If he loves me enough, he would have . . . . .

Greetings!

One day, the speaker at church talked about the challenges in relationships.  Many of us nodded in agreement as we listened to his talk.  Indeed, sometimes a small conflict in our daily life could become an iceberg in a relationship.

Here is a story on relationship.

After getting married, a couple found that they had a very minor conflict over their daily routines.  (For your information, it was not about the toilet seat.)  They talked, and the husband said he would change his habit.  However, old habits died hard.   Every now and then, he forgot about it.  Whenever he forgot, the wife thought, "He obviously does not love me enough, otherwise, he would have remembered it!"  She felt hurt.  When she voiced her frustration, the husband felt hurt too.  He thought, "If she loves me enough, she would not get mad over such a non-issue!"

Gradually, their reaction to this minor conflict became the point of reference whenever they had a disagreement.  The feeling of love was lost as they focused on blaming the other.

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As human beings, we forget who we truly are.  We do not love unconditionally as Love Is or God Is.  We love others with conditions or expectations.  The love between a husband and a wife is different from that of a parent and a child.  Outside of our family, we have good friends, friends, acquaintances, and those we may not have much affinity with.

Let us examine our own relationships using the couple's example.

He obviously does not love me enough, otherwise, he would  . . . . .
                                             or
If she loves me enough, she would not . . . . .

Are there times we feel hurt because we think he or she does not love us enough?  I do not mean the relationship between a husband and a wife only.  It can be the feeling between siblings where one feels the other does not love her as much as she does.  It may be a child who thinks a parent does not love him enough.  It may be a mother feels hurt because a daughter does not love her back as she expects.  It can be an experience where one feels betrayed by a 'good' friend who does not stand up for him while he has always stood by him.

Please know that you are not alone if you have similar experiences.  I have my own share of lessons too.

We often react to things that happen around us.  We are happy when people meet our expectations.  We feel hurt when others do not love us the way we want.  In other words, how we feel has much to do with what others do or not do.  Meanwhile, we have no control over what people will or will not do.  We give others the power to greatly affect us, and blame them when we feel hurt.  Life is challenging partially because we dwell in our suffering, and forget that it is our responsibility to take care of our own well-being.  We forget we can choose to forgive, let go, and move on. (Please click to view We are all tools in the divine plans)

In a few days, it is the New Year.  Is there someone who we feel does not love us enough?  It may be it is time to ask ourselves another question.

Do I love myself enough to let go of my feeling of . . . . . (e.g. hurt, anger, sadness, jealousy, pain, fear, hatred, insufficiency, and the feeling of unloved)

When we look for love outside of ourselves, we have forgotten who we are.  The first and most important lesson of life is self-love or to remember who we truly are.  We are beings of love.  Do we love ourselves enough to let go of what is not of love?

I would like to quote some words from my post The importance of letting go or forgiving.

"We all deserve to be happy.  When we have deep feelings of pain, anger, guilt or shame, we can't be happy or at peace.  The importance of forgiving is first and most of all for the good of ourselves.   When we let go or forgive, we allow grace to come into our life to heal whatever needs to be healed."

Happy New Year!  May 2013 be a year of love and wonders for all!

Love and blessings!

Q of D

How easy it is to judge & react - Story 2 ... Doris no longer works there

Greetings!

Today I am going to share with you another story to show how easy it is to form a negative judgment of a situation and other people because of what we see and hear.

I have always wanted to be of service.  About 6 years ago, I spotted a very small article on the newspaper.  A church needed volunteers for their pantry and soup kitchen for the homeless.  I called to sign up.

At the soup kitchen, many people had come to volunteer after seeing the newspaper article.  Linda* was in charge of the soup kitchen that day.  Since there were too many volunteers, she sent some people to work for the pantry.  At 11 a.m., we opened the door.  About 10 people walked in.  Before people could begin eating, Linda said a prayer, "Dear God, I work very, very hard for you, but these people (the homeless) are not appreciative."  She went on to reprimand the people that ate there.  At the end, she prayed for God to bless the church, the pastors, the staff, and the workers.  I was surprised of what I heard.  I could not help but looked at the people we served with compassion.

Later, more people came in to eat.  Most volunteers left around noon.  Other than Linda,  Doris* and I stayed.  I learned Linda had worked for the church for over 15 years, and Doris for 5 years.  For the next couple of hours, Doris told me how she wanted to beat up her step-kids, bad things about the homeless people eating there, and many personal stories I did not expect / want to hear.  She tolld me to ignore those who asked for refills, but I did not follow her instructions.  Eventually, she walked away from me.  She left around 2 p.m.  An hour later, Linda and I closed up the soup kitchen.  Before I left, Linda looked at me and asked, "Are you coming back next week?"  I said, "Yes."

At home, I found myself mentally drained.  I could not imagine myself listening to Doris negative talk for hours again.  She had worked in the soup kitchen for 5 years, and would definitely continue to be there.  I was also troubled by Linda's prayer.  I thought of not going there anymore.  I told myself, "There are many volunteers.  My help is not really needed."

Part of me felt that I was guided to go there.   However, my view of the experience had clouded my mind.  I prayed, "Dear God, please help me to see things in a different perspective."  Meanwhile, I hoped my guides and angels would give me an indication if I should or should not go there again.  

Oh, did not all of us wish someone else could make the decision for us sometimes?

However, my guides and angels were very quiet.  In a way, I understood it was my lesson and I was responsible for the decision.  "What should I do?" I struggled.  Two nights before I had to make a decision, my mind was not as confused anymore.  Most of the times, I kept my promises.  I had promised Linda I would be there.  Besides, I went there with the pure intention of service.  If my service was needed, that was where I would be.  However, I also planned to tell Linda I would not come anymore if I saw that they had more help than needed.  In my view, 2 to 3 people would be enough to take care of the soup kitchen.

After I made the decision, I regained my peace, and was able to see some truth.  No matter what I heard on that day, it was Linda and Doris that had served the homeless people for years.  We all had our "off days" that we let out our unwholesome feelings such as frustration, anger, and resentment.  Linda had served in the soup kitchen for over 15 years.  It involved lots of love and dedication to do what she did.  Mentally, I thanked them for what they did, and sent them love.  Then this thought came to me -
  
"Jesus totally accepted his disciples whose characters varied. Jesus never judged them and was completely okay with who they were."  Immediately, my mind was no longer cloudy.

In the morning I was to return, it was a holiday.  I dressed up and went downstairs to the living room.  Suddenly, I 'heard' "Doris no longer works there."  I did not expect to hear that at all!  I asked my guides and angels to confirm.  I 'heard' "Doris no longer works there" again.  I could not believe what I heard.  I thought Doris might be staying home to take care of her kids since there was no school.

On arrival, I saw many volunteers!  Linda seemed to be surprised that I actually came back.  She told us there were too many volunteers that she had to send some over to the pantry and clothing departments.  I raised my hand, and volunteered to go to the pantry.  Linda looked at me.  She said, "No.  You stay.  Doris no longer works here."

