A Hard Decision - Part Three

Greetings!

This was the dream I happened to read on June 18, 2018.  I had the dream on May 16, 2018.  In fact, that morning I had three dreams with one dream after another.

If you haven't read part one and two, please click to view A Hard Decision - Part One , A Hard Decision - Part Two )

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First dream -

A leader / ruler / emperor wanted to build a bridge that would last.

There were many counsels and officials around him.  They presented the emperor their views and ideas as how to build the bridge.

The me in the dream had a vision of a bridge built solidly on earth / land, yet it was not built over a river / sea / water.  When it was my turn to speak*, I said, "If you want to build a bridge that will last, you cannot simply employ anyone.  You have to choose those that are focused, and fully understand they are building a bridge that would last.  They have to learn every detail of the bridge such as how long the bridge is.  When people ask them, they must be able to relate the importance of the bridge as well as the details of the bridge.  They will work on the bridge with one mind and one intention that they are building a bridge that will last, an important task that requires their life devotion, that the bridge is their life work.  They must work on the bridge with that kind of dedication, and know that their work is important for the people."

*That was how it was written in my journal, but we were not really taking turns.

The ruler / emperor listened attentively.

Others continued to present their plans.

(This was a feel dream, i.e. no images.  In the dream, I seemed to be a young person.  It seemed many wanted the ruler to choose one particular young man to be the main adviser of the project.)

After the discussion, people surrounded the ruler wanting to know who the ruler had chosen.  The ruler walked to somewhere.  Some people asked that young man to walk closely behind the ruler.  At one point, the ruler turned, he pointed at me to signal I should be the one.  He said he agreed with my idea of the bridge.

In the dream, it seemed the chosen one would have guards protecting him or her from then onward.

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I woke up and recalled the dream clearly.  Since I am a female, I automatically assumed the me in the dream was a young female, but it might not necessary be for there was no image in the dream.  The bridge symbolized a bridge between people, and that was why it was not over a water body.  Then I drifted off to sleep.

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Second dream -

A few people were in a big room.  I walked in.  I walked past Matthew who stood at one corner of the room.  He looked at me and did not say anything.  I continued walking to another corner of the room.  I saw Samuel.  Samuel looked at me.  He also did not say anything.  I did not say anything too.  Samuel signaled for me to walk to a couch a distance away.

On the couch was the spiritual teacher.  He signaled for me to sit down.  He reached out for my hands.  Holding my hands, he said, "I want you to take over the mission."  I was shocked!  I said, "I could not!"  The teacher said, "It will happen in two months."  I did not understand what he meant.  I said I could not do that.  I said, "Samuel can lead the group, or Matthew, or . . ."  The teacher stopped me.  He said for me to lead the group.

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I woke up.  I thought "what an unthinkable dream!  How can I dream such a dream!"  This dream was really strange and beyond my mind!  In real life, my friends and I had always greeted one another.  I drifted off to sleep again.

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Last dream -

I dreamed I had a lot to study.  I packed (or picked) up a box full of notes, papers, and etc.  I thought I had to spend time to read the notes and get ready (for an exam. ? not sure get ready for what).  The thought in the dream was I must read them and know them.

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Then I got up.  These dreams were so beyond me that I did not write anything after writing them down.  I put five * * * * * on top of the page that recorded the second dream to show how unthinkable the dream was.

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I had completely forgotten about the dreams of May 16.

Reading the dreams on June 18, I had the same "unthinkable" and "impossible" feeling.  I had not gone to the April, May and June meetings.  I was at peace with my decision.  Why did I re-read the dreams now?

The first dream could be a past life dream.  In a reading some years ago, the channel saw pictures / visions about me.  In one of her visions was an ancient palace with soldiers lining up the road.  She said it was symbolic to I had an army protecting me.  She also saw a vision of an ancient temple.  She 'got' that these were two of my significant past lives that I drew strength from for my current lifetime.

To me, the second dream was impossible or would never happen.  I thought the teacher might not come to give discourses in the summer.  Many in the group had already attended his discourses early this year.  They had stayed with him for many weeks.  I did think Samuel and others were good to lead the group because they were one mind and one heart, which was important for any mission.

As for the third dream, my understanding was it had much to do with the second dream.  BUT, I really did not think the second dream would unfold.

I closed the notebook.  As much as I believed (or hoped) that these were but dreams, I could not fall asleep.

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On July 12, I received an email that the spiritual teacher was coming to give discourses later that month.  My assumption was wrong.  Though many had visited him earlier this year, it was on his schedule to come to USA to deliver discourses in the summer.

