The rest of the story about the drama of misunderstanding

Greetings!

After relating the message of cooperation in my last post, I signed off in a hurry.  I knew the story was incomplete, but I published it anyway.  (Re Cooperation and the human drama of misunderstanding )

Personally, I found it challenging to write about the misunderstanding because it involved the people I knew and loved.  (Click to view similar experiences as in The Unexpected Incident and The Gathering )  I wanted to share the lessons I learned, but in writing about the incidents, sometimes others might appear to have wronged me.  It was far from the truth for I did not go through any lesson that I had not asked for.  In our intricate interconnected relationships, We are all tools in the divine plans.

In the drama of misunderstanding, I understood others were going through their lessons while I was going through mine, and it was not about who was right or wrong.  Still, the human I was reluctant to write about this kind of experiences.  A dream I had years ago (See A Play on the Stage) came to my mind this morning.  I remembered the lighthearted mood in the dream as we walked out of the theater (i.e. after we finished living a physical life).  Indeed, whatever happened was but a scene I and others played on the stage of life.  It helped me to move beyond my reluctance which was but a form of fear.

Here was what happened after the misunderstanding.

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After contemplating over the message of cooperation, I decided I would continue to participate in the Tuesday healing prayer service.  It was my commitment to be of service, and I should not stop because of the misunderstanding.

• I would continue to center in love and hold the space for healing as we read the names of those who asked for prayers.  
• When the pastor asked if anyone wanted to receive healing, I would close my eyes so that the pastor would call other healers in the circle.  (Re my last post Cooperation and the human drama of misunderstanding)  
• I also prayed for an opportunity* to have a heart to heart talk with my brother and sister to clear the misunderstanding between us.  *Other than the pastors, two to three people (incl. me) were there on a regular basis.  Others joined us when they could, and some came to receive healing.  I prayed for an occasion where there would only be the pastors and me.

The brother was not there on the following Tuesday.  It was the November election day.  He always worked as a volunteer on election days.  The sister facilitated the service.  There were four of us to start the circle.

Half way into the service, some people walked into the chapel.  S (the wife of the founder of the Church) walked in with her friend.  Another woman who came once in a while walked behind them.  I could feel the energy was raised as the new circle was formed.  Later, the young man who was there the Tuesday before came.

Near the end of the service, the sister asked if anyone wanted healing.  S said she wanted to receive healing .  The sister rose to work on her.  With my eyes closed, I sent S my blessings.  On the few occasions that we met, she had always treated me with love and kindness.  I was grateful.

Suddenly, I heard the sister called my name.  I opened my eyes, and realized the woman who came with S also asked for healing.  (On that day, I was the only other healer.)  I went to work on her.  Powerful energy flowed into me.  I had to breathe deeply to keep up with the flow of the energy.  When the healing was completed, the woman said she had never experienced such powerful hands.  S said she knew I was the one with powerful healing hands.  I sighed in my heart, "Please, please don't use the word powerful!  I do not want any more misunderstanding."  Though I did not say it out, S, the intuitive spiritual teacher she was, must have sensed my emotions.  She asked how I was doing, and gave me a hug.  We talked for a short while.  Another friend also talked to me.

When I walked out of the chapel, I saw my friend** standing in the lobby.  (**She worked with me in healing workshops and was on the board of directors.)

The woman that I had worked on was now sitting on a chair in the lobby.  When she saw me, she immediately told my friend about the energy that came through my hands.  She said she had never experienced such powerful healing energy before. Her words triggered a deep sense of sadness within me.  I had never considered myself more powerful than anybody.  I became the cause of division when some thought that I did.  I said to my friend, "I come to unite. I do not come to divide. It may be I should not participate in the quarterly healing service anymore."  My friend was surprised at my words.  She asked if she should speak on my behalf during church meetings.  I said 'No'.  I rushed out of the church because tears were about to flow down my face.

