My dear brother had moved on

Greetings!

I have not published any post for many weeks.      

My dear brother passed away two and a half months ago.  In recent years, he had been hospitalized a couple of times because of a serious heart problem.  He did not die of covid-19.  In the place he lived in, the government and its people had taken the virus seriously from the very beginning.  They put in all the necessary steps such as contact tracing, lockdown where necessary, and everyone wore mask voluntarily.  Their past experience with the bird flu had probably prepared them for this new wave of virus.   As a result, though the place was densely populated, the number of deaths was minimal.

In the weeks following my brother's death, I worked on a post to remember and honor him.  I recalled many fond memories.

When we were young, my brother and I liked to play ping pong (table tennis) and Chinese chess.  We used a wooden plank as a tennis table.  When there was no school, sometimes we played these games on and off throughout the day.  My sister, brother and I were close in age.  However, my sister did not play ping pong or chess with us.  It might be she saw herself as the big sister, and / or she was interesting in other things.

My brother was much better than me in both table tennis and Chinese chess.  He won most of the time.  I did not mind losing because I truly enjoyed the games.  I always asked him to play 'one more match' when he wanted to stop playing chess.  Of course, I lost again.  I would say "please play one more match with me."  If I observed he intentionally let me win, I would get mad.  He realized that letting me win was not a way of getting out of playing chess with me.  I usually stopped after playing a few more matches because I understood he had already been very patient with me.  How boring it must be for him that he won all or most of the time!

When we were a little bit older (probably when I was around 9), we stopped playing ping pong and chess.  I spent more time hanging out with my classmates, while his interest shifted into reading books / magazines** in science and technology.  I recalled he made a movie projector.  He drew pictures on transparent plastic sheets, and projected 'his story / movie' onto the wall.   We (incl. a few kids in the neighborhood) were all amazed of 'his invention'.  (** In his early teens, he liked to walk to the streets where people sold junk that they collected from trash.  He often came home with some old magazines, books, and broken items.  I enjoyed reading the magazines of mysteries and detective stories that he brought home.  In time, I observed he did not read them, but continued to buy them.  I realized he bought them for me. 

When he graduated from secondary school, he found a job in an office.  (In our time, some young people had to work to support their family after a few years of elementary education, and most secondary school graduates looked for work right away.  My sister told me it was very different now.)  After a couple of months on the job, he saw an ad on the newspaper.  A big corporation was looking for computer programmer / trainee.  (At the time, we did not have computer class in secondary schools.)  The corporation preferred university graduates, but those that graduated from secondary school could apply; those that applied had to take an examination.  Hundreds of people went for the examination (over 700?).  Eight people were hired.  Seven of them were university graduates, and my brother was the only one that graduated from secondary school.

In the beginning at his job, my brother worked very hard.  Sometimes he came home past midnight.  Sometimes he came home for dinner, and then went back to work.  Our family liked to watch the prime time TV drama series at night.  One night, the TV show was over.  My brother walked in while we were having dinner.  He got some rice and joined up at the table.  As usual, he asked me to fill him in on the TV drama series.  I put down my bowl, and began to tell him the story.  When I was done telling the story, I was shocked to see almost every dish was empty.  My family also realized what had happened.  They felt very sorry.  My mother and brother said that I was such a good story teller that they were totally into listening to me as they ate, and forgot that I had not finished eating.  (Looking back, I must have been wholeheartedly into telling the story that I did not see what happened in front of me.)  Looking at the empty dishes, I found the whole thing very funny.  All of us ended up having a good laugh.  My mother went to the kitchen to make something new for me to eat.  It never happened again.

A few months later, the corporation sent my brother and another employee to an European country for three months.  It was his first time away from home.  During his stay, he visited France and might be a couple nearby countries.  When he returned home, we were nicely surprised he bought many gifts for each one of us.  He was generous by nature.  He helped his old classmates when they came to ask for help too.  

We were happy when he told us he had met the girl he loved.  As the only son, we understood he was kind of lonely.  My brother liked to keep things to himself.  He only let us know her name and that she had quite a few siblings.  Around that time, my brother joined a civic organization, a leadership group for successful young men.  One night, my brother came home in high spirit.  He told us he was elected the vice president of the civic organization, and would have a secretary (female) to work with him.  We were happy and proud of him.  He called his girlfriend about the good news, but her response was not what he had expected.  She asked him to leave the organization because she did not want him to look at another woman.  That night my brother spent hours on the phone trying to assure her.  We saw the problem, and my brother saw it too.  That night we saw his emotion ran from high high to low low.  For the days that followed, his girlfriend refused to see him.  Eventually, my brother resigned and left the civic organization.  For quite a while, he was sad, but was glad he still had her.       

