The Power Outage and the Refrigerator

Greetings!

It had been three months since I published my last post 2007 The year of many changes.  I knew I should continue to write about the darkest *** of night in 2008, but found myself unfocused to do what I should do.  I tried to write by recalling what had happened.  It did not go well.  Meanwhile, I often ran into 'page unresponsive' while using the old desktop computer for blogging.  (I used it for blogging because of the big screen.)  Eventually, I let weeks and months go by.   

Most mornings I went for a walk in the school field.  Since the day I suddenly wanted to capture the magnificence of the sun , I always brought my pocket size Fuji camera with me.  It had been a nice summer, and I had taken some wonderful pictures particularly of the sun during June.  I captured big, globe like images surrounding the sun in broad daylight.  These images could be nothing special, and might just be the reflections of the sun.  However, Lens flare or not, pictures of the sun / nature give me joy .  I hope to share some of the pictures with you in the future.

One morning in late August, I stood in my favorite spot in the school field enjoying the light summer breeze and appreciating the beauty of nature.  Suddenly, two past experiences came to my mind.  

I recalled the time my husband and I went to the newly constructed city park for the first time.  I had wanted to see white birds / seagulls flying above the body of water.  I wondered aloud why there was none in sight.  My husband explained that I should not have expected to see seagulls over the artificially made body of water in the park.  In disappointment, I closed my eyes and said in my heart, "But, I have come to see the white birds!"  Then some white birds came.  Soon a lot of white birds came, and put on a spectacular show flying gracefully above the body of water.  As I watched, the feeling of awe and gratitude vibrated throughout my entire being.   (Re Stories of birds, bees and other signs from the divine )

Then I remembered one afternoon in late 2003.  It was a cold, windy and cloudy day.  I was supposed to go to the bank and then come back to the restaurant.  I started the car, but I just sat there.  My heart was heavy. 

A few days earlier, a car sped out of a side street and hit our son's car.  Luckily, our son was not hurt, but his car was wrecked.  His auto insurance did not cover car rental, and we did not have the money to rent a car for him.     

Earlier in the morning, we drove our son to work.  He worked in an office that was about an hour and a half from where we lived.  The round trip took us 3 hours, and we came back to the restaurant just in time to open up.  Since we had to take care of the restaurant, I told my son to talk to his coworkers.  I wanted him to find out if anyone lived in nearby cities and would kindly give him a ride home.  My son was new on the job, and I understood it was an uneasy situation for him.  Around noon, my son called.  He said none of his coworkers lived near where we lived.  I told him not to worry.  I said we might be late, but we would pick him up.  I knew he got off work around 4 p.m.  I talked to my husband about closing up the restaurant an hour or two early to pick up our son.  We usually closed at 10 or 10:30 p.m.  Most of the time, there was not much business after 8:30 p.m.  My husband did not seem to care.  He flatly said 'No', and asked me to tell our son to stay in a restaurant to wait for us.  I was upset at his response.  How could we asked our son to stay in a restaurant for so many hours?  I did not call my son.

Sitting inside the car, I thought of my son.  I lowered my head and prayed, "Please let there be earth angels to help my son."  Suddenly, out of the thick, dark clouds, the sun came out and shone at me brightly and lovingly.  I said, "I love you Sun."  I looked at the clock.  It was 2:22 p.m.  At that moment, I knew my prayer had been heard, and everything was going to be alright. 

Around 4 p.m., my son called to let me know that he was home!  His boss / manager had to go to a plant in a city near where we lived, and offered to drive our son home.  He also picked up our son the next day because he had to visit that plant again early in the morning.  My son got an apartment in the city where he worked.  His coworkers picked him up and drove him back to his apartment until he got another car.  (Re In time of darkness, light always shines through )    

I usually stood in that spot in the school field enjoying the peace and thinking of nothing.  I felt grateful beyond words at the time of going through those experiences, and felt even more so recalling them that morning.  I thought of all the earth angels that had kindly lent us a helping hand - my son's manager, coworkers and son's friend who volunteered to pick him up on weekends.  I thanked them and sent them my blessings.  I thanked my guides and angels for their love and support.  I thanked the Divine for the grace in my life.  I also understood it was no accident that I recalled the experiences.  While love and support were (are) ever present, I myself had been slacking off allowing weeks and months to drift by.  It was time to get back to my blog.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~ 

There were only a few occasions that I wrote a post and published it on the same day.  It normally took me many days to finish a post.  I had to look up words that I was not sure, grammar, and links to the relevant posts.  

While I was working on this post, I kept hearing clicking sound from the refrigerator.  I talked to my son about it.  He thought the sound was normal because the refrigerator went through different cycles.  I knew the cycles stuff.  I felt something could be wrong because the sound seemed to go on throughout the day.  My son said**, as far as he knew, the sound did stop sometimes particularly at night.  Therefore, I thought I could be wrong because the refrigerator was pretty new.  The apartment maintenance team installed these refrigerators in each unit about one and a half year ago.  (** I should have realized my son's immediate response was but his assumption.  He did not pay attention to the sound around the house as I did.  I was always sensitive to sound.)

I let go of my concern about the refrigerator.  I went shopping for groceries as usual.  I was quite pleased with my shopping trips because all the things I wanted to buy were available and at very good prices.  The next day (a Friday) I wanted to have some ice cream.  I  found out there was indeed a problem with the freezer / the upper compartment of the fridge.  I went to the apartment office.  The office was about to close.  The woman employee said no refrigeration was regarded as an emergency, and asked me to call for emergency service.  (The regular maintenance men were off on weekends.)  For the next two days, I was told repeatedly over the phone that a professional technician would come to fix the refrigerator, but no one came.  At first, the lower compartment still had cool air, but the refrigerator eventually stopped working completely.  I threw away all the TV dinners, two boxes of ice cream, chicken and fish.  I wanted to save the whole English roast, beef steaks, pork butt, and shrimps that were somewhat frozen.  I asked my son to buy some ice, and he came home with two huge bags of ice.  Every four hours during day and night, I refilled the containers that held the meats and shrimps with ice.  

On Monday, I went to the office.  The head maintenance man said he had ordered a brand new refrigerator for us from Home Depot.  At noon, the refrigerator arrived.  It was a better brand than the one that broke down.  It was quiet and not noisy as the other one.  I was glad and grateful.  I thought I had saved the meats and shrimps because they looked and smelt fine.  In the afternoon, we had a severe thunderstorm, and the power went out around 6 p.m.  Over a quarter of a million families were without electricity for days.  I ended up throwing away all the meats, and practically everything (e.g. dressing, sauce and sausages) in the refrigerator.  

When the power went out that Monday evening, we thought the power would come back in a few hours.  Around midnight, my son said he would go to a fast food restaurant to order food.  He asked if I wanted to come along.  I said "Yes".  I looked around while my son was driving.  Part of the city was completely dark, and only a few cars were on the road.  Somehow, I felt peace.  The reactive emotion due to the little inconvinence in recent days totally dissipated.        