I was troubled as what to do.  I had made up my mind that it was better for the group to move forth without me.  My views were different from my friends.  I had not followed the teacher's instructions to read the books and surrender to the masters.  There was no way the teacher wanted me to lead the group.  As I said in the dream, I could not do that.

My dreams could not be true, I said to myself.  I had not been participating as actively as some did.  I seldom stayed behind, and did not say much during meetings.  There were others that came once in a while, and therefore, I did not find it necessary to email my friends of my decision.  In the past, I did not receive any email afterward as to why I did not go to the meetings.  I believed it would remain the same if I did not attend the discourses. 

At the time, I was more concerned about buying a car.  Other than going to nearby stores, we seldom went anywhere else in the last eight months because of the problems with the old car.  I spent lots of time on the Internet looking for an affordable good used car.

Be it that I am right or wrong, stubborn or weak, I share with you my experience 'as is', and shall continue to do so.  (Click to view The Last Part of A Hard Decision )


Love,
Q of D

A Hard Decision - Part Two

Greetings!

My friends read the books diligently and were totally into surrendering to the masters that had moved on many years ago.  They were one mind and one heart in the mission.  I decided it was better for them to move forth without me.  Centering in peace, I sent my friends love and blessings.  I thanked them for their warmth and kindness.  Mentally, I talked to the spiritual teacher as well as the two masters.  I loved and respected them.  However, I was not in the same mindset as the rest of the group.  Realized beings that they were, I trusted that they understood.  (Re A Hard Decision - Part One )

In life, we all had to make decisions every now and then.  It was not an easy decision, but I trusted All Is Well.  (Please view Making Decisions )

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Near the end of March, we learned the master healer had passed away.  Though he was in his 80 s, we did not expect this to happen.  (Re The Master Healer had stepped out of the physical world )

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As I had mentioned, I was not one that liked to ask questions.  It took me quite some time to realize almost all of my friends came from two different spiritual circles.  The majority of the group came from the same culture as the spiritual teacher.  The rest came from a circle that included the facilitator (host) of the June 2016 gathering and the master healer.  The master healer visited our state every now and then because he had close relatives and friends here.  His circle of friends had practiced spiritual truth together for over ten years.  The master healer only learned or was reminded of his role in the mission when he came to facilitate the healing workshop in August 2016.  It was quite an amazing story.  (Re I asked to be a channel of healing to the others, and I was and The Unveiling of A Divine Plan )

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When the spiritual teacher came, many people came to hear his discourses.  Some flew in from other states to be in the teacher's presence to receive his blessing, and returned to their states afterward.  After the teacher left, other than the regular devotees, some that lived locally came occasionally for the monthly meeting.  Some might not come again until next year's discourses.  The meeting was held in the first week of a month.  The teacher had asked Matthew, Samuel and two wonderful friends (female) from the master healer's group to host the meeting.  Due to my quiet nature, I seldom said anything during the 2-hour meeting, and was usually the first one to leave.  I knew many regular devotees stayed behind to learn / practice more until the early hours of the second day when the master healer was present.  I did not stay behind because I did not want any misunderstanding within my family.

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Since my mind was set, I did not go to the April, May and June meetings.  I was at peace with my decision until the night of June 18.  That night I happened to pick up one of my journals, and read about a dream that I had completely forgotten.

My loved ones rarely talked about dreams.  They said they did not remember any dream after they woke up.  There were days I could not recall any dream too.  Sometimes I remembered a dream, but did not take the time to write it down.  Later, I could not remember anything about the dream.  Occasionally, I woke up from unthinkable dreams.  I  remembered those dreams clearly, and was able to write them down in details.  

The dream I happened to read on the night of June 18 was such a dream.  I wrote it down in detail.  The dream was so inconceivable to my logical mind, and soon I forgot about it.  It might be, subconsciously, I just wanted to put it behind me.

I will share with you this particular dream in my next post.  (A Hard Decision - Part Three )

Have a good week!

Love,
Q of D

A Hard Decision - Part One

Greetings!

It is October.  It is time to get back to my blog.

I did not publish any post in September.  I wrote two posts in July and one post in August.  As it was in A Halt in Blogging , I again pondered what to do.  I understood 'nothing is personal in the loving divine', but, the human I still struggled to share my experience 'as is'.

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After the retreat in the summer of 2017, the spiritual teacher went back to his country.  Our group met once a month at night as we were after the 2016 discourses except this time around the master healer did not plan to join us regularly.  He said it was time for our group to move forward by ourselves.  It was understandable.  He had already flown to our state (using his own money) to be with us in our monthly meeting for a whole year.  He was in his 80 s, and had his own work / business to attend to in the state he lived in.

