She said, "It is a shame that you have retired."

Greetings!

A long time spiritual seeker once said in a gathering that he lived in the moment of now.  His mind was often clear and calm.  I thought 'Wow!  That would be great!' 

Unlike the brother / teacher, my mind was busy except when I was really focused on doing something.  Otherwise, it was like a recorder that played naturally yet randomly of what it had recorded, e.g. chanting / affirmation that I learned,  the music that I loved, and the silly, uplifting short songs that I created.  Once in a while, a past event or incident might pop up in my mind too.

Quite a while back, an incident came to my mind.  It happened over a year ago.  I had put it behind me.  Therefore, I did not think much of it afterward.  As time went on, more experiences that had something to do with that incident surfaced in my mind.  Eventually, it caused me to take a good look within and examine my pattern / the way I went about in life.

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Last year I was excited to learn that a new holistic center would be opening in a city near me.  In the months before its grand opening, the center held some promotional events.  I had gone to a few of those events.

One day I went to its pre-opening celebration.  The parking lot was almost full.  After listening to a couple of presentations by the professionals that had leased spaces in the center, I visited different rooms in the building.  It was a rectangular building.  The size of rooms varied.  The hallway was narrow.  At one point while I was in the hallway, I stopped walking so as to let people walked out of a room.  A woman that came out of the room looked me up and down.  

She said, "What profession are you in?"

Caught by surprise, it took me a while to process what she said.  I said, "I am retired."  

She asked, "What do you do before you retire?"

I pondered what do say.  I said, "I was a caregiver."

She seemed to be puzzled by my answer.  She said, "But, you know healing, don't you?"

Ah, she could see, I thought.  I said, "Yes, I do."

Immediately, I could feel her disapproval of me.  She walked away saying, "It is a shame that you have retired!"  

I saw her walked into another room.  I decided to go to that room because I wanted to talk to her.  A few people were inside looking at the display.  She did not look at me as if she did not want to talk anymore.  A young woman walked in.  I recognized her.  She was one of the professionals that gave talk earlier.  She and the woman greeted one another as if they knew each other well.  They talked quietly for a while.  The young woman looked at me.  She said, "It may be we can work together."  It seemed she had other thing to attend to.  She said 'bye' to the woman, and left the room.  Soon the woman left too. 

Sometimes I did not know what to think after an experience liked this happened.      

This kind of incidents happened from time to time.  I believed I had written about an incident that happened while I was with the small church.  One Sunday I took part in the quarterly healing service.  When it was over, a woman walked to me and said "You are a healer!  Why are you working in a cafeteria?"  I stood there thinking "Who is she?  She looks somewhat familiar?  How does she know I work in a cafeteria?"  Before I said anything, she walked away.  In A Strange Conversation with A Professor , the professor seemed to know a lot about me while it was the first time we met.  In The Lesson of Importance , I found it challenging to take in what others said of me.  "You are important to the church and the community."  I never thought I was important or not.  When people said things about me out of nowhere, the human I needed time to process.  Did he / she really say what I thought I had heard?  Why did he / she say that?  Could I have heard it wrong?  He / she often walked away before I could respond.

I wished I was quick to respond, but I was not.  Afterward, I had to deal with the unsettling emotion.

In the above case, her words "it is a shame that you have retired' kind of bothered me.  She did not know me.  How could someone that I had not met before said that to me!  I would have appreciated if she sat down and talked to me.  It might be I should have taken the initiative to ask her if we could talk.  

I share my experience 'as is'.  I shall share with you my introspection in later post(s).

Love and Light,

Q of D

                                           

HOPE is forever the guiding LIGHT

Greetings!

Welcome, October 2024!

Fall is my favorite season.  Recently we have many cloudy days.  Luckily, I no longer feel down when the sky is gray or dark.  (Re Writing Is Healing and On a cloudy, gloomy morning, I go looking for the Sun )

A few days ago, I went shopping for groceries.  I went to the Middle-Eastern store.  When I finished shopping, I chose to line up at the checkout lane where my friend was working.  She had told me she felt happy on sunny days.  This day was cloudy and somewhat chilly.  Therefore, I asked, "How do you feel on this cloudy day?"  She said, "It is chilly.  That is why I have my jacket on.  I wish it is still in the 80 degrees."  After I paid and put everything in my shopping cart, she gave me a couple of extra new bags.  I wondered why.  She said, "It is raining!  The bags are for you to put over your head."  I did not know it was raining outside.  With the plastic bags over my head, I loaded the groceries into my car with ease.  Thank you, Friend, for being considerate and kind.  I was grateful that I met kind people all the time .  

