My dear brother had moved on

Greetings!

I have not published any post for many weeks.      

My dear brother passed away two and a half months ago.  In recent years, he had been hospitalized a couple of times because of a serious heart problem.  He did not die of covid-19.  In the place he lived in, the government and its people had taken the virus seriously from the very beginning.  They put in all the necessary steps such as contact tracing, lockdown where necessary, and everyone wore mask voluntarily.  Their past experience with the bird flu had probably prepared them for this new wave of virus.   As a result, though the place was densely populated, the number of deaths was minimal.

In the weeks following my brother's death, I worked on a post to remember and honor him.  I recalled many fond memories.

When we were young, my brother and I liked to play ping pong (table tennis) and Chinese chess.  We used a wooden plank as a tennis table.  When there was no school, sometimes we played these games on and off throughout the day.  My sister, brother and I were close in age.  However, my sister did not play ping pong or chess with us.  It might be she saw herself as the big sister, and / or she was interesting in other things.

My brother was much better than me in both table tennis and Chinese chess.  He won most of the time.  I did not mind losing because I truly enjoyed the games.  I always asked him to play 'one more match' when he wanted to stop playing chess.  Of course, I lost again.  I would say "please play one more match with me."  If I observed he intentionally let me win, I would get mad.  He realized that letting me win was not a way of getting out of playing chess with me.  I usually stopped after playing a few more matches because I understood he had already been very patient with me.  How boring it must be for him that he won all or most of the time!

When we were a little bit older (probably when I was around 9), we stopped playing ping pong and chess.  I spent more time hanging out with my classmates, while his interest shifted into reading books / magazines** in science and technology.  I recalled he made a movie projector.  He drew pictures on transparent plastic sheets, and projected 'his story / movie' onto the wall.   We (incl. a few kids in the neighborhood) were all amazed of 'his invention'.  (** In his early teens, he liked to walk to the streets where people sold junk that they collected from trash.  He often came home with some old magazines, books, and broken items.  I enjoyed reading the magazines of mysteries and detective stories that he brought home.  In time, I observed he did not read them, but continued to buy them.  I realized he bought them for me. 

When he graduated from secondary school, he found a job in an office.  (In our time, some young people had to work to support their family after a few years of elementary education, and most secondary school graduates looked for work right away.  My sister told me it was very different now.)  After a couple of months on the job, he saw an ad on the newspaper.  A big corporation was looking for computer programmer / trainee.  (At the time, we did not have computer class in secondary schools.)  The corporation preferred university graduates, but those that graduated from secondary school could apply; those that applied had to take an examination.  Hundreds of people went for the examination (over 700?).  Eight people were hired.  Seven of them were university graduates, and my brother was the only one that graduated from secondary school.

In the beginning at his job, my brother worked very hard.  Sometimes he came home past midnight.  Sometimes he came home for dinner, and then went back to work.  Our family liked to watch the prime time TV drama series at night.  One night, the TV show was over.  My brother walked in while we were having dinner.  He got some rice and joined up at the table.  As usual, he asked me to fill him in on the TV drama series.  I put down my bowl, and began to tell him the story.  When I was done telling the story, I was shocked to see almost every dish was empty.  My family also realized what had happened.  They felt very sorry.  My mother and brother said that I was such a good story teller that they were totally into listening to me as they ate, and forgot that I had not finished eating.  (Looking back, I must have been wholeheartedly into telling the story that I did not see what happened in front of me.)  Looking at the empty dishes, I found the whole thing very funny.  All of us ended up having a good laugh.  My mother went to the kitchen to make something new for me to eat.  It never happened again.

A few months later, the corporation sent my brother and another employee to an European country for three months.  It was his first time away from home.  During his stay, he visited France and might be a couple nearby countries.  When he returned home, we were nicely surprised he bought many gifts for each one of us.  He was generous by nature.  He helped his old classmates when they came to ask for help too.  

We were happy when he told us he had met the girl he loved.  As the only son, we understood he was kind of lonely.  My brother liked to keep things to himself.  He only let us know her name and that she had quite a few siblings.  Around that time, my brother joined a civic organization, a leadership group for successful young men.  One night, my brother came home in high spirit.  He told us he was elected the vice president of the civic organization, and would have a secretary (female) to work with him.  We were happy and proud of him.  He called his girlfriend about the good news, but her response was not what he had expected.  She asked him to leave the organization because she did not want him to look at another woman.  That night my brother spent hours on the phone trying to assure her.  We saw the problem, and my brother saw it too.  That night we saw his emotion ran from high high to low low.  For the days that followed, his girlfriend refused to see him.  Eventually, my brother resigned and left the civic organization.  For quite a while, he was sad, but was glad he still had her.       

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Many weeks I logged in to my blog, deleted part of what I wrote, rewrote some, and logged out.  It was not sadness that kept me from writing.  Of course, I felt sad that my brother had passed away.  However, the present me understood death was not the end, and I knew my brother was no longer suffering from physical illness.  I had a hard time of writing the post because the human I felt I should only write about the good memories and my brother's earthly success; I should not write about the above incident even though it was the precursor to the disconnection between my brother and us in later years.

After Ten Years Blogging , I still find it challenging to share my personal experiences.  It was easy to write about my own mistakes and shortcomings.  It was a different matter when a friend or a loved one was an important part of the experience.  The human I found it particularly challenging when what I shared might put her / him in a negative light.  At one point, I thought I would let go of writing the post, and moved onto sharing something else.

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Due to the pandemic, many spiritual groups met online instead of in person.  I joined several groups too.  I did not attend online meetings regularly.  I joined a meeting when the subject matter was new or of interest to me.   In a recent zoom meeting, a woman said she did not recall the name of the woman that shared with her a personal experience a couple of weeks ago.  She said what that woman said hit her (she pointed at her forehead) like electricity as if a light bulb suddenly lighted up, and helped her to look at her situation from a different perspective.  I did not expect to hear her validation of what I said.  If she or I did not join that particular meeting, I would not have heard what she said.  My guides and angels had said for me to teach and write.  I always felt I could not teach because my English was not good.  That was why I often listened, and only spoke up when I had to.  When I heard what the woman said, I suddenly realized it was in sharing my experiences that I taught.  What I learned from my experiences could help others just as other people's experiences had inspired / uplifted me. 

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Life's dramas are plenty.  It is easy for those that are not involved in that relationship or situation to judge that someone has made the wrong decision.  Good or bad (a matter of speech), our relationships, not just that of a man and a woman, are karmic.  Sometimes a person that is seemingly in the wrong may be going through an intense life lesson that he or she has yet to overcome through lifetimes.  Compassion, love and light (wisdom) may guide us through as we look at life's dramas with DISCERNMENT.

I shall continue to share my experiences with you as well as what I learn from them.

Many Blessings,
Q of D    

It is time to let go of my earthly perception of . . . . .

Greetings!

In my last post, I wrote about the healing session during which the healer from California worked on a woman that walked in looking very unwell.  The woman was radiant and looked like a different person after the healing was finished.  The healer who was known as the awaken one told the woman that others extreme negative view of her particularly that of an older male had formed like a hook at the back of her neck.  The woman confirmed what the healer said, and shared with us her story.  (Please click to view Everything Is Energy )

I was deeply touched by the woman's story.  I never realized one's strong negative thought could have such an impact on another person.

