We don't judge you. You judge yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Greetings!

One day years ago, I lost my cool and reacted to a situation.  Afterwards, I was troubled by how I had acted.  In my mind, I kept going over what had happened, and how I should have conducted myself.  I criticized myself, and mentally said, "Sorry, teachers and angels, I must have disappointed you."  Then I 'heard'

       "We don't judge you.  You judge yourself.  Don't be too hard on yourself."

Indeed, over the years, I learn my guides and angels are just here to help me learn my lessons.  If I haven't learned a lesson, they bring the lesson again.  They are always patient and loving.  I also learn to be gentle and compassionate towards myself as well as others.  Below is another story that helps me see from another angle of truth.

A dear one suddenly acted distant and angry.  I sensed he was not happy.  He had always kept things to himself.  I tried to be patient.  As this went on for a couple of days, I concluded from his angry words that he was angry at me.  One morning while taking a shower, I could not help but thought I had failed even though I had tried my best to love him.  Then I 'heard'

                                     He is not angry at you

                                     He is angry at himself

                                     He just expresses his anger to you,         

                                     but he is not angry towards you

Coincidentally, he called and apologized to me later that morning.  He told me what had been bothering him.  It was true he was angry at himself.

Some may say, "How can we look at those that express their anger towards us with love and compassion?"  Have you ever been filled with anger, jealousy, hatred, or resentment before?  It doesn't feel good, isn't it?  When one is blinded by anger, he is the first one to suffer from the fire of his own wrath.  Life is not about who is right or wrong.  We are all connected.  To look at others with love and compassion does not mean we condone what they do.  It means we do not judge them, and understand they are going through their lessons of life.  Sometimes we just have to let go and do not take whatever happens personally.

It is important for us to pay attention to our thoughts or in other words to live consciously.  The sooner we observe unwholesome thoughts rise in our mind and replace them with positive thoughts, the merrier our life will be.

Many blessings,
Q of D

Will there be war forever?

Greetings!

Reading through my old notebooks, I found that I had asked a question on war and I would like to share with you.

"As you know (i.e. my guides and angels), I have been praying for world peace.  I do know throughout history wars and struggle for dominance have been going on forever.  As people are becoming more aware spiritually, will we one day be able to eliminate war and settle things rationally and lovingly?"

"Good question.  Will there be war forever?  That's why it is important for you to pray. You may think your effort is just 'one'.  However, there is only one 'Universal Mind', and what you think affect the rest.  What more of you (same mind or thinking) desire (peace) will have a greater influence than you can believe.  Never, never think what one can do or you can do is minimal.  Do continue to pray - your prayers are heard."  (2/14/2003)

I would like to leave you with these quotes.

"We are what we think.  All that we are, arises with our thoughts.  With our thoughts, we make the world".............Buddha

"Mind is the builder".............Edgar Cayce

"Mind is the master power that molds and makes,
     And we are Mind, and evermore we take
 The tool of thought, and shaping what we will,
      Bring forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills.
 We think in secret, and it comes to pass -
      Our world is but our looking glass                

........'As a Man Thinketh' by James Allen revised by Marc Allen

Peace,
Q of D

The Grace of God

Greetings!

Imagine all of a sudden you are hit with a serious illness.  You have no health insurance and little money.  The rest of your family is already under a thick cloud of stress.  You don't want to alarm them and add to their misery.  All you can do is pray. Somehow, you are given a date or you think you are told of a date.  You believe the date is the day you will be healed.  For days and nights, you go through excruciating pain.  You hold onto the faith that you will be healed on the fourth day.  That day comes and goes.  At night, the clock strikes twelve and you are not healed . . . . . . .

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

On May 2, 2001, we were going to pick up our older son after we closed up the restaurant.  Before we went, I was alone in the dining room.  Suddenly, I felt a sharp, brief pain on my upper right arm as if I was pricked by a needle.  The pain was gone as soon as I experienced it.  I went into the kitchen to tell my husband.  As usual, he listened and did not respond.  It was a 70 miles drive to our son's campus (or 140 miles round trip).  The school year was over.  Our son would be home for the summer, and would begin his summer job in a store in a week or two.  When we were home, it was past 12:30 a.m. (May 3, 2001).  Knowing that our son was hungry, we made some food.  Somehow, I felt extremely exhausted.  I excused myself and went straight to bed leaving the father and son downstairs eating the food.

I woke up during the night to use the bathroom (probably around two something).  I was horrified to find the right side of my body in intense pain.  A slight movement would cause me so much pain that I almost screamed.  The bathroom was just a few steps away, but it took me quite some time to drag myself back into the bedroom.  I did not want to wake my family up.  They needed the sleep.   Everyone in the family was already in a lot of stress.  I tried to lie down, but any movement that involved the right side of the body caused me tremendous pain.  I sat through the night.

In the morning, I told my son that he had to go and help his father in the restaurant.  I would have given him some days off if I could since he just came back from college.  I told my husband to put the iron board in the bedroom so that I could lean on it to go to the bathroom.  I also asked him to burn some incense and place them on the dresser in front of the mirror.

After they left, I prayed with all my heart and soul.  "God, I don't know why this is happening.  God, you know we don't have health insurance and we don't have money.  I am very grateful you have blessed us with two good sons.  Life has been very difficult, but I am grateful for this life experience for I know you are with me.  Our son will begin his summer job soon, and my husband cannot take care of the restaurant business by himself.  God, please heal me."  Then I received a message.

           "It is by the Grace of God this is happening now" and the date "May 6".

I thought May 6 was the day I would be healed.  I said, "God, I accept this experience. However, please let the pain be bearable.  My husband already has more than he can take.  I don't want him to worry about me.  Please bless him so that he continues to sleep well during the night.  Please bless our sons.  With school and work supporting themselves as well as the restaurant, they already go through a lot.  Thank you, God."

The pain was excruciating.  At night, I had to sit very still.  If I dozed off, a sharp pain would wake me up because my body moved.  On Friday, I felt even worse.  The right side of my body was burning and hurting from head to toe as if thousands of needles were inside.  In addition, I had a terrible headache.  On Saturday May 5, I finally agreed to see a doctor for the pain and headache were unbearable.  We found a doctor from the ad on the newspaper.  Over the phone, we learned the fee for an office visit was very affordable.  On arrival, we saw that it was nothing like a regular doctor's office.  The doctor said I could regain the use of my right hand in a few months, and it would take six months for a full recovery.  I did not and could not believe in what he said.  At home, I threw away the bottle of painkillers.  Hope against hope, I held onto the faith that I would be healed the next day (May 6).

On May 6, the excruciating pain remained and there was not a bit of relief.  Before midnight, my sons walked into my bedroom to say good night.  They asked how I felt.  I had not told my family about the message.  They did not know my hope was dashed.  I could not utter a word.  I signaled for them to go to bed.  As they were leaving, my younger son suddenly said with excitement in his voice, "Mom, I smell the fragrance near the dresser!"  I was deep in my pain and disappointment.  I could not respond to his excitement.

There I sat.  May 6 was over.  However, I did not have the time to dwell on if I had indeed received the message because the pain was continuous and excruciating.  All I could do was said it in my heart over and over again, "God, please heal me.  God, please heal me."  In the four days and nights, I had repeated it countless times.  In many ways, it was this chanting for help that gave me some relief or distraction from the pain.  Around two something, I dragged myself to the bathroom.  When I came back, I smelt the fragrance.  I sat on the bed.  I heard a soft 'pop' sound above my head.  It was like the sound of blowing at a candle on a birthday cake.  Something similar to a low current of electricity entered the top of my head, went down my whole body, and came out of my feet.  All my pain disappeared.  I dropped to bed and slept for the first time since May 3.

In the morning of May 7, I woke up feeling much better.  The pain was gone, and the right side of my body was back to normal.  I realized May 6 was in truth the last day of the ordeal.  My son insisted that I stayed home to rest some more.  On May 9, I resumed working in the restaurant by myself.  I wanted my son to have some time hanging out with his friends before he began his summer job.