I would like to take this opportunity to thank an exceptional earth angel again.  His name is Eric.  Please view my post The Good Samaritans .

I also recalled the muscular earth angel (or an angel in human form ?) that came to our rescue when the old man in a heavy motorized wheelchair got stuck in the narrow path.  (Re The Divine knows what will happen and an earth angel awaits )

A loved one thought that I believed everyone I met was good / kind.  He was somewhat concerned about my safety.  I knew very well that there were all kind of people in the world.  I always paid attention to the surroundings.  On several occasions, I was able to save myself, my loved ones as well as a few that did not know me from harm because I was alert.  

Hurricane Helene had caused much destructions and damages especially in North Carolina.  Let us keep all in our prayers.  All the agencies from the Federal and local government worked days and nights to bring relief to those that desperately needed help.  On the news, I learned a rescue team from our state was already there to help.  Whenever other states needed help, the rescue team in our state was always among the first ones to help.  

With this kind of spirit, government doing the best they can for the people, states assisting one another, people helping neighbors, we are alright; hope is forever the guiding light.

Love and Peace,

Q of D

      

  

I Meet Kind People All The Time

Greetings!

I went shopping for groceries about twice a week.  I shopped at different stores.  Some people regarded going to stores as chores that nothing eventful would happen on those trips.  I did have some interesting experiences now and then.  As an older person, I could look at others with understanding because I had gone through the stages and challenges of life.  I remembered the years I felt impatience and anxious standing in long lines knowing that I must rush back to the restaurant.  Nowadays, sometimes I let people go ahead of me when I felt he / she was in a rush.   

In Growing old in Grace , I mentioned I met kind people all the time.  These experiences brought me joy and a smile on my face.

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There was a Middle-Eastern store near where I lived.  I went there once a week.  The store had a good produce department.  Most of all, I liked the energy / atmosphere there.  Most of the customers were from different Middle Eastern countries.  Sometimes they talked to one another in their own languages, i.e. the language they were used to.  There was a sense of joy in the store because it was a place where they met familiar faces.  They greeted one another as if they were home.    

Some people here in USA found it offensive when people spoke in languages other than English in public.  When we held that opinion against others, we might not have realized we were the ones to taste the negative / unpleasant emotion first before we projected it outward.  

We had to understand children might easily learn a new language, but it was not as easy for their parents / grandparents / great grandparents.  For a few years, the family (a couple with 2 sons) that lived next door was from a Middle Eastern country.  The man could not speak English.  He was kind and considerate.  He often came out of his apartment to hold the entrance door open when he saw us unloading groceries from our car.  His wife spoke some English.  Later, she found a job working in a hotel.  After a couple of years, their sons spoke English fluently.  They had moved to another place some years ago.

In time, a cashier and I greeted each other with "How are you doing my friend?"  I did not recall when or how it started.  I did not do anything different from other customers except I had always greeted others truthfully.  (Re my post Truthfulness )  One day, I lined up at her lane again.  As she said, "Nice to see you, my friend!"  I heard a cashier from another lane protested, "No, she (i.e. me) is my friend!"  I turned my head backward, and saw the other cashier's smiling face.  The other cashier was also very nice.  She had told me that she felt happy whenever she saw the sun.  So there they were saying "she is my friend" and "no, she is my friend".  I said, "We are all friends!"  My friend said, "Yes, we are all friends!  How good are you that we fight to call you 'my friend'!"  We looked at each other and smiled happily.

In a joyful mood, I left the store, and drove to another store.  I parked the car, and walked toward the store.  As I was near the entrance, a black gentleman happened to walk out of the store.  He exclaimed, "Oh, I love your smile!  Wow!  Please keep smiling!  Don't stop smiling!  What a blessing!  Many, many blessings to you!"  While he was walking away, he looked back at me and asked me to keep smiling and don't stop.  I looked at him and said, "Many blessings to you too."

This experience reminded me of Who Smiles? Who Sees?

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I was second in line in a checkout lane.  The cashier seemed to be agitated.  Soon a store supervisor came.  He was a young man is his early 20 s.  While we looked on, the cashier sternly scolded him for a while.  It seemed the cashier might have been scheduled to take a break at a certain time, but the supervisor was ten minutes late.  (I supposed the cashier might be hungry.)  The young man did not react, and just let her blew off steam.  Afterward, the cashier gave him the key for the register, and left.  It was an awkward moment.  Every one at the checkout lane included the bagger was quiet, and the air around us was somewhat heavy.