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A few days after I published Everything Is Energy, a relative called.  She talked about Rosie.  She was annoyed Rosie kept mailing her religious books even though she had asked her to stop.  Rosie also sent a lot of videos and messages by phone on a regular basis.  She said she no longer talked to Rosie, and had blocked her from other connections / communications.  Rosie thought that she was saving others by sharing (forcing) what she believed in onto others.  Her actions had alienated most of the relatives including her own loved ones.  Over the phone, we concluded Rosie probably would not change for the rest of her life.  (Other posts on Rosie Gateway to Heaven and He Who Dances On Wood )

In the morning of May 17, 2021, I had a dream.  The setting was light ***.  

*** In some of my dreams, I felt or saw things took place during nighttime.  There were structures such as shops, houses and people.  In some of my feel dreams (i.e. I only felt what went on), the background was not light, yet it was not necessary nighttime.  In a few of those dreams, I got the sense of suspense or mystery.  Sometimes I had dreams just as things happened in daytime.  Occasionally, I noted on my journal the setting was light.  The light was similar to broad daylight, but more toward something happening in the light / in another dimension.  I might sense I was in a place.  However, I did not get the same feeling of inside a structure or building or standing on a ground as that of living on earth.

In the dream, we drove on wide, wide highways to get to a gathering.  Soon we were already there.  As I entered, Rosie and her sister came out of the kitchen to greet me.  It seemed they were helping in the kitchen.  Rosie and her sister wore the same deeper green flowery down to ankle dresses, and covered their hair with white elastic cooking hats.  We were all smiles seeing one another.  Joyfully, we talked.

As mentioned above, I had the sense they walked out of the kitchen.  However, I did not really see anything inside the kitchen, and the place was in light.  In A Strange Dream and Dreams and Unfoldment in our life , the setting was similar.  I did not see the ground.

As I came out of the dream, I thought -

                      It is time to let go of my earthly perception of Rosie.

It was a liberating thought.  

As human beings, sometimes we easily formed an opinion / judgment of others be it positive or negative.  When we held someone in our negative view, it did not help that person.  In truth, it did not help anybody including ourselves.  

Let us look at it this way.  For examples, the father-in-law who held an extreme negative view against the woman / his son's wife - he might not have noticed that every time he talked about her or thought of her, he himself would be in an unpleasant / negative state of being.  I recalled I was with a friend when she got a call.  I walked a distance away so she could talk to her friend.  Before the call, my friend was in high energy.  After the call, her energy depleted.  She said she had just talked to a friend who was always very negative.  Every time they talked, she felt her energy drained.  I understood how she felt.  Years ago, I also had a similar experience.  I felt exhausted after talking to a friend over the phone.  I put down the phone and said, "I would not answer her call again!"  Right then, I 'got' that I was supposed to listen with discernment, and should continue to talk to her.  The friend continued to call every now and then.  As I centered in peace, I did not feel my energy depleted again.

The truth was most of us were affected to a certain degree of what we held in our mind or when we had a conversation with others.  It was worth to observe our state of being closely.  Why were we upset?  When were we happy?  Could we be happy no matter what*?  (* "You could be happy no matter what" was the best guidance from my spirit guide during the restaurant years.  I had written about the experience in one of my posts, but did not know which post.  If you have time, please click to view A Play on the Stage of Life )

This day I let go of my earthly perception of Rosie.  Rosie may or may not let go of her concept of hell.  It is her journey of discovery.  Each one of us is responsible for our own life.  In Grace, may all of us remember the truth that we are.

Love and Truth,

Q of D

   

    

Everything Is Energy

Greetings!

When I was with the Thursday Circle, most of my friends joyfully shared the images they saw and their interpretations after meditation / psychic practice.  It was a joy to sit there and listened to what my friends said.  As for me, I could not get into a meditative state, and all I saw was darkness when I closed my eyes.  The teacher had said we did not have to share anything if we did not want to.  In the beginning weeks / months, I did not say much.  If asked, I said I did not see or get anything.  

During group discussions (e.g. someone asked for advice as how to handle a challenge in life), I enjoyed listening to the teacher and my friends' talk.  Their words were always loving, gentle and wise.  I seldom felt the need to say anything.  Once in a long while, I might feel that I had something to say.  Then I thought my friends had already given similar advice or what I wanted to say was not important.  Besides, I was self conscious that my English was not good.  Therefore I did not speak up.  Sometimes I found myself rushing to the washroom to cough when I decided not to speak up.

Looking back, the teacher of the circle was truly an exceptional spiritual teacher and psychic.  She allowed me to take my time to warm up to the new environment or my new friends.  As my friends took turns to share, sometimes she knew to let me skip my turn, and did not call my name.  However, occasionally in the middle of a discussion, she would suddenly look at me.  With anticipation in her eyes and voice, she said, "Yes! Q of D, you have something to share?"  I was surprised!  I said, "What? Me!"  She continued to look at me with anticipation, and said, "Yes, you have something to share, don't you?"  It was because of her prompting, I was gradually more at ease to speak.

I was very grateful for the love and encouragement of the owner of the center too.  Many times she came to me after I said something during the circle.  She would hold my hands and said, "You are wonderful!  Your words are so profound."  What I said were only simple words from my heart, but the truthfulness in her voice moved me.  (Please click to view You Are My Sunshine )     

One day, I shared a personal experience.  Everybody cried.  It bothered me.  The teacher seemed to read my mind, and explained she cried because my words reached her heart.  That evening I happened to read an article on the Chinese newspaper about a musician that played the erhu.  She said many in the audience cried whenever she played the music 'Spring'.  She found it puzzling because 'Spring' expressed the joy of the season that everything began anew again.  Eventually, she began to ask those who stayed behind what they felt as they listened to the music.  It seemed people cried for many different reasons.  

• Some relived the happy memories which they had long forgotten.  
• Some recalled the unhappy times of their lives.  
• Some said they just felt very emotional as they listened to the music.  
• Others said something in the music went deep inside their hearts, and tears began to flow.  

Many of them were surprised to hear the title of the music was "Spring".  Despite of the difference of emotions while listening to the music, all of them found a renewed sense of joy after they cried.  

She had been performing for years, and still saw the same phenomenon in her concert.  She said everything was energy, and concluded people cried because something in the sound (or the vibration) of the music she played went somewhere deep inside their hearts or souls.  (Re my post My experience as a channel of spiritual healing energy )

The musician's conclusion corroborated with the teacher's words.  I was more at peace with what happened that day during the circle.  Though what I said might not be of healing, I thought I must have connected with my friends in some way.

On another day, I said something during a discussion.  Right after I spoke, a man asked others if they felt the electricity in my voice.  I wondered what he meant by electricity, but did not say anything.  (I had forgotten everything was energy.)  