Indeed, it was the Grace of God that I went through this ordeal during that time.  Our sons attended different universities.  They did not have a car.  Our family of four relied on one old car.  Our younger son could not help his father if I got sick earlier because he began his summer job at the university in the last week of April.  It was truly the Grace of God it happened right after we brought our older son home so that he could help his father in the restaurant.  Furthermore, since I was healed, I was able to drive him to and from work when he began his summer job.

In the days that followed, I smiled a lot.  My heart was filled with gratitude and the love of God.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

In my family, our younger son was the only one I shared with some of my spiritual experiences.  My husband and our older son were not interested in hearing anything mystical or spiritual.  I had told my younger son I felt a wonderful presence around me from time to time.  Whenever it happened, I smelt the fragrance.  On a few occasions, my younger son smelt the fragrance too.  That was why he excitedly told me about the fragrance near the dresser.  Looking back, there seemed to be a timing element in the whole ordeal.  The being or angel was obviously there before midnight, but I wasn't healed until I went through the pain experience for four days and nights (from the time I found myself in pain to the time I was healed).

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about the difference of personalities in a family.

On the surface, my husband and our older son are not that open to spirituality.  It may not necessary be so.  I have heard some people express their frustration over their loved one's unwillingness to evolve spiritually.  However, I have come to understand each one of us comes into a lifetime with different plans setting out to learn different lessons.  No one can learn a lesson for another.  We take on different personalities in order to play the roles we choose,  but we are neither our personalities nor the roles we play.  In truth, nobody is what he or she appears to be, and nobody is inferior or superior to another.  Our family members may be there to create lessons for us to learn (such as lessons of acceptance, non-judgment), and so are our presence in their life.

                                           ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Life is like taking a ride on the rise and ebb of the sea.  Over the years, I have learned that in every turbulent ride of the tidal wave, there is the Grace of God.  Sometimes we may fail to see grace as we go through the turbulence or dramas of life.  It may be because the healing or outcome does not happen as we wish.  However, in gratitude and love, we know the Grace of God or the opportunity to experience the Love of God is ever-present.

Peace and Love,
Q of D

LOVE IS and is not bound by time, space or distance

Greetings!

Last Sunday Rev. L  was the speaker at our church.  She is a spiritual teacher, Medicine Wheel healer, spiritual artist and a spiritual dance leader for Beautiful Painted Arrow.  She is very attuned to the Divine, and one of the most loving spiritual sisters I have met.

Every time she came, our small church would be filled because of her presence.  Many people followed her wherever she went.  The last time she came was over a year ago. That afternoon I took a step outside of my comfort zone* to join her medicine wheel healing service which was held in a house not far from where I live.  (*I was not comfortable socializing and driving where I had never been.)  I went there with the intention of honoring her for all the good she was/is and all the good she had done.  It was a beautiful service.  When it was over, I went to thank her.  However, I never voiced my intention of why I was there. (Please click to view A simple, lighthearted story of the Touch of God')

So we had not seen each other for over a year.  When the service was over, many went to talk to her.  I chatted with my friends.  I also made sure I would go to her to show my love and respect before she left. When we finally stood before each other, we smiled.  She said: "Every time I come, I look for your face. I am always glad to see you."  I told her I was always glad to see her too.  How heart warming it was to hear her beautiful, sweet voice.  She then looked into my eyes and said: "You know, I honor you the same way you honor me.  Thank you."  I looked into her eyes and said: "Thank you."  We embraced each other.  She asked me how to say 'thank you' in Chinese, and she taught me how to say it in her language.  Then we embraced each other again in the language we had just learned.

I honor her again with this post.

Now take a minute to think of those you love.  Those who have moved on and those who are still here.  Send them love NOW. Love Is and is not bound by time, space or distance.  Let love flow in your heart and fill you.  NOW project your love to the whole world and Mother Earth.

Thank you!

Many blessings,
Q of D

Life Is A Wowing Experience!

Greetings!

What comes to your mind when you see somebody who is quite obese?

Before you continue to read this post, I would like to ask you to think about this question for a minute.  Please let yourself be honest with whatever response that comes to you mind.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Last Sunday, we had a wonderful speaker who was a known spiritual teacher, healer, psychic and author.  She was also a minister at another church.  Through sharing with us an extraordinary story, she delivered a profound message.

She said her friend had stomach problem.  Her friend was obese.  The doctor misdiagnosed her illness.  She was told only much later that she had a rare form of cancer.  For weeks, the speaker, other healers and ministers prayed for her.  One morning recently, the speaker was informed her friend had moved on an hour ago.  As a minister, she spontaneously thought of helping her friend in the transitional process.

She sat on the stairs, centered in love, and thought of her friend lovingly.  Then her friend, a bright, bright light, appeared.  Her friend was jubilant!  She told the minister that she had wanted to live in a body of obesity.  Her life as an obese woman had nothing to do with karma.  She was finally able to take on such a body in this lifetime because of the many lifetimes she had lived.  She was jubilant for her life was an accomplishment.  Despite of her physical appearance, she had lived a good life.  She had done her job well.  She had loved and was loved.  She asked the minister to pass on the message that "life is a wowing experience!"

"Life is a Wowing Experience!"  What a profound message!  I know some people expect to hear "interesting" stories with "good endings".  We are awed by miracles and healing.  When healing happens, we thank God.  When miracles do not happen, we are disappointed.  In this story, the woman is not miraculously healed as many want to hear.  It is easy to judge people and situations base on our human standard since we do not see the big picture.  A long, easy, and wealthy life is what most people long for and consider as a good life.  In truth, such a life may not necessary mean much if we have not treated another with kindness and learned the lessons we set out to learn (e.g. forgiveness, acceptance of self or others, overcoming fears and limitations).

I have seen light of wisdom in the eyes of some who appear to be very ordinary or even deformed in the view of man.  We must learn not to judge others base on the appearance.  Some of us, women especially, sometimes easily feel sorry or sad for others because of what we see.  However, we don't  necessary have to feel that way because what we view as "sad" may not be the case such as our sister who chose to take on an obese body.

Look at others with love.  Acknowledge the light within others is of the same source as we are.  Live with love, vigor, and passion.  How wonderful it is to say "Wow, what a life!" at the end of our time on earth as our sister did!

Many blessings,
Q of D
  
P.S.  My spirit guide had told me that any challenge, difficulty (physical or situation), or adversity we faced was never meant to be a punishment, but an experience we chose to go through / a lesson we wanted to learn.

Before 11/11/11 and after 11/11/11

Greetings!

For the last couple of days, I have been struggling to write about an experience.  It is about my last post Let us join as one on this day11/11/11.  We all have this feeling sometimes - we feel we want to do something or go somewhere yet we are not exactly sure why we feel that way.  It is the case when I start to write this post.  I do not understand why I feel it is important for me to write about what happen before and after the 11/11/11 post.  This morning I finally understand why.

Below are the events that led up to the writing of Let us join as one on this day 11/11/11

                                            ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~

One Sunday after service, a friend talked about an incredible story of a woman who saved her son's life after he was drowned.  I could not hear the story clearly for many people were chatting in small groups.  My friend said we could visit the website "Fire the Grid" and learn more about the story.  At home I forgot about it.  I did not visit the website.

A week before 11/11/11, this friend emailed me and others about the importance of that day.  She asked us to come together as a group.  She briefly listed the information from "Fire the Grid", and what to do on that day - meditate, pray, hold positive thoughts, do things that give us joy or write on a piece of paper about what give us joy.  Again, she said for us to visit the website for more information.  I emailed her back that I would do as she said.  I also told her ever since I came to know my angels about 11 years ago, 111 and 1111 had been very significant in my life.  I had set Nov. 11 as Angels Day.  I told her during my recent trip to see my loved one, the license plate on our rental car was 1111 and I had two other 1111 coincidences.  I loved and respected this friend.  I found the brief information she passed along was enough, and I did not go online for more information.  