I found out the volunteers were teachers and students from a high school.  They would be leaving at noon.  I stepped aside, and let them serve food.  Only a few people ate in the soup kitchen that morning.  At noon, the volunteers left.  Later, Linda and I were quite busy as more and more people walked in.  I continued to work at the soup kitchen until I moved out of the state.  In later weeks, a man who lost his job in the auto industry came and joined us.  Doris never came back.  I learned some people worked there because they were ordered by the court to do community service.  Linda told me every year many came to volunteer because of the article on the newspaper.  However, many came only once, and most stopped volunteering after a couple of weeks.
  
I also learned why Linda was frustrated.  Some people drove to the church to drop off donations such as food, clothing, and furniture.  When Linda asked for help to unload the donations, people seldom helped her even though there were many able bodies at the soup kitchen.  She was especially upset with a group of men who always sat together and played cards.  There were seven to eight of them, but they never volunteered to help.

Every time I was there, I served as if I worked in a restaurant.  When they raised their hands for more food or refill of their drinks, I went over there to serve them with love and respect.  I did not talk much because of my quiet nature.  Eventually, all of the men in that group except one stood up to give Linda a hand willingly.  One morning, unexpectedly, Linda asked me to say a prayer to start the day.  I prayed with my heart and soul.  I asked for God's blessings for all especially our brothers and sisters that came to the soup kitchen.  When I finished, there was complete silence.  Then everybody clapped.  Linda said this had never happened before.  Many came to tell me that was the best prayer they had ever heard.  They said they were deeply touched.  Their presence touched me too.  When we reached out to one another from the point of love, 'love truly is all that is'.  I could feel that when we looked into each other's eyes that day.

When I judged, I observed my mind was not at peace.  I could only regain my peace when I came to terms with my action.  Luckily, in the above case, the self-inflicted struggle came to an end with positive result as the Light of Love shone through.  For this, I am grateful to the ever guiding Loving Divine.

Please click to view How easy it is to judge and react, story 1

Many blessings,
Q of D

*not the real names

How easy it is to judge and react, story 1

Greetings!

Our mind is very busy.  We easily form an opinion or a judgment of a situation or a person because of what we see and hear.  Sometimes we react negatively because of our judgment.  When we act / think negatively, we experience the irritation of our own negativity.  We lose our peace.  It is important to pay attention to our thought, look at all situations objectively, and don't take things too personally.

Here is an example of how easy it is to judge and react.  It happened over ten years ago when we were in the restaurant business.
    
X worked in an office near our restaurant.  For years, she drove past our small restaurant, and never thought of coming in.  She never cared about numbers, but all of a sudden she kept seeing 444 or 4:44 p.m.  She had been into metaphysical stuff for some time, and wondered what 444 meant.  As this went on, she felt the urge of going into our restaurant whenever she drove by.  For days, she resisted.  One day, she gave in to her inner prompting.

She ordered a carryout.  She saw that I was reading a spiritual magazine.  We talked for a little while.  Then I brought out her order.  As she was on her way out, somehow I said, "You know what, 444 means the power of God's love."  My out of nowhere comment stunned her.  She left in a state of shock for she had not talked to me about her 444 experiences.  I only learned of her 444 experiences when she came back and ordered again.  Since then, she ordered from us once in a while.  Every time she came, she said she did not understand why she felt lots of joy standing in front of me. As for me, I thanked God for sending in a customer as well as a friend.

Then she stopped coming.  In the restaurant business we had regulars, and we also had people who came in once in a long while.  I was not bothered that she did not come.  I still regarded her as a friend.

One day, she came back.  She hinted why she did not come.  She said she knew our restaurant was not doing well.  She told me her friends and co-workers were having all sort of difficulties.  Meanwhile, she was doing great.  She had been staying away from her friends and co-workers so that their bad luck would not affect her in even the slightest way.  She did not go to the gatherings she used to go anymore.  She went on to tell me the stories of her friends such as who was going through a divorce and who had financial difficulties.  She said that for all the people who were having problems, "Don't ever come near me, stay away!"

I stood there in shock.  I did not say a word in response to what she said.  I must have shown some sort of distance and reserve (=coldness).  Women were on the whole more sensitive to people's feelings than men, and she sensed my reaction.  Before she left, she said, "One of these days, we will sit down and talk to each other.  I just don't know when at this time."

After she left, my mind was flooded with thoughts.  "When do people need a friend the most?  Does it mean you are my friend when everything is going well in my life, but you will not be my friend when I am in hardships?  If I am some one's friend, I am his or her friend no matter what.  I will be there to give you a hand when you need one.  I will not throw a stone at you even if others do.  I will be with you through good time and tough time."  I felt somewhat sad for I no longer regarded her as a friend. 

The next day, I thought about what happened.  I asked my guide for his words of wisdom.

"You do not only judge her, you even exclude her as a friend.  You put yourself above her.  Accept her the way she is and go from there.  In life, we come across all kind of people.  There is no right or wrong.  You judge her base on your own way of handling things which in many ways seems kinder and more loving to you.  But you are here to serve, to bring people together no matter how different they are, and work towards the same goal.  Never put yourself above others.  We know you never meant to.  The main point is to spread love."

I always held the attitude that I was not superior or inferior.  I never thought I would put myself above others.  However, in this case, I obviously thought I was a better person than she was.  I was wrong.  I should look beyond what appeared on the surface.  We were neither the roles we played nor our personalities.  She was living in fear.  I should have listened with discernment and compassion instead of judging her.

May we learn and grow from each life experience, and remember to treat one another with love and compassion including ourselves.  

Please click to view Story 2 - Doris no longer works here

With lots of love,
Q of D

P.S.  Some weeks later, she came back to order.  She looked tired.  She told me she wasn't doing that well physically.  I lent her some spiritual newsletters.  She came in a few more times after that.  I wish her well with all my heart.

A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove

Greetings!

On October 8, 2008, I woke up from a dream.  I remembered the scenes clearly because the images were vivid and colorful.  I saw a beautiful, beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove.  From my experiences with dreams, I knew this dream was of significance, but I did not know how to interpret it.

While I was thinking about the dream the next day, I suddenly remembered I took a brochure from a holistic store a couple of days ago.  I looked at it.  Coincidentally, the store happened to offer free dream interpretation on that day from noon to 1 p.m.  I asked my guides and angels if I should go.  I 'got' it I should.  So I went to the store.

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Now let me tell you my dream.

I arrived at a place.  There were many stores along the streets.  Each store was unique and interesting.  The lighting in all the stores was pleasant and delightful.  I was very happy to find this place.  I was with a son, a little boy (in real life, my sons are grown-ups).  After a while, my son wanted to go home.  I thought it was all right to go home for I could come back to this place anytime I liked.

It was night time.  The parking lot was a distance away from the stores.  As we walked, we saw many people walking too.  On the ground, there was a large group of doves.  I saw a beautiful pink fish on the back of one of the white doves!  How did a fish get on the back of a dove?  I wondered.  I also wondered if the fish was real or a plastic one.  If it was plastic, I might have to free the dove from the plastic fish.  I walked to the dove.  When I touched the fish, it bounced off the back of the dove.  It bounced a few times on the ground, and stopped just as any live fish would when it was out of the water.