One day after the gathering was over, I was on my way out of the center.  I heard a friend asked the teacher a question.   Other people had left.  The teacher and a man whom the teacher introduced as a workshop facilitator were there talking to the friend.  Before I left, I thought of something.  I turned and said what had come to my mind.  The three of them exclaimed at the same time, "That is what I need to hear today!"  I stood there in shock.  How could what I said be for all of them?  Seeing the expression on my face, the teacher tried to explain - they had different things in their mind that they wanted answers, and each 'got' what was needed from the vibration of my voice / words.  (I could not recall the exact words.)  The man asked, "Can you tell me your name again?"  I walked out of the center still wondering what had happened.

One Friday morning, a healer from California was in our center to facilitate healing.

He was known as the Awaken One, i.e. he knew the cause of one's illness by looking into one's present and past.  He had held a workshop on Thursday night, and our small center was filled with people.  Since most people had to work during daytime, there were about ten of us that Friday morning.  As the healer was about to begin, a woman rushed in.  I had never seen her before.  She did not look well at all.  Her face was very pale.  She looked nervous and kept looking downward.  

The healer began giving healing by asking the one sitting to his right what she wanted to receive.  Afterward, he asked the next one the same question and worked on her.  When it was my turn, I could feel energy working on me for quite a while, and the energy was powerful.  Throughout the healing, he remained sitting on his chair, and did not walk to work on anybody.  

When it was the woman's turn, she seemed to go through a deep healing process.  At one point, the healer asked if any one of us had learned healing.  (I recalled this event from memory because it would take too much time to look through my journals.  I believed a few had raised their hands.  At the time, I had not learned any healing modality.)  He asked one of them to hold the woman's feet to ground her energy.  He worked on this woman for a long time.  Right in front of our eyes, we saw her transformation.  The color returned to her face.  As she came out of the healing, she raised her head.  She looked very different from the time she walked in.  Her face was radiant!  The healer said to her that other people's strong negative view against her particularly that of an older male had formed like a hook on the back of her neck; that was why she felt pain and could not raise her head.  The woman confirmed what the healer said.  She fell in love with a man whose family was wealthy.  The man's side of family looked down on her especially her father-in-law.  Eventually, she could not stand the stress of her marriage, and asked for a divorce.  She thought she would feel better after the divorce.  However, she continued to feel very sick, and her visits to the doctors did not help.  

The woman's life story touched me deeply.  If I had not witnessed the woman's healing, I never thought one's strong negative view could have such an impact on another person.  

As human beings, most of us might not pay much attention to our thought and the words we spoke.  When the man said he felt the electricity in my words, the human I wondered what it meant.  The truth was the word / sound that came out of our mouth was energy, and each one of us might express a different tone / frequency / vibration.  Everything is energy.  Sometimes it was not a coincidence that someone called or came as we kept thinking about him or her.  

Other than the circle on Thursday mornings, I seldom went to any class or event at the center.  I was glad I was there to witness the woman's healing that Friday morning.  I could not imagine how painful it had been for her to bear that invisible hook at the back of her neck.  

                                           

May we remember everything is energy.  Be kind and be gentle not only to others, but to ourselves too.

Many blessings,

Q of D

The Importance of Maintaining Our PEACE

Greetings!

A friend called.  She told me months ago some of the electrical appliances in her house broke down one after another within a few days.  She now wondered if her energy or her emotional state had anything to do with it.  She said she was very angry in those days.

What she said reminded me of a similar experience that happened during the restaurant years.  Some appliances malfunctioned one after another in a matter of days.  I was overwhelmed by the situation.  We did not have the money to fix the appliances because it was already a struggle to pay for the rent, utilities, and other bills.  At that time, I did not connect with what happened around us might have something to do with our emotional state.

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Business had been very slow.  My husband was angry and bitter.  He started cussing ** which he never did before in our marriage.  He vented his anger at his family.   At times, he was loud and unreasonable.  Although I would not enter into a shouting match with him, but I was angry at his expression of anger.  The worst of all, he detached himself from all the problems.  Whenever I talked to him about what to do, it was like talking to a wall.  He either gave me a blank look or he simply said he did not know what to do.  It was due to his insistence of owning his own restaurant and choosing a location with many red flags that put us in the situations that we were in.  I resented it that he now left all the problems for me to handle.  (** He had told me he used to cuss as many that lived in the village did.  Cussing words were part of the language in their conversation, and did not really mean anything.  He gradually learned to avoid using those cussing words after he left the village.)

I prayed a lot during those years.  Occasionally, there was a sudden surge of business which gave us some financial relief.  Sometimes I woke up with an idea to fix a problem.  Sometimes help came from an unexpected source.  For instance, we went to a hardware store wanting to buy some tools to fix an appliance by ourselves.  We happened to come across an employee of the store who was a regular customer of our restaurant.  He told us not to buy the tools.  Later that day, he came with his own tools and taught us how to fix the problem.  He would not accept anything in return.  

Other than the 'Night Vision - Pieces of a Dream' phenomenon that lifted my spirit from time to time, there were other cases of the grace of God.  For example, I knew the restaurant inspector could be coming anytime, and one appliance needed to be serviced before he came.  I called the company that used to service that particular  appliance.  The woman that answered the phone acted as if she did not understand my English.  I tried to be patient, but it was getting nowhere.  I called another company, and was told the earliest they could send someone out was some days later.  I accepted the scheduled day, and let go of my concern.  After lunch hours were over, I went shopping for the restaurant.  When I came back, a man was working on the appliance!  He told me he came because he just finished his work at another restaurant.  While he was there, he flipped through his work orders, and noticed our restaurant was near that restaurant.  Therefore, he decided to come to our restaurant instead of days later.  When he gave me the invoice, I was all smiles.  The invoice number ended with 4444.  444 which meant the Power of God's love was a very significant number in my life.

Due to these incidents or touches of God, my heart was constantly filled with awe and gratitude.  I wrote in my other posts I used to include many people in my prayers.  When I heard of a divorce, illness or death, I prayed for those families.  I also prayed for the world and Mother Earth.  Looking back, my love and concern for others had unexpectedly helped me to look away from my own problems.  As a result, I was able to return to peace despite of the situations.

I could not say for sure that our anger or my friend's anger triggered or caused the malfunctioning of the appliances.  However, it served us well to pay close attention to our emotions in order to stop strong negative emotions from taking hold.  

We are spiritual beings living a physical life.  Our state of being matters.  When we change our way of looking at other people or a situation, we change the outcome too.

If electrical problem happens in your house, please call for a complete inspection for it is better to be safe than sorry.  Both my friend and us had to call the electricians to come to fix the problems.

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My guides and angels had told me again and again the importance of maintaining my peace in all situations.  Now let me share with you another experience which also happened in the restaurant years.    

                         
Every night my husband turned off the fryer before we left the restaurant.  In the morning, he lit the pivot and turned the fryer back on.  It was as easy as ABC to light the pivot.  However, during the time the appliances were malfunctioning, my husband had a hard time lighting the pivot.  It took him a long time and many matches before he could light the pivot.  Of course, he was mad, but he knew we could not afford a new fryer or call in a technician.  One morning while he was cussing and trying to light the pivot, I heard 'Go and stand behind him'.  Naturally, I doubted what I heard.  When I heard my guide asked me to go and stand behind him again, I walked over to the fryer.  As I stood there, he easily lit the pivot.  For the next few days, whenever I saw he needed help lighting the pivot, I went and stood behind him.  It worked time after time, but I did not talk about it.