I was emotional beyond my understanding.  Once outside of the church, I suddenly realized what happened (being misunderstood, being judged) must have triggered some deep emotions of lifetimes ago.  In my 2001 channeled reading, my guides and angels told me I had lived some lifetimes similar to another being.  I was judged, denied, or rejected by circles / families that said I did not belong; I had to prove myself or fight to get in.  With this realization, something seemed to lift off me.  My eyes were still wet, but the heaviness in my heart was gone.  I recalled it was a beautiful day.  In the loving sunlight, I walked towards the parking lot with a renewed sense of peace.   (As I wrote to here, I believed the powerful healing energy that came through that day was for my healing as well as for the woman.  For this, I gave my heartiest belated thanks to the Loving Divine.  In the truth of NOW, belated was but a matter of speech.)

I went to church on Sunday because we had a healing circle after service.  I was happy to see some of my friends who had participated in the healing workshops.  It was a good circle.  I did not go to the Tuesday prayer circle.  On the 11th and 12th of November, we had a storm.  Rain poured for two days, and the power went out.  For four days, our apartment had no electricity, and of course, no hot water.  I did not go to church for I could not take a shower.  The water was too cold.

I began making a scrapbook and filling a photo album for my younger son.  We lived in different states and hundreds of miles apart.  I wanted my son to have them so that he could show them to his family especially his children.  I took out all the photos, his school works that I had kept over the years, his awards and letters from his teachers, the newspapers and etc.  It was the first time I made a scrapbook.  I did not want to simply fill up the pages.  I selected every photo for the album and filled each page of the scrapbook with love.  When the power returned, I did not turn on the computer.  I continued working on the album and scrapbook.  On Nov. 23, I was very surprised to find that the ten years old computer had died.  (It was my younger son's computer. He used it during his college years.  When he moved to his own house, he let me have the computer.  At that time, he already told me it probably would not last long.)

On Dec. 1, I decided it was time to clear the misunderstanding.  I prayed before I went to the healing prayer service.  I prayed that I would be able to connect with my brother and sister on a heart to heart level.  I prayed that only words of Truth and Healing came through my mouth.  I asked the Divine to surround all of us in loving white light. When I started the car, it was 11:11 am (Angel Time!)

Seven of us were at the healing prayer service.  When the service was over, I told the circle I wanted to talk to the brother and the sister; others might leave, or they could stay if they wanted to.  To my surprise, all of them wanted to stay!  Everyone listened attentively while I talked.  When I finished, I saw tears in my brother's eyes.  We stood up and hugged.  Thank you, my brothers and sisters, for your grace of listening.

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With our human nature, we are bound to have conflicts and misunderstanding.  I believe all of us have misjudged / misunderstood others as well as have been misjudged / misunderstood.  We cannot expect everybody to know us or understand us because we have different personalities, temperament, backgrounds, and life experiences.  We look at others and situations from different standpoints.  Some people believe all misunderstanding can be solved through talking.  It may not necessary be.  Sometimes people hold onto their views no matter what others have to say.  People (we) will only change when they (we) are ready.

After learning many lessons the hard way, I know I am responsible for my actions and the state of my being (emotions).  In time of dramas, I learn to return to the core of my being where peace resides, and let love guide me in all that I do.

Have a nice night!

Peace,
Q of D

P. S.  Life was truly unpredictable.  If I knew we would move back to the state in July 2012, I might not have spent days and nights looking through boxes of old stuff to make the scrapbook and fill the photo album as a gift for my younger son.  Well, I was glad I did.

         For a whole year, I did not buy another computer.  I wrote down some of the things that happened in my life in notebooks.  I finally agreed to buy a new computer and subscribe to the Internet before Thanksgiving Day of 2010 because I wanted to video chat with my loved ones.  With my son and daughter-in-law's encouragement, I began writing my blog in 2011.  Now, I am connecting with you through this blog.  All is well in the Loving Divine.

COOPERATION and the human drama of misunderstanding

Greetings!

Frankly, I have no idea how to write this post even though I have promised to share with you the experience and the message. (Re my post The business card was but a prompt to share the message )

The message, like other golden rules of life or quotes of wisdom, was not new.  We heard these words of wisdom all the time, and found resonance in them.  Still, most of us found ourselves falling short of how we should conduct ourselves from time to time.  The experience was about a misunderstanding between people.  As with any misunderstanding, our human nature was often the cause of the situation.  I loved my brothers and sisters.  The human I did not want to write about it.  I wanted to skip the experience and go directly to the message.  However, without relating the experience, the words in the message, no matter how inspiring, were but liked grains of sand being thrown into the sea.  The message caused some stir, and then settled in our mind without making a noticeable difference in our life.