On the night that the power was restored, I joined a Zoom meeting that I had signed up some days ago.  As usual, I did not say anything.  The facilitators / moderators lived in other states of USA.  During the meeting, the host happened to talk about refrigerator.

She said she and other facilitators (of the group) came together not long ago.  One of them said a refrigerator was symbolic to our spiritual journey; once in a while we needed to empty / throw out everything, and filled it with new things; for example, we might not want to use that bottle of dressing again, yet we continued to keep it in our refrigerator; we also did not check if some of the items had passed the expiration dates; a refrigerator was symbolic to our mind and the things we held inside; many of us subconsciously held onto some of our old pain, fear, hurt, anger, sadness and other negative thought, and never let them go; thereofre, it was vital for us to empty our mind or let go of whatever that held us back once in a while, so that the new and good could enter our life.

I smiled hearing these words of wisdom.  I could not remember the exact words, but understood how true it was.  It was interesting the host happened to relate that after I just emptied my refrigerator.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

  

It was only until recent weeks that I took out my journals of that time in 2008.  In time of chaos, sometimes I did not write much, and left many blank pages in my notebook.  As I read my journal, I was surprised that I had actually written down many things in detail.  During that time, I felt exhausted, yet had a hard time of falling asleep.  Since I could not sleep, I must be up writing my journal.  There were many incidents of divine grace and intervention.  I was glad that I had not published a post by recalling or with 'the get it over with' attitude.

At the beginning of this post, I put *** after the darkness of night.  *** 'Darkness of night' was only an expression.  What happened in the early months of 2008 was but one of a few similar traumatic incidents that our family went through because my husband never let go of his blind belief.  I learned no matter how dark a situation might seem, it would eventually come to pass.  Life goes on.  I learned the importance of maintaining my peace.  

'It was his life, and it was up to him how to live his life' would be the title of my next post.

Many Blessings,

Q of D

2007 The Year of Many Changes

Greetings!

Continued from my previous post A look back at my journey with my husband since 2003

2007 was a year of many changes.

  

In January, I began volunteering in a soup kitchen for the homeless.

  

In February, my younger son moved out of our apartment, and moved into his own house because he was going to get married in July.

  

Near the end of March, I went to a 2-day healing workshop.  Upon learning that I had learned a healing art, the teacher of the Thursday Circle who was now also the owner of the center asked me to be the on-site healer on Wednesdays.  I knew the other on-site healers were long time professional healers.  I felt unqualified, and tried to get out of it.  The teacher said I did not see what she saw of me.  She insisted Wednesday was mine as long as I wanted to be there.  As a result, I was at the center every Wednesday from April to August until I moved to another state.  I am eternally grateful for her love and encouragement.  

Due to the slow economy in our state, our older son was laid off in April.

After learning a healing art, I had a few wonderful experiences in May and June.  For instance, while taking a walk in a park, tremendous energy moved me to walk to a tree and give healing.  It was only then I saw part of the tree was black, i.e. part of the tree had been stricken by lightning.  On another occasion, I was at a festival, the healing energy guided me to cleanse the negative energy around a tent.  (Re My experiences as a channel of spiritual healing energy)  Later in June, a cup of boiling hot coffee spilt onto the right side of my lower body.  In shock, I totally forgot to pray or call out for healing.  (Re  Two consecutive stories of healing - The Hot Coffee Incident and The Healing in the Washroom )  My husband was with me in these experiences.  He feared for my safety in the festival incident.  As for the hot coffee incident, we both looked at the door when it suddenly swung open.  He felt the air moved as if someone rushed in too.  He was relieved that my pain was lifted, but did not say anything afterward.  That night I went to bed with a heart full of gratitude.  I did not know I would be an instrument of healing the next day. 

Early July, my older son got a job offer from a local corporation.  On the same day, a recruiter called.  He had arranged a phone interview for my son with an out of state corporation.  My son declined because he already had a job offer.  The recruiter said it would make him looked bad, and asked my son to do him a favor by going through the phone interview.  To put a long story short, everything was in the divine plan.  (Re The Prophetic Dream of Moving - Story 1 )

The whole family went through a lot of emotions in July of 2007.  A day before our younger son's wedding rehearsal, our older son got the call that he was hired by the company in another state.  After the call, he came to ask for my opinion if he should stay or accept the out of state job.  My older son had always said he wanted to stay where he was born, and did not want to work in other states.  Though I had come to realize a divine plan was unfolding, I did not want to influence his choice in any way.  I said, "I have no opinion.  It is your life.  You are in control.  It is your decision to make."  It was a shock to my younger son on his wedding rehearsal that we would soon move to another state.  I loved both of my sons dearly and equally.  For years, we lived closely as a family of four.  I was happy for my younger son that he had found the one he loved, but had never expected we would soon lived over 700 miles apart.

Despite of the emotions brought forth by the situation, our son and daughter-in-law's wedding was beautiful, joyous and memorable.  When they said their vows, their love for each other touched our hearts and those that came.  Earlier in the afternoon, I knew some people saw me as weird or irrational.  However, I was very much at ease with my way of being.  Later, we were in the car on our way to the wedding.  My husband rarely expressed joyful emotion openly.  That afternoon he let out a big, big smile with two thumbs up as he witnessed the sudden change of scenery (or weather) as I had said.  (Please view my post The sun will shine and the wind will calm down ) 

My husband and I arrived in the other state in the second half of August 2007.  Though the teacher of the Thursday Circle had hinted that I might go through the darkest of night (period of darkness), I felt hopeful towards the future.  I saw the move as a new beginning.  I thought living in a new place might help my husband to put the past behind him, and lived with vigor.  For a while he seemed to be doing better, but soon went back to his practice.

I believed it was either in late August or early September that the teacher of healing called me to meet her in a restaurant.  She was on her way back to her home state which was near the state I lived.  She had held healing workshops in different states.  She encouraged me to become a professional healer.  She said two traveling Unity ministers (a couple) who had learned the healing modality from her would be at a Unity Church the coming Sunday, and asked me to meet up with them.  She thought the three of us (the 2 ministers and me) could offer healing after Sunday service.  The two ministers were there on their own agenda, and what the teacher had hoped did not happen.  At Unity, a mother and daughter who were both mediums talked to me.  Later, they told me I should go to another church.  They felt that church was right for me.  The following Sunday they gave me the address of the small church which I eventually called my spiritual home.  

My spirit guide had said the real beauty of life is what you do not know .  How true it was!  How likely that one went to a church and two people there told her another church was right for her?  Many of us failed to recognize the synchronicities, beauty, and wonders in life.  I paid attention, and my heart was constantly filled with awe and gratitude for the touches of the divine.   