I had come to this store regularly.  Over the speaker, I heard the management called his name from time to time.  For example, there was nobody at the Customer Service, he was told to go over there to help.  He helped other cashiers patiently too.  He seemed to be the one that was available and willing to help here and there.

When it was time for me to pay for the groceries, I looked at him and said, "XXXXXX, the world appreciates someone like you who is always willing to help here and there."  It took a short while for him to take it in.  Then he said, "Thank you."  The air around us changed.  There was a smile on everyone's face in the checkout lane.  The bagger looked at me with a big smile and said, "Thank you."

"See something beautiful, Say something beautiful" was what I said during a zoom meeting.  We could see all the wrong in the world, in others or in ourselves.  But, we had to remember the importance of affirming the good / the beautiful that we saw in ourselves, in others and in the world.

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Some of my friends that were into spirituality were surprised to hear that I watched football and basketball games in addition to watching news daily.  I watched some TV shows and dramas too.

One day, I was in a store.  

It was common courtesy to put a checkout divider / stick at the end of our groceries on the conveyer belt.  Sometimes the one in the front looked back at the one next in line with a smile / nod as an acknowledgement while placing the divider.  The one behind would say "thank you", i.e. thanks for putting the divider there so that he / she could begin loading the groceries onto the conveyer belt.  This was not something that we must do.  In my experience, I observed women were more likely to greet the one that stood behind than men did.

As I put the divider behind my groceries, I observed the man behind me was tall and might be in his 30 s.  He looked straight ahead.  I kind of smiled in my heart because my son had told me he often looked straight ahead instead of observing as I did.

I bought quite some groceries that day.  As I was about to put the groceries into the trunk of my car, someone walked past me.  It was the tall young man.  He had bought only a few items.  He walked to a big van which was next to my car.  I saw that he wore our state football team T-shirt.  

I smiled and said, "Too bad the XXXXX lost (in the playoff)."  

He said, "It does not matter because they did good."

I said, "Yes, it is true.  It has been a good year for our state.  The university also won the national championship."

He quickly put what he bought into his van, and came over to my side.  He asked, "May I help you to load the water into your car?"

I gladly said, "Yes! Thank you!"  

He loaded the pack of 24 bottles of water into the trunk.

I continued to load the rest of the items.  I was somewhat surprised he continued to stand near where I was.  He stood there respectfully.  I did not feel the need to ask why.  

After I finished putting everything in the trunk, he said, "May I push your shopping cart over there so as to save you a trip?"  

Indeed, the cart corral was not near where I parked my car.  I looked at this young man with a broad smile, and thanked him wholeheartedly.  Then he joyfully pushed the shopping cart toward the cart corral.

In this brief interaction, two strangers through a simple conversation on sports, one kindly offered help and one gladly received help.  How great was (is) the Loving Divine!

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I learned some new words while writing this post, e.g. cart corral.  For years I thought my limited English was my shortcoming and a Chinese woman in a western culture was a disadvantage.  It turned out it was by design that I came in this way.  (Re Our Self-perceived Shortcoming and Disadvantages )  

It might seem I spent too much time on the mundane stuff.  I came to live an ordinary life as an ordinary person.  If I knew nothing about sports, the above conversation would not have taken place.  I am alright I am. 

Love and Peace,

Q of D  

Expectations, Total Disappointment, and The Three Tests

Greetings!

While looking through the plastic totes for the transcript (Re As we give, we also receive ), I saw an old notebook turned to a page that I had marked 5 stars on the top indicating either a profound experience or a very interesting dream.  

The 5 stars profound experience took place in the early hours of April 13, 2005.  

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Early 2005, I learned from a spiritual magazine that a known spiritual teacher and a famous medium would be coming to our state to host an event in April.  I had read their books, and found their stories fascinating.  I had never gone to any public spiritual event like that before.  I thought how exciting it would be if I could go, but the ticket price was too expensive.  It might be I had never spent much money on myself or for my own needs / wants.  Besides, it was not near where I lived, and I did not know how to drive there by myself.  Above all, I could not register online because I did not have a credit / debit card (at the time).

Weeks later in a conversation with my younger son, I mentioned the event.  He asked if I wanted to go.  I said it was too expensive.  He said he would go with me.  He said I should not be concerned about money - it was only a one time expense because we did not go to this kind of events all the time.  (His words are always assuring and wise! 😊😊)  I said I would think about it.  I did not give him a firm answer because I knew he was not interested in the event as I did.  Was it worth going since we would be paying for two tickets instead of one?  In the days / weeks that followed, I prayed for an answer if we should or should not go.