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When I moved to Y state in August 2007, I understood the move was very much in divine order.  (Re The Amazing Prophetic Dream of Moving )  However, I had no idea what to do or how my life would unfold.

One day, the teacher of healing who lived in another state called me.  She told me to go to a Unity Church to meet up with two visiting Unity Church ministers who had learned the healing art.  She thought the three of us could offer healing after service on that particular Sunday.  It did not happen because the ministers visited the church for their own reason.  While there, I met a mother and a daughter.  They were both mediums.  They told me to check out a small inter faith church, which they thought might be for me.  They were right.  I eventually called this small church my spiritual home, and it still is.  It was another experience of divine plan at work.  (Later that year, the teacher came to visit the big spiritual center in the city I lived.  She called me.  We met in a restaurant.  She encouraged me to work as a healer.)

During the first few Sundays at the small church, I left after the service was over.  I was not comfortable sitting among people that I did not know well.  Fortunately, My Big Moment of Embarrassment helped me to break the ice (formed by myself).  I was more at ease with my new friends after this hilarious incident.

On Jan. 6, 2008, a kind pastor told me to ask another pastor for the permission to participate in the quarterly healing service.  I was hesitant to do so.  I only learned a healing art in March 2007.  I might be a conduit since healing energy flowed into me when I sat among people.  However, I could not call myself a healer because I did not know much about healing.  Before I met the pastor of the quarterly healing service, I had planned to tell him it was alright to tell me that I was not qualified, but all that I planned to say turned out to be unnecessary.  (Re my post It is the not knowing that makes life intriguing )  I participated in the quarterly healing service for the first time at the end of that month.

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In Oct. 2008, I had a vivid dream.  I went to a holistic store for a free dream interpretation.  Months later, the store printed out its Feb. 2009 newsletter with me holding a healing workshop.  The manager had never talked to me about it.  (Re A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove)  I did not regard myself a healer.  How was I going to facilitate a workshop?  Part of me understood it was all meant to be.  I became ill because of stress, but was well the day before the workshop.  When it was over, I was very relieved.  I thought I would not hold another workshop.

Some months later, the friend that worked with me in the workshop urged me to consider holding another workshop at church.  She was on the board of directors, and a few people had expressed an interest in the healing art.  One of them was a friend I had come to know and respect.  This friend, a Reiki master, told me a couple of her friends (Reiki practitioners) who lived in another city would like to come to the workshop.  That was how the second workshop came into being, and so were the subsequent healing workshops.  The human I had not intended for these workshops to take place at all.

The second workshop was held in the church in Oct. 2009 on a Saturday and a Sunday.  On Sunday, we scheduled the workshop in the afternoon.  In the morning, most of us came for the service as usual.  It was the quarterly healing service.  The facilitating pastor did something different that day.  He did not ask the healers to go to the front of the chapel and give healing.  It might be he saw three pastors (healers) who used to participate in the service were not there.  Afterward, some people expressed their disappointment for they had wanted to receive healing.  I felt the service was fine.  I never thought we had to do things this way or that way.  Healing could occur anywhere, any time, or by attending service.  I enjoyed the continuous praying and singing.

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Two days later, I went to the healing prayer service as I did on most Tuesdays.  At that time, I had joined the prayer circle for almost two years.  We prayed for those who emailed the church or left slips in the chapel asking for prayers.  The pastor who facilitated the quarterly healing service was also the facilitator of this circle.  Another pastor, a sister, was always present.  When the brother could not come or was out of town, the sister took over the service.

When I arrived, the sister (i.e. the pastor) and a young man were already there.  The sister asked about the Sunday healing service.  The young man said he was disappointed because he had wanted to receive healing.  The sister said she could not come that Sunday because she did not feel well.  (She was a long time Reiki practitioner, and had always participated in the quarterly healing service.)  From the conversation, it was obvious she had heard what happened on Sunday.  She asked how I felt about the Sunday service.  I said it was fine.  I enjoyed the praying and singing.  Later, a few more people came.  Then the facilitating pastor arrived.  A short conversation that followed shocked me.