One day, he looked back at me.  I saw that he was annoyed!  He wondered why I had to watch over him.  

He gave me the box of matches and said: "You must think it is easy to light the pivot.  Why don't you do it?"  

He was surprised I lit the pivot on my first try.  He said: "Since you can do it better than me, it may be you should light the pivot from now on!"  

I looked into his eyes and said: "Everyday when you cannot light the pivot, you lose your cool and begin to cuss.  Does it ever help when you get mad?  I am not more capable than you are.  Don't you remember a Chinese saying 'If you rush to get something done, it is very likely you can't get it done or as fast as you wish'?  Next time take it easy and maintain your peace."

When we lose our peace or feel aggravated, it is more likely things can get even worse.  So it is important to maintain our peace.  For instance, when there is a fire in a high-rise building, it is the one who remains calm and says out loud for others not to use the elevator that saves some lives.

Despite of my husband's behavior, every time I saw how weary and fragile he was, I could not help but looked at him with compassion.  I understood his bitterness and disappointment toward life.  He worked very hard all his life.  His hope of paying for our sons higher education was dashed.  When things did not go well, he looked back at the pains in his life.  He lost his mother when he was 2 years old.  In his teens, his father died.  He was the youngest of four.  The only brother who really loved and cared about him was killed during the Cultural Revolution in China.  So he felt life had not treated him kind.

Sometimes I tried to help him to look at life from another perspective when I observed he was more at ease / peace with life.  I talked about the good in him, reminded him of the wonderful and kind people in his life that he had told me, stories of the touches of God, and good people good deeds.  Occasionally, his face brightened up as he listened.  However, it did not last long.

Everybody had to come to term with life or the truth of life at one's own pace.  I had my own lessons to learn, so had my husband, and our sons.  It was not a coincidence that we came together at this time as a family.  As humans, sometimes we easily blamed others for our misery.  As mentioned earlier, I resented my husband for leaving all the problems for me to handle.  With the passing of time, my resentment seemed to become lesser and lesser.  However, in time of conflict, it would surface like a fleeting shadow in my mind.  One day while I was with the Thursday circle, the facilitator started the circle by talking about resentment.  She said 'even a tiny bit of resentment will in a way block the flow of love'.  Immediately, tears filled my eyes.  When we formed the closing circle, I heartily thanked the facilitator, angels, guides, and the Loving Divine for the words that came through.  Over the years, I realized that self-love was indeed very important.  Each one of us had one's own, unique spiritual journey; I should not be overly concerned or attached to the human labels such as husband and wife or parents and children.  

I share with you my experiences with the hope that we will all look within, and release those unwholesome feelings.  When we hold onto negative feelings such as pain, guilt, anger, or resentment, we are hurting ourselves because we continue to give it power.  

Nowadays when negative view or thought arises in my mind, I mentally say a mantra to clear my mind.  Sometimes I write down how I feel, and surrender the situation or relationship into the loving care of the Divine.  I will end this post with the words of Christ which I find much comfort in time of stress.

Peace I leave with you.  My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.    John 14:27          

                                                                                                 

Love,
Q of D

* This post was originally published on September, 13, 2012.  I edited it and decided to publish it again.

DREAMS and the UNFOLDMENT in our LIFE

Greetings! 

Last Friday (Apr. 9) I woke up from a dream about ordering or buying a new car.

I dreamt that I saw a car in display.  I loved the design and its color (gold).  I went inside to buy it or order one.  Someone seemed to be with me, but there was no clear idea who was with me.  (The place was not like a car dealership on earth.  I saw a car and went inside was only a matter of speech. I did not see other car or the sense of ground below.  It was more like something happening in space.)

As we sat there waiting, I looked for my credit card.  In my hand was an envelope, the kind of big, yellow envelope for documents.  Earlier, we had gone to another place to buy something.  I thought I might have left my credit card in the envelope.  Inside the envelope was a stack of documents about one and a half inches thick.  As I shifted through the documents, a woman came to let me know that the document for the car was ready.  I told her I would go to the counter when I found my credit card.  The woman walked back to the counter.  A man was there working with her.  After quite a while, I still could not find my credit card.  I took out the stack of documents, and the card fell out.

I went to the counter.  The man took my credit card.  Within seconds, the whole transaction was done.  The man gave me back my card and a set of documents.  I looked at my credit card.  It was issued a while back to replace the old one.  The old card was in dull red while the new card was in bright red with some pleasant designs.  I felt happy looking at my new credit card.  When I read the documents, I was nicely surprised that I got the car at a good price.  Meanwhile, I wondered, "My car is still good.  Why do I buy a new one?  Do I need two cars?"  I looked at the man and said, "The new car has many functions that I do not know.  After a few days, can I return it if I want to?"  The man and woman at the counter did not say anything or react to what I said.  They just looked at me with understanding.

Then I woke up.  I realized I began to react with my human reasoning near the end of the dream.  The man and woman at the counter understood that.  They knew I would understand that the car was already mine or I had chosen the car.  Most of the times, my dreams were symbolic.  For examples, many years ago I dreamt of losing my handbag from time to time.  I often found my handbag at the end of those dreams.  However, it did not feel good to go through the stress and anxiety.  I finally asked for my guide's advice, and understood that a handbag was symbolic to our earthly identity and / or the role we played.  (Re Do you have dreams looking for your handbag?  and The dream of a new handbag and a new role )  As for a vehicle, it might mean the spiritual body or a vehicle that our soul / source of being resided in.  During the years when my husband was not well, I had quite a few dreams that he was driving his car with his eyes closed.  With his blind belief, he believed he was healthy, but he was not.  A car might be symbolic to one's state of being and had other spiritual meanings.  It also had different meanings if one was the driver of his own car or a passenger in another person's car.  In my experience, the feeling in a dream might be an indicator as how to interpret it.  (If you are interested in dreams, please read my post What do we do when we have dreams of fear ) 

Though I could not fully understand the meaning, I loved my dream on last Friday.  It was a good dream.       

It was interesting to reread The dream of a new handbag and a new role .  I had that dream in Nov. 2006 after I told my guides and angels that I would follow their guidance to learn a healing art.  In that dream, the original owner of the holistic center told me to write a thank-you letter to all my friends.  Looking back, it was a step to thank the old (i.e. the friends of the circle and experiences of the past) before stepping into the new (i.e. what were to come).  Meanwhile, the owner herself was busy cleaning up the center.  She, too, was cleaning the old before a new beginning.  A few months later, she left the center and the teacher of the Thursday Circle became the new owner.  It was also interesting that I did not write the thank-you letter after the dream.  In fact, it happened after I went to the 2-day healing workshop on March 24 and 25 of 2007.  Upon hearing that I had learned a healing art, the new owner of the center asked me to be the on-site healer on Wednesdays, and my new role as a healer (the green handbag) began.  (Re More on my journey as a channel of healing energy )

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Dreams were of significant importance in my journey on earth.  I am glad I take the time to record some of my experiences, otherwise I may have forgotten about them.  When I read my journal, it helps me to look at life from a new light.  