I wanted to keep the fish alive!  I knew the fish needed water right away.

Next scene - I was inside somewhere.  I put the fish in a plastic bag of water.  The fish took a few mouthful of water.  I wondered where the body of water was so that I could put the fish in.  It turned out the nearest body of water was close to where I lived.  I thought I had better hurry up.  I saw a big basket of traditional Chinese food (food wrapped in green leaves).  I looked inside and saw the pink fish in the basket on top of the food.  It was not in the plastic bag of water anymore.  The fish was alive and well in the basket.  I 'got' it I should bring with me the big basket of food when I went to put the fish into a body of water.

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At the store, the man who offered free dream interpretation was very nice.  As I was recalling my dream, he started to interpret it scene by scene.  I asked him to wait until I finished telling him the whole dream.  (In my opinion, if we interpret a dream scene by scene, we may focus on one scene, and can easily miss the main message of the dream.  So it is better to look at the the whole dream first.)  He kindly obliged.  As he listened, his interpretation of the dream changed course as if some inspiration had come to him. 

When I finished, he asked, "What does pink mean to you?"  I said, "Pink means love and harmony to me."  He suddenly asked if I was a Christian.  I said, "I do go to church."  He asked if I did anything at church after Sunday service.  I said I used to hold a Circle of Love after Sunday service, but I had stopped.  He said, "Don't stop! You should continue your work of spreading love."

He began to talk about the story in which Jesus Christ fed many with a basket of food. He said the dove might represent the Holy Spirit, or it could be a symbol of peace.  I was eager to keep the fish alive signified my work was to keep love alive by feeding others with spiritual food.  The basket of traditional Chinese food wrapped in green leaves meant I brought the wisdom of the East to the West.  Green symbolized the healing work that I did.  The body of water signified a spiritual place such as a church. "I was going to put the fish in a body of water" meant I would be teaching about love in a spiritual center or a church.

I told him I had learned a healing art, but I did not see myself as a healer.  I told him I was looking for a job, any job.  He said there might be a job for me since the store hired cashiers and other help from time to time.  He wanted me to meet the manager.  He gave me a piece of paper.  He asked me to write about the healing art I learned and my experiences in healing.

The manager was busy.  She said she would call me if there should be any further discussion.  I held no expectations because I was there to understand my dream. When I was home, I realized the gentleman at the store must be quite intuitive.  He had said something about my family which I never said a word.

Ten days later at church, I walked past a pastor who was talking to a woman.  When he saw me, he told her that I was a wonderful healer.  Immediately, I said how I felt, "No, I am not!  I don't know much about healing."  The pastor did not expect my response.  He asked, "Have you ever watched the healing service DVDs?"  I said I had not.  He went and got me a DVD.  At home, I watched the DVD.  I was surprised the healing energies that channeled through were captured on the DVD.  There were many wonderful healers that day, and the energy at church was powerful.  All the healers except me stood in front of a wall with colored wallpaper.  As a result, the healing energies were not that obvious on the wallpaper.  I stood next to a white wall, and that was why the colors of the healing energies were clearly seen.

Since I really needed a job, I asked the pastor if it was alright for me to let the store manager see the DVD.  He kindly said 'yes'.  I was never comfortable promoting myself.  For days, I did not want to bring the DVD to the manager.  I finally did.  She said she would call me.  She never did.  Before Christmas, I went to ask for the DVD back.  She said she did not have the time to watch the DVD, but she might watch it during Christmas.  I said 'no' because I had borrowed it from the church for too long. She gave the DVD back to me.  Before I left, she put my name on the 2009 Feb. calendar.  She said she would call me in January.  I did not take it seriously.

Early Jan. 2009, I told my son what happened over the phone.  He said, "Mom, you had better call her.  When people put your name on the calendar, they mean it."

I called the store, but nobody answered.  I left a message.  A couple of days later, I called again and left another message.  When I called for the third time, someone answered the phone.  She told me the woman that promised to call me no longer worked there.  She took down my phone number, and promised to ask the manager to call me.  Again, nobody called me back.  I decided to let it go.

On January 23, 2009, I suddenly 'got' it that I needed to go to the store 'now'. It was not a voice but an urging / prompting from my spirit guide.  A new manager greeted me.  She said it was her third day at work.  The place had been without a manager for a while.  She knew the store had printed out the Feb. calendar.  When we looked at it, we found out in black and white that I was going to facilitate a healing workshop in February!  She knew nothing about it and so was I!

I guessed that was how the Divine plan worked.  If the original manager had asked me, I would definitely have said 'no' to hold a workshop.  I did not consider myself a healer, and how was I going to facilitate a healing workshop!  That day I realized the divine plan was at work - the dream of a pink fish carried by a white dove, the man who interpreted the dream, the manager who never called me, the pastor and the DVD, the change of management, and I was told to go to the store only after the calendar was printed.  All in all were part of a divine plan.  In truth, I had been told in readings and by strangers (or messengers) to step forward, but I did not.  I thought my English was not good, I was not qualified, and I did not want attention.  This experience caused me to examine my attitude and the way I judged myself.

Anyway, I had only a few weeks to prepare for the workshop.  What was I going to say?  Would people understand my English?  I was stressed out.  At night, I could not sleep.  A week before the workshop, I came down with a high fever and non-stop coughing.  I could no longer practise what I planned to say.  I slept and slept because the medicine made me drowsy.  Amazingly, I was made well the day before the workshop.  In the morning of the workshop, I woke up from another vivid dream.  In the dream, many Elders sat by a big table, and some Elders stood behind them.  I could see them clearly.  They were looking at me.  I did not expect their presence.  I became very emotional.  I cried.  I would stop at that for that was another dream.

The divine did send me some help for the workshop.  Months before the workshop, I met a sister who visited our church from Florida.  As we talked, we found out we had both learned the same healing art.  When I learned of the workshop, I prayed she would be there.  Coincidentally, she visited again from Florida.  I invited her to come to the workshop.  A wonderful friend from church was also a great help.  She guided the group in a meditation to connect with the Unified Field of Love.  Thank you, friends. Thank you, God, angels, guides, and all the Elders who are watching over us.

When the workshop was over, I was very relieved.  I thought I would not hold any workshop again.  Well, two months ago**** I facilitated the third workshop with two wonderful friends who were participants in my second workshop.  They were both Reiki Masters.  It was an honor to work with them.  To all the participants in the third workshop, I send you my love.  Thank you for your loving presence.

I went to the store for a free dream interpretation, and ended up holding my first healing workshop.  Life is truly mystical, unpredictable, and, at times intriguing.

Many blessings,
Q of D

**** This post was originally published in two parts around August 20, 2011.  The third workshop took place in June, 2011.

Let the change begin with you and me

Greetings!

Originally, this post was published under the title 'Along the sewage were shacks made of cardboard and wood - Let the change begin with you and me'.  One day I found the post was labeled 'preview not available'.  I did not know how to fix that, and decided to publish it again under a new title.  I hope it will work.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

This was an entry in my journal dated 4/5/2007.                                                       

I woke up two mornings in a row at 7:07 a.m.  I had a dream.  Below was part of the dream.