On the last Sunday of September 2007, I went to the small church for the first time.  I was surged with energy as soon as I walked into the chapel.  The service had already started.  People were standing and singing.  A kind gentleman came to stand next to me, and shared with me the hymn book.  It turned out he was the speaker on that Sunday.  (He was also the pastor that gave me the DVD of the healing service in A beautiful pink fish on the back of a white dove )  

Other than the small church, I continued to go to the Unity church about once every four or five weeks.  On Nov. 25, 2007, I had planned to go to Unity, but I 'got' that I should go to the small church.  It turned out to be an interesting day during which I met two strangers that came from a southern state.  One of them was a healer and a messenger for Archangel Metatron.  Below were the posts about this encounter published in Jan. and Feb. of 2013. 

    

Part one - I said 'No'' three times on this Sunday

Part two - Archangel Metatron and the healing session

Part three - It is in the not knowing that makes life intriguing

In the car, the woman suddenly said something out of nowhere: "You always think your husband is very important (in your life), but he is not."  I was shocked.  I had not said anything about my husband.  It reminded me of the reading in March, 2006.  Near the end of the reading, the psychic medium said, "You always think you need your husband, but you don't need him.  He doesn't want to drive you, or he doesn't support what you want to do.  It means nothing.  You can go where you want to go and do what you want to do."   

If you have been reading my blog, you know I often did not know how to respond when people particularly strangers said something about me out of nowhere.  I could have asked questions, but did not.  I ended up feeling very unsettled afterward.  There was one time that I actually prayed to see that person again so that I could asked why she said what she said. (Re The Lesson of Importance )

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Did I think my husband was very important?

When I had the Dec. 2001 phone reading by a known angel channel, I did not understand why I was told that if I wanted a loving relationship, I should not fixate on anybody, and should simply think what a loving relationship was.  After the reading, I broke down and cried.  I thought it hinted that my husband might die.  (About the background of the reading, please view Seeing the birds, I had no doubt God had given me the sign and Do you really mean what you pray for? )  

When the business did not prosper as he had hoped, my husband felt angry about life.  He looked back at his old pains such as losing his mother as a child, his father in his teen and the brother that loved him was wrongly executed during the Cultural Revolution.  He felt life had not treated him fair.  In his negative state of being, he blocked the problems he was supposed to handle.  Sometimes he acted distant.  Sometimes he said angry words.

I was a simple Chinese woman.  I did not condone the way he handled himself, but I understood how he felt.  He was the father of our sons.  He had worked hard all his life.  He did not spend money on himself.  He was headstrong, but he loved his family in his own way.  Therefore, I prayed earnestly for his wellbeing after the reading.  I did not want him to leave this world feeling all bitter toward life.  My husband worried a lot about money.  Sons were in college, and better days were ahead.  I felt blessed as a mother, and it was my hope that my husband would have a new perspective of life in the days to come.

After the reading in Dec. 2001, I thought I had prayed according to the guidance.  For years I continued to live in uncertainty.  I thought my prayers were not heard.  It was only until one day in June of 2006 that I realized how contradictory my prayers were.  (Re Do you really mean what you pray for? published in 2012)

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Around Christmas 2007, my younger son and his wife drove to visit us for a few days.  We were so happy to see one another.  We went to see the display of Christmas lights by the ocean.  Looking at my loved ones, my heart was filled with joy and gratitude.

But, in less than two months, we would go through the darkest of night as the teacher of the Thursday Circle had foretold.

Peace and Love,

Q of D

  

A Look Back at my journey with my husband since 2003

Greetings!

In January 2003, my husband followed the pictures and instructions in the Chinese newspaper to learn a practice.  Soon he was addicted to the practice just as those people in China who were imprisoned again and again because they could not stop practicing.  (Re Part 5 - The background of my husband''s problem ) 

My husband had not read any spiritual book, and did not know the term automatic writing.  When he looked at what came through him in writing, he was in awe.  He believed the master was truly communicating with him.  It deepened his faith in the super power of the master.  He said the master taught him advanced moves and chose him to teach others.  He felt honored that the master had chosen him.  Despite of the fact that his source failed the test badly and had been proven wrong in later events, my husband never let go of his blind belief in a master he only read about in the newspaper.  (Re In time of darkness, light always shines through )

On May 26, 2005, I finally stepped outside of my family to socialize with other people.  I joined a spiritual circle that met every Thursday morning.  I was happy to sit among my friends who loved and supported me unconditionally.  Meanwhile, my husband was in a similar state as he was in 2003.  He did not look well at all, yet he himself believed he was in good health because of his practice.  He would not listen to what we said.  Seeing how he was, I could not help but worried.

One day when the circle was over, my worries finally pushed me to talk to a friend who had shown amazing psychic gifts.  Though I had been with the circle for a few months, I seldom spoke up, and of course, had not talked about my husband's problem.  I simply told my friend I was very worried about my husband, and wondered if he would be alright.  For a while, she seemed to take in the images she saw psychically.  She said my husband had not obtained the peace that I had, and that was why he grabbed onto something to maintain his peace.  She talked very fast to relate what she saw.  Her words were precise and accurate.  I did not ask more questions.  I thanked her and left.  My friend's words already helped me to look at my husband's problem from a new perspective.  My husband was bitter about life.  It was true he did not feel peace. 

A few days later, the owner of the center called me.  She gave me the friend's phone number, and asked me to call her.  She said the friend had been very worried about me.  It seemed the friend held a channeling session hoping for answers for me, and something dark / horrifying came through.  I called, but the friend did not say much.  She probably did not want me to worry. 

The following Thursday I drove to the center.  As I walked in, I saw a known on-site reader had come.  There were other healers and psychics too.  (The owner of the center and the teacher of the circle were exceptional psychics.)  Though the circle went on as usual, I could sense I was the reason they came.  They all looked at me with lots of love and compassion.  Finally, I decided to speak up.  I thanked them for their love.  I talked for quite a while about my husband and me.  I said I had learned no matter what happened - All Is Well.  I asked my friends not to worry about me.  My friends listened.  They said I should know that they were always there to love and support me no matter what would happen.  

I truly did not want my friends to worry.  In order to do so, I knew I must be the one to let go of my worry for my husband first.  Was it easy to do so?  No.  However, I understood each one of us was responsible for our own life, and my husband was responsible for how he lived his life.  I might hold the space for him, but understood no one could learn life lessons for another.

By the grace of the Divine, my husband got a call from the mother of a former boss.  The elderly woman and her son had treated my husband with respect when he worked for them.  The woman asked my husband to go to help her son-in-law who owned a restaurant in a city not too far away.  After selling the business, my husband had said he did not want to work anymore.  However, since the woman had treated him with respect, my husband promised to work there until her son-in-law found permanent help.  For some months, my husband could not spend all his time on the practice because he had to work.  It did not last long because my husband honestly told the son-in-law 'No' when he offered him the job.  However, the divine grace had helped.  During the time he worked, he regained some strength and looked healthier than before.  Afterward, he did go to help in restaurants during weekends once in a while when his friends really needed temporary help.