Before I went to sleep on March 1, 2005, I thought it would be nice if I could go to the event.  With that thought in mind, I had a hard time of falling asleep.

The next morning (Mar. 2, 2005) I watched the Sylvia Browne on Montel Williams TV show.  Later, I decided to go to my bedroom to make up for the lack of sleep.  For a while, I sat on bed chanting.  I sent love to God / the Holy Spirit, all loving angels and guides, and my loved ones.  I felt my whole being was vibrating and energized.  Afterward, I lay in bed.  I thought how nice it would be if I could win some money and go to the event with both of my sons.  If my mother's spirit came through during the event, it could be a transformative experience for them.  Then this thought came - "in this life, I will walk on earth and live my life as an earth angel to bring peace, comfort and healing to the others."  Right afterward, I found myself rose from bed and pressed the radio button.

           

           The music 'Night Vision - Pieces of a Dream' started !!!!!

It was the music that I had proclaimed years ago as the link between the Divine and me!  The music started right at the touch of the button, not before or after the music had begun!  My whole being was filled with awe.  There were no words to express how wonderful, how grateful, and how blessed I felt.  What a confirmation from the Loving Divine of my intention to be of service! (Please view Night Vision - Pieces of A Dream - An Incredible Phenomenon )  Later, the date 'March 10' came to my mind.  I took it as my younger son would register before or by that date if we were supposed to attend the event.

On March 10, my younger son told me he would go to the event with me.  He asked his brother if he wanted to go too.  My older son said, "Yes, I will go with you and Mom."  They said it was their gift for me.  I stood there in awe of what had happened.  He went online to register for the event.  On March 25, we received the tickets to the event. 

With everything all set, I began to envision what I wished to happen during the event.  I hoped to get a reading by the medium.  Would my dear mother come through?  I thought about the relatives that were now on the other side such as my grandfathers (paternal and maternal).  I was excited the spiritual teacher came to our state.  I had not met him before.  I hoped to have a chance to talk to him.  (There was a personal reason I wanted to talk to him.)  

On the day of the April event, I was awakened during my sleep to see 4:44 a.m.  (444 means the Power of God's Love)  I took it as a confirmation that something special was going to happen!

With high expectations, I went to the event.  I sat inside the car with gratitude - grateful to the Divine as well as to my sons who accompanied me.  I expected the ride and in fact everything would go smoothly.  After all, my younger son did it on his own to register online on March 10.  Going to the event with my sons must be in divine order, I thought.  And, seeing 4:44 a.m. on the day of the event was a confirmation!

My younger son had looked up the directions online.  (At the time, we did not have a GPS device.)  We left our apartment early because we did not want to be late.  However, there was a lot of traffic.  I recalled we might have missed a turn.  To put a long story short, we walked into the auditorium just minutes before the speaker came on the stage; the place was packed with thousands of people (that was my guess), and the only seats that were available were at the end of the auditorium (i.e. by the back wall of the auditorium)!  It was a huge auditorium.  From where I sat, I could barely see the stage.  The spiritual teacher talked for quite some time.  Then he said he was going to guide us into an exercise.  I began to cough hard.  I went to the restroom until I stopped coughing.  When I came back, the lecture / the first half of the event was over.  Of course, later I was not among the few that received readings from the medium.  What the teacher and the medium taught were nothing new to me because I had read their books.  On the way home, I was quiet.  I was deeply disappointed at how things had unfolded.  I believed sons suggested for us to eat at a restaurant, and I said 'no'.  It was my fault that we spent hundred of dollars for nothing, I thought.      

Earlier that month, I had experienced some disappointment in another matter.  After the event, I was in a state of total disappointment.  Everything that led up to the event seemed to be divinely planned!  I did not sleep well at night.  The next day I slept until almost noon.  Later in the afternoon my husband and I went shopping for grocery.  In the car, words seemed to come to me, but I refused to listen.  I turned on the CD player, and sang the song.  I looked at the scenery outside.  Suddenly, my head turned to look at the time inside the car.  It was 4:44 p.m.!  I practically stopped singing right there.  I took a deep breath.  444 the Power of God's Love . . . . but I did not know what to think of all of these.  

At night I spent my time watching TV.   At one point, I thought other people needed to hear the messages from the medium more than me.  It was true.  Though I sat far from the stage, I could hear the pain in the voices of the few that were chosen by the medium.  The messages delivered by the medium brought them comfort and healing.  I recalled feeling happy for those that received messages.  With this thought, I calmed down somewhat.  However, I still felt frustrated and disappointed.  The whole thing was like a set up.  I was emotionally hyped because all that happened before the event, and I fell down hard afterward.  

