Greetings!
From the July 12 email, I learned the spiritual teacher was going to deliver his discourses in his language near the end of July and in English a few weeks later; each lasted for a week, and all were welcome to attend both discourses. The schedule was similar to that of 2016 and 2017. Some of my friends attended both discourses even though they did not speak the teacher's language. They wanted to stay in his presence as much as they could.
Before the start of the discourses in the teacher's language, I received an email that all were welcome to attend. I did not go. In previous years, I only attended the discourses in English.
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In the evening of August 2, our son drove us to look for a car after he got off work. On Aug. 3, we picked up a good used car. (Re I can go places and sit among people again! ) On Aug.4, my phone rang. My friends sent me a message asking if I was in town. I was surprised for they had not done that before. I realized the teacher had probably intuitively known I now had a reliable car. I thought of the dream I had. I did not know what to do, and did not respond to the message right away.
When I used the computer on Aug. 5, I found out my friends had sent me an email on Aug. 4 informing me that the teacher was going to hold a special gathering and energy transmission three days later; it would be an auspicious occasion and opportunity that we should not miss. (I did not check my emails everyday.)
My sons assured me that there was no difference in driving my old 2001 car and the newer model car that we bought. I knew myself. It would take me some days to sit in the car as a passenger before I felt comfortable enough to go anywhere by myself. The special gathering was going to take place at night as the monthly meeting, and I had not driven anywhere at night for over eight months. Most of all, the decision I made some months ago was not a hastened one. I had thought long and hard.
It was no accident I went to the June 18, 2016 gathering during which I met the two healers from another state as well as others that lived locally. Everything that happened was very much in the divine plan. For instance, many men were in the 2017 spiritual retreat; it was interesting that Matthew happened to be the only one that was born in the year that I had that strange dream. (Re A Strange Dream , The Mystery of A Twin Sister Continues , Why I had to sign my name before he was to reincarnate and The Divine had its way of revealing to me )
The teacher said it was vital for us to surrender totally to the two masters that had moved on. On a few occasions, people had asked if they could continue their religious practice or worship the ones they used to worship. We were told we could if we chose to. However, we were often reminded that the two masters were very powerful beings especially the female master. She was not any other divine mother energy, but the one and only universal mother energy that had ever incarnated on earth. As we surrendered, she would watch over us, guide us and protect us.
I did not know the truth.
As a group, I understood the importance of moving forth with one goal and one mind. In our monthly meetings, my friends were really into reading the book series and worshiping the masters. I held a different view about worship. As human beings, we tended to differentiate and compare, e.g. who was powerful, who was more powerful and who was the most powerful. It caused separation. For example, some Christians thought they were far better than others because they followed Jesus Christ; it was the same with some people of other faith. In my understanding, I believed the awakened ones such as Buddha and Christ did not intend for us to worship them. They loved and supported us on our spiritual journey. They wanted us to emulate them to seek the truth within for they knew we were (are) one.
When I happened to re-read my May dream on June 18, I was surprised because I had completely forgotten about the dream. (Re the dream, please view A Hard Decision - Part Three ) I could not surrender to the masters as my friends did, and had stopped reading the books. I thought there was no way the teacher wanted me to lead the group.
When I received the email about the special gathering and energy transmission, I thought of the dream again. I had a different view about worship, but it did not mean my friends' way of being was wrong. We were all subject to our own views. I did not feel the need to impose my view on other people. That was why I was normally quiet sitting among people. On the occasions I felt compelled to speak up, the strong push within was hard to describe. Fortunately, I was now more at ease when I chose to speak up. In many ways, I admired the dedication of my friends towards the mission. I had no doubt the special gathering was an auspicious occasion. However, I would not go there because of the energy transmission except I was ready to be one with the group.
After contemplation, I knew I was not going to read the books for the time being. With my different view, I did not want to be a divisive presence among my friends. I emailed my friends about my struggle in following the teacher's guidance. I told them I had decided it was better for the group to move forth with one heart and one mind without me. I thanked them for their warmth and kindness. I also expressed my love and respect to the teacher and the two masters. (In my heart, I truly loved and respected all of them.) They emailed me saying "We hold very high regard for you and your elevated soul. Surrender comes slowly and steadily. Misunderstanding or conflict with our belief system could be the source of delay. This can be avoided by proper understanding and open dialogue. Love you forever. Hope to see you soon." It was a wise and kind response. However, I had made my decision.
I did not go to the special gathering or the discourses in English. I did not receive any more emails from my friends. The teacher had probably returned to his country after his birthday in September. On his birthday, I mentally wished him a happy birthday, and talked to him that I never meant any disrespect in not attending his discourses. I made the choice from where I was at. A realized teacher that he was, I knew he understood.
I went to the June 18, 2016 gathering because I wanted to meet the two healers from another state. As a healer, I loved to meet other healers. We might work differently in healing sessions, but our intention to serve was the same.
With the car, I hope to be more active in the coming year.
Love and peace,
Q of D