I found myself walking on a narrow, black, wet, and muddy road.  (I used the word 'muddy', but I did not see mud.  The road was covered by a thick layer of dirt.  It looked dirty, black, and wet.)  On both sides of the road, there were small shacks barely enough for one person to live in.  I saw people, young and old, who had very little means lived in each shack.

I turned onto the next road.  Again, the condition of the road was terrible, and small shacks were built on both sides of the road.  It seemed the condition of the ground was like that the whole year round.  A kid was eating a little bit of rice and nothing else.  He had learned to live and survive by himself.

Next, I was no longer walking on the ground.  I was looking at this place from above.

Across from where the kid lived, there was another young man who lived in a similar condition.  Farther away, another face / another man struggled to live on.  The looks on their faces were hard to describe.  Though life seemed to be meaningless or extremely difficult, each and everyone of them tried to live on.  My heart was surged with compassion.  I started to pray: "Oh, dear loving God, they are all my brothers, please..."  Then I woke up.

The dream reminded me of an incident that happened long ago.  When I was about 13 years old, a classmate and I walked into an area we had never been to.  Along the sewage were shacks made of cardboard and wood***.  *** My friend and I walked into an area where the police did not want to bother.  These dwellings were illegally built.  Families and those who still had their health took up places where the ground was dry and clean.  The old and weak could only live along the sewage where nobody wanted to live next to.

It had not rained for days.  However, inside the shacks, there was filthy, smelly water on the ground.  As we walked past, the smell alone was unbearable.  What struck me the most was the look of the men and women that lived there.  They were old, weak, and obviously in poor health.  Since the shacks were small, their beds / wooden planks were placed not high above the wet, smelly ground.  It was unthinkable that they had to live in such a condition day after day.  For a long time, what I saw stayed in my mind.  My heart went out to them especially in the silence of the night.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

When I woke up from the dream, I only felt somewhat sad.  I had learned that it did not help a situation or another person by adding our sadness to what already was.  I had learned the importance of maintaining my peace, thinking positively, and looking at others or situations with compassion.  With compassion, we would treat others with love, patience, and understanding which were more helpful in all situations.

Two days later (4/7/07) I reflected on the dream, and I found hope. These were the thoughts that came to me that day.

• People who live in unthinkable conditions still regard life as livable, and life is.

• I begin to think what is it that I can do to make our world a better world.

• If we join together, a whole lot can be done.  Much of what we see such as people living in uttermost poverty can be eliminated.

• It comes to me many people on earth are already doing that. There are organizations and groups where people volunteer and set out to serve.  I learn from the media that more and more people, ordinary people as well as people who are highly regarded in the society, have come together to help.

• The world is moving forward towards a better world for all and not just for some.

• I see hope and hope is manifesting into reality.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

It has been five years since I had that dream.

I know similar living conditions to what I saw when I was 13 still exist in some parts of the world.  I have seen on TV children looking for food in landfill.  However, as things like this continue to come to light in the modern age of technology, people are doing something about them.  Many wonderful groups as well as individuals have stepped forward to help and serve.  When disasters hit (such as tsunami), people all over the world reach out to help never taking into account the narrow view of race or the boundary that separates the countries.  In a few countries, dictators who rule with brutality are being overthrown as people stand up demanding for their rights.

In today's global economy, some people have lost their jobs.  Understandably, many express worry and fear for the future.  However, the slow economy also compels those who use to live big to examine their way of living and re-focus on what are truly important in their life.  Some begin to realize 'simple' is a better way of living, and donate their excess possessions for good causes.  Spiritually, more and more people are opening up to the realization that in truth we are interconnected.  On the whole, we are more accepting of the differences among us, and less discriminating towards others today.

How about you, my friends?  What is your view of the world today?

Some say the world is not getting any better - women in some countries are still being suppressed and mistreated, wars go on, our environment (land, air and water) is very polluted, the financial system is going to collapse as people continue to live in greed and so on.  It is easy to find faults in our society,  however, don't be a by-stander.  Let the change begin with you and me.  It doesn't have to be a big change or something dramatic.

Let me share with you an experience.

I used to keep it to myself wherever I was.  One day, I decided to change because of the many grace and touches of God.  I made a vow to honor God by making it a practice to greet, verbally or mentally, whosoever I came across.

One morning, my son and I went shopping for grocery.  He walked a few steps behind me so that we would not take up the space, and others could walk by easily.  When we got to the produce department, my son said in wonderment: "Mom, how come you know so many people in the store?  Do you have many friends here?"  I was puzzled. I said: "No, I don't".  He said: "Mom, I was walking behind you.  I saw many people smiled at you and talked to you!"  I realized what had happened.  I told him it was because I greeted them first.  My son asked: "But what if they ignore you?"  I said: "It doesn't matter if they don't respond.  I choose to greet them with a smile.  How they react is their choice.  Have you not seen many of them are friendly and nice!"

If you and your family are going through a difficult time because of the economy, pray and we will be praying with you.  Have faith, and don't let the situation bring you down.  Be gentle to yourself and continue to love.  Examine your life, and see if you need to make a change.  Meanwhile, help others whenever you can.  It can be as simple as lending a hand when you see someone falls.  Helping others is helping ourselves for we are one.

Many blessings,
Q of D

My Big Moment of Embarrassment

Greetings!

I suppose all of us have our moments of embarrassment.  I happened to pick up a notebook a few days ago, and read about an incident.  When it happened, I was very embarrassed.  However, at the same time, I found the whole occurrence very funny.  When I read it, I had a good laugh reliving the whole experience.

Near the end of August 2007, we moved to another state because our older son had found a job there.  In September, I got a call from the teacher of healing.  She told me two ministers who had participated in her workshop would be visiting the city I lived.  They would perform music on Sunday at a Unity Church.  She wanted me to meet them.  She said, "It may be the three of you can offer healing after Sunday service."

The Unity Church was 45 minutes away from where I lived.  What the teacher hoped did not happen. The two traveling ministers were there on that particular Sunday mainly to perform music and raise money for their trips to heal the earth.

However, while I was there, I met a mother and a daughter who said they talked to spirits, i.e. they were psychic mediums.  They told me to check out another church that they thought would be better for me.  They were right.  I would call this small interfaith church my spiritual home for the next four years.  It was another proof that there were no coincidences in life!  (The pastors at the Unity Church were good spiritual teachers.  I loved and respected them.  I also met some wonderful brothers and sisters there.  During my years in that state, I visited the Unity Church once in a while.)

It turned out the church they mentioned was close to where I lived.  The energy at this small non denominational church was exceptional.  The music and songs were very uplifting.  I was surged with energy the second I stepped inside the chapel.  I knew I would definitely go back after my first visit.

After singing songs and some announcements, the pastor*** told us to form the opening circle.  We got out of our chairs, stood along the walls of the chapel, and formed a big, big circle by holding hands.  After singing the song of invocation, we returned to our seats.  Then the service continued.  Near the end of the service, the pastor told us to form the circle of love or the closing circle.  Again we left our seats, formed a circle, and sang some songs before the service was officially over.  During the first two Sundays, I was usually among the first ones to leave.  I was new, and did not feel comfortable socializing.