In August 2007, we moved to another state because our older son found a job there.  Before the move, I was at the circle for the last time.  I remembered that day clearly.  As usual, the teacher started the circle by saying something she got during her meditation.  It usually lasted for about 15 minutes.  (I assumed it was the case during my two years with the circle.  She never mentioned who the words were for.  In my experience, what she said could be for one or two of us.  Sometimes she said the message was for all of us.)  She said something like this one had blossomed into a beautiful flower, but would soon go through the darkest of night.  At the end, she said "Be Bold! Be Bold! Be Bold! Persevere! Persevere! Persevere!"  Sitting there, I was sure she was talking to me.  In my 2001 Dec. reading by an angel channel, the guidance also told me to be bold or there was boldness within me that needed to be expressed.  (The teacher had told me the city / state we moved to would be where I spent the last phase of my life.  I had to look into my journal if that was in the same message or a message a week earlier.)

The words "would go through the darkest of night" did not strike any fear in me.  At the time, I knew the move was very much in divine order.  (Re The prophetic dream of moving - story 1 )  Just as I had told my friends not to worry in 2005, I had my mind set the move would be good for all of us.  I was looking forward to a new beginning.

                                            ~       to be continued      ~

Next post 2007 The Year of Many Changes

 

Red River Valley, and I learn English as I write

Greetings!

This morning I woke up hearing four stanzas of musical notes over and over again.  I knew I could stop it by mentally repeating a mantra (any mantra).  I did not do that because I wanted to figure out if I knew the music.  The music went on and on.  Finally, I spoke into my phone "what song is this?"  It was Red River Valley.

   

As far as I could remember, this could be the third time I heard the music upon waking up.  I was not into country music.  When I heard the tune for the first time, I had to hum into the phone to find out the title.  I had never heard the song before.  I listened to it on YouTube, and soon put it behind me.  Some months later, I woke up to the music again.  I had no idea it was Red River Valley because I had completely forgotten about it.  I used the phone to find out the title.  I recognized the title.  I wondered why I heard the music for the second time.  I listened to different versions and singers singing the song.  The videos of the music did not draw any emotion or reaction from within.  I thought it might be I was sensitive in a way that when someone listened to music in the neighborhood or anywhere and I heard it too.  Of course, it could not explain the phenomenon or why it was like a broken record that kept repeating only certain musical stanzas.  However, that was the way to set things aside.   (Re Music in the Air  about this special phenomenon in my life) 

In life, we did not necessary have to understand everything.  Frankly, it was impossible to understand everything with our human mind.  Sometimes truth might be revealed in matters that puzzled us.  At other times, we might not get to know why this or that happened.  We had to learn to let go, and placed our trust in Life / Life Divine.

Anyway, later this morning, I listened to the music on YouTube.  On the screen were three singers.  The main singer smiled as he sang.  In fact, all of them were peaceful and joyful while singing.  This time around I suddenly felt somewhat sad, and tears filled my eyes.  It was an emotion I felt, but it was not necessary mine.  It might be I felt the sadness of the song - the sadness the man might feel knowing the girl he loved was about to leave.  As I listened, I thought of the time I had to leave the state where the small church was.  Everything happened all at once, and I had to leave in a hurry.  Other things also came to mind.  So there I was, allowing whatever thought or remembrance to come forward.  There was probably sadness within me that I needed to release too.       

In my experiences with the music in the air (or music I perceived), some of them had proven to be meaningful, interesting and at times incredible.  However, as with all of my experiences, sometimes I did not get to understand why things happened.  That might be the case with songs such as Red River Valley and Sukiyaki .  (Re Why did I wake up hearing a song about Japanese food? and Sukiyaki on Christmas morning )

In recent weeks and months, I felt stuck in writing.  I wanted to write about what happened on the day my husband died.  Then I thought I should write about other events that happened earlier first.  For example, about 2 weeks before his death, I was at a spiritual gathering.  The clairvoyant healer saw 5 spirit guides came to surround one participant.  She was moved to tears because she saw how much healing love and light the guides extended to that person.  Over my side, there were only 3 people (including me).  I kind of knew my guides had come because I was in a powerful field of energy.  I left without asking her to confirm.  I met the healer again a couple of months ago.  She confirmed it was me.  There was more to what happened that September day in 2021.  That was why I felt I should write about it.  As I wrote, I realized there were other events that were worth sharing.  Meanwhile, part of me wanted to move on and write about other things.  That was why I had a hard time of finishing a post.  

When I typed into Google 'I felt stuck in writing', I learned it was called 'writer's block' in English.  I had limited English vocabulary.  I learned English as I wrote.  For example, one day long ago I wanted to use the word character or personality, but I 'got' that I should use attribute.  When I looked into the dictionary, attribute was the right word.  Occasionally I stuck in writing because I did not know the word or the name of something.  Sometimes the right word, a word that I did not know, would came to my mind.  The truth was we were all much more than the physical humans we appeared to be.  As a human being, I paid attention to the little wonders and beauty in life.  I did not take things for granted.  In being so, I felt the joy of life.  At times I felt frustrated like everybody else.  However, I knew it was part of life, it would come to pass, and All Is Well.

I have decided what to share in my next post.  The small church is going to have a 3-Day gathering from morning to night.  I have signed up to join my brothers and sisters online.  I will begin writing the next post next week, and hope to finish it before the end of this month.

Many blessings,

Q of D

  

Taking a break from writing the seriousness of life

Greetings!

It is May 1, 2022!  I want to begin with some joyful laughs.

I opened a bag of potato chips.  With his back toward me, my son was on his computer sitting about 15 feet from where I was.

I asked my son, "Would you like some chips?"

He said, "No.  I don't eat chips."

In a jokeful mood, I said, "You don't want any chips!  Without chips, what are you going to do in a casino?"

He answered, "Mom, I don't want any."

I said, "You probably do not hear me clearly.  I said 'without chips, what are you going to do in a casino'.  I have hoped you would go with the flow and say something humorous."

After a pause, he said, "I don't need any more chips.  I have more than enough chips on my shoulder!"

That was a good one.  We both 😄 😄 😄.  

May your May be full of fun and joy!

Many blessings,

Q of D                                              

P. S.  We don't have any interest in gambling. 

Part 5 - The background of my husband's problem

Greetings!

In January 2003, my husband decided to follow the step by step instructions on a Chinese newspaper to learn a practice.  According to the newspaper, many people were imprisoned again and again because they would not stop practicing.  We had talked about it, and felt that there might be something amiss about this practice.    Therefore, I was surprised of his decision.  He had always been headstrong, and would not listen to what others had to say.  He said he would stop if he felt there was something wrong with the practice.        

Please click to view the following posts about what happened in 2003.  These posts were published in Jan. and Feb. of 2016. 

           Fall only into the Divine Emotion of Love, the Creative Force 

           In time of darkness, light always shines through 

           The Broken Alarm Clock and Past / Present / Future 

           More 1111 incidents, and the Wondrous Light in the Sky     

These experiences were intense and personal.  Like most of you, I went through the life situations with tears and pain too.  I kept most of them to myself, and had not shared with my loved ones.  Partly, I did not want to disturb their peace; partly, mystical happenings could only be experienced, and others might see them as merely coincidence.  