The sister said to the facilitating pastor, "Who were the healers on Sunday?  Of course, Q of D (i.e.me) was there, the powerful and one of the top leading healers in our church!"

In shock, I interjected, "What are you talking about?  I had never said I was powerful!"

The brother muttered a response to what the sister said.  His response shocked me.

It was then I realized there was this misunderstanding about me.  I closed my eyes.  I did not say anything because there were other people in the circle.

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When I was home, I thought about the possible cause of the misunderstanding.

The church videotaped all the Sunday services, and had told us that we could borrow the videos.  I participated in the quarterly healing service for the first time in Jan. 2008.  Since then, I was present during all the quarterly healing services.  It never occurred to me to borrow a video to see how I did during healing.  It was not important to me.  I was glad to be of service, nothing more nothing less.

Ten months later, I walked past a pastor*.  He was talking to a woman.  When he saw me, he told her I was a wonderful healer.  I immediately said I was not.  He was surprised that I had never watched the healing service videos.  (On most Sundays, he was the one who videotaped the service.)  He went to get me a video.  He said he named the video 'Golden Glow' because of the powerful energy that channeled through.  (Re my post  A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove .  All the healers channeled powerful healing energy that day.  The colors of the energy were vivid by my side because I stood by a white wall while the rest of the healers stood by a wall with colorful wallpaper. )  *The same pastor who suggested for me to ask for permission to participate in the quarterly healing service.

When I learned I had to facilitate a workshop in the store, I asked the pastor if I could use it for the workshop.  The kind pastor said yes.  With my quiet nature, I only talked briefly to a few (incl. the brother and sister in the prayer circle) about the story behind the workshop (i.e. my dream interpretation in the store that led to the workshop).  My friend who worked with me in the workshops was probably the only one who knew the truth about how all the workshops came into being.

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Many healing modalities had step by step instructions or systematic procedures.  The healing art I learned did not have specific instructions except an emphasis in the intention of service and the letting go of the ego.  Each practitioner moved differently because each one of us had a unique energy structure.  During my first participation in the church's healing service, a few people had formed an opinion of me because of my unconventional movements.  Therefore, I played the video of the quarterly healing service so that the participants at the workshop, seeing how I went about in healing, might be more at ease with their unique movements instead of feeling odd / uneasy.

In the workshop, I talked about we should not concern ourselves if the energy that flowed through us was green, blue, gold, purple, white, cold, warm, powerful or subtle.  (A few of my friends had confirmed they felt the flow of healing energy diminished once they placed their attention on how powerful the energy was.)  As a conduit, we held a pure intention of service, set aside our ego, placed our trust in love, and left the outcome to the Divine.  The Divine knew what the recipient needed the most at the time of the healing.

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The sister was always sweet and nice.  I told her I did not know much about healing.  She gave me some books on healing saying she did not need them anymore.  I was very grateful for her kindness.  When I learned I had to hold a workshop in the holistic store, I went to the brother and her.  I told them briefly about the story behind the workshop.  Both of them encouraged me.  The sister came to the workshop to show her love and support.  I was grateful for her support.  When I played the 'Golden Glow' video in the workshop, I did not know if it was the first time she saw it.  (Not many people borrowed the videos and watched them at home.  I believed most people at church including some pastors did not know about the 'Golden Glow' video.)

After the workshop, the sister and I talked.  She told me she had a lot on her mind that day.  She might not have listened to what I said about discernment during the workshop since her mind was full.

I loved and respected the brother who facilitated the healing and prayer service.  He was the pastor who showed up all the time on Sundays.  He enthusiastically joined in the singing, and encouraged others to participate actively.  He taught, participated, volunteered, and gave his best to the church.  He was a wonderful healer, teacher, speaker, poet, and author.  When I learned about the unexpected workshop in the store, I talked to him.  His words were calming and supportive.  He did not come to the workshop, but I knew the sister's presence in the workshop was representative of the circle.