I believed the incident happened on my third or fourth visit to the church.  That Sunday we had the Quarterly Healing Service.  It was facilitated by a pastor who was a wonderful healer.  Seven healers (could not recall the exact number of healers) went to the front of the church.  There was a chair in front of each healer.  People in the congregation went to sit on the chairs to receive healing.  Throughout the service, wonderful healing sound and music were playing.  A group of pastors sang, and the congregation joined in too.

Before I went to church that Sunday, I had intended to receive healing.  I changed my mind because I observed many people wanted to receive healing.  I stayed in my seat and did not go to the front.  After nearly an hour, there were still people waiting to go to the front for healing.  The healers continued to work on people, but it was clear the service was drawing to an end.

Meanwhile, the music was becoming louder and louder.  People joined in and sang joyfully.  With my eyes closed, I thought, "I am going to let go, and let myself be.  I am going to join in the joy!"  Immediately, I was surged with joy.  I could feel my energy field expanded.  I was in a state of bliss.  Suddenly, the music stopped.  I did not want to pull myself out of the state I was in.  I thought I would open my eyes when the pastor asked us to form the closing circle.

So there I sat, with my eyes closed and probably a smile on my face, waiting for the pastor to speak.  At one point, the whole church became very, very still.  The total silence shocked me.  I opened my eyes.  I was shocked and embarrassed to see that everybody had left their chairs.  They had formed a circle, and all of them were looking at me!  I jumped up from my chair to join them.  I mumbled, "Oh, I am so sorry! I am so sorry!"  Meanwhile, I found the whole incident very funny.  I began to laugh, but, I had to contain my laugh!  The two ladies to my left and right hugged me to ease my embarrassment.  They assured me, "It is okay.  It is okay."

To this day, I still did not understand how I could have missed hearing the pastor said anything about 'the service is over' or 'let's form the circle'.  Where was I when people were getting out of their chairs to form the circle?  They must have made some noises.  It might be I was too much into remaining in the joy.  I also had a good laugh 'assuming' what was on my brothers and sisters mind when they were waiting for me to 'wake up' - "Cheez, when is she going to open her eyes!"

I dedicate this post to my brothers and sisters at FIL.  I love you, and I miss all of you. Thank you for your love and support.

Love,
Q of D  

***There are ten pastors at this small church.  Other than the pastors, we have interesting speakers (spiritual teachers, authors, musicians, healers, psychics, artists and etc.) from all over USA and outside of USA.

The True Spirit of Christmas

Greetings!

It is December.  Wherever we go, we hear merry holiday songs and music.  They warm our hearts, and lift our spirit.  We smile easily, and feel goodwill towards all.

However, to some people, it can be a month of great stress because they feel the need to buy gifts for their families and friends.  Meanwhile, they may not have the money for the gifts they want to buy.  Sometimes we need to examine our desires, and see if they are the desires of our ego.  For instance, when we want to buy lavish gifts for others that we cannot afford, whose desires are we really fulfilling but our ego's!  It is the heart that counts, and not the material value of the gift.

In this modern age of electronic technology, some families have lost touch with the simple joy of life such as the whole family taking a walk in the park, or talking and laughing after dinner time.  Many people, children as well as adults, spend more time on their computers and iphones than real interactions with their families.  A friend, who is a teacher, tells me many of her students when ask who and what they are thankful for say the name of a toy or a game.  Another friend asks her students what they want to be when they grow up.  Quite a few of them want to be doctors.  All of them, except one***, say that it is because doctors can earn lots of money.  Then they can buy whatever they want.  It is no wonder Christmas has become mainly a day of opening gifts to some people.

Fortunately, it is never too late to make some adjustments to the way we live.  We can begin by spending more time with our loved ones and friends.  It is important that we teach our children the true values of life such as loving one another, honesty, and integrity; instill in them the sense of gratitude, the joy of sharing and giving, and the feeling of compassion towards others.  

Christmas is a season of giving, sharing, and expanding our goodwill towards all.   When we teach our children the true spirit of Christmas, we are passing onto them a lifelong spirit of joy.

Love,
Q of D

***She is a girl who wants to be a doctor so that she can go to Africa and help the children there.

A conversation on our way to a produce market

Greetings!

We drove to a produce market the other day.  It was about half an hour away.  I was happy that the road work was finally finished after so many months.  I said to my husband: "It feels good driving on the repaved road!"  He said: "Don't you remember how it was when we had to drive through miles of traffic cones and barrels?"  I smiled and did not say anything.  He continued: "Do you remember how bumpy the road was, and the noises too as we drove on this road?"  I turned to look at him. Gently, I said: "Right now, the road is smooth and nice.  I feel good seeing the newly paved road. That is all that matters.  Why would I want to remember how it was as you said?" Hearing that, he said: "Oh..... that's true."

After a pause, he suddenly seemed to realize a truth.  "It is the same with life, isn't it? It is important for us to let go, because it wouldn't do us any good if we dwell on the unpleasant things that happened in the past," he said.  "Well said!" I said with a big smile.

Like my husband, we all have our moments of awakening or realization now and then. We realize a truth or a correct way of living a merrier, more peaceful life.  In other words, we may also say that, at that moment, we realize our wrong view of life.  We understand what is holding us back from living a happier life.  However, most of us fail to put what we have learned into practice consistently.  Eventually, we go back to our old way of thinking and living.  Some of us dwell on our pain, hurt, guilt, shame, sadness, and sorrow.  We hold onto them as if they are part of us.  But, they are not!   It is indeed important for us to let go of these unwholesome feelings so that we can live in peace.  

I have to admit that there are times I dwell on 'the cones, barrels, noises and how bumpy it was' on this path we called life too.  If it happens again, I know I will remember our conversation that day.  I will tell myself to stop

because it wouldn't do us any good to dwell on the unpleasant things that happened in the past.

Have a nice day!

Many blessings,
Q of D

P.S. It is also true that without experiencing 'how bumpy it was', we would not feel 'how good' the newly paved road is.  However, we should not dwell on the feeling how bad or bumpy it had been.

Sometimes a mistake is but part of the divine plan

Greetings!

In my post We are all divine instruments from time to time, I shared with you a story about a friend who acted as an instrument, but she had no idea she was.  She spoke up a few times asking questions that did not really concern her, but they were of significance to me.  I believed this happened all the time except most of us were not aware we were messengers or divine instruments.

Recently, a man had a heart attack while lining up to vote on election day.  He was saved by a registered nurse who happened to line up right behind him.  The nurse had originally planned to go to the voting center much later that day.  However, 'something' pulled him to go and cast his vote in the morning instead.

Here is a story that shows even a 'mistake' is part of the divine plan.

One day, I decided to pick an angel card out of a deck before I went to a circle.  "Ah, it is Archangel Michael.  Oh, it means All Is Well."  I looked at the card for a while.  I put the card close to my heart to take in the meaning of the card.  (I did not pick an angel card on a daily basis as some of my friends did.  I only drew a card or some cards once in a while when I wanted to.)