In my Dec. 2001 reading, my guides and angels said I was supposed to teach, write and share my wisdom.  In May 2005, I finally stepped outside of my family to join a spiritual circle.  For years, I wondered What wisdom do I have .  It took me a long time to understand that it was through sharing my experiences that I taught.  When my younger son urged me to write, I had not thought of sharing these very personal experiences.  Looking back, it was not a coincidence that I chose Loveshines as the title of my blog.  Under the title I wrote -

In faith, I share with you my experiences.  My experiences are not just mine and your experiences are not just yours for in truth We Are One.  Let LOVE shine through this blog as the title has intended.

There was much more to my husband's / our story.  It was with hope that the lessons I learned from my experiences might in some ways help others to look at their own relationships from a new perspective.

Love and Peace,

Q of D

    

Part 4 - 11 days after the 49th Day, he appeared in my dreams

Greetings!

Eleven days after the 49th Day, Music in the Air and Blue Sparkling Light , I woke up from two consecutive dreams in the morning.  I used the word 'consecutive' because I got into the second dream right after the first dream was over.  In my journal, I used first part and second part of a dream instead of 2 dreams.  My husband appeared in both of the dreams.  

The dreams had different settings.  On the surface, they seemed to be separate dreams or dreams that were not related.  In truth, they are closely connected in the healing process of my relationship with my husband.  After my last post, I tried to write about the dreams.  Days went by.  I stuck in writing.  

Meanwhile, I had many problems with my desktop computer, e.g. page unresponsive, frozen screen and etc.  Many times I had to power down the computer.  I bought my desktop computer before Thanksgiving in 2010.  The 20-inch screen was a gift from my loved ones.  My loved ones could read tiny text, but I could not.  With a 20-inch screen and my choice of large size fonts, I found using the computer easier and more enjoyable than before.  (I just measure the screen.  It is 20" wide X 11 1/2", 23" diagonal.)   

A couple of years ago, my loved ones gave me one of their old laptops which had a 17" screen.  They wanted me to have a feel of working on a laptop.  They knew my old computer might need to be replaced someday.  I was nicely surprised the laptop was faster and easier to use than the old computer.  I still used the computer for blogging because it was easy to read on a big screen.

From the very beginning, my younger son had told me to call him whenever there was a problem with the computer.  My son and his family did not live nearby.  With three kids, he and his wife were busy all the time.  Since the Internet had solutions for almost everything, I eventually learned to fix some of the problems by myself.  Of course, there were a couple of times that I made it into a bigger problem than it was while trying to fix it by myself 😊.  

It was the case a few weeks ago.  My son restored my files and created a new account for me.  He reiterated that I should call him instead of trying to fix problems by myself.  At home, I noticed everything appeared different.  I realized the fonts, size of text, background pictures, and etc. had changed.   Of course, my son had no idea of all of these when he fixed my computer.  I began to fix it by myself, and ran into a problem.  This time I called my son right away.  Over the phone, my younger son was giving instructions to my older son as how to fix the problem.  Somehow, this mom found the whole scene unreal and super funny.  I burst out laughing.  With a stern face, my loved one looked at me and asked, "'Mom, what's so funny!"  Oh, how could I explain?  I ended up laughing some more.  Understandably, my laughing did not sit well with my sons who were focusing on fixing the problem I created.  It was okay.  It was with hope that one of these days that I would be bathed in their joyful laughs.  

Anyway, upon contemplation, I came to understand that part of me wanted to get over the whole thing about my husband's death, and simply wrote about the last two dreams.  However, deep within, I understood why I stuck in writing.  It was because I realized - if I simply wrote about the dreams without touching on the background of all that had happened, the purpose / value of sharing my life lessons would be lost.

April is here.  A spiritual teacher and psychic once said to me, "I understand you don't want attention; but, if you don't put yourself out there, how are you going to do your work?"  To be of service has always been my intention.  In the last few months, I have joined new groups and attended many zoom meetings.  I used to hide myself from being seen.  I now choose (free will 😊) to sit through most meetings with video.  I feel surge of energies during online meetings just as in-person meetings.  I have met many wonderful spiritual brothers and sisters.  It has been a good experience. 

Enjoy the spring!

Love & Peace,

Q of D

Part 3 - 49th Day, Music in the Air and Sparkling Blue Light

Greetings!

The 48th day was a Sunday.  I did not tell my son about the Chinese tradition **.  ( ** In our Chinese culture, it was said that those that died might stay around for up to 49 days before moving on with their journey.)  

With his warrior nature, my son looked at life's situation as a challenge, and one should fight to win no matter what.  After his father moved on, he had occasionally said that he wished his father had fought to live; he would have taken care of his father no matter what the consequence of his illness would be.  Therefore, I did not tell him that the next day was the 49th day since his father moved on.      

Sunday night I quietly sent my husband love and blessings for a safe and smooth transition back home / heaven.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

A little bit after 5 a.m. on Monday (the 49th day), I kept hearing Music in the Air .  I knew it might be one of those nursery rhymes, but did not know what it was.  (I did not grow up here, and knew very little about nursery rhymes.)  I went to the bathroom.  I walked to the family room to check on the cat.  I heard my son snoring.  I came back to the bedroom, and the music was still very much in the air.     

Since I knew my son was deep in his sleep, I decided to hum the tune softly on my phone to find out what it was.  I listened to the song on YouTube.  I could not help but let out a "WOW!"

                                       This Old Man Came Rolling Home

          This old man, he played seven, he played knick-knack up in heaven . . . . .

                                          this old man came rolling home.

Later, I heard my son seemed to be talking in his sleep.  Then he woke up to use the bathroom, and went back to sleep.

In the morning, I talked to him about the music in the air.  I said the song made sense because his father was truly going home / to heaven.  I told him the 49 days tradition.  My son said he dreamed about his father too!  He saw his father rushed in.  Son greeted him.  However, his father seemed to be in such a hurry that he gave no response to his greeting.  His father rushed toward the bedroom.  Son followed behind, and asked, "Dad, what are you doing?"  When Son was a few feet away from the bedroom, he saw sparkling blue light in the space in front of the closet door and his father's bed.  The light faded, and his father had disappeared.

After hearing my son's dream, I realized the small space between my husband's bed and the closet might be an energy portal.  Looking back, that was probably where his soul left his body the evening that he died.  (I would write about it in another post.)  I supposed my husband had to rush to the portal before the sun rose because it was the 49th day.

LIfe is an experience, and each experience is unique in its own way.

Love and Light,

Q of D 

                      

Part 2 - The Dream on Day 8, and more dreams afterward

Greetings!