Please know that it  is never too late to start writing down you thought and experiences.

Have FUN on the journey of life!

Love,

Q of D   

  

Love, Compassion and Empathy in Healing

Greetings!

After I moved back to this state, the small church in the other state continued to email me Sunday newsletter every week.  Below the list of the upcoming speakers, events / workshops, news and people that asked for prayers was an excerpt from the lectures of the founder of the church.  I loved reading the excerpts.  The words were uplifting and inspiring.    

I did not know anything about the founder of the church before I moved to that state.  He passed away in 1994.  I moved there in August of 2007.  In Sept. 2007, the teacher of healing called me from her state.  She asked me to go to a Unity church to meet two traveling Unity ministers that had learned the healing art.  She had hoped that the three of us would offer healing after Sunday service.  It did not happen because the two ministers had their personal agenda.  Afterward, they continued to travel to other Unity churches in U.S.A.  While I was at Unity, a mother and daughter talked to me.  They were both mediums that talked to spirits.  They told me another church might be the right one for me.  They gave me the directions.  They were right.  I eventually called that small church my spiritual home.

The founder of the church was a known psychic, channel, and spiritual teacher.  He gave readings by getting into a trance like Edgar Cayce, the Sleeping Prophet.  He also channeled universal wisdom.  In his lectures, he talked in depth about healing.  A while back, I read an excerpt where he said if we loved another person more than ourselves, we could practically feel what that person felt, and healing could occur.  (I could not recall the exact words, but this was my understanding.)  I thought, "Really?  But how many of us can love others more than ourselves?"  

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

After the conversation with my son about the father and son getting emotional on the TV, a few incidents came to my mind.  (Re He asked, "Why (do you tear up)? They are not related to you. )

During the challenging restaurant years, some earth angels walked in and became my friends.  I am eternally grateful for their love and support.

One of the earth angels was a woman who believed in angels and spirits.  She and her husband ordered food from us regularly.  They were in their 70 s.  Her husband used to come to pick up their carry orders.  Later, her husband passed away.  The woman / my friend began to come in and eat instead of ordering carryout.  She often came after or before the rush hours so that we could talk.  I enjoyed listening to her stories.  She walked with a cane.  Some days she seemed to be in pain walking, but she was always cheerful.  Once in a while, she brought along her next door neighbor to our restaurant.

In September, 2001, she came in.  I saw that she was in a lot of pain.  I asked how she was doing.  She said the pain in her feet was getting worse, and the pain kept her up at night.  She told me her husband died of bone cancer.  She was afraid she might have bone cancer too.  She said she had make an appointment to see a doctor.  

I began to pray for her at night.  One night in late September, her next door neighbor came in.  It was the first time her neighbor came in by herself.  After I brought out her food, she said, "I come to tell you that your friend is very sick.  You better pray for her."  My friend had told me that her neighbor did not believe in angels, prayer, and life after death.  It showed how much her neighbor cared about her.  I was very concerned about my friend.  That night I prayed with all my heart and soul for my friend.  I continued to pray for her whenever I thought of her.

On Oct. 2, 2001, I went to bed around 2 a.m.  Less than two hours later, severe pain inside the bottom of my feet woke me up.  I curved my feet towards my upper body.  From my experiences, this usually freed me from cramps.  It did not work this time.  I had cramps during pregnancy.  It was a long, long time ago.  Once in a long while, I did experience minor pain on my feet, but this time the pain was terrible.  I rose from bed to hold my feet with my hands.  I imagined healing energy enfolded my feet (I learned this from books).  It did not help.  The pain was too much to bear.  All of a sudden, I heard myself yelled,

                                           "In the Name of God, heal!"

                                           "In the Name of God, heal!"

                                           "In the Name of God, heal!"

The pain abruptly subsided.  Luckily, my yelling did not wake my husband up.  While I was a light sleeper, my husband was a heavy sleeper.  Lying in bed, I wondered what overcame me to say those words.  Every time when I got sick, I begged God to heal me.  Even during the 4 days and nights excruciating pain ordeal, I just kept repeating, "God, please heal me. God, please heal me."  "In the Name of God, heal!" sounded like a command to me.  I had never said that before.  As the pain subsided, I fell asleep again with a heart of gratitude.  (Re the 4 days and nights ordeal see my post The Grace of God )

On Oct.3, 2001, my friend walked in without a cane.  I assumed her visit to the doctor must have helped her.  I asked her about it.  She said she had not seen the doctor yet for her appointment was the following week.  She said she woke up feeling much better on Oct. 2, and had since been walking without a cane.  Seeing the smile back on her face, I was very happy for her.

Another incident was about a black woman who worked in a store.  

She was a cashier.  Sometimes she worked at the lottery counter.  Whenever she saw me and my husband, she greeted us with a big smile.  She waved at us with a great smile from her checkout lane even when we lined up at other checkout lane.  (My husband often chose a lane with the least number of customers.)  I had seen many customers smiled back at her just as we did because she was so nice and friendly.  

One afternoon, I went shopping for the restaurant.  I saw her working at the lottery counter*.  One look at her, I knew she was very sick.  I went to buy a lottery ticket.  I asked, "How are you doing?"  In a barely audible voice, she told me she had been sick for some days and her whole body hurt terribly.  I asked if she had seen a doctor.  She said she did, but the medicine did not help.  I suggested for her to take some days off and rest at home.  She said she had already taken a few sick days.  She had to come to work because she needed money to pay the rent.  I looked at her with lots of compassion.  (*This was the same store that I wrote about in Words of Christ and the 4444 Incident - Part 2.  The lottery counter used to be right by the entrance.  The layout of the store is different now.)

That night I knelt down by the side of the bed and prayed for the cashier.  As I prayed, excruciating pain came over my entire body.  It had never happened before while I was praying.  Despite of the terrible pain, I continued to pray.  When I finished praying, I was surprised the pain was completely gone.  I was fine.

The next day, my husband asked me to go to the store to buy something for the restaurant.  Again, I saw the woman at the lottery counter.  She looked at me with her usual wonderful smile.  I asked how she was doing.  She said she felt great because she was no longer in pain.  I was glad she was well.  I thought the pain I felt while praying could just be a coincidence.

In the restaurant years, other customers had asked me to pray for them every now and then.  On some occasions, the customers told me they were visiting our state or they lived in cities that were not nearby.  They happened to drive past our restaurant, and wanted to come in to order food.  While waiting for their orders, they began to tell me a family member was sick.  Before they left, they asked me to pray for him or her.  In most cases, I did not see them again.  When I prayed for others, I never felt pain except in the above two cases.  I usually prayed while sitting on my bed.  Looking back, I must really hope that the divine would intercede and show grace in the cashier's situation that I knelt down to pray.

