A Look Back at my journey with my husband since 2003

Greetings!

In January 2003, my husband followed the pictures and instructions in the Chinese newspaper to learn a practice.  Soon he was addicted to the practice just as those people in China who were imprisoned again and again because they could not stop practicing.  (Re Part 5 - The background of my husband''s problem ) 

My husband had not read any spiritual book, and did not know the term automatic writing.  When he looked at what came through him in writing, he was in awe.  He believed the master was truly communicating with him.  It deepened his faith in the super power of the master.  He said the master taught him advanced moves and chose him to teach others.  He felt honored that the master had chosen him.  Despite of the fact that his source failed the test badly and had been proven wrong in later events, my husband never let go of his blind belief in a master he only read about in the newspaper.  (Re In time of darkness, light always shines through )

On May 26, 2005, I finally stepped outside of my family to socialize with other people.  I joined a spiritual circle that met every Thursday morning.  I was happy to sit among my friends who loved and supported me unconditionally.  Meanwhile, my husband was in a similar state as he was in 2003.  He did not look well at all, yet he himself believed he was in good health because of his practice.  He would not listen to what we said.  Seeing how he was, I could not help but worried.

One day when the circle was over, my worries finally pushed me to talk to a friend who had shown amazing psychic gifts.  Though I had been with the circle for a few months, I seldom spoke up, and of course, had not talked about my husband's problem.  I simply told my friend I was very worried about my husband, and wondered if he would be alright.  For a while, she seemed to take in the images she saw psychically.  She said my husband had not obtained the peace that I had, and that was why he grabbed onto something to maintain his peace.  She talked very fast to relate what she saw.  Her words were precise and accurate.  I did not ask more questions.  I thanked her and left.  My friend's words already helped me to look at my husband's problem from a new perspective.  My husband was bitter about life.  It was true he did not feel peace. 

A few days later, the owner of the center called me.  She gave me the friend's phone number, and asked me to call her.  She said the friend had been very worried about me.  It seemed the friend held a channeling session hoping for answers for me, and something dark / horrifying came through.  I called, but the friend did not say much.  She probably did not want me to worry. 

The following Thursday I drove to the center.  As I walked in, I saw a known on-site reader had come.  There were other healers and psychics too.  (The owner of the center and the teacher of the circle were exceptional psychics.)  Though the circle went on as usual, I could sense I was the reason they came.  They all looked at me with lots of love and compassion.  Finally, I decided to speak up.  I thanked them for their love.  I talked for quite a while about my husband and me.  I said I had learned no matter what happened - All Is Well.  I asked my friends not to worry about me.  My friends listened.  They said I should know that they were always there to love and support me no matter what would happen.  

I truly did not want my friends to worry.  In order to do so, I knew I must be the one to let go of my worry for my husband first.  Was it easy to do so?  No.  However, I understood each one of us was responsible for our own life, and my husband was responsible for how he lived his life.  I might hold the space for him, but understood no one could learn life lessons for another.

By the grace of the Divine, my husband got a call from the mother of a former boss.  The elderly woman and her son had treated my husband with respect when he worked for them.  The woman asked my husband to go to help her son-in-law who owned a restaurant in a city not too far away.  After selling the business, my husband had said he did not want to work anymore.  However, since the woman had treated him with respect, my husband promised to work there until her son-in-law found permanent help.  For some months, my husband could not spend all his time on the practice because he had to work.  It did not last long because my husband honestly told the son-in-law 'No' when he offered him the job.  However, the divine grace had helped.  During the time he worked, he regained some strength and looked healthier than before.  Afterward, he did go to help in restaurants during weekends once in a while when his friends really needed temporary help.

In August 2007, we moved to another state because our older son found a job there.  Before the move, I was at the circle for the last time.  I remembered that day clearly.  As usual, the teacher started the circle by saying something she got during her meditation.  It usually lasted for about 15 minutes.  (I assumed it was the case during my two years with the circle.  She never mentioned who the words were for.  In my experience, what she said could be for one or two of us.  Sometimes she said the message was for all of us.)  She said something like this one had blossomed into a beautiful flower, but would soon go through the darkest of night.  At the end, she said "Be Bold! Be Bold! Be Bold! Persevere! Persevere! Persevere!"  Sitting there, I was sure she was talking to me.  In my 2001 Dec. reading by an angel channel, the guidance also told me to be bold or there was boldness within me that needed to be expressed.  (The teacher had told me the city / state we moved to would be where I spent the last phase of my life.  I had to look into my journal if that was in the same message or a message a week earlier.)

The words "would go through the darkest of night" did not strike any fear in me.  At the time, I knew the move was very much in divine order.  (Re The prophetic dream of moving - story 1 )  Just as I had told my friends not to worry in 2005, I had my mind set the move would be good for all of us.  I was looking forward to a new beginning.

                                            ~       to be continued      ~

Next post 2007 The Year of Many Changes

 

Red River Valley, and I learn English as I write

Greetings!