On Nov. 9, the friend asked us to join her at church at 6:11 a.m. on Friday (=11/11/11 GMT 11:11 a.m.) for a one-hour meditation to fire the grid.  However, I got a cold two nights earlier and started to cough on Thursday.  On Thurs. I began to write a draft about what gave me joy.  I kept going back to the joy I had back in 2001 & 2003 - visioning children of all races walking hand in hand and loving one another.  As I was writing the draft, I 'heard' strong electronic sound wave (not ringing in the ear) and felt powerful energy on top of my head.  The energy above my head was not unusual, but to hear the electronic sound wave during daytime was.  I used to hear it only in the stillness of the night.  I did not finish the draft for I could not put the words together.  Before I went to bed, I set the alarm at 5:30 a.m.  I still wanted to go to church and join my friends.

I woke up at 5 a.m.  I had coughed throughout the night.  I knew I should not go to join my friends at church.  I decided to join in spirit at that particular powerful time by finishing the post.  I was in joy and bliss when I finished writing Let us join as one on this day11/11/11 .  I clicked "Publish Post" without explaining why I wrote the post.  I was glad I had joined my friends and many around the world in oneness on that special day.  My heart was filled with gratitude for the light that my friend was in getting us together in spirit.  I held my Vision of Love for the rest of the day.

On Nov. 14, I was on the computer late at night.  Suddenly, I wanted to visit the website "Fire the Grid".  The website was beautifully designed but I had problem scrolling the page up and down.  It was late, and I went to bed.

The next day (11/15) I tried again.  I was overjoyed that I could actually listen to Shelley Yates on "Fire the Grid" on You Tube.  I listened to her talks from part 1 to part 8!  What an incredible and uplifting story!  I learned millions of people around the world had learned about her story and had joined as one on two other dates.  I also read some more on the websites.  The words of the Light Beings were so loving that they touched my heart. Thank you, Shelley, Anael, Bradfield and all the Light Beings.

The interesting thing was if I had visited the website before 11/11/11, I might not have done what I had done - writing the post with all my heart and soul that morning.  I might think meditation was the key or I could be sitting in bed imagining I was one with my friends at church.  With not knowing (about the details of "Fire the Grid"), I had responded from my heart and wrote the 11/11/11 'vision' post with creativity and truthful emotion. (Please click here to view The Real Beauty of Life )  I was glad I had joined millions as One that day with the vision that PEACE already IS.

If you haven't heard about Shelley Yates' story,  please listen to her talks part 1-8 on You Tube or visit the website "Fire the Grid".  The Light Beings give us this simple guidance as how to live our life -

• Do no harm to yourself and others, 
• apply honesty and integrity in all that you do, 
• and then find your personal joy while expressing gratitude 

If you haven't participated in Fire the Grid 3, 2 or 1, it is quite alright.  I haven't joined in the first two either.  When we apply the guidance in our life, we are working towards One.  

Although Nov. 11, 2011 is over, we have to remember we do not join as one for just one day.  The coming years are very important.  How we conduct ourselves affect the whole.  We must continue to love one another, be tolerant and patient, live responsibly and love Mother Earth as she loves us.  Hold positive thoughts as our thoughts matter even more so NOW.

Love,
Q of D
               
                         

Let us join as One on this day (11/11/11)

V I S I O N

Wise and brilliant leaders and teachers rise among us
As Christ, as Buddha, and all the Wise Awakened Ones
Who know the oneness of all things
Love all people as if loving themselves
They understand they are not only here to guide
But most importantly to serve
They live love and spread love,
Teach cooperation and sharing among man



V I S I O N

We live in peace

Children of all races

Walking hand in hand
To school and to play

Running, skipping, singing, dancing, giggling.

Looking at one another
With adoring, non-judging eyes and
Hearts full of love

Hear their laughter

See their faces glow with joy

V I S I O N

We live in peace

Mother Earth in natural bliss

Colorful flowers decorate the land

Trees of all kind flourish everywhere
Bees, butterflies, birds fly gracefully across the sky 

Rivers flow in rhythm

Oceans calm and clean
Where fish, dolphins, whales freely swim
Majestic mountains stand in the midst of beautiful land forms
Animals leisurely walk among man
All beings - Man and those of water, air, and land
Live in perfect harmony as Planned

On this day, I hold this vision of Love in my heart.  The world is what we think to be.   Let not what you see and hear around you disturb your peace.  Don't bind into the mass consciousness of fear, separation, and greed.  Live responsibly.  Love Mother Earth as she loves us.  Let the peace within or our inner peace project outward.  Let us join as one today to bring forth a world of love, peace, unity, and joy.  Vision heaven on earth.  What you hold in your heart matters.

Love,

Q of D

P.S.  Please click to view Before 11/11/11 and after 11/11/11

Have you forgotten how to play 'Bridge'?

Greetings!

When I was young, I liked to play Chinese chess and 'Bridge' (a card game played by 4 people in two competing partnerships).  I had forgotten the rules of the card game because I had not played 'Bridge' for a long, long time. 

Some months ago, I knew I could not go to work on time on a certain day because I had something to do that morning.  When I talked to my bosses, we all agreed I might as well take the whole day off since most of my tasks needed to be done in the morning.  My bosses said it was quite alright since business had been slow.

After doing what I had to do that morning, I arrived home much earlier than I had expected.  I decided to go back to sleep since I woke up very early and had the day off.  Soon I had a dream.  In the dream, my bosses and I sat by a table.  We were playing a card game.  However, all of us seemed to be at a loss as how to play the game.  Suddenly, I heard a voice outside of the dream. 

                              "Have you forgotten how to play 'Bridge'?"

Instantly, I woke up.  I got what the dream was telling me.  When people worked together, it was like partnership in a card game; we needed to cooperate and work closely with one another to get the job done.  As much as I still felt tired, I understood what my spirit guide was telling me.  I picked up the phone.  I called my boss and asked if my help was needed.  She said, "Yes, please come if you can."  It turned out to be a busy day.  At the end of the day, my boss said she was very glad that I came back to help.   

Recently one of my bosses in the midst of doing something suddenly said: "Thank you for your presence.  You have made our life much easier."

To me, I am just doing my part.  I fully understand when I make other people's life easier, I am making my own life easier.  In truth, my bosses have always been kind and considerate.  And, I am grateful.

Have a wonderful day!

Peace,
Q of D

The Gift of Love

Greetings!

During my recent visit to my loved ones, my daughter-in-law brought out a small stone and gave it to her brother-in-law.  She said: "Before my wedding, I went into a Christian store to get remembrance candles for the three family members (her mother, grandfather and an uncle) of mine that had passed.  While I was there, I thought of my grandmother who worried all the time.  I wanted to give her something to help her with that.  I saw a stone with an angel figure inside.  It was called 'the worry stone'.  The paper that came with it said "rub the stone and tell the angel your worries; the angel would then hold the burden of your worry and you would be free to relax'.  My grandmother carried it with her often.  However, she found that she would worry about where it was, and decided to just keep it on her dresser.  She moved into the retirement center six months ago.  She gave it back to me because she has an aid with her most of the day.  She said she didn't need it anymore.  I had it sitting by my bed since then.  Knowing how much you worry lately, I thought that you might be able to use it."

As I saw what happened, I remembered a day long ago.

The year before the restaurant was sold was indeed the 'darkest night before dawn'. Many unexpected things happened especially during the last few months.  I was totally overwhelmed.  On the day I felt I had no one to turn to, the Loving Divine sent my friends in one by one (customers who had became my friends).

First came my friend, Joyce, who used to come in and talk with me sometimes for hours about life and angels.  Just one look at me she asked: "Oh, what's wrong?"  I loved her.  I did not tell her my problems for I knew she got out of the hospital not long ago.  However, I knew I would be in her prayers as she was in mine.

Then the couple I loved and respected came in.  Right away they also sensed I was stressed.  They hugged me.  They told me they would be praying for my family.