Before the spiritual teacher left, he suddenly said we would meet again soon.  At the time, I thought he meant he would come back next year (i.e. in the summer of 2018).  A month or two later, I received an email that the teacher had invited us (or those that could go) to attend his new year discourse in his country.  It was then I realized why he said we would meet again soon.  I did not go.  Many of my friends together with their families went on the trip near the end of 2017.  I had intended to see my friends before they left.  However, I did not go to the December meeting because my old car broke down the day before.

With the car problems, I did not want to drive at night.  I did not go to the Jan. and Feb. meetings.  Many in the group were still with the spiritual teacher and had not returned to USA.

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During that time, I read the book series once in a while.  The books were written by a disciple of the two masters that had moved on.  He recorded many events and conversations with one of the masters (one master had moved on) in great detail.  In the books were also his own spiritual and emotional journey during that time.  I did not feel the same resonance in reading the books as my friends did.  Eventually, I decided to stop reading the books.  Unlike how I felt some months ago, this time I was at peace with my choice.  (Re The Feeling of Separateness )

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In late February, I learned my friends had come back from their trip, and there was a meeting in early March.  Despite of the problems with the car, I decided to go to see my friends.

I was glad to see my friends.  Some were surprised and happy to see me too.  We watched the video of their trip.  Later, some shared their experiences about reading the books.  In the absence of a teacher, something seemed to be missing.  It might be none of us had the clarity to speak up here and there as the master healer did.

In the 2017 retreat, the spiritual teacher had emphasized that we as a group must surrender totally to the two masters that had moved on so that they could guide us from above.  It was said they were not just any other ascended masters, but super powerful universal beings that had reincarnated.  Most in the group had indeed followed through wholeheartedly, read the book series diligently and worshiped the gurus with all their hearts. 

During the gathering, I observed how one heart and one mind my friends were into worshiping the gurus.  Sitting there, I wondered what to do.  I had stopped reading the books.  Though I did not doubt the two masters were wonderful spiritual beings, but I had not come to a total surrender as my friends did.

In my post Gateway to Heaven, I wrote I loved Buddha as I loved Christ.  In other words, I held the view of equality.  I believed "in each one of us is the spark of God, and Truth resides within; we are of the same nature, and it was in divine order we have unique / different expressions."  In my heart, I loved many ascended masters as well as wonderful people I had met / heard of.  I might feel closer to some, but my love did not vary because some were portrayed as more powerful than others.  (Re The Dream that Inspired me to get back to my Blog )

It was because of this belief (or attitude), be it right or wrong, I could not surrender totally to the two masters (only) as my friends did.  I also felt resonance with these words that came from the masters (i.e. my guides, Master Kuthumi, and Quan Yin) through a well known channel some years back.  (Re Fall only into the divine emotion of love )

                      Stay in the center of yourself,
                      moving through with wisdom and courage
                      Standing in love,
                      listening to your intuition and psychic self,
                      and not those outside of yourself . . . .
                      Do not worship teachers outside of yourself
                      Seek wise counsel within self and listen,
                      and take faith in you know what you know . . . .
                      Let go of your human emotions of fear, anger . . . . 
                      Fall only into the divine emotion of Love, the Creative Force  

When the master healer was with us, we had discussions on different subjects.  Now my friends mainly talked about the books and their experiences of reading them.  Personally, I felt we could do more as a group.

In Is our thought a secret known only to ourselves?  I learned from my experiences that my thought might be known to others because intuition was (is) the language of the soul.  Therefore, I believed the spiritual teacher knew how I felt toward surrendering to the two masters.  I also understood that where I stood was known to the few that were close to the teacher from the way they looked at me.  As if to confirm that, this happened before I left the meeting.

I sat on a chair thinking if I would come again.  A distance away, Matthew was talking to someone that did not come regularly.  At one point, I sensed Matthew was looking in my direction.  Indeed, he was.  He said to that person, "Q of D (he mentioned my name) is higher than most of us.  If only she could let go of her judgment . . ." 

Since I stepped outside of my family, quite a few people had said things about me that I did not expect to hear.  "I am just like everybody else!"  That was how I saw myself as we were all equal and unique in nature. 

At home, I contemplated on what to do.  I saw how one heart and one mind my brothers and sisters were toward their mission of following the masters.  I did not want to be a divisive presence among them.  I decided it was better for the group to move forward without me.

I thought the spiritual teacher might not come in the summer since many in the group had gone to hear his discourses.  I was wrong.  And, it was the reason for my pause in my blogging.

Did I go to his discourses?

As the Queen of Dreams, what I finally chose to do had much to do with a dream.

I will continue to share with you my journey in my next post.

Love and Peace,
Q of D