At the circle, a friend looked preoccupied as if something was troubling her.  She was not a regular of the circle.  She only came a few times before.  At one point, she started asking us what we knew about Archangel Michael.  My friends at the circle told her Archangel Michael protected us; when he was around, sometimes we saw the color blue flashed in front of us.  Some told her their experiences with Archangel Michael.  It was always wonderful to sit among my friends listening to their talks and stories.  However, the friend still looked sad.  I recalled she used to look confident and cheerful when she came.  For a minute, I looked at her.  I wondered what was wrong.

Suddenly, I remembered the card I drew before I came.  I said: "This morning I drew a card from my angel deck.  I happen to draw the Archangel Michael card.  It means All Is Well."  Immediately, the friend broke down and cried.  When she calmed down, she told us she went to see a doctor that morning.  She learned she had a serious health problem.  When she heard the words All Is Well, she felt a great relief.  She knew that everything was going to be alright.  She thanked me and hugged me.

When I was home, I thought of what had happened.  Mentally, I thanked the angels.  I took the deck of angel cards out, and looked for the Archangel Michael card.  To my uttermost surprise, the word Protection was on the bottom of Archangel Michael's card and not All Is Well!  However, I clearly remembered the card meant All Is Well before I went to the circle.  I looked through the deck.  I found an All Is Well card under another Archangel.  How could I have made such a mistake?  I wondered.

                                 Then I realized a mistake was not a mistake
                                 when the outcome was in perfect divine order.

Months later, the friend came again.  She was well and happy.

                                             ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

As I have mentioned, we are all divine instruments from time to time.  Sometimes we realize that we are.  At other times, we may not be aware that we are the instruments in the divine plans.

Peace,
Q of D

In memory of my friend's wonderful white cat

Greetings!

We visit a relative this morning.  His family has a 2 year-old German Shepherd who often gets very excited when people come to their house.  He welcomes us by eagerly licking our hands and faces.  Our relative asks him to stay by the door.  For a short while, he obeys.  However, he cannot stay away from us because he loves people.  Our relative says the dog is normally very good with commands except when they have guests.  My husband scratches the dog's under chin and areas around the side of his head.  He seems to enjoy it very much.  Later he comes to me.  I pat his back.  He lies down by my feet until we have to go an hour later.  What a good dog!

Now let me share with you a story.

I mentioned in my other post that I was with the small church's healing prayer circle for about 3 years.  We met on Tuesdays.  Some people left their requests for prayers at the chapel, and some sent their requests by Email. 

One morning during the service, I suddenly felt a light tap on my left palm.  Since we did pray for the smooth transition of those who were about to move on as well as those who had moved on recently, I had experienced a couple of times that my hand was touched by a hand of a spirit.  The energy of our circle was good, and there was nothing to fear.  I assumed it was the spirit's way of telling us that she or he had moved on, and 'thanks for the prayer'.  However, it did not feel like a hand at all that day.  It was something similar to the size of the tip of a finger, yet it was definitely not the tip of a finger!  (You may find my description confusing.  That was how I felt that Tuesday.)  The gentle tapping went on for quite a while. The energy was loving and peaceful.  I looked at the time.  It was around noon.

A few days later, on Friday, a friend who lived in the state I used to live called me. She said she just came back from a vacation.  We had not talked to each other for a long time.  As we tried to catch up on what happened in our lives, she told me that her cat who was almost 19* years old had moved on.  ( *The cat might be older than 19.  A few years back, she had talked about her cat during the Thursday circle.  Her cat had disappeared for two years.  Miraculously, though old and weak, the cat managed to come back to her house.  At the time, she had mentioned the age of the cat.) 

In 2007 while I was the on site healer on Wednesdays, my friend had brought her cat in twice for me to work on.  It was a male cat with medium long white fur.  He was quite a cat, and acted like an old soul.  He walked slowly because of age, but he walked with dignity.  (That was how I felt).

He was the first pet I worked on.  I was glad healing energy came through to work on him for quite a while.  When my friend wanted to leave, the cat refused to.  He walked back to the room where the healing session was held.  So my friend and I talked some more.  After a long time, the cat walked to the door and signaled it was time to go.  My friend held him in her arms.  When I said 'bye', he raised his head and looked at me attentively.  My friend said: "Oh, that is his way of saying thank you."

When my friend and I met again, she told me what happened to the cat after the healing session.  She observed the cat slept blissfully at night which she had never seen before.  The next day, my friend took a walk in her neighborhood.  She was surprised the cat got out of the garage to walk with her as he had when he was young.  Some neighbors actually asked if she had a new cat because he looked well and different.

Some weeks later, my friend brought the cat in again.  (By then, I did not charge money for healing sessions.)  Before I began the session, the child in me suddenly thought it might be I should ask the cat's permission just as I asked people. So I said: "Cat, would you like to receive healing energy?  If you do, please wag your tail once." Immediately, he wagged his tail once.  Both my friend and I watched in amazement.  I said the same words again.  My friend said: "I know my cat.  He won't wag his tail again for he already said 'yes'."  She was right.  The cat did not wag his tail again.  So I began the session by placing my hand above him.  Right away, the cat fell into a blissful sleep.  He was still sleeping when the session was over.  My friend and I left him alone.  We got out of the room to continue our talk.

I normally asked the recipient not to tell me anything before the healing session.  After the session, I asked my friend why I was guided to work on one of the cat's ears again and again.  My friend said the cat had lost his hearing for some time.  He used to look up at her when she called his name, but he could not hear anymore.  She had prayed for healing of his hearing.

Over the phone, my friend and I talked about what a wonderful cat he was.  Suddenly the light tapping on my palm on Tuesday came to my mind.  I asked my friend about the day the cat moved on.  My friend said the cat passed away while she was on vacation.  She knew he was not well before she left.  She asked her daughter to come over to her house to take care of him while she was away.  Her daughter told her the cat passed away on Tuesday around noon!

On the day of the second healing session, the cat, after waking up from his blissful sleep, went to lie on the windowsill beside a basket of crystals.  Basking in the sun, he was like a beautiful ball of white light resting on the brown wooden windowsill.

My friend and I only talked on the phone once or twice a year since I moved.  It was no coincidence she called me that Friday.  She was at peace with the cat's passing because he had lived to an old age.  She called him her baby.  However, when I met them, the cat was more like a 'dignified grandpa' to my friend - he gave her love, comfort, and peace.

Dogs and cats are man's best friends.  Their loving presence comforts and heals many hearts.

To the Cat, thank you for the experience.

Love and Peace,
Q of D

Truthfulness

Greetings!

It has been raining all day.  I think of the people who lost their homes, and those who still have no power in where they live because of Hurricane Sandy.  It must be very difficult for them.  May there be plenty of help come their way soon.

Today I think of a friend who practices a good virtue on a daily basis - speak only good, positive words whenever we open our mouth.  She observes the good in others with her heart.  Then she relates what she sees at the right time.  She does not use fancy words.  She makes simple comments such as "oh, you look good in blue" and  "you look radiant today".  However, her words are genuine.  People often smile joyfully in response to what she says.  She also listens to others attentively.  Her uplifting presence is like the gentle breeze on a hot summer day.

