Doubt on our spiritual journey

Greetings!

In my other posts, I mentioned I could visualize when I was small, but lost that ability while growing up.  When I joined the Thursday Circle in 2005, my friends said I should not be concerned that I could not visualize.  They said there were others like me, and suggested for me to use my imagination during guided meditation.  Knowing that I imagined what happened, I ended up doubting many of my experiences.  

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When I was with the Thursday Circle, we formed a healing circle at the end of our gathering.  We stood in a circle, put our right hand forward to send healing energy, and put our left hand on the shoulder of the one standing to our left (i.e. the right shoulder of him / her).  We might mentally put our loved ones or friends inside the circle or by saying their names.  As I stood in the circle, I used to imagine healing energy of our circle went upward and spread to the whole world.  In my heart, I prayed "let there be peace and healing for the whole world" or "let the healing energy of our circle expand to our communities and the world."  Afterward, the teacher and other psychics related the images they saw.  They often saw brilliant healing energies went upward or bright light exploded high above.  I listened in wonderment of what they said as well as their ability to see.  To me, it was natural that healing energy rose upward and expanded.  I never thought it had anything to do with my imagination.

One day, I suddenly thought of Mother Earth.  I 'put' planet Earth inside our healing circle.  I imagined energies from our hands flowed into Mother Earth.  In my heart, I asked God to surround Mother Earth with healing energies.  After the healing circle, the teacher said she saw the healing energies, instead of going up as always, went deep, deep down into the earth!

At home, I talked to my younger son about what had happened.  He asked if I had told the teacher about it.  I said I had not.  It was my imagination to put Mother Earth in the healing circle, and what happened was just a coincidence.  I said, "Some of my friends might be thinking about Mother Earth as I did.  What happened during the healing circle could not have manifested simply because of my imagination."  My son looked at me for a while.  He said, "You should not doubt your power."

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In the beginning months with the circle, I truly did not feel or see anything during guided group meditation.  Looking back, I must have mentally blocked myself from participation because I already concluded I could not meditate or quiet my mind.

I regarded myself a novice on the spiritual journey.  I listened to the stories of my friends with joy and amazement.  One day, a woman came to the circle.  The teacher said the woman had been a professional healer for 30 years.  (She had the ability of a psychic medium, but was a healer by profession.)  At one point, she offered to give each one of us words and images that came to her from the divine.  All of us joyfully opened to receive her messages.  When it was my turn, she looked at me for a while.  Then she said -

                        Ancient!  Ancient!  Ancient!
                        I saw you riding a white elephant with bright, shiny white tusks
                        You should drink Oolong tea and wear jade

Some people prided themselves to be an old soul.  Personally, I felt being an old soul was but a stage of being, and in due course everyone went through different stages.  We were equal by nature, and that was how I looked at others.  I wondered what it meant (for the divine) to let me hear those words.  I observed the way the woman conducted herself.  She offered different short advice to each one of us.  She 'listened' as she spoke.  She was truthful, and there was not a bit of ego.  She was definitely an instrument, yet I did not know what to make of her words.

When I was home, I began to doubt.  Most people knew Chinese liked to drink tea and favored jade among gemstones.  It might be she was familiar with Oolong tea.  I continued to drink my favorite Ti Kwan Yin tea.  I used to wear a necklace with a jade pendant.  I stopped wearing it after the necklace broke accidentally.  My family had gifted me some jewelries.  I was not into wearing jewelries.  I did not feel the need to wear another one after the necklace broke.  In my quiet time, I prayed earnestly as what to do with my life.

Some weeks later, the healer came again.  She gently admonished me, "I told you to wear jade.  Why didn't you wear jade?"  I told her the necklace was broken.  She said, "Wear jade.  You can use a string instead of a necklace."  She said, "You pray a lot.  You are like a candle that burns on both ends.  You have lots of doubt.  You feel frustrated because you think what you will do is impossible.  You feel uncertainty . . . Have faith  . . ."  In that meeting, the teacher told us the healer had been visiting nursing homes for decades.  She went there as a volunteer, and did not do that for money.  I greatly admired her pure intention of service.  This was the last time I saw the healer.  I eventually went to a jewelry store to fix the broken necklace, and wore the jade pendant again.

Some years later, a wonderful brother gave me a channeled reading.  In his trance state, he accessed the Akashic record.  He described the cover of my book of life in details.  He saw beautiful diamond-shape jades radiating light adorned the cover.  It was then I understood why the healer asked me to wear jade.

In the past year, I drank Oolong regularly instead of Ti Kwan Yin.  I drank a lot of Ti Kwan Yin in my earlier years.  I used to have a hard time falling asleep.  After drinking Oolong, I seemed to have a good night sleep.  Nowadays, I only allowed myself to drink a cup of tea or coffee in the morning.  This change of habit could be a big factor that I slept better at night.