On the 7th day after my husband moved on, I burnt some incense sticks at night.  In my heart, I talked to my husband and the Divine.  (Re  Part 1 - Death and Cultural Customs )

Seeing that, my son asked why I burnt some incense sticks.  I told him the 7th day after one moved on was an important day in our Chinese culture.  Hearing that, he went to look at his father's picture.  With his hands folded in a prayer position, he stood there for a while.  I did not know what he said in his heart.  I did not tell him that I prayed for his father to come into his dreams.  I ususally went to bed between 1 to 2 a.m.  Therefore, it was already the 8th day when I went to sleep.

That morning I had two dreams.  My dreams were short, and both could be about future events.  Upon waking up, I heard Sukiyaki over and over in the air.  (Posts on Sukiyaki Why did I wake up hearing a song about Japanese food? and Sukiyaki on Christmas Morning )

Around 9 in the morning, my son called me from work.   He had a dream about his father!  His father walked in the same way as he used to after taking a walk.  He wore his regular clothes, and looked the same before he got sick.  They greeted each other.  It was a short dream.  My son was happy to see his father in the dream.  I was happy for him too because he truly missed his father.

My son rarely talked to me about dreams.  The only other time he shared a dream with vivid descriptions and details was long, long time ago.  He had a past life kind of dream in a country in South America.  At the time, I was not into journaling.  I did not remember the details of his dream.  I only knew the story seemed so real to my son that caused him to examine his view and value toward life.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Nine days later, my son dreamed about his father again.  In his dream, his father walked in wearing his blue jean and dark blue jacket with the hood on.  His father said it was raining outside (that was why he had the hood on).  (Indeed, it rained during the night and morning.)  His father pulled down the hood.  My son was very surprised to see that his father looked young and with a full head of black hair!  (In life, his hair was thin and mostly white.)  My son told me that his father looked exactly like the way he was when he was a boy.  He said I was in the dream, and his father talked to both of us.  However, all the while my son could not help looking at his father, and wondered how his father could look that young again.  He said, "Mom, if this happens in life, Dad needs to spend a lot of money to make himself look like that!"  I told him I was not surprised because I read that we all looked in our 20 s or 30 s on the other side; of course, some might choose the image they preferred, young or old.

Later that day, I talked to my son about dreams.  I asked if he actually saw colors and images in his dreams.  He was surprised that I asked.  

He said, "Of course, I see what one wears and every detail as if in everyday life.  When I eat something in the dream, I see the color and feel the taste.  I also smell everything as if in life.  My dreams are not any different from what happen in life.  Don't you dream as I do?"  

I said, "No.  Many of my dreams are feel dreams.  In other words, I only feel what goes on.  Sometimes a particular image may stand out.  For example, I dreamed that I was in a store, I did not see the setting of a store; then, I saw a vivid image of a red chair in there.  I seldom have vivid dreams as you do.  When I do, those dreams normally carry some sort of significance.  Oh . . . sometimes I may see color, but I do not feel the taste or smell as you do.  I may feel something was delicious, but that is all I feel."

My son was surpised.  He thought everybody had dreams as he did.  The settings of his dreams were not any different from everyday life.

I was glad that we talked.  I used to think that other people sometimes only felt what went on in their dreams as I did.  Now, I knew my assumption was off.  In My dream experiences are part of my life story , we stood next to one another as if we took our position getting ready for the next phase of life.  Recently I reread my journal, and noticed people lying in bed without human emotion had a similar meaning.  Oftentimes, there was no image, and might include people we did not know / had yet come to know.  Though there was no image, I got the impression of young, old, average size, slim, tall and etc.  

Many of my dreams were not of everyday life.  Therefore, I often kept my dreams to myself.  Sometimes I had dreams as if in ordinary broad daylight as well as in light setting in higher dimension where I did not have the sense of a solid ground.  ( e.g. A Play on the Stage of Life and Dreams and the Unfoldment in Life )  I noticed I occasionally reacted with my human emotion in dreams that were not of this dimension.  At times, the setting of my dreams was dark or without light.  To me that symbolized mystery.  Sometimes I was in the dream, yet part of me was observing the dream.  I had dreamed of meeting other beings.  I had out of body experience, and had seen my body sleeping soundly on the bed.  One day I was by the window seeing my sons and their friend drove off.  Then I sat on my bed and closed my eyes.  The next minute I (or my spirit) was flying, and soon found myself inside a mall in another country.  I was looking down from the ceiling of the mall.  I saw everything clearly.  Meanwhile, the me on the bed knew very well I could stop the 'vision' whenever I chose to.  After a while, I pulled myself back to where I / my body was.  There were times my husband found it puzzling that I knew what happened around me even though he saw me deep in my sleep.  For example, I knew who used the bathroom, what they talked about or what went on in the family room.  However, that was the younger or more energetic me.  I was not that alert anymore.  In recent years, I felt tired.  Sometimes I did not know my son had left to go to work.  

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Four days after his second dream, my son dreamed about his father again.

In the dream, my son worked in the family room as he did when he worked from home.  He heard someone walked in.  It was his father.  He was surprised because he felt his father did not come through the door.  His father greeted him and proceeded to walk to the bedroom.  He followed his father and asked, "How do you come in?"  (These were not the exact words because I did not take the time to write down what happened after my son told me his dream.)

He followed his father into the bedroom.  His father sat on the bed.  Son said, "Dad, you know Mom, XXXX (his brother), and your grandchildren loved you.  Why did you leave / die?"  His father said, "Yes, I know, but you see, I do not have stomach pain anymore."  Son looked at his father's stomach.  It was no longer bloated.  His father looked healthy.  His appearance was as he was before he got sick.  (In this dream, his father was not young as seen in the second dream.)  With his warrior nature, Son still wished his father had not died.  He wanted to ask some more questions.  He woke up before he finished his question.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

Sixteen days later, my son dreamed about his father for the fourth time.  His father sat on the couch and talked to him.  My son could not recall what the talk was about.  He concluded his father was probably talking about normal stuff.  Then he heard his father said for him to pay attention to his alarm.  My son woke up, and his alarm was indeed beeping.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

I had heard some people moved on right after their physical death.  For instance, a man appeared to a pastor in a body of light after his physical death.  In the morning, his wife informed the pastor that her husband had passed away in his sleep.  I also read that some people (ghost) remained in the state that they moved on for a long time because they did not realize that they had died.  In one case, a man that died in a shipwreck stayed that way for 200 years.  In The Dream of Three Japanese Soldiers , my spirit guide helped me to guide the soldiers to the light too.  

I was glad my son had dreams about his father.  Some people were not sensitive to dreams, and might not be open to have such dreams.  When my son dreamed about his father for the fourth time, over five weeks had gone by.  In less than two weeks, the 49 days period would come to an end.  

Had my husband completed his transition?  

Did our culture play a role in his after death experience?

Stay tuned.

Love and Blessings,

Q of D  

Part 1 - Death and Cultural Customs

Greetings!