I have also known a few brothers and sisters who do not talk much.  They put love into action.  They lend a hand when help is needed. They follow the guidance of their hearts, and do lots of good.  They seldom talk about what they have done for they never expect anything in return.  They conduct themselves with integrity, and look at others with love and compassion.  Their presence is like the warm, loving sunshine on a cold winter day.

What makes them so special is the truthfulness in their being.

Some people try very hard to be good too.  They are always in agreement with what others say, and never voice a different of opinion even if they have one.  They never want to offend anybody.  When they see something is wrong, they don't want to speak up.  When they feel someone is deceitful or may cause harm to others, they suppress how they feel because 'it is wrong to judge'.  Pleasing or flattering words easily come out of their mouths to whosoever they meet.  However, what they say do not have the same effect as the words of the sister.

There is power in the words from our heart.  Admonishment from the point of love can change lives too.  Cultivate truthfulness, and don't do or say anything just to make 'us' look good.  Loving kindness is not a show, and it must come from within.

The rain has just stopped.  To my friends and those who share with us their light, thank you.  At this very moment, my husband who is watching the TV and facing the window says: "Hey, the sun is out!"  It is nice to see the sunshine even for just a brief moment.  

Many blessings,
Q of D 

The Fury of Hurricane Sandy

Greetings!

I call some of my relatives who live in New York, and I am glad that they are alright. There has been no power outage in where they live. However, millions of people still live in the dark, and many have no home to return to.  The destruction in many states along the east coast was devastating.  It will be a long road to recovery for states such as New Jersey and New York.  Let us hold all of them in our prayers.

It was heart warming to see so many people came together in the middle of the night helping patients of one hospital which lost its power moved to other hospitals.  Unlike what happened in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina in August 2005, the government had done a great job.  It showed how important was the leadership in the government either of a nation or a state.  For all the people who risk their own safety to help the people in need, for examples the national guards, soldiers, air force, policemen, firefighters, and red cross workers, thank you!

Time and time again, the force of nature makes us realize the impermanence and the uncertainty of life.  It teaches us not to take things for granted.  However, we should not live in fear.  I remember a true story I read about some years back.  A woman stored her whole basement with food, water, and all the necessities because of her fear for the end of time.  She had shown some of her friends her basement, and talked about how prepared she was.  However, she never got to use any of what she stored. She died of an illness at an early age.  So don't live in fear.  Instead, live each day fully with love, vigor, and appreciation.

Are you tired of some of the ridiculous political ads on the TV?  I am.

While states such as New York and New Jersey on the east coast were going through possibly the disaster of the century, there on the TV screen were the non-stop political ads.  I understood it was close to the election day, and all the ads were prearranged or programmed to go on the air.  However,  most of us wanted to know if the people were safe or what went on during the Fury of Hurricane Sandy.  Politics was the least thing on our mind.  Many of the political ads were ridiculous and senseless!  Some politicians looked like irresponsible kids throwing dirt at one another.  I wish we had a respectable non-profit fact-finding group which would not be influenced by any political party to oversee the lies and smears, and pointed them out to the general public.  In doing so, the candidates or political groups might have to be held more responsible for the political ads.  Consequently, instead of smears, candidates would focus more on coming up with good ideas and productive policies that would benefit the nation, its people, and the world on the whole.

Our life on earth may be impermanent, but love is.  In time of despair, may hope shine through.  In time of suffering, gratitude carries us through.  To those who lost their loved ones and/or homes during the hurricane, we send our love.  You are not alone. We are with you.

Love and blessings,
Q of D

Do You Really Mean What You Pray For ?

Greetings!

In June, 2006, the teacher of the Thursday Circle rented a bus and brought us to Camp Chesterfield, a spiritual center in Indiana.  The morning before the trip I woke up in a happy mood.  I was excited about the trip.  After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I looked at the me in the mirror.  There was a big smile on my face.  Happily, I said, "Yes!  I am going to Camp Chesterfield!  I am going to Camp Chesterfield!  I am going to Camp Chesterfield!"  Then I said, "Please let me know what my life mission is."  Right after, I 'heard' a gentle, calm voice.

"Will you allow yourself to be happy?"
"Yes, I will," I answered.  Meanwhile, I wondered what was going on, or if it was my mind.

"Will you allow yourself to be prosperous?"
"Yes, I will."  At this point, somehow I felt very humbling as I answered.

"Will you allow yourself to be successful?"
"Yes, I will," I humbly answered.  I no longer doubted what was going on.

"Will you allow yourself to be loved?"
"Yes, I will," I said.

"So be it."

After that, there was no more questions.  I stood there in a state of awe of what had happened.

A short while later, I began to doubt.  "Was it me or my mind...."  I stopped myself from wanting to analyze what had happened.  I recorded the experience in my journal.  I found it puzzling that I felt very humbled when I answered those questions.

A few nights later, I realized it was not my ego that made up those questions.  There was truly a dialogue since it began with "Will you allow yourself to be . . . . .?"  I felt so humbled that morning because I began to realize that it was 'me' who had not allowed myself  'to be happy, prosperous, successful and loved'.

One might think everybody in the world would want to be successful, prosperous, happy, and loved.  Why would anyone in the right frame of mind not want any of these?  I had indeed prayed constantly for prosperity during the restaurant years because we struggled financially month after month.  As I contemplated, I realized I was not wholeheartedly into what I prayed for because I had conflicting thought.

Ever since I was small, I was sensitive to people's pain and suffering.  Stories of loving kindness touched me deeply.  If I accepted a job, I gave it my best no matter how minimal the pay was.  I always tried to improve on my job, and it was never about competing with others.  

My loved ones occasionally said that I was not competitive enough or I was not ambitious.  My brother, who had a successful career, once said to me, "Sis, those that do not put their own interest above others or as their top priority are condemned by heaven and earth!"  (This was a translation of an old Chinese saying.)  He was upset because I told him what happened that day in my office.  The boss told me that I would soon get another raise, and I asked him to give a coworker a raise instead of me.  I had only worked there for about half a year.  I already got two raises.  I never talked to other co-workers about salary or raises.  However, one day a co-worker who was feeling down told me she never got a raise in her years with the company.  Therefore, I immediately thought of the coworker when the boss said I would be getting another raise.  (I did get another raise.  I did not know if the co-worker got a raise.  I never talked to her about what I said to the boss.)  

In my Dec. 2001 reading by the angel channel , my guides and angels told me that I would soon enter a period of influx.  They told me if I wanted a happy relationship, I should not fixate on anybody but simply thought of what a happy relationship was.  If I wanted financial freedom, I should not fixate on how financial freedom should come through or set limits on the flow of money.  The same advice also applied to other aspects of my life such as love and success.  

After the reading, I broke down and cried instead of feeling excited about the future.  I wondered why I was told not to fixate on anybody.  I took it as an implication that something would happen to my husband.  Our relationship had become quite challenging, but I had never stopped praying for him.  He worked very hard all his life, and most of all, he was the father of our sons.  Instead of not fixating on anybody, I prayed earnestly for his wellbeing and success.  With success and money, I hope he would change his way of thinking that life had not treated him kind.