I was happy that my friend and the cashier were feeling much better.  However, I could not help but wondered if I felt pain merely by coincidence, or I had experienced their pain.  I believed ** I had said to my guides and angels that I would continue to pray for others, but I did not want to experience other's pain anymore.  (** It was not recorded in my journal.)  Since then, I had not felt any physical pain when I prayed for others.    

When my friend and the cashier talked to me, I listened with love and compassion.  I did not feel their physical pain.  I was sensitive since I was young.  I could feel who was sad or happy, but had no idea why he / she was in such a mood.  I thought it was only because I was observant and / or thoughtful.  When I said to my son that I was empathetic, many things that I had gone through with doubt suddenly became clear.  I was empathetic to a certain degree and yet not overly sensitive.  It helped me to maintain my peace and balance.  It helped me to connect with others and be a conduit of healing.

Love and Blessings,

Q of D

  

He asked, "Why (do you tear up)? They are not related to you."

Greetings!

The TV was on.  On the left of the screen was a father whose son (and his team) had been qualified to play in the NCAA basketball tournament.  The father was answering the reporter's question from home.  On the right side of the screen was his son who sat on a bench in the locker room.  I did not watch from the beginning, but it seemed it was the young man's first time playing in a tournament.  I could sense both father and son were very emotional about making the tournament.  The father tried to say some words of encouragement and how proud he was of his son.  He was choked with emotions, and had a hard time saying what he wanted to say.  The young man became very emotional too.  He raised his hands over his face, and wiped his tears repeatedly.  My eyes teared up.

My son happened to walk past and saw what happened on the TV.   My son was into bodybuilding.  He was not interested in basketball or football.  He looked at his father who had been watching TV.  His father showed no emotion or reaction.  He turned to look at me.  

He asked, "Why did the father cry?"  

I said, "He is very proud of his son."  

My son said, "He should be happy.  I don't understand why he cried."  

I said, "It is a different expression of joy.  When people finally achieve what they want to accomplish, the feeling can be personal and not that easy to express.  Sometimes we have a hard time talking because we are choked with emotions.  Did you remember your voice choked when you made a toast on your brother's wedding?"  

He said, "Yes, I did."  For a brief second, he paused as if to look back at that moment.  He added, "I did not expect that to happen.  But, I did."  

I said, "Before the wedding, other people said I would cry.  I said I would not.  I was happy for your brother, and  thought that I would smile throughout the wedding.  When they said their vows, tears ran down my face because I was deeply touched.  Your brother's truthful words touched everybody, and XX (my daughter-in-law) cried too.  There is nothing wrong with crying."  I added, "You know, my eyes teared up too watching the father and son on TV."  

My son was surprised to hear that.  He asked, "Why?  They are not related to you."  

I said, "It is because I am empathetic."  

I went on to tell him a similar incident that happened some years ago.  A female TV host was leaving the morning show.  On her last day on the show, her co-hosts and coworkers had made some special arrangement to show their appreciation.  The camera followed her as she walked around to acknowledge and thank her friends / coworkers.  On her face was a bright, joyful smile.  This went on for quite a while.  Suddenly, I said, "Oh, no!  She is going to cry!"  His father (my husband) looked at me with that "what are you talking about" look.  On the TV, the woman was still smiling, but she soon broke down and cried.  I knew before it happened because I felt what she felt.  She was deeply moved by the love of her friends.

My son said, "Many times I do not understand why people cry.  I am glad I don't have that kind of emotion."

I looked at him.  I said, "You probably concluded crying was a sign of weakness when you were young.  We often react to situations in a certain way due to the view or conclusion we draw from our past experiences.  Sometimes the situations we are in may seem similar, yet nothing in life is ever exactly the same.  We can always adjust our views, and handle things differently.  You say you don't want to talk about emotions, but you have talked to me about emotions on some occasions."  I smiled and added, "You talk to me about bodybuilding all the time.  Though you say you do not want to hear anything spiritual, I am going to say that when you block your emotions, you are also blocking the flow of love in some ways.  And, we are beings of love."

My son listened and did not say anything.  On his face was an expression of peace.  The old him would have taken a strong stance against hearing anything about love or spirituality.  It did not necessary mean that he took in what I said this day.  However, it did show he was now more patient, tolerant or accepting of others than he was some years ago.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

When my son asked, "Why (do you tear up)?  They are not related to you."

I said, "It is because I am empathetic."  

I never said "I am empathetic'' before.  As these words came out of my mouth, I was a little surprise.  At the same time, it was like a realization or a remembrance.  It was hard to describe.  There were past incidents that I went through wondering if they were merely coincidence.  Now, everything seemed to make sense.  I would share a few of the incidents in my next post.   

There are many people like me that tear up hearing other people's stories and experiences.  Why do we feel that way?  Is it only our simple emotional response?

We may not be related by blood, yet we are far more connected than we can imagine.  

Good Night!

Love and Blessings,

Q of D

A Chance Meeting at the Deli Counter

Greetings!

Last Tuesday I was in a store at the deli counter waiting for my turn.  After quite a while, the same ticket number remained on the visitor monitor.  The three deli workers were busy helping customers with that number and numbers before that.  Since there were six numbers ahead of my number, I waited patiently.

I saw a man walked toward the deli department.  He seemed to look at the display items around the counter, yet I saw him glanced over my direction a couple of times.  When he was a little bit closer (i.e. a few feet away), he looked at me and said, "I want to tell you that you can self-publish a book."  My immediate thought was I must have heard it wrong!  I looked at him.  He seemed to be a quiet gentleman (i.e. he was not someone who was openly friendly that would strike a conversation with anyone).  I asked, "What did you just say?"  He paused and did not answer right away.  Then he said, "I have self-published a book."  I was relieved that I had heard it wrong.  How unthinkable it would be if he, a total stranger, really said what I thought I heard.  

I said, "You have self-published a book!  That's great!"  He told me the title of his book, and said it was listed on 26 browsers globally.  He said his book was on demand, and sold in many countries.  He mentioned some countries.  He said his book could help people in many different ways.  Then he went on to tell me how he self-published his book in great detail.  

Since there were other people around, we talked in a soft voice.  I could not listen with my whole attention.  My focus was on the deli visitor monitor and the deli counter for I did not want to miss my turn.  As a result, sometimes I did not hear clearly of what he said.  Besides, we were talking with our masks on.  (In our state, we were required to wear masks.)  He told me about the publisher that helped people to self-publish books.  The publisher's name had a sound similar to a Chinese last name.  For a brief second, I thought "Oh, it is a Chinese company!"  As he mentioned the publisher again, I realized it was my misunderstanding.  I kind of laughed within realizing the cultural effect in my listening / understanding.  I asked if he had to pay any money up front.  He said he had to sign a contract and pay a down payment.  He related the fee in total.  I said, "It is a lot of money!"  He said he was not a writer, and used to work as an engineer.  He submitted what he wrote, and the publisher did the rest.  By self-publishing his book, he got to keep 80% of the sales while the publisher only got 20%.    