Sometimes people asked for healing during the prayer service.  Knowing that I was inexperienced in healing, the brother (the facilitating pastor) often called my name so that I could practice.  I was grateful for the opportunities to serve.  As time went by, I sensed the disharmony in our circle for I had always been sensitive to people's feeling.  We used to meditate before the pastor asked if anybody wanted to receive healing.  I decided to continue sitting there with my eyes closed so that the brother would call the other healer (particularly the sister/pastor) in the circle to give healing.  I never meant any disrespect to the brother.

In retrospect, I understood why some people misunderstood me.  At church, I had always been honest about my inexperience in healing.  But there I was in Oct. 2009 holding another healing workshop.  It was easy to understand why some people assumed I had a bloated ego after the 'Golden Glow' video.  They did not know I agreed to hold the workshops out of love and respect for my friends and those that wanted to come.

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Would the misunderstanding be dissolved if I explained?  Should I let it go and move on as if it had never happened?  Since I was the cause of disharmony, should I stop participating in the quarterly healing service and prayer service?  How should I conduct myself at this time?  All of these came to my mind as I thought about the misunderstanding.

I decided to write down what had happened, and thought of what to do later.  I took out my journal.  I wrote down the date.  I noticed I had written down something on the back of the page***.  (***Whenever I read or heard something inspiring, I liked to pick up any notebook and write them down on the pages at the back.)  As I read what I had written down, I knew it was not a mere coincidence.

                                                          The Message

                   From Edgar Cayce's Soul Development by Kevin J. Todeschi

One of the greatest lessons facing all of humankind is "cooperation".  It is not about getting along and working together. 

It is a state of being that somehow sets aside personal agendas, beliefs, motives, and desires that enables an individual to become an agent of spirituality in the lives of others.

In other words, true cooperation is learning to work with God so that the Creator can work through you.

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I am going to sign off now.  Let all of us keep in mind what true cooperation is.  It is a state of being that somehow sets aside personal agendas . . .  True cooperation is learning to work with God so that the Creator can work through us.

Good night!  (Next post The rest of the story about the drama of misunderstanding )

Love,
Q of D

Joan is home

Greetings!

Our daughter-in-law's grandmother, Joan, moved on last week.  We went to the funeral home to see her one last time yesterday.

We were supposed to drive to a church for a service this morning.  However, we got lost on the way.  We asked a mail carrier for directions.  He told us to drive back on the road in the direction we came from.  He said we were probably six or seven blocks from the church.  We got back on the road, but could not find the church.  We saw a man outside of a house.  We asked him about the church.  He went into his house to ask his wife.  His wife came out.  She said the church was ten streets down. I called my son who told me the service had already started.  In other words, it was too late for us to go to the church.

We had left early for the church.  My husband wanted to go on the highway to get to the church.  I  printed out the directions.  The drive was smooth, but we had probably made a wrong turn after we got off the highway.  Our sons had bought me a GPS navigator a few months ago.  When I tried to use the GPS, it failed to locate the church.  It might be I should use the GPS more often so that I could be familiar with the function.  Anyway, what happened today was not any different from other things that happened in our life.  Sometimes our journey was smooth and easy.  At other times, we came upon one road block after another.  Though we wanted very much to be at the service, but we were peaceful on our way home.  Joan was always kind and considerate.  I knew she would look at us with an understanding smile if she saw what went on.

On May 20, my son called to let me know that Joan was admitted to the hospital.  She had been in and out of the hospital in the last two years.  She was 90 years old, and was in her last stage of life.  My loved ones knew I loved Joan, and wanted me to be mentally prepared that Joan might move on any day (or a couple of weeks).  I was no longer the old me. I did not look at death as I was years ago.

Within a week, Joan was released from the hospital.  It seemed she was determined to go.  She did not want to suffer anymore.  She refused to eat and drink.  Her family loved her.  They respected her choice.  They took turns to be by her side.

My older son never took this kind of situations well.  He wished everyone would live forever.  He wanted to visit Joan with me.  His sister-in-law (i.e. my daughter-in-law) told him that it was their culture that only the immediate family members should be by Joan's side on her last days.  I understood and accepted her words.