On the 6th day after my husband died, a relative called.  He said, "Tomorrow is the seventh day.  In our tradition, it is called the first 7th day.  I believe you must have heard about it."  I answered, "Yes.  I have heard about it."  He said, "So . . . . you do know what to do tomorrow, don't you?"  I said, "I heard the term before, but knew nothing about it.  Can you tell me what I am supposed to do?"  He paused for a while, and said, "Since you don't know the tradition, never mind . . . "  And, he hung up.  He was a younger generation on my husband's side.  He was the relative that I had mentioned in some of my posts.     

After the phone call, I pondered what to do.  I did not want to call the relative or others to ask about the custom.  Some Chinese were not that comfortable with the word 'death'.  I was not someone who thought we must do things this way or that way.  I believed our intention mattered the most in whatever we did.  I decided to simply burn some incense sticks at night on the 7th day, and talked to the divine as well as my husband / his spirit.

Nowadays we could use the Internet to find information on almost anything.  At the time, I did not feel like doing that.

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

The day my husband died was an up and down day.  

My husband felt very ill, but his next appointment was several weeks away.  During his last visit to the clinic, his stomach was extremely bloated.  He was thin and weak.  However, he  did not cough, had no problem breathing, and did not have a fever.  His blood pressure and heart beat were normal.  The doctor wanted him to go to a hospital for Ab scans.  The doctor said we would receive a green envelope in the mail within a week instructing us which hospital he should go to for the scans.  Eight days went by, we did not receive the letter.  We called the clinic about the letter.  We also told the clinic my husband felt very sick, and asked if the doctor could see him as soon as possible.  We were relieved that the doctor would see him the next day.  Our hope was up.  We did not know everything would change within the next few hours.  That evening we heard a loud, loud sound as that of an explosion coming from my husband's body.  My husband died soon after arriving at the hospital.  In fact, I believed his soul had left his physical body before the ambulance arrived. I might share about it in later days.  The green envelope arrived one month and three days after my husband died.  Every procedure needed to be preapproved; approval took time, and that was the way insurance worked.  

When my older son and I went back to the apartment, it was late night.  We were physically and mentally exhausted, yet we could not sleep.  My younger son drove back to be with his family.

Early next morning, my younger son came.  He and his brother had to make some calls to find a burial lot for their father and other matters to this regard.

After we moved back to this state, my younger son had asked us to plan ahead in case we died.  He was particularly concerned about his father because he had been hospitalized twice.  I agreed that planning ahead might save money and time.  My husband did not feel the need to do that.  He said, "If it happens, I am dead.  Why should I care about it?  It is sons' responsibility to take care and pay for everything if I die.  I do feel cremation is cruel even though it may cost less."  In retrospect, my husband might have some fear about death.  During and after the restaurant business, he never found peace.  He felt bitter toward life, and occasionally expressed it outward to those around him.  

Sometimes we failed to see the good in others when we held onto what others should do (for us) and should not do.  (Re WHAT DO YOU HEAR? )  We did not realize our sufferings, such as feeling angry and bitter, were at times our own doing because we reacted to situations in the same pattern that we were used to.  When we dwelt in negativity, our mind was clouded and our heart was closed.  It was hard for us to feel love, recieve love or give love.  I used we because I was of no exception.  I had my share of lessons.  

When my older son was on the phone asking for the price of a burial lot, there was a lot of static.  Afterward, I said it might be their father wanted to tell us that he was not against cremation anymore.  My husband was always very concerned about money.  As his wife, I knew he probably had changed his mind.  A loved one said, "Too late, Dad.  You had told us what you wanted, and that is what we would do."  

Later, we drove to the office of a cemetery.  My younger son offered to drive.  He knew his older brother was tired.  Indeed, my older son fell asleep in the car for a while.  It was a long drive (in my view only.)  

Sitting at the back of the car, my heart was filled with gratitude.  From my experience the night before, I knew the divine had answered my prayer, and my husband did not fall into the lower worlds. (I might explain in later posts.)  My English was not good.  Sometimes people had difficulty listening to me on the phone.  Though my loved ones had gifted me a GPS device, I did not go out much.  Looking at my sons, I felt blessed that they were there to make all the calls and do the driving.  I thought of my husband, I sent him love**.  Suddenly, I felt his presence to my left.  He held my left hand.  I felt his anxiety and apologetic mood.  Mentally, I told him to go to the light and then return to visit us.  

Since I felt his anxiety / mood, I thought he might not have left the earth plane.  In our Chinese culture, it was said that those that died might stay around for up to 49 days before moving on with their journey.  Therefore, ** I felt it was important to think of them with love during that period so that they could move on in peace.  Deep sorrow or even hatred might have some effect on those that had left their physical bodies but had not yet completed the transition.  (This was only my personal view.  It was not the traditional Chinese view on death.)  In the old times, sometimes rich people paid money to others to cry on their behalf to show their love for a diseased parent.  Of course, it seemed ridiculous in today's world.  

In later months, I learned online the 49 days was referred to as the mourning period.  I also remembered some Chinese families paid for monks / taoists to perform ceremonies in 7 days intervals (7x7 equals 49) to help the diseased ones for smooth transition.  My sister had told me my brother's family had paid for some taoists to perform ceremonies and pray for my brother's soul on the day of his burial.

I reminded my husband of the incident that happened to his oldest brother's grandson.  

We lived in another state when my husband's oldest brother died.  He suffered from Alzheimer for some years before he passed away.  He and his wife lived with their youngest son's family.  (My husband had two older brothers.  The one that cared about him had died during the Cultural Revolution.)  Before * and after his death, there was a lot of static on the phone whenever the nephew called my husband.  (* I had heard the soul of those at the last stage of Alzheimer did not stay in their bodies all the time.) The nephew said this interference did not occur when he talked to other people.  The static continued for months after his oldest brother died.  (I wondered if my husband's brother wanted to make amends about their relationship.)  From the nephew, we learned something happened to his son (the oldest brother's grandson) on the day of his father's burial at the cemetery.  At the time, the boy was about 6 years old.  He seemed to have seen something terrifying, and broke down crying uncontrollably.  When asked, the boy could not utter a word.  At home, he continued to cry for days and showed much fear.  Fortunately, he is now a tall (over 6'), healthy young man. 

I had learned from books that most of us looked our peak or around 30 s on the other side, and had talked to my husband about it.  So there I was mentally talking to my husband.  I said I did not want the same thing to happen to our grandchildren at the cemetery.  I said, "Don't worry.  Look, our sons are with me.  I will take care of everything ***.  Everything is going to be alright.  Go to the light.  XXX (my husband), you did not fail.  You had served,  You are a good cook.  You had worked hard.  We have two good sons.  Your sons love you, and our grandkids love you too.  Thank you for being there for me all these years . . ."   I reminded him to appear in our older son's dreams after going to the light.  Our older son was shocked and sad about his father's death.  Later that day, my older son said he felt his father's presence in the car too.  Before we arrived at the office, I did not feel his presence anymore.

The woman led us to different parts of the cementery.  It was a well-kept cementery.  We found a lot that we all felt good.  I did not see the cemetery as our resting place.  Why would we want to live in a grave or coffin after we died!  I understood people might want a place to remember a loved one.  But, we should know - we can think of him / her or send love wherever we are.