This morning I woke up hearing four stanzas of musical notes over and over again.  I knew I could stop it by mentally repeating a mantra (any mantra).  I did not do that because I wanted to figure out if I knew the music.  The music went on and on.  Finally, I spoke into my phone "what song is this?"  It was Red River Valley.

   

As far as I could remember, this could be the third time I heard the music upon waking up.  I was not into country music.  When I heard the tune for the first time, I had to hum into the phone to find out the title.  I had never heard the song before.  I listened to it on YouTube, and soon put it behind me.  Some months later, I woke up to the music again.  I had no idea it was Red River Valley because I had completely forgotten about it.  I used the phone to find out the title.  I recognized the title.  I wondered why I heard the music for the second time.  I listened to different versions and singers singing the song.  The videos of the music did not draw any emotion or reaction from within.  I thought it might be I was sensitive in a way that when someone listened to music in the neighborhood or anywhere and I heard it too.  Of course, it could not explain the phenomenon or why it was like a broken record that kept repeating only certain musical stanzas.  However, that was the way to set things aside.   (Re Music in the Air  about this special phenomenon in my life) 

In life, we did not necessary have to understand everything.  Frankly, it was impossible to understand everything with our human mind.  Sometimes truth might be revealed in matters that puzzled us.  At other times, we might not get to know why this or that happened.  We had to learn to let go, and placed our trust in Life / Life Divine.

Anyway, later this morning, I listened to the music on YouTube.  On the screen were three singers.  The main singer smiled as he sang.  In fact, all of them were peaceful and joyful while singing.  This time around I suddenly felt somewhat sad, and tears filled my eyes.  It was an emotion I felt, but it was not necessary mine.  It might be I felt the sadness of the song - the sadness the man might feel knowing the girl he loved was about to leave.  As I listened, I thought of the time I had to leave the state where the small church was.  Everything happened all at once, and I had to leave in a hurry.  Other things also came to mind.  So there I was, allowing whatever thought or remembrance to come forward.  There was probably sadness within me that I needed to release too.       

In my experiences with the music in the air (or music I perceived), some of them had proven to be meaningful, interesting and at times incredible.  However, as with all of my experiences, sometimes I did not get to understand why things happened.  That might be the case with songs such as Red River Valley and Sukiyaki .  (Re Why did I wake up hearing a song about Japanese food? and Sukiyaki on Christmas morning )

In recent weeks and months, I felt stuck in writing.  I wanted to write about what happened on the day my husband died.  Then I thought I should write about other events that happened earlier first.  For example, about 2 weeks before his death, I was at a spiritual gathering.  The clairvoyant healer saw 5 spirit guides came to surround one participant.  She was moved to tears because she saw how much healing love and light the guides extended to that person.  Over my side, there were only 3 people (including me).  I kind of knew my guides had come because I was in a powerful field of energy.  I left without asking her to confirm.  I met the healer again a couple of months ago.  She confirmed it was me.  There was more to what happened that September day in 2021.  That was why I felt I should write about it.  As I wrote, I realized there were other events that were worth sharing.  Meanwhile, part of me wanted to move on and write about other things.  That was why I had a hard time of finishing a post.  

When I typed into Google 'I felt stuck in writing', I learned it was called 'writer's block' in English.  I had limited English vocabulary.  I learned English as I wrote.  For example, one day long ago I wanted to use the word character or personality, but I 'got' that I should use attribute.  When I looked into the dictionary, attribute was the right word.  Occasionally I stuck in writing because I did not know the word or the name of something.  Sometimes the right word, a word that I did not know, would came to my mind.  The truth was we were all much more than the physical humans we appeared to be.  As a human being, I paid attention to the little wonders and beauty in life.  I did not take things for granted.  In being so, I felt the joy of life.  At times I felt frustrated like everybody else.  However, I knew it was part of life, it would come to pass, and All Is Well.

I have decided what to share in my next post.  The small church is going to have a 3-Day gathering from morning to night.  I have signed up to join my brothers and sisters online.  I will begin writing the next post next week, and hope to finish it before the end of this month.

Many blessings,

Q of D

  

Taking a break from writing the seriousness of life

Greetings!

It is May 1, 2022!  I want to begin with some joyful laughs.

I opened a bag of potato chips.  With his back toward me, my son was on his computer sitting about 15 feet from where I was.

I asked my son, "Would you like some chips?"

He said, "No.  I don't eat chips."

In a jokeful mood, I said, "You don't want any chips!  Without chips, what are you going to do in a casino?"

He answered, "Mom, I don't want any."

I said, "You probably do not hear me clearly.  I said 'without chips, what are you going to do in a casino'.  I have hoped you would go with the flow and say something humorous."

After a pause, he said, "I don't need any more chips.  I have more than enough chips on my shoulder!"

That was a good one.  We both 😄 😄 😄.  

May your May be full of fun and joy!

Many blessings,

Q of D                                              

P. S.  We don't have any interest in gambling.