I asked him, "How long does it take for you to write the book?"  He said, "Five and a half years."  I said, "Wow, you spent that many years to write the book!  What cause you to write the book?"  He said, "I answer to the calling."  I did not expect to hear this answer.  He continued to give me some more details about his book, e.g. the size, number of pages and the color of the cover.  I observed it was almost my turn.  I asked, "May I know your name?"  Though he had repeated his name, I only kind of got his first name.  The deli worker called my number, and our conversation ended.  

He talked in length about his book and how he self published the book.  I did not hear the title of his book clearly.  I also did not remember his last name.  Without clear information, I was not successful in looking up his book online.

It was not that unusual that people wanted to start a conversation with another customer in a store.  Later at home, this chance meeting reminded me of other occasions that strangers suggested for me to write or keep writing.  

I was with the Thursday Circle when it happened for the first time.  The holistic center held classes and meetings throughout the week in the morning as well as at night.  On certain weekdays, there were on-site healers and psychics.  During the Thursday Circle, people sometimes walked in to join us.  I observed they might be new to me, but oftentimes most of them were familiar with the teacher of the circle.  It was probably because I did not attend other classes or meetings.  One day, we had a few new faces.  When the meeting was over, a woman stopped me while I was on my way out of the center.  If I recalled correctly, the teacher had introduced her as a known psychic who had her own radio talk show.  She talked about me writing.  Immediately, I said, "No, I don't write.  My English is not good."  She said, "You do write.  You write about your sons and other things that happened in life.  You think nobody is going to read them, but people are going to read what you write.  Keep writing."  I believed she also talked about using the computer or Internet.  At the time, I did not have an email address, and knew nothing about the Internet.  As I wrote, I was not into asking questions.  I walked out of the center feeling very unsettled.

Sometimes I looked back and questioned myself, "What is wrong with me?  Why didn't I ask questions.  I could have learned what to do or more about myself."   

For example, in A strange conversation with a professor , I could have asked to talk to the medium and the professor, but I did not.  There was one time in my experiences that I actually prayed to the divine for a second chance to talk to a woman.  (Re The Lesson of Importance )  

When people I did not know well talked to me, I seldom asked questions.  Many times I felt unsettled afterward.  

Writing this post made me realize I should change.  I have decided that I will ask questions if similar situations happen again.  As the Thursday Circle teacher used to say, "It was the you then.  What has it got to do with the you now?"

Was Tuesday's talk about self-publishing a book merely a chance meeting that bore no significance?  Had I ever thought of writing a book?  

Good Night!

Love and Blessings,

Q of D

 

    

Ten Years Blogging

Greetings!

It is March 2021.  In March 2011, I published my first post A Story of the Touch of God .  Time flies. 

After a winter storm, the old computer that I used as a typewriter died.  About a year later, my younger son convinced me to buy a new one and subscribe for Internet service so that we could video chat.  At the time, we lived in different states about 750 miles apart.  I only got to see them once or twice a year.  Of course, I would love to video chat with them.  My new computer arrived in time for our first video chat on Thanksgiving Day in 2010.  It was wonderful to talk to our loved ones as well as seeing them on the computer screen.  

Afterward, my son kept 'pushing' me to create a blogger account.  In the earlier years of my spiritual journey, my younger son was the one in the family that I shared with some of my experiences.  Therefore, he knew I was told to write and teach in the Dec. 2001 reading.  I was hesitant to do so.  With my limited English, how could I write?  Besides, I regarded my experiences as something personal.  In my human mind, anything that was personal was not supposed to be shared.  However, part of me understood it was something that I should do.  About a year and a half earlier, I 'got' that it was time for me to re-read my journal so that I could share my experiences / the lessons I learned.  I finally agreed to open a blogger account.

Since I knew very little about the computer, my younger son had to guide me over the phone to create an email address and a blogger account.  Over my side (or at my computer), I typed in atonewithbuddha as my email address.  When my son learned of it, he raised some concern.  He said, "Mom, some people may not want to read your blog if you choose that as your email."  I understood his concern.  I said, "But I had already typed in the letters."  My son said, "You can change it or choose another email address."  After some thought, I said, "It is fine.  I already created an email address."  After a pause, my son said, "Okay, it is up to you."  (In my posts, I had mentioned I did not have a religion.  Many people automatically assumed that I was a Buddhist because I am a Chinese.  As I had told a brother at church that I loved Jesus Christ just as I loved Buddha.  (Re Gateway to Heaven )  I did not know why I typed in atonewithbuddha that day.  It might have something to do with my experience during that time.

After creating a blogger account, my son said, "Mom, I know you.  Though I have helped you to create an account, you may not write.  You have to tell me when you will publish your first post."  Yeah, he knew me.  Reluctantly, I said I would publish a post by March 25.  I thought I had given myself plenty of time, but I barely made the deadline.  

Soon I got a call from my son.  He congratulated me for publishing my first post.  My son told me he used to publish his own blog.  However, with work and kids, he had stopped writing.  He asked me, "Mom, why did you begin your post with 'Greetings'?  It looks odd."  I said, "I know nothing about blogging.  I just think I need to begin a post with greetings."  My son said, "You know, you can simply begin a post without 'greetings', and you don't have to close with 'many blessings' too."  He suggested for me to read his blog and other people's blogs.  I went online to read his blog as well as other blogs.  It was true that mine looked odd.  When it was time to publish my second post, I felt more comfortable to begin with 'greetings' and end with 'blessings' than without.  That was the way that I had been connecting with all of you over the years.  My son sometimes said that I was stubborn.  I might be stubborn in some ways.  However, I meant it when I said or wrote 'many blessings' and 'love and peace'.   

In January 2010, I spoke during Sunday service for the first time.  As I had mentioned above, the old computer no longer worked after the winter storm.  I had to write what I planned to talk by hand.  If the computer still worked, I would have printed out the speech in large readable letters.  I wasted many pieces of paper writing and rewriting.  When I finally finished writing , it was very close to the Sunday I was scheduled to talk.  Since my older son did not want to hear anything spiritual, I tried to practice the talk while he was at work.  However, I had a hard time memorizing my speech.  I ended up practicing my talk even when my son was home.  He overheard I began my talk with 'Good morning, my brothers and sisters'.  He immediately said, "Mom, please just say 'Good morning'.  It is so weird to hear what you say!  I have been to church before.  I know nobody say 'good morning, my brothers and sisters'.  You are weird!"  He proceeded to correct the way I said some of the words.  I was glad that he took the time to correct my pronunciation.  In a way, he was right.  It was true that the speakers at church did not begin with the words that I had in mind.  However, I felt there was nothing wrong with the way I addressed the congregation for in truth they were my brothers and sisters.  As I continued to practice, my son protested a few more times.  Later, he left for the gym.  (Since I felt uncomfortable speaking in English, you might wonder why I asked for a chance to speak at church.  Please click to view  Our Voices Matter )

My brothers and sisters at church were very supportive during the two times I spoke.  A brother said, "You must get lots of satisfaction getting standing ovation."  I was surprised to hear that.  I never looked at it that way.  For me, I was very grateful that the church had given me the opportunity to connect and share with the lessons that I had learned.  After I spoke, I felt glad that I had finished the (self-set) assignment.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  (As we connect, we are one in love.  And so it is.)