On our way back, my heart was filled with peace.  Suddenly, a car behind us rushed into the next lane, and stayed a little bit ahead of our car.  I almost screamed with joy.  Its license plate was

                      444  The number represents the Power of God's Love

Of course, I did not scream, and only smiled a joyful smile.  If I screamed, it would be hard to explain to my sons particularly at this time.  (If you have been reading my blog, you know 444 is a very significant number on my spiritual journey.)

                                            ~       ~       ~       ~       ~       ~

On the 7th day, I burnt some incense sticks at night.  In my heart, I talked to my husband and the Divine.

Love and Blessings,
Q of D 

         

My dream experiences are part of my life story

Greetings!

Last Sunday (Feb. 13, 2022) we celebrated the Chinese New Year in our younger son's house.  In our tradition, we could get together and celebrate a new year within the first 15 days.  That day I was totally into getting the food ready to bring over to their house.  I did not know it was snowing heavily until I stepped outside of our apartment.  The temperature was low (about 20 degrees F).  I did not expect to see heavy snow fall at all.  The visibility on the highway was low.  Luckily, my older son was driving, and the present me knew to center in peace.  On the whole, it was a smooth day.  Above all, it was always a joy to see my loved ones.    

As young, I was nicknamed the Queen of Dreams because I often woke up talking about the dreams I had.  (That was why I signed off every post with Q of D.)  Growing up, I had many wonderful past life dreams and prophetic dreams.  However, I did not write down my dreams or the events in my life.  After I got married, I did not pay much attention to my dreams until the challenging restaurant years.  It was a blessing to myself that I began to write down some of my dreams and life events / dramas.  Despite of the challenges, many times the synchronistic experiences made me smile or cry with the tears of joy.  My heart was constantly filled with gratitude and the sense of wonder.

While dreams were important to me, my loved ones rarely talked about their dreams.  Like most people, they were not that interested in dreams.  As a result, I kept most of my dreams to myself.  I observed my husband sometimes had bad dreams as if he was in a physical fight or arguing with others.  When asked, he either said he did not remember anything or his dreams were about everyday stuff.  There was only one time he was deeply touched by a dream.  He described what he saw in great detail.  Coincidentally, I also had a dream that morning.  I might or might not have written down the dreams in my notebooks.  No matter how significant a dream was, sometimes the human I had not taken the time to write it down.  However, I remembered his dream and mine.  I understood the meaning of our dreams.  The setting (or story) of his dream was very different from mine, but both showed possible outcomes of our future.  Now that everything had come to pass (i.e. my husband had moved on), our dreams were quite foretelling and correct in many ways.

I did not remember what year it was when we had the dreams.  I really want to find the notebook that I might have recorded them.  I did not like writing something from memory.  I had over a hundred notebooks in two big plastic totes.  In recent weeks, I had been rereading some of my journals.

Anyway, I happened to read an entry in April, 2012 ** about a short dream. 

** Near the end of Feb. 2012, we left the state where the small church was.  Our older son had found a contract job in a state that was half a distance to the state where we used to live.  In other words, we (our older son, my husband and I) were living in a state that was six and a half hours from our younger son's family instead of 12 to 13 hours.  

In the dream, we stood one next to another to go to somewhere.  (My dream symbol as a path or for a divine plan.)  The setting was light.  We stood in this order -

My older son, my husband, my younger son, a baby carrier, and my daughter-in-law.  I was standing a little bit behind them.

  

We lined up in this manner as if getting ready in position.  There was not much human emotion such as we did not wonder what we were getting ready for.  The only 'surprise' feeling was from me when my younger son said, "May be Mom should carry the baby carrier."

I woke up hearing the song "You Raise Me Up", the song I chose for the mother and son dance during his wedding.  (FYI I did not know how to dance at all, but the younger generation said it was the American tradition.)   At the end of the entry, I wrote "Time will tell what this dream means.  The human I think it may mean my younger son will have another baby."

When I had this dream, my younger son and his wife already had a son and a daughter.  The older grandchild was almost 4 years old.  The younger generation had honestly let me know that they only believed in science.  Therefore, I was mindful not to talk to them about my spiritual experiences and dreams.  In fact, I had forgotten about this short dream.  When I reread my journal, I realized my youngest grandson was born nine month after I had this dream (to be exact it was 9 months and 4 days).  

We moved back to this state near the end of July, 2012.  In later months, our son asked me to go to their house to play with the kids so that our daughter-in-law could have some rest.  After our youngest grandson was born, we visited them quite often.  Sometimes my daughter-in-law invited me to go to the zoo or parks with them so that one adult could stay with the baby while the mother went to the bathroom with the kids.  In the dream, I was surprised when my son asked me to carry the baby carrier.  I felt surprised because I had expected my younger son, the father of my grandchildren, to pick up the baby carrier.  

My younger son's family no longer lived close to where we lived.  They moved to another city seven years ago so that the kids could go to good schools.  I am happy for them.  

If life is a dream, are our dreams within a dream?  Anyway, I shall share my older son's dreams about his father in my next post.  

Love,

Q of D

  

  

I AM BACK ! Happy 2022 !

Greetings!

Happy 2022!  I know some days have gone by, but best wishes are always relevant.  😊😊😊

On the first day of 2022, I was home by myself with our cat.  My older son was with his girlfriend to welcome in the new year.  We usually invited our younger son and his family to come to celebrate the Chinese (lunar) new year and not the Gregorian new year.  I woke up feeling the quiet joy in the air.  I thanked the angels and guides for sharing with me their love.  I realized this was the first time in my life that I was all by myself on a new year day since I was born.  Then these thought came to my mind -

Do cultures play a role in our afterlife experience?  To be exact, do cultures affect what one chooses to do after one leaves the body?

Do all (universal) laws apply to every human being?  Or, the laws may not necessary apply the way we (humans) think?

Why did these thought come to my mind?  Why was I by myself on the first day of 2022?

My husband passed away in early October, 2021.  He did not die of covid.  However, the pandemic had probably played a part in his passing.  It was the case with many people that died during this time.  There was much more to his death, and I might share in later post.

Our older son had always wanted us (his parents) to live forever.  He did not want to hear us talking about death.  Therefore, his father's death hit him hard.  In the hospital, he asked the doctors and nurses to revive his father again and again.  They had told us the truth from the beginning.  However, they complied because they understood his emotion.  I watched with gratitude for their patience and understanding.  (In the hospital, I was in such peace that others might wonder why I did not cry.  Something happened while I was by my husband's side waiting for the ambulance to come.  As thing continued to unfold, I realized the grace, and my heart was filled with gratitude.)

I knew very little about our tradition / culture as what to do after someone died.  I had heard the first 49 days were important, or people mourned for 49 days.  I prayed that my husband would come into our older son's dream to let him know that he was fine on the other side.

Peace and Love,

Q of D