Later, Gina, an earth angel, came in.  She was a very giving and loving soul.  I had told her I really wanted to sell the business.  One year after her visit to New York, she brought back a rose petal said to have been blessed by Mother Mary.  She gave it to me, and said she hope it could help me sell the restaurant.  That day as soon as she saw me, she also knew something must have happened.  Immediately, she got from her handbag a beautiful angel in a pouch, and handed it to me.  "The angel figure has been blessed.  Keep it with you.  Everything is going to be alright."  I told her I could not accept such a precious gift.  "Take it.  You have as yet learned to accept gracefully," she said.

My friends, thank you for your gifts of love.  My heart is in a constant state of gratitude because of your love.  To God, guides and angels, thank you.

To all of you who read my blog:

Give, and give generously the gifts of love.  Life is a cycle.  The seeds you plant today may be the fruit you enjoy tomorrow.

With love and gratitude in my heart, I send all of you my love.

Many blessings,
Q of D

The Grand Prize (a $100 gift certificate) and the 2nd Reading

Greetings!

Six years ago, I went to a holistic festival in a big banquet hall organized by the Center that I went to every Thursday.  Upon entering, a woman asked me to write down my name and phone number on a small piece of paper for a drawing at the end of the day.  The first booth I walked past was an organization for world peace.  I put $10 into the jar for donations.

A few days later, I was surprised to learn that I had won the grand prize - a $100 gift certificate that I could use at the Center!  When I went to the festival, I brought very little money with me.  I did not have a job.  I put $10 into the donation jar because world peace was important to me.

I used a portion of the prize for a chanting class.  After the class, I decided I would not use the rest of the prize for I did not want to take advantage of the Center.  Many spiritual centers were not really making money.

The certificate was good for six months.  Five months later, my guides and angels kept prompting me to use it for a reading.  I was hesitant to do so.  In Dec. 2001, I had a reading by a known angel channel.  Through her, I learned the names of my guides and angels, and got the confirmation about my mystical experience.  My guides and angels said I had to understand the importance of the role I played; there was no time for me to play small, and I should put myself out there.  They told me to teach more, write, and share with others my wisdom.  "I am just the simple me.  What wisdom do I have?  My English is not good.  How can I teach?"  I felt I had more questions than answers after the reading.  I continued to live the way I had been, and seldom socialized with people outside of the family.

As my guides prompted me to book for a reading, the owner of the center also reminded me that I should use the prize before it expired.  Finally, I had the second reading near the end of March 2006.  During the reading, the psychic asked me to consider volunteering in soup kitchen and hospital.  In fact, I had been thinking about volunteering for quite some time before the reading.  Most importantly, the psychic related this message, "There are people who had signed contracts before they came into this lifetime to be healed in your presence.  However, so far you have not put yourself out there.  You don't have to understand how.  People may or may not realize that they have received healing, but it is in the divine plan.  You may not know it, even in a small conversation, you heal people."  The gift certificate was not enough to cover the reading, but the loving psychic would not accept money from me.

At home, I listened to the tape of the reading again.  In July 2005, my guide told me through the teacher of the circle to learn a healing art, but I did not follow.  This time I took the volunteering advice seriously for I was always willing to be of service.  It was hard for the human me to accept what was said of me.  I had doubts.  When I finished listening, I said, "Even in a small conversation, people receive healing! How can this be?"  (If you want to read about my volunteering experience in the soup kitchen, please click to view How easy it is to judge and react )

A week later, I was at the circle.  The teacher began the circle by talking about spiritual truth and things that came to her during her meditation.  Later, we were free to share an experience or talk about the problem in life.  In recent weeks, a woman had joined us.  Week after week, she talked about how her family and co-workers had treated her unfairly.  The teacher and others at the circle tried to help her to look at her experiences from a different perspective.  It was the same this Thursday.  I observed our new friend was frustrated for she wanted us to agree with her that others had not treated her right.  I did not join in because my friends had already talked to her about the right attitude towards life.

In the second hour, we moved onto something new.  The teacher guided us into a meditation.  Afterward, we were supposed to take turns sharing what we felt, saw, or heard during the meditation.  (I usually said I saw nothing because I could not enter into that quiet space as others did.  Besides, I could not visualize.)  When it was my turn, I suddenly said I wanted to talk to our new friend.  While I was talking, I saw her opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something.  I stopped talking.  She looked at me and said, "Okay."  She did not say anything else.  I continued talking to her for a while.

When the circle was over, I left while most stayed to chat.  Before I got to my car, the new friend rushed to my side.  With a strange look on her face, she said, "You know I talk back a lot, don't you?"  I said, "I do not notice that."  She said, "I just have a weird experience.  When you talk, I want to talk back as I normally do.  As I open my mouth, I 'hear' I should shut up and listen.  That is why I say 'okay'.  I actually feel negative energies coming out of me today.  It is so weird!"

When I sat down to write my journal, I realized what happened at the circle was to show me that indeed people did heal in a small conversation.

I seldom spoke during the first few weeks or months after I joined the circle.  Most of my friends were long time spiritual seekers.  They spoke beautifully and wonderfully. When I finally spoke, I was surprised to hear my own voice.  The founder of the Center was one of the brightest loving lights that I had ever met.  On many occasions, she came and held my hands after I spoke up during the circle.  Looking into my eyes, she said, "Oh, you are wonderful!  Your words are profound."  The truthfulness in her voice touched me deeply, and gradually I was more at ease when I spoke.

If not for the prompting of my guides and angels, I would have let the gift certificate expire.  I supposed my guides really wanted to talk to me again.  Other than going to the Center on Thur. morning, I did not go anywhere else.  I stayed in my comfort zone, and did not go among people.  An author of a book wrote that although we planned our life before we came, but about half of us failed to fulfill our main life purposes.  In my case, I kept putting off doing what I should do because of my personality and self-doubts.  I could have failed to fulfill my life plan if not for the persistent, loving guidance of my guides and angels.

Before I sign off, I would like to ask you a question.  Is there anything you have always wanted to do or learn but you keep putting it off?  It may be you want to go and help those living in the under-privileged countries.  It may be you have always been interested in arts, but you think there is no future (money wise).  Let your heart guide you.  It may possibly be one of your life purposes.

Have a nice night.

Love and peace,
Q of D
  

Life is better a mystery as to seek is the challenge of our life

Greetings!

For those of you who have been reading my blog, you may have noticed I have recently published my posts in black and white instead of with many colors.  It happens because my son says some people may find the color words distracting; others may feel that it is childish / unprofessional, and it could be a turn-off to them.  I re-read my blog.  I agree the color words are distracting.  I have made some changes in my old posts.  However, I am a child at heart.  Therefore, I have put colors back in my recent posts instead of just black and white.

Most of my American friends see me as quiet and shy.  I may not be outgoing, but I do not see myself as shy.  It may has something to do with the difference of our cultures or our upbringing.  I never shy away from doing what my heart guides me to do.  I am more of a listener than a talker.  I laugh often, but only when I am among those that know me well (e.g. family and friends). 

My friends at the Thursday circle accepted me and loved me.  We had many good laughs especially in the later months.  I saw joy and fun in many situations while others did not.  My guides told me in readings that they laughed along with us on many occasions. 

My son also raised his concern about my blog.  He said, "Mom, so far you have a very small audience.  You want to deliver a message of love.  You do want a big audience, don't you?  I told you from the beginning you needed to work hard to promote you blog.   You have to go online to find out how to do that.  Mom, I want you to learn and do it on your own.  Play with the computer and learn......"  Thank you, son. I know you love me, and that is why you care.