When it came to financial freedom, I said to the Divine, "God, you know I never ask for fame or fortune."  I set a limit which I thought I could handle, and promised I would use it for the good of all.  Looking back, it was laughable that I did exactly the opposite as to what I was instructed to.

As for love, I knew my family loved me, and I loved my family with all my heart.  I  saw myself as a married Chinese woman.  I built walls based on the premise that I was a female and I was married.  Due to the self imposed barrier based on my worldly identity, my heart was not very open in receiving love.  

When I was asked to think about success, I sent the Divine a mixed message.  I often prayed for success for others, and not for myself.  I knew my husband would be happy if the business was a success.  He would have a whole new look about his life. Therefore, I prayed for his success in the restaurant business.  However, my angels and guides had already confirmed that I had made the right decision to sell the restaurant.  They wanted me to move on and do what I came to do.   With that in mind, I said I was willing to fulfill my life purposes, and asked for their help in selling the restaurant.  I did not realize how contradictory my prayers for success were.

After praying with all my heart, I thought I had prayed for financial freedom, success, prosperity and a loving relationship as my guides and angels told me to.  Part of me was excited about the future while part of me had lots of doubts as I did not think I could teach or write.  In retrospect, I realized I was into praying for success for my husband and not for myself because success had a hint of attention.  And, I did not like attention.

For years, I lived in my own doubts and the feeling of uncertainty.  Meanwhile, I wondered why my prayers were not answered.  Oh, did not our mind create the situations we were in!

My friends, do you have any unanswered prayer?  If you do, please contemplate if you really mean what you pray for, and examine if you have been sending the Divine contradicting messages.  

In love, I share with you my experience.

Many blessings,
Q of D

 
Link to my posts on the Camp Chesterfield trip -

We are all much more than who we appear to be

Don't be too critical of ourselves and others

Now, we are about even!

Greetings!

This morning I woke up remembering an incident that happened in the restaurant years.

I wrote in my post Giving and Receiving Love Must Be Balanced that over 90% of our business were carry-out orders.  A few of our regular customers always left a tip when they picked up their orders.  One of them was an elderly gentleman.  In the earlier years of our business, he used to dine-in with his wife.  Our older son had waited on them. They were always very nice and generous.  They told our son they had retired, and they owned some properties in another city.  In the later years, it seemed they had moved.  Instead of dining in, they ordered carry-outs from us.  Sometimes his wife came and picked up the order.  Sometimes a woman who said she worked in a nursing home picked up the order.  The other times the gentleman came.

They always ordered the same thing.  They did not eat much, and the total of their order was less than $10.  Whenever the gentleman came, he left a tip.  He might add a few dollars to what he should pay, and he had left a $10 tip for our son before.

Then for a year or two (I could not remember clearly), he always came in with a $5 in his hand as a tip.  I told him again and again he did not need to do that, but he insisted.

One day near Christmas, the gentleman came to pick up his order.  As usual, he gave me a $5 tip after he paid for his order.  He then walked very quickly towards the door which he never did before.  I looked at the $5 in my hand.  It was folded into a square. It was thick!  Immediately, I unfolded it.  There was a $20 inside!  I rushed to give him the money back .

"Sir, I cannot accept......"  He stopped me before I finished.  He looked into my eyes and said: "Now, we are about even."  Then he walked out of the restaurant.

With the $25 in my hand, I stood there in puzzlement.  Why did he say 'now, we are about even'?  Suddenly, I recalled a dream.    

One morning, I woke up from a dream.

I was a young, married woman.  I was walking inside a housing complex which was built with mud.  Outside, it was mud too, and there was no paved road.  Many families lived there.  Children were seen playing inside the common area of the complex.  It seemed I just moved there, and my husband worked in a nearby power plant (electricity).  In one of the unit or room, I saw three men harassing an old man who was about 75 years old. They were yelling at him because he owed them money. The next scene - I was talking to a little girl who was about 5 - 7 years old.  She was the old man's granddaughter.  I gave her a dollar, and asked her to give it to her grandfather.  I told her from now on I would give her some money every month to give to her grandfather, however, she must never tell him it was from me.

It was not a vivid dream.  I took it as a past life dream.  It was a feel dream which meant there was no clear image.  I remembered it because it was a dream before I woke up.  As I mentioned, the dream right before I woke up always bore some significance.  

I did not know why I recalled that dream at that very moment.  I would never know if he was the old man in the dream.  That was the last time I saw him.

Life is mysterious!  Take good care of yourself, be kind, and enjoy your journey on earth.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Love,
Q of D

God Is Love

Greetings!

Do you fear God?

One day years ago, I was on the phone with my younger son.  I was feeling very frustrated.  I told my son I did not know what to believe anymore.  In a reading, my guides and angels had told me they would help me sell the restaurant.  They said they really wanted me to move on with my life mission.  However, months had gone by.  There was no buyer.  The business was very slow.  I struggled to pay the bills month after month.  Over the phone, I said negatively about God, guides, angels, and the angel reader.  My son told me he understood my frustration.  He asked me to hold onto hope.

Later that night, I thought of what I had said.  I was very ashamed of myself.  No matter how frustrated I was, there was absolutely no excuse for me to say those words.  Was I afraid that God, my angels, and spirit guides could be mad at me?  No, not at all.  I had only known of unconditional love from the Divine.  I felt very terrible because I could not forgive myself for behaving like that.  In my heart, I kept saying, "Oh, I am ashamed for what I said.  I am sorry."  Mentally exhausted, I drifted in and out of sleep.  Every time I came out of my sleep, I repeated how ashamed I was.

Suddenly, I found myself widely awaken.  I was told to look at the clock.  4:44 a.m. was flashing.  (444 means the Power of God's love.)  A powerful field of loving energy enveloped me.  I sat up and prayed.  I learned my lesson.  I had always lived my life truthfully.  When I was not truthful in words or deeds, I was hurting myself because I judged me.

Later that day, I sat down in the restaurant to write down what had happened during the night.  A customer walked in.  I put away my journal.  He placed the same order as he always did.  While I was inside the kitchen, he signaled for me to come out.  He said he had changed his mind, and wanted to order something new.  Later, I brought out his order, and rang it up.  The total was $4.44!  I stood there in awe.  The total would not be 444 if he had not changed his mind.  I felt the expansion of loving energy in me and around me.

God is not the angry god who punishes at will as some religions preach.  God does not hold grudges over petty little things like we, humans, do.  God is impersonal.  God is Love.  As children of God, love is in you and in me.  Love is our source of being, or the nature of who we truly are.

It is hard to look at life from where we are.  We do not see the whole picture such as the real reasons behind the situations we are in, why some of our relationships are so challenging, and the lessons we plan to learn.  Many of us have a hard time believing we are involved in the planning of our life before we come, and we are responsible for the situations we are in.  It serves us well to remember who we truly are, and handle all situations from the point of love.  God has given us a free will, and the outcome of a situation or a relationship is not fixed.  When we choose honesty over greediness, forgiveness over hatred, charity instead of selfishness, we are a step closer towards one with our highest self or God.  

God is Love.  God is we are.  Amen.

Love,
Q of D

P.S.  If you have time, please click to view my other post We don't judge you. You judge yourself.