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Many weeks I logged in to my blog, deleted part of what I wrote, rewrote some, and logged out.  It was not sadness that kept me from writing.  Of course, I felt sad that my brother had passed away.  However, the present me understood death was not the end, and I knew my brother was no longer suffering from physical illness.  I had a hard time of writing the post because the human I felt I should only write about the good memories and my brother's earthly success; I should not write about the above incident even though it was the precursor to the disconnection between my brother and us in later years.

After Ten Years Blogging , I still find it challenging to share my personal experiences.  It was easy to write about my own mistakes and shortcomings.  It was a different matter when a friend or a loved one was an important part of the experience.  The human I found it particularly challenging when what I shared might put her / him in a negative light.  At one point, I thought I would let go of writing the post, and moved onto sharing something else.

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Due to the pandemic, many spiritual groups met online instead of in person.  I joined several groups too.  I did not attend online meetings regularly.  I joined a meeting when the subject matter was new or of interest to me.   In a recent zoom meeting, a woman said she did not recall the name of the woman that shared with her a personal experience a couple of weeks ago.  She said what that woman said hit her (she pointed at her forehead) like electricity as if a light bulb suddenly lighted up, and helped her to look at her situation from a different perspective.  I did not expect to hear her validation of what I said.  If she or I did not join that particular meeting, I would not have heard what she said.  My guides and angels had said for me to teach and write.  I always felt I could not teach because my English was not good.  That was why I often listened, and only spoke up when I had to.  When I heard what the woman said, I suddenly realized it was in sharing my experiences that I taught.  What I learned from my experiences could help others just as other people's experiences had inspired / uplifted me. 

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Life's dramas are plenty.  It is easy for those that are not involved in that relationship or situation to judge that someone has made the wrong decision.  Good or bad (a matter of speech), our relationships, not just that of a man and a woman, are karmic.  Sometimes a person that is seemingly in the wrong may be going through an intense life lesson that he or she has yet to overcome through lifetimes.  Compassion, love and light (wisdom) may guide us through as we look at life's dramas with DISCERNMENT.

I shall continue to share my experiences with you as well as what I learn from them.

Many Blessings,
Q of D    

It is time to let go of my earthly perception of . . . . .

Greetings!

In my last post, I wrote about the healing session during which the healer from California worked on a woman that walked in looking very unwell.  The woman was radiant and looked like a different person after the healing was finished.  The healer who was known as the awaken one told the woman that others extreme negative view of her particularly that of an older male had formed like a hook at the back of her neck.  The woman confirmed what the healer said, and shared with us her story.  (Please click to view Everything Is Energy )

I was deeply touched by the woman's story.  I never realized one's strong negative thought could have such an impact on another person.

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A few days after I published Everything Is Energy, a relative called.  She talked about Rosie.  She was annoyed Rosie kept mailing her religious books even though she had asked her to stop.  Rosie also sent a lot of videos and messages by phone on a regular basis.  She said she no longer talked to Rosie, and had blocked her from other connections / communications.  Rosie thought that she was saving others by sharing (forcing) what she believed in onto others.  Her actions had alienated most of the relatives including her own loved ones.  Over the phone, we concluded Rosie probably would not change for the rest of her life.  (Other posts on Rosie Gateway to Heaven and He Who Dances On Wood )

In the morning of May 17, 2021, I had a dream.  The setting was light ***.  

*** In some of my dreams, I felt or saw things took place during nighttime.  There were structures such as shops, houses and people.  In some of my feel dreams (i.e. I only felt what went on), the background was not light, yet it was not necessary nighttime.  In a few of those dreams, I got the sense of suspense or mystery.  Sometimes I had dreams just as things happened in daytime.  Occasionally, I noted on my journal the setting was light.  The light was similar to broad daylight, but more toward something happening in the light / in another dimension.  I might sense I was in a place.  However, I did not get the same feeling of inside a structure or building or standing on a ground as that of living on earth.