When I went to bed, I still did not want to pray or talk to my guides and angels.  I rarely had dreams of anger.  In the morning of April 12, I actually woke up from a dream in which I yelled at other people.  The energy above and around my head vibrated throughout the day.  At times the vibration was intense.  I got it there was a lesson for me to learn.  Below was what I wrote down on my journal before I went to sleep.

Angels and guides, any words from you.  

Was I wrong to have expectations?

Oh, never mind.  I am going to sleep.  As I said, if nothing happened, I would drop the whole thing ***.  I am not going to waste my energy on it.  

I have enough of this.

Good Night.

(*** i.e. stopped searching for the truth regarding the message I received in the last quarter of 1999 and the questions I had after the 2001 reading by the known angel channel)  

I could laugh at myself now 😁😁😁 as I read my journal.  I was upset because it did not unfold as I had hoped.  I was an ordinary person like most of you, and had gone through many life lessons.  

It takes me a long time to learn how true it is that my guide said 'you can be happy no matter what' and You feel pain because you let pain be . Emotions are part of a physical life, and it is important for us to take responsibility of our own emotional wellbeing.  

In the early hours of April 13, 2005, I tried to not think about anything.  The harder I tried not to think, the harder for me to fall asleep.  Soon it was 4 a.m.  (My husband was practicing the moves downstairs.)  I said in my heart I would not pray or turn on the light to read a book.  (Both I would normally do when I could not sleep.)  

I sighed.  I pulled the blanket over my head.  Immediately, I felt something was happening.  I asked, "What is happening to me?"  I seemed to be dissolving or being absorbed by other force.  I felt my body or boundary no longer existed.  In this shock, I found I was not in fear!  In a calm and firm manner, I telepathically said, "I believe in the all loving God."  I saw an eye.  Then the force that tried to absorb me vanished.

Before I could recover from the first incident, I was in another state.  I found my whole being was expanding and expanding.  Again, I asked, "What is happening to me?"  I thought I might be leaving my body for an astral journey or that was how one felt when one was about to go on an astral travel.  I felt my being was about to explode.  I also felt the presence of a force, and understood that force was the cause of what was taking place.  Again, I had no fear.  I firmly stated "I believe in the loving God."  I kept repeating what I believed in.  The force that caused me to almost explode vanished.  I was back to myself. 

I pulled the blanket aside.   Widely awoke, I knew I was not dreaming.  I went over my experience. I could still recall the 'terrible' state I was in when I felt my body was dissolving.  I marveled at how firm and sure that I calmly stated "I believe in the all loving God."  When I soon found myself expanding and about to explode, my first response was shock.  Right then, I said what I believed in.  I was calm and peaceful.  

So there I was, laying on bed widely awoke with my eyes closed, recalled what had just happened.  Then I had the third experience of the night.

In my mind eye, my husband wearing all white climbed onto the bed.  He wanted to . . ., and I refused to submit to him.  He madly yelled at me saying something like "you are my wife!  How dare you . . ."  The man in white looked very fierce as if he was really going to get me.  Again, I was calm and peaceful.  I firmly stated "I believe in God, the all loving God.  The god you believe in is not the loving force.  That is why I will not let you."  As soon as I said that, he vanished.  I understood the man was the evil force disguised as my husband.  

Still with my eyes closed, I got the understanding that I had passed 3 tests.  I was proud that the faith of the real / true me was (is) as should be - sure, firm, and never wavered.  I also got it with my eyes closed that the time on the clock was 4:42 a.m. turning to 4:43 a.m.  I opened my eyes, and rushed to see the time.  It was 4:43 a.m.  My heart was filled with awe.  I said, "God, angels, and guides, you used to wake me up at 4:44 a.m.  Tonight I am going to watch the time turns to 4:44 a.m.  I am open to receive the Power of God's Love."  After seeing 4:44 a.m., I lay down and fell asleep.

Something interesting happened later that night too.  