I liked tea, but did not know much about tea.  While writing this post, I went online to learn more about tea.  I was surprised to learn Ti Kwan Yin tea was related to the Oolong tea family.  Ti Kwan Yin tea was considered as a dark Oolong tea because it was baked longer, and allowed to ferment longer than the typical Oolong tea.

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Do you have doubt like me on your spiritual journey?  

Please know that it is alright.  We are not alone on the path.  Our guides, angels, soul family and the ascended ones are here for us.  We can always ask for their help.  Center in love, and have faith that our higher self or The Creator within is forever guiding.

If you have time, please read my post Why did he thank me?   In that incident, I also did not think my imagination had helped.  However, the divine had its way of revealing to me that our positive, loving thought mattered in all situations.

Love and blessings,
Q of D

The Master Healer had stepped out of the physical world

Greetings!

Some time before 2 a.m. on March 28, 2018, I was awakened by the continuous electronic sound wave *** on my left ear.  I was surprised because the hearing of sound wave had not happened for some months.  It lasted for over an hour.  This was very unusual because the sound normally went on for a few minutes to less than half an hour.  Widely awoke in bed, I wondered what it was about.

Later that day, I got an email that the master healer had stepped out of his physical body a day earlier around 1:20 a.m.  It was an unexpected news to our group.  Though he was almost 83, we (our group) had hoped to see him more often since the cold winter months in our state were about to end.

The last time I saw him was at the November monthly meeting.  That night we celebrated the life of a much loved and respected sister *** who stepped beyond the veil on Oct. 27, 2017.

*** I met her and the two healers (i.e. the master healer and the clairvoyant healer) for the first time in June of 2016.  My older son was there with me.  At 4 p.m., the time the gathering was supposed to be over, my son signaled for us to leave.  Nobody had left, and I did not want to leave without saying a word.  Quietly, I talked to this sister because she seemed to know many at the gathering.  Unexpectedly, she insisted for me to stay.  She said she would ask someone to drive me home.  For her to say that to someone she just met, it showed how generous, loving and accepting she was of other people.  In later months, I learned she was intuitive and very open to the Divine.  I also came to know she was the niece of the master healer; the empathetic woman was her mother and the sister of the master healer.  (Re my post I asked to be a channel of healing to the others, and I was )

This sister had found out she had terminal cancer many years ago.  At the time of her passing, she had lived much longer than the doctors had predicted.  She never complained about her illness or the pain she went through.  She was always joyful and laughed easily.  She showered others with her love.  She was truly a blessing to those that had known her.  In fact, she was a blessing to the world for the way she had conducted herself.

In our Nov. gathering, we recalled her joyful, loving presence.  The master healer said she often called him before and after every treatment session in the hospital.  In her final days, he talked to her about lifting her consciousness (above the body or aside from the body?) so that she did not have to suffer from the physical pain.  She moved on in peace.  The teacher had talked about this before, but we could only listen for we were not there yet.  He himself had done that years ago, and the doctor could not understand how he did not feel pain without taking any medicine.  That night I did not stay behind as many did.  When I went to say goodbye, I was somewhat concerned because he looked tired and was thinner than before.  A realized one he was, the passing of our sister / his niece might still have an effect on him for they were close like a loving father and a daughter.

In August 2016, I booked a healing session with the master healer.  After assessing my health, he went on to look into the state of being of my husband.  Then we talked.  When we talked about judgment, he said people judged others from where they were at, and their view would change as they really came to know him or her.  As a black professor, many students at first thought he was a mean professor, but in time, they all changed their view about him.  From his voice, I could feel how deeply he cared about his students.  He was truly a professor with a huge heart.  He said, "I teach others all that I know, and I never keep anything to myself."  Indeed, he lived his words.  He shared with us his wisdom and what he knew about healing freely.

For over a year, he used his own money to fly to our state to lead us in our monthly meditation.  (The meditation was free for all.)  We were grateful beyond words.  In his loving, caring nature, some people were healed in his presence.  Although we knew he continued to guide us from the other side, but as humans, all of us felt the loss that we would not be in his physical presence again.

To the wonderful Teacher and Master Healer, thank you!

Love,
Q of D

*** One day at church, someone talked about hearing sound wave at night and called it a download from divine.  I did not know the truth.  It might be a download as that person said or a communication on anther level.  In my own experiences, sometimes the sound coincided with something that had happened or an event that would unfold in later days.  FYI, both of my ears normally heard the same sound of stillness as most people did when we were in bed.  When I heard (or felt) the sound wave, energy around my crown also vibrated.  However, I should point out that I usually did not hear the electronic sound wave on most of the occasions when the energy around my head suddenly vibrated strongly.

My Lesson of Discernment

Greetings!

There were 9 healers in the healing service.  Each healer stood behind a chair.  People in the congregation that wanted to receive healing began to fill those chairs.  A woman went to sit on a chair closest to the wall.  The woman healer behind that chair greeted her.  When the service started, the woman was surprised to see the woman healer rushed to work on another person instead of her.  A while later, the woman healer returned to work on her.

