statement. I decided to give up, and then something unexpected happened. (Please view my post Who are we and the meaning of life ) On the day I proclaimed "who I am", I could feel powerful energy all around me. It was a life transformation experience.
However, as time went by, the sense that "I am a powerful, beautiful, loving being created by God" as I had proclaimed began to wane. I allowed myself to react to life dramas again. At times, I felt sad and powerless towards what happened around me.
~ to be continued ~
Next post The Beautiful, Powerful LOVE in You and in Me
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