In the dream, we drove on wide, wide highways to get to a gathering.  Soon we were already there.  As I entered, Rosie and her sister came out of the kitchen to greet me.  It seemed they were helping in the kitchen.  Rosie and her sister wore the same deeper green flowery down to ankle dresses, and covered their hair with white elastic cooking hats.  We were all smiles seeing one another.  Joyfully, we talked.

As mentioned above, I had the sense they walked out of the kitchen.  However, I did not really see anything inside the kitchen, and the place was in light.  In A Strange Dream and Dreams and Unfoldment in our life , the setting was similar.  I did not see the ground.

As I came out of the dream, I thought -

                      It is time to let go of my earthly perception of Rosie.

It was a liberating thought.  

As human beings, sometimes we easily formed an opinion / judgment of others be it positive or negative.  When we held someone in our negative view, it did not help that person.  In truth, it did not help anybody including ourselves.  

Let us look at it this way.  For examples, the father-in-law who held an extreme negative view against the woman / his son's wife - he might not have noticed that every time he talked about her or thought of her, he himself would be in an unpleasant / negative state of being.  I recalled I was with a friend when she got a call.  I walked a distance away so she could talk to her friend.  Before the call, my friend was in high energy.  After the call, her energy depleted.  She said she had just talked to a friend who was always very negative.  Every time they talked, she felt her energy drained.  I understood how she felt.  Years ago, I also had a similar experience.  I felt exhausted after talking to a friend over the phone.  I put down the phone and said, "I would not answer her call again!"  Right then, I 'got' that I was supposed to listen with discernment, and should continue to talk to her.  The friend continued to call every now and then.  As I centered in peace, I did not feel my energy depleted again.

The truth was most of us were affected to a certain degree of what we held in our mind or when we had a conversation with others.  It was worth to observe our state of being closely.  Why were we upset?  When were we happy?  Could we be happy no matter what*?  (* "You could be happy no matter what" was the best guidance from my spirit guide during the restaurant years.  I had written about the experience in one of my posts, but did not know which post.  If you have time, please click to view A Play on the Stage of Life )

This day I let go of my earthly perception of Rosie.  Rosie may or may not let go of her concept of hell.  It is her journey of discovery.  Each one of us is responsible for our own life.  In Grace, may all of us remember the truth that we are.

Love and Truth,

Q of D

   

    

Everything Is Energy

Greetings!

When I was with the Thursday Circle, most of my friends joyfully shared the images they saw and their interpretations after meditation / psychic practice.  It was a joy to sit there and listened to what my friends said.  As for me, I could not get into a meditative state, and all I saw was darkness when I closed my eyes.  The teacher had said we did not have to share anything if we did not want to.  In the beginning weeks / months, I did not say much.  If asked, I said I did not see or get anything.  

During group discussions (e.g. someone asked for advice as how to handle a challenge in life), I enjoyed listening to the teacher and my friends' talk.  Their words were always loving, gentle and wise.  I seldom felt the need to say anything.  Once in a long while, I might feel that I had something to say.  Then I thought my friends had already given similar advice or what I wanted to say was not important.  Besides, I was self conscious that my English was not good.  Therefore I did not speak up.  Sometimes I found myself rushing to the washroom to cough when I decided not to speak up.

Looking back, the teacher of the circle was truly an exceptional spiritual teacher and psychic.  She allowed me to take my time to warm up to the new environment or my new friends.  As my friends took turns to share, sometimes she knew to let me skip my turn, and did not call my name.  However, occasionally in the middle of a discussion, she would suddenly look at me.  With anticipation in her eyes and voice, she said, "Yes! Q of D, you have something to share?"  I was surprised!  I said, "What? Me!"  She continued to look at me with anticipation, and said, "Yes, you have something to share, don't you?"  It was because of her prompting, I was gradually more at ease to speak.

I was very grateful for the love and encouragement of the owner of the center too.  Many times she came to me after I said something during the circle.  She would hold my hands and said, "You are wonderful!  Your words are so profound."  What I said were only simple words from my heart, but the truthfulness in her voice moved me.  (Please click to view You Are My Sunshine )     

One day, I shared a personal experience.  Everybody cried.  It bothered me.  The teacher seemed to read my mind, and explained she cried because my words reached her heart.  That evening I happened to read an article on the Chinese newspaper about a musician that played the erhu.  She said many in the audience cried whenever she played the music 'Spring'.  She found it puzzling because 'Spring' expressed the joy of the season that everything began anew again.  Eventually, she began to ask those who stayed behind what they felt as they listened to the music.  It seemed people cried for many different reasons.  