The woman healer did not conform to the formality of the healing service.   Her hand movement was unconventional, and at times she did not seem to know what she was doing.  At one point, she went to work on someone that another healer was working on.  Out of politeness, the other healer gracefully allowed her to work on the same person.  During the service, the woman healer worked on those that came to sit on the chair before her as well as others sitting in the congregation.  She was not supposed to do that.  She should work on those that came to sit on the chair or those that asked for healing.  When the service was winding down, people that came for healing returned to their seats, and some healers went back to sit among others in the congregation.  The pastor announced the service was over.  The woman healer was the only healer that still worked on someone who had come to sit on the chair a short while earlier.  Gradually, people left their seats to form the closing circle.  The woman healer tried to let the one that sat on the chair know the service was over.  However, that person continued to sit there as if in a blissful state, and did not know the service was over.

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After publishing my last post Divine Inspiration and Co-creation , I read my notebook of that time.

The above healing service took place two weeks after I read "So Send I You".  Yes, I was the woman healer.  It was the 4th time I took part in the quarterly healing service.  In many ways, I did not act any differently that Sunday from my previous participation.  For instance, in the healing service three months earlier, I was moved by the loving, healing energy to walk forward to send blessing and healing energy to the whole congregation.  I did not know a man was standing behind me wanting to sit on my chair.  After waiting for me for a while, he went to sit on another chair.  I only knew what happened some months later when I watched the DVD of that Sunday.  (Re the DVD mentioned in A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove )

In the same notebook, I also read about another incident.

Every Tuesday I joined the small circle of healing prayer service.  One Tuesday, I was late.  The service had begun.  As soon as I sat down, powerful healing energy moved me to work on someone.  Then I went back to my chair, but got up again to work on two more people.  My action totally disrupted the service.  That day we had a service none like the other.  Everyone was very quiet afterward.  I was quiet too.  I wanted to apologize or explain.  But, what could I say or how did I explain?  When the service was over, I stood up to leave.  A woman said, "I told others this morning that I had a severe headache for some days.  You must have heard about that.  That is why you work on my head.  But ... you haven't arrived yet when I talked about my headache."  Similar incidents happened on other occasions.  (Re My higher self and the human I in my healing experiences )  But, these incidents were nothing as serious as that of The Unexpected Incident.

Of course, the human I felt embarrassed in these awkward situations that I caused.  With my personality, I liked to stay on the side as an observer without drawing any attention.  Therefore, I found these situations quite challenging, yet part of me seemed to be unfazed or at peace with what happened.

From the way I acted, some saw me as rude or egoistic.  I did not see fault in others for judging me.  I understood because 'I am a human being too'.  We all formed an opinion in what we saw.

After The Unexpected Incident , a friend said I should never let any force control me.  When I did not go to church, a pastor called me.  The pastor sat in the front on the Sunday when the incident took place.  Therefore, he did not see what happened.  When I told him, he paused for quite a while.  He said most churches would not allow that to happen.  I said I understood, and that was why I stayed home until I knew what to do.  At the end of our conversation, the pastor said I could choose to sit there channeling healing energy without standing up or leaving my seat.  (The truth was that was how the divine worked through me most of the time.  I preferred to sit there without drawing any attention too.)  I did not say anything.  This brother had always been caring and supportive.  However, I felt there was no way for me to explain.  One might have to be in a similar state to understand how it was like to be surged with energy.  When I was moved to get out of my chair to work on others, the human I was surprised.  However, in faith and love, I knew to follow even though I had no idea why it happened.  (If you wanted to know why the healing energy lifted me off the chair to work on five people, please read the three posts that published after The Unexpected Incident .)

When I followed the guidance to sit among people, I never expected to be in these awkward situations.  The human I felt unsettled.  Meanwhile, I understood I should look at what happened with discernment.  Nothing was what it seemed on the surface.  (Re The Unfolding of A Test and We Are All Tools in the Divine Plan ) 

What did I get out of these unexpected happenings?  The Grace of God is always there.  When things continued to unfold, I often got to understand why this or that happened through other's confirmation.  Furthermore, no matter what happened or wherever I was, there were always some people that showed me unconditional love and support.  My heart was constantly filled with gratitude for the love of God that was expressed through my friends. 

When I read about the Tuesday prayer circle incident, it was past 1 am.  In my notebook, I wrote down the incident in detail.  I wrote about how embarrassed it was to sit down and get up again to work on another person;  when I thought it was over, I was guided to work on the third one.  I recalled how my action stunned everybody including me, and how silent everybody was afterward.  In hind sight, I felt the funny side of a life drama, and broke out laughing.  Luckily, my laughing did not wake up my loved ones for they were not light sleeper like me.

Love & Peace,
Q of D