Months ago, my son and daughter-in-law had planned a birthday party* for their kids near the end of May.  (*Every year they held one birthday party for their children instead of three separate parties.  It was easier for themselves as well as more convenient for their relatives and friends.)  Despite of Joan's situation, they still had to get things ready for the party because they had sent out the invitations in April.  There was a little bit of concern because of Joan's condition.  However, in my heart, I was sure Joan would hang on until the party was over because of her considerate and loving nature.

The day before the party, our daughter-in-law asked us to watch the kids in their house so that she could get things ready for the party.  I was always amazed at how efficient she was in planning for parties.  Later, we sat down and talked for a little while.  Unlike my older son, she was more open to what happened in life because she had gone through the deaths of her mother, grandfather, and an uncle she loved.

My son and daughter-in-law always put lots of pictures of relatives and friends in their house.  On the night of the party, I saw two pictures of Joan's husband.  He looked kind and gentle.  In one picture, there was a flower on his head.  He had probably allowed his loved one to put it there and took the picture.  Mentally, I acknowledged him and said 'I know you must be by Joan's side now'.  During the following two nights, I prayed for Joan.  I imagined visiting Joan with the Ascended Ones, archangels, and angels.  The energy was exceptional.

On Tuesday, my son called me around 3 p.m.  He told me Joan had moved on during the night.  After 4 p.m. I left the house to go for a walk by the school.  "Joan, you are free!  You are home now!"  I said it as I raised my head toward the sky.  There on the sky right above the field of grass was a white circle with many huge angels formed by white clouds!  I was awed by what I saw.  I almost wanted to run home to grab my camera, but did not want to miss what was in front (or above) of me.  I walked around looking at the clouds.  I had never seen such a scene before.  The big circle of white clouds was above the field and did not cover other areas of the blue sky.  

On Sunday, Joan's sister said to me, "We (she and Joan) have lived a good life.  We have traveled to many places.  We have fun."  Joan's family had printed copies of a picture of Joan for people to take home.  On the picture, Joan smiles a beautiful girlish smile.  We are children of the Creator.  We are girls / boys at heart.  Don't we, Joan?

Nice meeting you, Joan.  Thank you for your warmth and kindness.

It has been a busy two weeks, I hope to finish the post I have promised in the next few days.

Peace,
Q of D

P.S.  This post was written on Monday June 8, 2015.

The business card was but a prompt to share the message

Greetings!

I cleaned up a drawer, saw a business card, and ended up writing my last post Who left many messages on her answering machine?

I observed sometimes our memories were fuzzy.  When we simply recalled something from memory, what we thought had happened could be distorted or incorrect in some ways.  For example, one day long time ago, my friends at work argued over the year of a big event.  I did not know the ages of my friends, but all of them said they had participated in the celebration of the event.  One said she was four years old when it happened.  She told the others the year, and another friend said she was wrong.  My friends came up with different years, and the disagreement went on.  I knew nothing about the celebration, but I was a stamp collector.  I listened for a while.  I decided to tell them the year on the stamps commemorating the event.  Still, the dispute went on.  I smiled and walked away.

Due to the touches of the Loving Divine, I began writing down some of the things that happened in my life about 15 years ago.  In the summer of 2008, I 'got' it from my guides that it was time to go through my journals.  As I went through some of my journals, I read dreams and incidents that I had forgotten.  I also realized I did not record a few important events in my life.  It might be I was busy in getting ready for the event.  I was exhausted, and did not write anything for some days.

When I began writing my blog in 2011, I was certainly glad that I had taken the time to write down some of my experiences.  Whenever I wanted to share an experience, I always went through my journal of that time to make sure I told the story as it was.

In order to write about Who left many messages on her answering machine?, I took out my journal too.  A day or two after I published the post, I continued reading some entries past the 2009 October workshop.  I read that I went through a human drama after the workshop.  I realized I had a far more important message to relate.  The woman's business card was but a prompt for me to share with you that significant message.

I will write about the experience in my next post.

Peace,
Q of D