Greetings!
The one-week spiritual retreat began a day after the healing workshop was over.
We were supposed to meet in Samuel and Beth's house at 7:30 p.m. During the second day of the healing workshop, Samuel announced the retreat would start at 8 p.m. instead of 7:30 p.m. Two days later, the starting time was changed to 8:30 p.m.
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Samuel and Beth's house was not far from where I lived. It was a big, beautiful house filled with wonderful, peaceful energy.
I seldom went out at night. With age, my eyes' receptivity to light was down. I had no problem driving home after work in the evening because I was familiar with those roads. They were main roads, and were well-lighted at night. I knew I would be fine driving to their house since the sun was still up. However, I felt anxious about driving home afterward because most residential areas did not have sufficient lighting.
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When I entered the house, some people were waiting to greet the spiritual teacher.
There was an old Chinese saying that we should follow other people's customs when we were in their house / community. In other words, we should respect other people's culture and tradition. When it was my turn, I showed the teacher my respect with all my heart and soul. Samuel talked to the teacher about my energy. In response, the teacher said to Samuel, "She is an instrument." He turned to me and said, "When you accept who you are, you will be much more and can help many people." He blessed me by placing his hands over my head. Other people were waiting to talk to him. I did not ask him to explain, but his words drew a strong emotional reaction within.
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A woman said the teacher would give his discourse in the basement. I decided to walk downstairs since I did not know most of the people there.
In the basement, there was a table with two big pictures of the globally known spiritual masters that had moved on, and a small picture of the teacher. (Re my last post) I bowed and prayed.
A few men were setting up video and audio equipments. There were different columns of chairs. In the main column, four or five rows of beige chairs were placed in the front. Behind those beige chairs were rows of orange-tan chairs. I decided to sit in the center of the first row of orange-tan chairs. There were seven chairs in that row, i.e. three to my right and three to my left.
Gradually, people walked into the basement and sat down. Then the teacher came. I thought I could see him during his discourse since he sat directly facing the main column. I was wrong. The master healer sat in the center of the first row. His friend sat next to him. They were both tall. Besides, people took up all the seats in the front rows. My view of the teacher as well as the pictures of the two masters was blocked.
In the beginning, five people (incl. me) sat in my row. The chair to my left and the chair to my right were unoccupied. Some people sat in the rows behind us. Later, more people came. Some looked at the empty chairs next to me, but they went to sit somewhere else. (To me, that was interesting.) I knew I might have a better view of the pictures or the teacher if I moved to sit on either chair next to me. Somehow, I remained sitting where I was.
After the teacher finished his discourse, Samuel said the teacher asked us to sit on the same chair throughout the 7-day retreat. I could not recall the exact words of what Samuel said. My understanding was we formed a connection with the Divine from where we sat (or the chair retained our energy after we sat on it); appropriate / unique high frequency energies that were beneficial to our spiritual evolvement would continue to flow into us throughout the evenings of the retreat; therefore, it was imperative for us to sit on the same spot.
I left the house soon after the discourse was over. It was dark outside. I had to press the button on my car key in order to find my car. I plugged in the GPS. I struggled a little bit to follow the instructions on the GPS to make some short distance turns to get out of the subdivision. I was relieved when I arrived at the parking lot of our apartment.
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At home, I thought about what the teacher said.
In my unawakened state, I really did not know 'who I truly am'. I might get a hint here and there, e.g. in readings and mystical experiences. I had said affirmations about my divinity from time to time. Still, I could not say I knew 'who I am'. "Since I do not know who I am, how can I accept who I am as the teacher said?" Other than this reaction, part of me felt I had accepted who I was.
My older son was not interested in spiritual matter, but I needed someone to talk to. I briefly told him what happened. I said, "I have followed the guidance to sit among people. I had allowed myself to be an instrument on some occasions even though I knew some might misunderstand / judge me. I thought I have accepted who I am." My son thought for a while. He said,"Mom, you have not accepted who you are." I asked him to explain. He simply repeated his comment, "No, you have not accepted who you are." He went back to what he was doing.
Anytime when we (or I) had a strong reaction to something, there underlay a cause we needed to deal with. (Re Part 4 - Afterthought of the Whole Experience ) That was my case with the teacher's words. "What does it mean when I accept who I am? How do I accept who I am? Who am I? How is it that I have not accepted who I am?" I did not have the answers to these questions. However, there was one thing in my heart that had never changed. I had always wanted to be of service. The teacher said, "When you accept who you are, you will be much more and can help many people." I did want what the teacher said to happen. In the quietness of the night, I prayed to the Divine for help.
Love,
Q of D
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