I had never imagined posting any blog not to mention in English.  Years before I learned about guides and angels, I went to a psychic for a half-hour reading.  The psychic was a well educated, nice young lady.  (I saw the certificates or credentials she hung on the wall.  She graduated from a very good university.)  She was quite accurate in describing my husband and our relationship.  However, I only wanted to hear if selling the restaurant was the right choice and when could we sell the restaurant.  At one point, she stopped as if she was listening.  Then she said with surprise in her voice, "Oh, you are a very, very good teacher.  You should teach.  I see lots of white light around you."  When I heard that, I dismissed her reading.  There was no way I could teach.  I only had a high school education (not in USA).  My English was not good.  When the reading was over, she looked at me and said, "I am sorry I have disappointed you for you do not hear what you want to hear."  Young lady, if you happen to read my blog, please accept my sincerest apology.

One early morning in the last quarter of 1999, I woke up hearing a man voice loud and clear.  He said one sentence, and it was the strangest sentence that I had ever heard.  I thought someone in the neighborhood was talking, but it was very quiet outside.  I called my younger son who was a freshman in a university: "Son, the message must be for you for you are wise."  He said: "Mom, it must be for you for you are the one that heard it!"  I wanted to put the whole thing behind me, but more strange things happened.  In order to find some answers, I eventually borrowed many spiritual books from the library.  I was surprised to learn that we had spirit guides and angels by our side helping and supporting us.  Although the situations in the restaurant continued to be challenging, the touches of God lifted my spirit.  My heart was constantly filled with awe and gratitude.  The "Night Vision - Pieces of a Dream" Phenomenon was so incredible that I began to write down some of my experiences.

Two years later, I was guided to book a reading by a renowned angel reader in another state.  I was told to teach more and write; I needed to understand the importance of the role I played for there was no time for me to play small or shy.  I did not know what to think because I could only identify myself with the earthly me.

One night during the last week of the restaurant business, a customer who had supported us throughout the years came in.  She was the one who brought me the monthly spiritual magazines which she thought that I might be interested.

Standing before me, she said, "Tonight I come to honor you for all the good you have done."  She started saying the good I had done.  "What is she talking about?  What good have I done?" I thought.  She related incidents that there was no way she could have known as well as things that I had long forgotten.  With tears in her eyes, she proceeded to tell me her vision of me in the future.  My mind went blank.  To this day, I could not recall a word she said about me in the future.  I went home in a state of shock.  I asked my son, "What good have I done?  I am just a simple me."  My son said, "Mom, indeed you have done lots of good.  You just don't see it yourself."

Months later, I came across the customer's mother in a store.  It was then I learned the customer was a minister and a teacher of 'A Course In Miracles'!

In 2005 May, I joined a circle every Thursday morning in a holistic center.  It was there I met some psychics, mediums and healers.  On a few occasions, people that met me for the first time told me what they (intuitively) got about me.  I did not know how to respond.  In most cases, I did not see them again.  Many nights I lay in bed wondering why people said what they said.

Two months after I joined the circle, the facilitator of the circle told me that my spirit guide had been urging her to tell me to learn a healing modality.  I did not follow the guidance.  In my limited perception, I could not see myself as a healer in a western culture for I was not proficient in English.  I did experience a powerful surge of energy from time to time when I sat among people.  One day, a new comer came to me and said, "You always think you have to learn something or do something, but you don't (have to).  You may not know it, people heal in your light."

Months later at a holistic expo, a Reiki master who was very attuned to the divine said, "Oh, you don't have to learn (healing) like we do.  You are a natural healer. People heal in your presence."  I heard similar message again and again.  I was confused.  While my guide told me to learn a healing modality, the messengers told me I needed to just be and sit among people.  Finally, near the end of 2006, I told my guide, "Okay, I am ready.  Please bring me a teacher."  In March of the following year, I participated in a 2-day healing workshop facilitated by a wonderful spiritual teacher and healer from another state.

After years of searching, I finally got some answers from a book to the questions that had puzzled me since the 2001 reading.  It happened on June 13, 2009, a night I would always remember.  (Re my posts The Beauty of A Bouquet of Flowers and The Conclusion of the Mystery of a Sister )  As regards to healing, I eventually learned the healing ability resided within.  However, I needed to go to a workshop to uncover the gifts and get my worldly credential.  I learned some more about my life purposes a year ago through a wonderful channel.

To this day, life is still very much a mystery to me.  I never hear how my life will unfold in the readings, and it is all meant to be.  According to my guides, life is better a mystery as to seek is the challenge of our life.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Recently my son talked to me over the phone about his own experience with blogging years ago.  He told me how to interact and link with other sites.  I knew very little about the computer.  My mind could not register what he said even though I wanted to be more proficient in using the computer.

Do I want a big audience as my son said?  Well, when I start the blog, I just want to share with you my experiences of the Loving Divine.  I want to tell you no matter what happens in our life, God is ever so present if we open our heart to see and feel.  It may be you have a disease or in a lot of challenges, and you question the existence of a loving God.  It may help if we remember only God (or our highest self that is aligned with the Creator) knows what is the best for us.  In a true story, a woman felt very sad for she thought her father had lived a very difficult life.  Her father's spirit came through in a reading.  He said he had in truth lived a very good life for God, but the daughter could not see it because she did not see the big picture.

I will continue to write from my heart.  To me, it is already a miracle that I publish my blog, and you are reading it.  If you like my stories and message of love, please share them with your friends.

By the way, if you have been frustrated because you don't know what is your life purpose, I have a message for you -

Keep seeking.  At the same time, live your life with love and joy as if you are living a fulfilling life.  We live in the powerful moment of now.  Your positive attitude and thought matter in every situation or every turn of life.

Many blessings,
Q of D

The 'real beauty' of life is 'what you do not know'

An entry in my journal dated 1/23/2003.  Here are some of the words from my guides.

You want to know what's to come before it comes.  You want us to confirm what you think you know.  The 'real beauty' of life is 'what you do not know'.  For instance, if you know you will be very rich in May, you will look forward to May.  What happens in between now and May you will not handle them with emotions of not knowing.

With not knowing, you will handle whatever happens with creativity. You will deal with them with your true emotions.  And to do that - living your life truthfully - is what life is all about.

Peace and love,
Q of D

To forgive is first and most of all for the good of ourselves

Greetings!

Recently someone used the key words 'not all mothers love their children', and stumbled onto my post Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who love and nurture their children published on May 8, 2011.  Since I knew very little about the computer and the internet, I found it interesting as how this could have happened.

Let me share with you a story.  I had been quite sensitive to people's emotions ever since I was small.  When I looked into people's eyes, sometimes I could sense their deep hidden pain even though outwardly they seemed to be happy.  I had no idea what were the causes of their pain.  Sometimes I was moved to keep them in my prayers for nights hoping that their pain would be released.  This story was such a case.

One day while I was with the circle, a woman walked in.  Immediately, I sensed her deep sadness within.  She did not come often.  The second time we met, she shared with us an experience in order to help another friend.  We were all touched by her gentle and caring words.  She had definitely overcome that experience with grace.  I thought her pain was resolved.  However, as we hugged and said goodbye, I felt her intense pain again.  (It was a knowing.  I did not feel any discomfort.)  At night, I prayed with all my heart that her pain be released.  

Two weeks later, she came again.  She told us about her day.  In my heart, I prayed for healing.  Then she started talking about her mother.

Her mother called her a few days ago because her car had broken down.  She picked up her mother and took her back to her house.  While she was growing up, her mother's cruel, unloving words and behavior had caused her lots of pain, fear, and guilt.  On that day, our friend wanted to put the past behind her because she had been on the spiritual path for some years.  So for the first time in their lives, the daughter and mother tried to connect with one another.

As I listened, my heart was filled with love and compassion.  Our friend continued to tell us what her mother often said and did when she was a small girl.  Suddenly, I opened my mouth and said: "XXXX, forgive your mother.  When your mother was little, she was rejected by her own mother.  She never felt loved as a child.  So she did not know how to love as a mother."

Hearing that, my friend burst into tears.  When she was small, her mother had told her stories after stories how her own mother had rejected her.  The grandmother only loved the son, and never showed any affection towards the daughter (our friend's mother).  With this remembrance, my friend forgave her mother, and was able to release her pain.  She rose from her chair and gave me a hug.  I could feel the lightness in our hearts.  Indeed, when one was healed all was healed.  