In the first few years after I bought a new computer, I continued to use it mainly for writing or recording the events in my life.  We moved back to this state near the end of August 2012.  Whenever I had a problem with the computer, I called my younger son.  One day, he said, "Mom, play with the computer.  You won't break it.  The Internet has answers for almost anything.  You can learn how to fix a problem by yourself.  Go to YouTube and search for what you are interested in.  You can listen to music or watch a movie."  Gradually, I spent more time on the computer.  It was true the Internet was very helpful.  

    

In 2016, I wanted to go to spiritual circles / gatherings.  I created another email account for this purpose.  I had been following Natalie Glasson's channeled messages for some months.  The messages from the Divine (e.g. Mahatma, Archangels, Lord Melchizedek, Goddess Community, the Ascended Masters, Lord Buddha and etc.)  were forever loving and supportive.  I watched her videos on YouTube, but sometimes I needed to watch a few times to get the words of certain guidance / invocation.  One day, I decided to subscribe to her email so that I could read the messages.  Subscribing to her channeled messages was one of the best decisions that I had ever made.  Reading the messages helped me much more than just watching the videos.  In later days, I realized I made that decision on Angel's day, Nov. 11, 2016, a 1111 angel number day.    

I had been listening and reading Natalie Glasson's channeled messages for 5 years.  It was only until recently that it suddenly dawned on me that the format I used for my blog was not that weird or odd after all!  You see, the beings that came through Natalie Glasson often began a message with 'greetings' and closed with  'love'.  Sometimes the divine ones began by saying 'greetings my beloved brothers and sisters'.  (e.g. messages from Master Jesus and Master St. Germain)  I read that on the other side or in other dimensions we went to lectures and gatherings too.  It might be I had attended lectures and teachings by the Ascended Ones during my sleep.

Spring is almost here.  I look forward to attend gatherings in person.  

Love and Blessings,

Q of D

Have A Great New Beginning

Greetings!

Continue from my last post I kept asking myself "Why am I here?" .  

In the dream, I found myself in a gathering of recognized healers.  I felt I did not belong to be there because I did not see myself as a healer.  I wondered why I was there or why I was invited.  Upon waking up, I realized the me in the dream was a reflection of the me in life.  After contemplation, I understood how relevant it was for me to have the dream at this time.

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Did I feel qualify as a healer?  

At church and in spiritual centers, I had seen a few healers demonstrated what they did during healing sessions.  They were calm and collected.  Some of them knew what was wrong by seeing, sensing or feeling one's energy field.  As for me, I might be able to see one's sadness / pain in his eyes, but did not get anything about one's illness.  Some healers got info or messages to relate to the one they worked on.  I rarely ** received anything to relate to those that came for healing.   ( ** "Tell her that she is very, very loved." )  

A friend told me she was very pleased with a healer because he worked on her for over an hour.  It was normal for people to feel that way.  Since my way of going about a healing session was 'let go let god', I would work on a client as long as needed.  However, often than not, a session could be over in a couple of minutes to about 15 minutes.  I understood some people wanted me to work on them longer.  However, when I felt it was finished, it was finished (or for the time being).  Some healing arts had a procedure of what to do before, during and how to finish a healing session, but that was not the way I went through a session.  I was not a professional healer, and was never concerned about time.  On a few occasions, people chose to remain in the field of healing energy (on a massage table / chair) for a long, long time.  I would leave them alone, and let them take as much time as they wanted.  

In some ways, I always felt I did not know much about healing.  This feeling might have much to do with my experiences during which I was suddenly moved to heal others.  When that happened, I was as surprised as others.  Though part of me was at peace, the human I understood how inappropriate it was in the social view.  For examples, I stood up to work on 5 people in the middle of a Sunday service; during the healing circle, I suddenly moved to work on a woman that another healer was working on.  (Re My higher self and the human I in my healing experiences )  After the Sunday service incident, a brother who was himself a wonderful, long time healer called me.  He said I should remain sitting where I was to channel healing energy without drawing attention.  A loving being that he was, I knew that he must be doing that during Sunday services.  I could not explain to him that energy had been flowing into me in the past without causing any attention, and what happened that Sunday was a total shock to me.  Thanks to the loving Divine, I got to understand why this or that happened as things continued to unfold, or received validations from others.  (Re Part 1 - The Unexpected Incident , Part 2 - The Gathering , Part 3 - The Dream and Part 4 - Afterthought of the Whole Experience )

As a result of these experiences, I felt I might be a channel of healing energy.  However, I was not qualified as a healer / a professional healer.

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After the dream I kept asking myself "Why am I here?", I realized the me in the dream was a reflection of the me in life.  

In the days that followed, I happened to read my post More on my journey as a channel of spiritual healing energy .  Upon hearing that I had learned a healing art (Mar. 2007), the teacher of the Thursday Circle who was now also the owner of the center immediately asked me to be the on-site healer on Wednesdays.  Instead of feeling joyful about the opportunity, I judged myself unqualified.  Below was the postscript of the post.

P.S.  As I re-read this post on July 15, 2019, I realized how easily I judged myself and set limitations instead of opening up to what could be.  I also realized I might have made some progress in this aspect, but I had as yet let go of this pattern / old habit of thinking.

I also read the following in my post Have a Blissful 2017 

As I reread Who Smiles? Who Sees?, the words of the psychic in the March 2006 reading came to my mind.  She said, "In this lifetime, you have come to live an ordinary life.  You come to collect data living as an ordinary person, but cream is lighter than water.  You will eventually rise to the top because of who you are."  I asked her to explain.  She related her visions of me, but what she said was not what I wanted to hear.  I wanted to know where to look for a job and have an income.  For a while, she paused as if taking in the images she saw.  She said, "Q of D, you come to live an ordinary life.  You want to be like everybody else,  but you are not everybody else.  You are different.  You have to accept who you are ... "

I also remembered what happened on the first day of the 7-Day spiritual retreat.  The spiritual master said to Samuel, "She is an instrument."  He turned to me and said, "When you accept who you are, you will be much more and can help many people." His words caused a strong emotional reaction within me.  I thought I had accepted who I was by stepping outside of my comfort zone to mix with people.  (Re Day 1 of the one week spiritual retreat )

It was no accident that I had the dream and reread the two posts.     

According to the divine messages through many channels around the world, we have been embarking on a new beginning.  During the ascension, there have been multi downloads of energies, frequencies and vibrations from different dimensions.  There are many shifts and transformation.  It is the time of awakening that many people have been waiting for.  Some people may smoothly ease into the new beginning, some may find life chaotic and confusing, while others may experience a mix of both.  The new beginning is like a clean, new canvas for each to create or draw.  The message is '2021 is a year of creation', and it is of vital importance that we pay attention to what we hold in our mind / thought.

It was true the divine (higher self / guides / angels / loving ascended beings) was ever present to inspire, guide and assist.  I realized I should let go of the limiting old view of self that had been holding me back.  It is time to fully accept and embrace the truth I am!

In love, I share with you my experience.  I hope you will look deep within and release whatever may be holding you back.  

Have a great new beginning!

Love,

Q of D