My younger son and I were talking by the dining table in the kitchen.  My husband was in the family room.  There was a wall that separated the kitchen area and the family room.  My husband asked, "Why do you leave the TV on Ch. 4?  Shouldn't you be watching American Idol on Ch. 2?"  Earlier, I had watched part of American Idol; when commercial came on, I turned to watch Alias on Ch. 7.  In other words, I had been watching both Ch. 2 and Ch. 7.  (Yes, I live a pretty ordinary / normal life.)  When I went to the kitchen, I must have accidentally left the TV on Ch. 4.  I told my husband to simply turn to Ch. 2 if he wanted to watch American Idol.  Soon he asked why I left the TV on Ch. 4 again.  I told him to turn to Ch. 2 if he wanted to watch American Idol.  Not long after, he asked me the same question again.  So I walked over to the family room with the intention to turn the TV to Ch. 2.  I did not change the channel.  On the TV was a talk about Dan Brown's book.  It was said Jesus and Mary of Magdalene had a daughter.  I realized it did not happen by accident that Ch. 4 was on.  That night I lay in bed wondering if I would ever get some answers to my questions.  I knew my search for truth or answers would continue.  (Please view my post  If we love Jesus, how can we slight the one he loves the most and you will understand why I realized the Ch. 4 incident did not happen by accident. )  

All of these happened on April 13, 2005.  The number 13 was (is) a significant number on my spiritual journey.  For instance, on June 13, 2009 I got the answers that I had been looking for from a book which was confirmed in a channeled reading a few years later.  (Re Sometimes I never know how a day is going to be )  On June 13, 2016 I signed up for Meetup, and had since joined many interesting zoom meetings.  There were many people with special gifts and abilities.  It was amazing to listen to their stories.

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2005 was one of the important years on my spiritual journey.  On Sundays from late Feb. to March, 2005, I stepped outside of my family to sit among hundreds of peoples for the very first time.  On March 20, 2005, I delivered a copy of the words of Christ to the pastor and left.  (Re Words of Christ and the 4444 Incident - Part 2 )  On May 26, 2005 I joined the Thursday Circle.  In 2005 my husband continued to spend lots of hours in practicing the moves, and did not look well.  I was quite worried about him.  It was by divine grace that I received love and support from my friends at the circle.

Many Blessings,

Q of D

FYI - I might have a connection with Mary the Magdalene, but I was not her or her daughter. 

In a loud, menacing voice, he said, "Do you want to have . . ?"

Greetings!

In a store, a woman was greatly alarmed when she heard a man's loud, menacing voice.  She looked in the direction where the voice seemed to come from.  She could see nothing because the display stand of magazines and newspapers blocked her view.  She was second in line at the checkout lane.

She looked back at the one who stood a few feet behind her.  It was an Asian woman, and she was looking at the direction where the voice came from.  To her surprise, the Asian woman was all smiles as if she saw something joyful.  When the Asian woman turned to look at her, she could not help but asked, "What happened?"

A man in his 60 s lined up behind the Asian woman.  The man used an electric shopping cart / motorized shopping cart.  He stayed about 6 feet behind the Asian woman leaving enough space for other people to walk through.  Suddenly, another man who also used an electric shopping cart rushed through the space to the other side of the store.  It caused a little disturbance because this man was driving the electric shopping cart at a speed that was not supposed to.  It kind of startled the Asian woman as well as the man behind her.  The man that rushed past stopped near the self-checkout area which was about 80 feet away.  The man behind the Asian woman turned his electric shopping cart and headed toward that man.  As he came close to the other man, he said in a loud, menacing voice, "Do you want to have a race with me?"  Obviously, the other man did not expect this at all.  (In that very moment, he probably realized he should not have rushed past others in a store as he did.)  Before he could react, the man that caught up with him burst out laughing, and gave him a pat on the back.  Realizing the man meant no harm and was joking with him, he burst out laughing too.  Afterward, they talked to each other like friends.

After listening to the story, the woman smiled.  She said, "We all need a little humor here and there in life."  The Asian woman smiled and nodded in agreement.

We all need a little humor here and there in life.  How we choose to handle each situation matters.

Love and Peace,

Q of D

Honoring Lord Buddha And Earth Treasure Bodhisattva

Greetings!

After my husband moved on, I prayed that he appeared in our older son's dream to let him know that he was alright.  He did.  On the 8th day since his passing, he came into son's dream looking fine as he was before he got sick.  Nine days later, my son dreamed of him again.  He was surprised to see his father looked young with a full head of black hair exactly as he remembered him when he was a boy.  He said, "Mom, if this happens in life, Dad needs to spend a lot of money to make himself look like that!"  I told him I was not surprised because I had learned that we all looked in our 20 s or 30 s on the other side; they might choose the image they preferred, young or old, when they appeared in our dreams.  (Re The Dream on Day 8, and more dreams afterward )

It was not a coincidence that I spotted the notebook with Lord Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva in the big storage tote that day in July, 2021.  After I read (or re-read) what I had copied down, I decided to recite the talk three times every morning.  Most mornings I could only recite it silently.  My son worked from home.  I also did not want to recite aloud when my husband was home because I did not want to draw any negative emotion.  Luckily, with his job, my son sometimes had to go to different plants.  On the mornings that I was the only one in the apartment, I felt the joy of being alone and free.  I recited Buddha's talk with full dedication.  The air around me was different.  It was sacred and still.    