I do not mean that the same applies to other cases where the mothers do not love as a mother should.  No, every story is unique.  However, we all deserve to be happy.  When we hold onto feelings of pain, anger, guilt or shame, we can't be happy or at peace.  The importance of forgiving is first and most of all for the good of ourselves.  When we let go or forgive, we allow grace to come into our life to heal whatever needs to be healed.  Sometimes it takes time for healing to occur.  However, when we truthfully desire and ask, God (or Love) is forever on our side.

Love and Peace,
Q of D

My Prayer on the 10th Anniv. of the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks

Greetings!

Ten years ago on this day, I watched on TV the horrific acts of terrorism.  I was shocked and saddened.  For days, I prayed for the people who were killed and wounded in the attacks.  My heart went out especially to those who had lost their loved ones.  I could not imagine the pain they went through as they saw it unfolded before their eyes.

During those days, thoughts flooded my mind.  (I use 'we' because in truth we are one.)

• What justify killing another?  As a group, do we kill to force an issue or to get what we want?  Do we kill over our differences in religious beliefs, races, cultures, and politics?  If others have (supposedly) 'wronged' us and we take the same action against them, can we really consider we are right (to kill) and they are wrong?

• Of course, we should try to capture those who plotted this senseless killing. However, in some places, children are raised with hatred deeply planted in their minds.  They are taught that terrorism is the means for victory.  How do we make them understand killing is wrong?  If we kill them, do we really win?  How, HOW, do we truly win the war over terrorism?

It has been ten years since the 9/11 attacks.  America has moved on with courage and grace.  This is my prayer.

Dear All Knowing and All Loving God,

On this day, the 10th Anniv. of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I pray -

                 May our hearts be lifted,
                 May our pain be transformed into strength,
                 May we learn and grow from this experience,
                 May we understand uncertainty is part of life
                 And learn to live each day fuller with love and more love,
                 May this day be a new beginning
                 Not only for us here in America but for the whole world,
                 May we treat one another with unconditional love, and
                 May we unite in peace, love, and joy for in truth we are one.

                                                                                                       Amen.

Love and Peace,
Q of D

A Gift from Mei Mei, and a blessing from the Divine

Greetings!

When I was young, my family had a tomcat named Mei Mei.  He was very handsome with bright, shiny black and white hairs.  He was a wanderer.  He left the house at an early age.  However, he came home every few months.  He walked around the house as if he was checking if everything was in order.  Then he left again.

On Nov.28, 2009, I had a vivid dream.  I dreamed of Mei Mei.  In the dream, he was a big, black cat.  He looked very different, but I knew it was him.  I saw him ran to a space next to a parked car.  He seemed to be struggling on the ground for quite a while.  I looked closer, and saw a fur ball coming off of him.  I picked it up.  It was actually a cute kitten with beautiful big eyes!  Its upper part of the body was covered with beautiful bright gray striped hairs, and shiny white hairs below (under the head, chest, tummy, legs, and paws).  Later, the kitten was running about.  I called out to my Mom and Sis that Mei Mei had given birth to a kitten.  Then Mei Mei came to me.  I could feel so much love from the cat.  The feeling of love was beyond words.  I got it from Mei Mei that the kitten was his birthday present for me. (I believed even in the dream my mind was thinking: "But my birthday is many months away.")  My sister said: "Mei Mei loves you very, very much."  At the end of the dream, I was looking at the kitten whom was running about.

I did not tell my son and my husband about the dream for I thought there was no way we were going to have a kitten.  We lived in an apartment.  According to the lease, we must pay a few hundred dollars if we had a pet, and most of the money was non-refundable.  We also had to pay $20 extra every month.

As time went by, I forgot about the dream.

On Jan. 27, 2010, my son brought home a black and white computer print-out of a kitten.  A manager at one of the warehouses had found a stray kitten.  It was winter. The manager kept the kitten in his office so as to keep it warm.  However, he was told by the company that he could not keep it there for much longer.  So he emailed all the staff if anybody wanted to adopt a kitten.  My son had gone to see the kitten.  He told me it was very cute.  He wanted to bring the kitten home.  I mentioned the pet fee and increased rent.  We also talked about our last experience with stray kittens (fleas, scratches and so on).  However, I told him it was his decision to make.

Around noon the next day, I looked at the picture of the kitten.  I prayed: "God, please let this kitten find a home where he or she will be loved." (I did not know the gender of the kitten.)  Suddenly, I thought of my mother who let me have pets - a puppy, Mei Mei, Hung Hung (another tomcat we adopted later), a chick, gold fish, birds and a turtle.  My older sister and brother were not interested in pets.  My mother had lovingly allowed me to have those experiences.  What about me as a mother?

Then the phone rang.  My son called from work.  He told me so far the manager had not received any response to his email.  Honestly, part of me wish that one of his coworkers who owned a house would take the kitten home, but part of me hope I could be more supportive of my son as my mother had supported me.  However, there was a difference.  While I was growing up, we owned the place we lived in.  Over the phone, my son and I talked.  I asked him to take the time to think about the issues such as fees and increase in rent, and perhaps we should pray that the kitten would be adopted by a loving family.

Around 4 p.m., my son came home with the kitten!  I looked at the cute kitten.  Its eyes were big and beautiful.  It had bright gray striped hairs on top, and shiny white hairs on the bottom.  I suddenly remembered my dream.  I rushed into the bedroom to look for the notebook in which I had recorded the dream.  Exactly two months later (11/28/09 - 1/28/10), the dream had come true.  Mei Mei's gift had arrived!

The cat is truly a blessing from the divine to our family.  I learn from the vet that the kitten is a male tabby.  He is going to be 2 years old in Oct.  He is very intelligent, and treats every one in the family differently.  Most of all, he gives my husband lots of attention, warmth, and joy.  It is good to see him smiles as he plays with the cat.

Mei Mei, thank you.  God, thank you.

Have a nice night!

Love and Peace, 
Q of D

Do you have dreams looking for your handbag?

Greetings!

Do you have dreams looking for your handbag?  Or, have you ever dreamed about losing your handbag?  If you have, you may find the following entry in my journal interesting.

5/22/2004

Again, I dreamed I was looking for my handbag.  Over the years, I had a few other dreams in which I was looking for my handbag.  In this dream as in other dreams, I did find my handbag with everything still inside.  During those dreams, I always felt a lot of anxiety.  So I asked my spirit guide why I had this kind of dreams.

"The handbag is so important to you because you consider that as your identity.  You identify yourself with what are in there, whereas, you don't need anything to be you.   You are already you.  You attach yourself to others such as mother and children, wife and husband.  To you, what you have is also your security.  Again, it is not true.  You worry about something you can lose, but how can you lose yourself!  So let go of your worries, and let go of your attachments."

How do I stop this kind of dreams?  Do I simply tell myself not to?

"Next time before you go to sleep, tell yourself - I am good the way I am.  I am a being of love, and that is all that I am.  I choose to let go of my worries of my false identity. So help me to sleep in peace.  Amen."   

                                                         End of entry

When I re-read this entry, I see why the handbag is a symbol of our identity.  We carry our credit/debit cards, ID cards, driver license, library cards, money, and photos of our loved ones in our handbags.  All of these are documents of our human identity as well as our security (financially and who we are in the family).   

I know many women are like me.  We are very attached to our identity as mother and wife.  We worry about the well-being of our loved ones, and try to shoulder more than we can take.  We cannot hold an objective view in situations where our loved ones are involved.  I used to have many sleepless nights because of my worries.  I am doing much better now.  I learn to let go let God, and trust ALL IS WELL in the Loving Divine. 

Your dreams of handbag may not necessary be of the same cause.  If you have recurring dreams that bother you, you can always ask and then listen to your inner voice or guidance.