• Some relived the happy memories which they had long forgotten.  
• Some recalled the unhappy times of their lives.  
• Some said they just felt very emotional as they listened to the music.  
• Others said something in the music went deep inside their hearts, and tears began to flow.  

Many of them were surprised to hear the title of the music was "Spring".  Despite of the difference of emotions while listening to the music, all of them found a renewed sense of joy after they cried.  

She had been performing for years, and still saw the same phenomenon in her concert.  She said everything was energy, and concluded people cried because something in the sound (or the vibration) of the music she played went somewhere deep inside their hearts or souls.  (Re my post My experience as a channel of spiritual healing energy )

The musician's conclusion corroborated with the teacher's words.  I was more at peace with what happened that day during the circle.  Though what I said might not be of healing, I thought I must have connected with my friends in some way.

On another day, I said something during a discussion.  Right after I spoke, a man asked others if they felt the electricity in my voice.  I wondered what he meant by electricity, but did not say anything.  (I had forgotten everything was energy.)  

One day after the gathering was over, I was on my way out of the center.  I heard a friend asked the teacher a question.   Other people had left.  The teacher and a man whom the teacher introduced as a workshop facilitator were there talking to the friend.  Before I left, I thought of something.  I turned and said what had come to my mind.  The three of them exclaimed at the same time, "That is what I need to hear today!"  I stood there in shock.  How could what I said be for all of them?  Seeing the expression on my face, the teacher tried to explain - they had different things in their mind that they wanted answers, and each 'got' what was needed from the vibration of my voice / words.  (I could not recall the exact words.)  The man asked, "Can you tell me your name again?"  I walked out of the center still wondering what had happened.

One Friday morning, a healer from California was in our center to facilitate healing.

He was known as the Awaken One, i.e. he knew the cause of one's illness by looking into one's present and past.  He had held a workshop on Thursday night, and our small center was filled with people.  Since most people had to work during daytime, there were about ten of us that Friday morning.  As the healer was about to begin, a woman rushed in.  I had never seen her before.  She did not look well at all.  Her face was very pale.  She looked nervous and kept looking downward.  

The healer began giving healing by asking the one sitting to his right what she wanted to receive.  Afterward, he asked the next one the same question and worked on her.  When it was my turn, I could feel energy working on me for quite a while, and the energy was powerful.  Throughout the healing, he remained sitting on his chair, and did not walk to work on anybody.  

When it was the woman's turn, she seemed to go through a deep healing process.  At one point, the healer asked if any one of us had learned healing.  (I recalled this event from memory because it would take too much time to look through my journals.  I believed a few had raised their hands.  At the time, I had not learned any healing modality.)  He asked one of them to hold the woman's feet to ground her energy.  He worked on this woman for a long time.  Right in front of our eyes, we saw her transformation.  The color returned to her face.  As she came out of the healing, she raised her head.  She looked very different from the time she walked in.  Her face was radiant!  The healer said to her that other people's strong negative view against her particularly that of an older male had formed like a hook on the back of her neck; that was why she felt pain and could not raise her head.  The woman confirmed what the healer said.  She fell in love with a man whose family was wealthy.  The man's side of family looked down on her especially her father-in-law.  Eventually, she could not stand the stress of her marriage, and asked for a divorce.  She thought she would feel better after the divorce.  However, she continued to feel very sick, and her visits to the doctors did not help.  

The woman's life story touched me deeply.  If I had not witnessed the woman's healing, I never thought one's strong negative view could have such an impact on another person.  

As human beings, most of us might not pay much attention to our thought and the words we spoke.  When the man said he felt the electricity in my words, the human I wondered what it meant.  The truth was the word / sound that came out of our mouth was energy, and each one of us might express a different tone / frequency / vibration.  Everything is energy.  Sometimes it was not a coincidence that someone called or came as we kept thinking about him or her.  

Other than the circle on Thursday mornings, I seldom went to any class or event at the center.  I was glad I was there to witness the woman's healing that Friday morning.  I could not imagine how painful it had been for her to bear that invisible hook at the back of her neck.  

                                           

May we remember everything is energy.  Be kind and be gentle not only to others, but to ourselves too.

Many blessings,

Q of D