In March 2022, I decided to join a spiritual gathering.  It was the first time in months (or since my husband's passing) that I went to an in-person event.  As expected, only a few people had come.  People could watch online from their home.  There were a lot of empty chairs.  As usual, I talked to my guides and angels in the early hours before I went to any spiritual event.  I  invited all the Ascended Beings / groups of different dimensions that I had come to know to be there with me.  I thanked Lord Buddha, Earth Treasure Bodhisattva, and Quan Yin for helping my husband.  I invited them to be with all of us in the gathering.

I had mentioned in my other posts that a wonderful channel delivered messages from Galactic Beings and Ascended Beings in the first half of the gathering.  Then two healers (one was clairvoyant) facilitated the second half of the gathering.  When the session was over, the clairvoyant healer said, "Every one of the chairs were full of spirits; the back wall was filled with spirits.  It was absolutely incredible!  And, everyone that was in this room was surrounded by spirits.  It was just absolutely beautiful!  A lot of negative karma came out from the camera area until all of a sudden it changed to green which was like a healing coming from the whole back wall that was filled with spirits . . . . and they sent the green energy to (the other healer) and he sent the energy back to the spirits . . . ."  ( The camera was placed near the back wall in the center of the room.)

I recalled I sat there listening to the clairvoyant healer described what she saw.  My heart was filled with gratitude.  I kept thanking Lord Buddha, Earth Treasure Bodhisattva, Quan Yin and all the Loving Awakened Ones that were with us.  Thank you, thank you, thank you . . . .

I had been going to their gatherings for some years, but nothing like that had happened before.  The healing was always about the people that came and those that watched from home.  

The video is on YouTube.  I choose not to put a link here.  

I recalled one day this message came through the channel - what could channel through was not mainly because of the channel, it had much to do with those that were present.  (Sorry, I could not remember the exact words 😊)  It was the same with healing.  What happened that day had much to do with the two facilitating healers, the spirits that chose to be healed, and people that were present / watched online.

I dedicate this post to honor Lord Buddha and Earth Treasure Bodhisattva for their love for humanity.  

Thank you!

Q of D

  

 

Divine Grace and Mercy

Greetings!

In my last post Lord Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva , I wrote that Lord Buddha's words accurately described the condition my husband was in.

"In the future, men or women may long be bedridden and in spite of their wishes be unable either to get well or die.  At night, they may dream of evil ghosts, or family and relatives, or of wandering on dangerous paths.  In numerous nightmares, they may roam with ghosts and spirits.  As days, months, and years go by, such people may weaken and waste away, cry out in pain in their sleep, and become progressively depressed and melancholy.  These things happen when the force of karma has not yet been determined, which makes it difficult for them to die and impossible for them to be cured."

My husband used to walk much faster than I was.  He was now weak and lack of energy.  However, he continued to go out for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.  We suggested for him to stay home and rest.  He would not listen.  He was exhausted when he returned home.  He lay on the bed, but could not sleep.  At night, if he ever fell asleep, he soon woke up from nightmares.  

One day, we told him we were going to make an appointment for him to see a doctor.  Again, he said for us not to worry that he would be well soon.  I said, "You always say you will be well soon.  Give us a date.  We shall make an appointment for you if you are not completely well by then."  Reluctantly, he gave us a date that was two weeks away.  That day came.  He angrily said he would not go even if we made an appointment.

A few days later, he and I were at the table.  With lack of energy, he often looked downward.  At one point, he raised his head, and we looked into each other's eyes.  His eyes were like that of a dying fish.  My heart ached.  I did not fear death, his or mine.  I had accepted it was his life, and it was up to him how to live his life.  However, seeing how he was, my heart was filled with compassion.  I decided to have a long talk with him.  

My husband was not a patient listener.  A long time ago I had noticed he sometimes subconsciously blocked out what others said.  For instance, his sister-in-law (his oldest brother's wife whom had been mean to him when he was a child) came to ask him to give them some of our furniture; after she left, I learned that he did not hear a word she said.  He was like that on a few other occasions.  After he practiced the moves according to the Chinese newspaper, he gradually became more and more distant toward us as well.  In the months before he moved on, it was hard to have a conversation with him except he was the one that initiated it.  When we talked to him, he looked at us as if he was listening; the second we paused, he went back to what he was doing (e.g. read the book); we might stop in the middle of a sentence, and he never cared to hear the rest.