May peace be with you while you sleep.

Love and blessings,
Q of D

A Man's Face On The Moon Card Saved My Day!

Greetings!

Today I want to share with you a lighthearted incident that happened years ago.

In June 2006, the facilitator of our Thursday circle rented a big bus and brought us to Camp Chesterfield in Indiana.  (Camp Chesterfield is a spiritualist center of light founded in 1886.)  Most of us did not really have any sleep because we had to wake up very early to get on the bus.  Though we could have taken a nap during the long ride, yet we were busy talking since we were excited.  When we arrived, I saw many groups from different places were visiting Camp Chesterfield too.

After lunch, we attended a Kabbalah class that was held in a big hall.  Other than our small group, there were many people in the class.  

Our group sat in the middle section of the big lecture hall (that was how I called it). Since we woke up early to get on the bus, we were all tired during the class.  In the beginning, each one of us sat attentively with a notepad and a pen in our hands. Midway through the class, most of my friends were dozing off.  I heard the sound of pens dropping onto the floor.  I saw heads drooping forward, and bodies leaning to one side.  I felt sleepy too, but I found the scene before me hilarious.  I started to laugh, but I had to hold the laughter 'within' for how disrespectful it would be to the teacher if I burst out laughing!  However, resist persist, my body was shaking terribly as I tried very, very hard to stop myself from laughing out loud.  At one point, I really believed I would be kicked out of the class because of laughing!

Right then, the teacher talked about the Moon Card in the Tarot deck.  I knew very little about Tarot cards.  On the overhead next to the teacher was an enlarged picture of the Moon Card.   I was surprised to see a man's face on the card!  Immediately, I raised my hand and asked: "I used to think the moon represents the feminine energy.  Why is there a man's face and not a woman's on the Moon Card?"  In all respect, the teacher was a very good teacher.  He went on to give us his interpretation of the card.

What I saw in front of me no longer distracted me.  Thank goodness, a man's face on the Moon Card had definitely saved me that day!  By the way, I welcome your knowledge or understanding of a man's face on the card.

When the class was over, we walked out with an unspoken sense of deep relief.  With that short period of a nap, smiles came back on many of our faces.  Later, we paired up to tour around.  My friend and I saw a statue of Mother Mary.  I asked my friend to give me some time alone to pray.  With my eyes closed, I stood there praying with all my heart and all my soul of my pure intention of service.  I felt the earth below me shook!  Yes, the earth shook!  I knew my prayer was heard.

I have many fond memories of the Camp Chesterfield trip.  I had a mystical experience *** the day before I went there.  The ministers, psychics, mediums, spiritual teachers, and all who served there were exceptionally warm, friendly, and loving.  The food they served was delicious.  I was moved to walk inside their kitchen to thank them.  I pray I will visit Camp Chesterfield again. (*** Re Do you really mean what you pray for? )

Have a good evening.

Many blessings,
Q of D

P. S. The other two posts on the Camp Chesterfield trip - We are all much more than who we appear to be and Don't be too critical of ourselves and others

        

Guide's Words of Wisdom on Relationship

Greetings,

Relationship is one of the biggest challenges in life.  Here are some words of wisdom on relationship from my spirit guide.

"Indeed, relationship is one hard lesson.  It is a connection between two or more. One needs to tend to it and nurture it all the time.  You have to be focused to make a relationship work.  A good relationship needs mutual attendance and care.  If it is heavy on one side, the relationship is out of balance.  Both must attend to it as if that is the main focus in their life.  And of course, it is all about LOVE.

Understand each one of us takes on our own personality before we come into a physical life, and there is a big reason for choosing a certain personality.  We are all given chances to awakening.  In other words, we can put our not so loving personality aside, and start to love which in fact is the main purpose or lesson of a physical life. To awaken is to forgive, to live with patience, or at times it is to let go.  Sometimes it is to take charge, and to take risk that comes with change.  As always, changes are good if you desire them to be good.  In additional to our weaknesses (greed, jealousy, self-importance, anger & etc.), too many times when we are in our physical lives, we base our evaluation of situations on human standards such as money, success, and material things.  In doing so, we blind ourselves from seeing the true solution to a situation, and suffer from it.  It is important to forgive and let go.  It is also important to take care of oneself - loving the self, releasing the self from nonredeemable situations.  The golden rule is to love and be loved.  It is inadvisable to put yourself through self-depriving, suppression, and self-depreciation.

Always understand you are a child of God and you are loved.  Value yourself and don't give power to or completely ignore others unloving words or attitude.  Never, never let them get to you.  We wish you a loving and fruitful evening."  (3/21/2003)

Many blessings,
Q of D

On a cloudy, gloomy morning, I go looking for the sun

Greetings!

I have decided to share "On a cloudy, gloomy morning..." with you as my first post in July.  (Please see my last post Writing Is Healing.)  It was written over ten years ago.  Besides taking care of the restaurant business, I wrote on and off for about 4 weeks.  Please bear with me as it is long compare to my other posts, and the writing in many ways may seem elementary.

On a cloudy, gloomy morning, I go looking for the sun

On a cloudy, gloomy morning, I go looking for the sun.  I see some birds resting on the electrical wires high above.

"Can you please tell me where is the sun?" I ask the birds.

Most of them stand there motionlessly as if they don't hear me.  To some, I am not their own kind, and I don't deserve their attention.  To some, that is their way of being - minding their own business and customarily not seeing or hearing what goes on around them.  Meanwhile, a small flock of birds fly away in fear because of my intrusion.

"Come on, can anyone of you tell me?"  I beg.

Sensing the urgency in my voice, a lone bird at the far end of the wire breaks the silence, "I just came from the east.  The last time I saw the sun, it was on the top of some trees."

I thank the bird and go east.  I come upon the trees.  I climb up one of the tallest trees hoping to have a glimpse of the sun.  The sun is nowhere in sight.  Feeling deeply disappointed, I fall on one of the branches.

"Ouch, you hurt me!" the tree cries.

"Oh, I am so sorry.  I don't mean to hurt you."  Quickly, I climb down the tree.

"What is new!?  You humans think you are the masters of everything.  You cut us, chop us, burn us, or totally destroy us just to your liking.  You take up the land as if we don't have any rights," the tree grumbles.

Unexpected of what I hear, I stand there speechless.  The tree is right.  Who do we think we are?  We are supposed to co-exist in this abundant land.  It does not give us the right to destroy them at will just because we have hands.  Have we ever considered that they too have a life?  Do we consider ourselves superior than they are, and we can simply do what we want to do to them?  Do we humans have the right to do what we want to do for the reason of what seems good for us?

"I am sorry for what we did," I mumble.

"Hey, lady, you don't have to apologize.  Besides, what is the use of saying 'sorry'. Some of us trees are just like you humans - grumble about what is not equal and what is not fair.  But most of us are pretty at peace.  We take it one day at a time.  We enjoy the sunshine as well as the rain.  When there is a thunderstorm, our leaves may shake and fall, our branches may break, but most of the time our heart and soul are still intact.  We are humming to the rhythm of life.  There are joy and peace in our lives.  We send out how we feel all the time.  Some of you may sense our joy and peace when you stand near us.  Of course, there are always those of you who have a closed heart that cannot sense or feel.  Well, lady, I talk too much.  Why are you looking for the sun?"  A tree about 10 feet away talks to me gently.  His trunk is about 3 feet wide and its leaves are plentiful.

"E...r..."  Why am I looking for the Sun?  What do I want from the sun?  It is personal.  I cannot open up in front of a stranger.  Anything personal means something we hide in thick invisible walls within us that nobody can touch or should touch.  What am I going to say to this friendly, peaceful tree.  My mind whirls like a small tornado.  I cannot lie, yet I cannot tell.  

"Hey, lady, it is alright if you don't want to talk about it.  For a brief moment this morning, the sun is right above us.  Right now, it is past noon.  It must be in the middle of the sky behind those thick, dark clouds.  May be the clouds will know exactly where the sun is,"  the tree said.  Gently, it waves its leaves as if saying farewell with good wishes. 

I look at the tree with appreciation.  I continue to search for the sun.

I stand under a huge dark cloud.  The sky with all of these dense gray and dark clouds seems to be closing in on me.  Fear starts to spread. The anxiety of not finding the sun rises.

"Hi, clouds, I am looking for the sun.  Can you please tell me where exactly the sun is behind you?"

"Why is it always the sun!  Everybody likes the sun.  Wow, the sun is out!  What a beautiful day!  When do people say anything nice about us clouds?  On a blue sky day, a few of you may point at us and say 'the cloud looks like a lion or a sheep or whatever'.  That is about it.  These days, people on earth talk about racism or color-blind (i.e. do not judge people base on the colors of the skin).  How about color-blind when you express your view about us?  Look at how freshly g r e e n the leaves are! Look at the beautiful p i n k flowers!  Look at the c o l o r s of the rainbow!  These comments are based on your prejudiced view of colors.  You are only happy to see us when you desperately need rain.  Where does rain come from?  It comes from us. People say it is romantic to take a walk in the rain.  People are glad to have a cloudy day after many hot summer days.  But, people never really appreciate us," the dark cloud groans.

A small gray cloud jumps in, "Yes, especially the women!  You sadden your face when you look up at us as if we are bad news.  You talk about us as if we are the cause of your lousy mood.  How shallow!  We are not jealous of the sun.  We are one big family - the sun, the moon, the stars, and the sky, blue or gray.  We work closely together.  Sunny days, cloudy days, rainy days, stormy days, snowy days, thunders and lightnings are our doing.  There is beauty in all that we do.  But, you humans are so discriminating and too blind to see.  Go away.  We don't want to talk to you."

I listen.  I am one of those women who dislike cloudy days.  I also don't like rainy days because they are wet and inconvenient.  I let my sensory perceptions dominate my life and impair my judgment.  I feel down on cloudy and rainy days.  It is my own attitude or wrong view that forms the mood I am in.  I never confront myself about the cause of my mood until now.  Indeed, how shallow I am!

We consider people / things beautiful and wonderful when they please our sensory perception.  Our discriminating mind judges everything.  We sideline those we do not feel attracted to.  We neglect those that do not stand out in our limited mind.  We can be a bad parent who favors one child and ignores another, inflicting immense pain upon the neglected one.  We can be the blind-minded majority who foolishly attach ourselves to the standards of the so-called beauty in our society - super slim fashion models, muscular body builders, the glamorous look of movie stars, the fashion and hair styles of the rich and famous, the expensive brand name wears and jewelry that people identify themselves with.  Many spend their time and money pursuing the perfect body, but still feel imperfect inside.  Some women drag their children to the fitness center as if they are spending 'quality' time with them.  However, they never take the time to read to them, really listen to them, or talk to them.  We laugh or look down at those who do not conform to the 'standards'.  We isolate them or ignore them as if they do not exist.  At other times, we fear them like I fear the dark clouds.  We never try to determine if our view and action are justified or generated out of our own prejudice and ignorance.

Again, I look up at the cloudy sky.  My fear of the sky closing in on me is dissipated.  I sit down and close my eyes.  In my mind, I send a message to the sky, "Clouds, if you will allow me, can we start anew.  Due to my own unfounded fear and shallowness, I have indeed been unfair to you.  From now on, I will observe you with my heart and soul.  I cannot go back in time to look at you with the eyes of a young child, who is ever so curious about everything and sees wonder and beauty in all things.  As humans, we absorb other people's opinion and prejudice while we are growing up. We form judgments and start to discriminate.  We let what we perceive or see control our mood.  We never realize the mood we are in is caused by our own attitude.  It is part of our weaknesses that we tend to blame others for our misery instead of look within to see if we are at fault.  Clouds, thank you for your candid talk."

I feel the coolness of raindrops on my face.  It starts to rain.  I pull the hood of my jacket over my head.  Slowly I walk home.

"Hey, aren't you looking for the sun?"  I hear a faint voice.

"Not anymore."  I keep walking.

"Are you sure you don't want to see the sun?"

I try to find the source of the voice.  I look around.  I see no one. The voice is barely audible.  Is it my imagination?

"Ah, humans, why do you doubt yourself all the times?  Unlike you, we don't have a physical body.  That is why you don't see us.  We are the air, the wind and the breeze around you.  We are here to bring you the message from the clouds.  They accept your apologies.  So do you want to know where is the sun?"

Do I still want to see the sun?  My self questioning echoes like huge tidal waves knocking again and again at the invisible walls that hold my very personal reason of wanting to see the sun.  Why am I so desperate to find the sun today?  WHY? WHY? WHY?  Ferociously, my self questioning strikes at the walls within.  The walls vibrate, shake, collapse, and disappear.  At that very moment, I realize I have known it all along that the walls are about to collapse.  That is why I am out looking for the SUN.

Life's disappointments, frustrations, hurts, and pain have accumulated to a point where these walls can no longer hold.  I have been struggling, fighting back, trying to maintain my peace, and most of all putting up a false calm front pretending that 'I am okay'.  In the meantime, I pray desperately for help.  However, as time goes by, God is not only invisible but unreachable.  On the contrary, the sun is a constant life source.  It appears day after day and gives life energy to the whole world.  Its warm, golden sunlight gives me hope and energy to go through another day.  To me, the sun is a symbol of hope, and in many ways a visible replacement of an invisible God.

We have had over a week of cloudy days.  My attitude toward cloudy days is like the unwanted pressure added to a pressure cooker.  So on this gloomy day with the inside of me gloomier than the sky, I go looking for the sun clinging to the hope that it will save me for the day.

But now the walls are gone.  All the darkness that is kept inside is slowly spreading to every part of my being.  The sense of helplessness and hopelessness begins to take over my mind.  I look up at the sky and yell, "Sun, or God, where are you?"

"So you want to find the sun after all!"  The faint voice returns.  "It is very late.  The sun is setting in the west.  Well, may be we can give you a ride."

I find myself up in the air.  When I come to, I am on a beach.  A few people were there watching the sunset.   All I can see are the indescribable beautiful red clouds above the horizon of the sea.  Meanwhile, the darkness inside of me continues to spread.

"Help!  Help!  Somebody is drowning!" A woman frantically calls out and points to a distance where a boy is struggling in the water.

I run as fast as I can towards the boy.  Two men rush past me.  The coldness of the water that is up to my knees makes me come to my senses - I don't even know how to swim!  I panic, but feel relieved that two men are swimming towards the boy.  They carry the boy back to shore.  The boy is about 10 to 13 years old.  His body looks stiff and lifeless.  One man starts to perform mouth to mouth resuscitation.  The other man is also trying to revive him.  The rest of us surround them.  In silence, we watch.  In our hearts, we all pray.  

For a brief second, the man who performs mouth to mouth resuscitation raises his head.  His look is weary.  The boy is still unresponsive.

I kneel down and hold the boy's right hand.

"Please don't die.  Please live!"  I hear my voice choking with emotions.  "Please don't stop trying.  Please live.  The world is a beautiful world after all."  In whisper, I plead. For a brief moment, I don't know if I am talking to the boy or myself. 

I lean forward.  I notice a dim light in the center of my chest!  The light is warm and tender like the winter sun.  It glows and expands.  I look at the two men who are trying to revive the boy and the rest of the people.  Their lights are glowing brighter and brighter too!

Suddenly, I feel the boy's hand that I am holding moves!  I see a thin layer of light begins to shine through the chest of the boy.

                                                          ~    Finish    ~

If you actually read to the finish, you must be very special and extraordinary patient. 

When the sentence came to me that morning, I was like a middle school student that was given a title to write.  I got more out of the assignment than I had expected.  I was healed from some of my fears, and no longer felt depressed because of the weather.  

May your days be filled with joy and peace!

Many blessings,
Q of D