We did not have a conversation that afternoon.  I was the only one that spoke.  I said, "You always say you will be healed soon.  Weeks and months have passed.  Be honest with yourself.  Do you feel any better?  Do you still believe the so-called master is going to heal you?"  He did not respond.  He just looked at me.  

I knew he held lots of discontent and disappointment within which were not only of others, but of himself too.  He was pretty fixated on his own views and his expectations of what others should do.  He did not realize his self-righteousness was the cause of irritations in his life.  (Re WHAT DO YOU HEAR? )

When sons were in their teens, my husband told me he longed to open a restaurant and buy a big house.  He said, "When sons grow up and get married, our sons, their wives, our grandchildren and us can live together as one big family."  I told him the world had changed long time ago; nowadays young people wanted to have their own space.  He said if he had lots of money, sons (and their families) would live with us.  (Some of us never regarded money as the most importance thing in life, but it was a waste of time to argue with those that thought it was.  As for a big household, I had seen conflicts when different families lived together.)  In later years, he was displeased because he held onto the old view that the younger generation should provide for their aging parents whom had raised them.     

Life is not all rosy, and it is meant to be.  Most of us felt discontent or disappointed to some degrees now and then, and I was of no exception.  Some of us eventually learned to let go, to look at it from a different perspective, or to handle the situation differently instead of letting it bother us.  It was true that To forgive is first and most of all for the good of ourselves .   

I had talked to him before, but it was hard for him to consider other people's opinions.  That afternoon I tried to address his dis-ease about life.  How sad it would be if he carried all of those emotions to the end of his days!

  

In a self-reflective approach, I talked to him about our sons from my perspective as a mother.  I said, "I felt blessed to be a mother.  Watching them grow brought me joy.  You made roasted ducks and other food they liked.  We wanted to keep them warm, and bought them good jackets that we never thought of buying for ourselves.  Most parents did what we did because we loved our children.  When we went through the challenging years, it was difficult for our sons too.  They helped in the restaurant, and did not ask for pay.  Later, our older son found an after-school job.  He gave us his paid check because he understood the situation we were in.  I was grateful, but you saw it as a betrayal.  Back then, the economy in our state had been very slow for years.  Many people lost their jobs, and moved to other states.  I understood you wanted to hold onto the restaurant.  You thought we were not supportive enough, but we had.  Sometimes we just had to let go of what did not work.  You felt you had failed, but we did not see you that way.  Both sons worked throughout college years.  One time I had to ask our younger son for help because we could not pay the bills.  Our older son formed this idea of 'fighting with time to make up for the lost time' because he could not afford to play and go to parties as his friends did." (Re Who's driving? )

As mentioned in my other posts, my mystical journey began in the last quarter of 1999.  By then I knew nothing about angels and guides.  In Dec. 2001 I finally had a phone reading by a known angel channel that lived in another state.  (Re Seeing the birds, I had no doubt that God had shown me the sign )  During the reading, my guides and angels confirmed selling the restaurant was the right choice; they wanted me to go among people without delay; my husband was indeed a good cook, and should not feel he had failed; many restaurants would seek his help afterward.  I was surprised they said the restaurant venture was not destined to fail; it could have been very successful, but we had chosen the wrong location.  What they said was true.  We had looked at many different locations.  I liked three other locations, but my husband disagreed with me.  I saw many red flags in the location that he liked, but he said I knew nothing about restaurant business.  We ended up having lots of problems before and after we opened the restaurant which in some ways was like an unimaginable nightmare.  (I can laugh about it now.  Please know that no matter how dark the situation may seem to be, it will all come to pass.)  In the restaurant years, a few of my husband's friends came to visit sometimes.  They happened to talk about restaurants that had opened in the locations that I liked.  All the restaurants had very good business.  (My husband's friends did not know the story.  They just happened to talk about it.  My husband's face darkened as he listened.)  Life is like a tree that has many branches, every branch is a different journey / experience, and some branches bear more fruit than the others.  We may view our experience as good or bad; however, every experience may have served us in a way that our human mind may not be able to recognize its value.  (An excerpt from Edgar Cayce reading 254 - Through irritation, the soul often grows - just like the pearl.  As long as that manifested by the individual stays pure, little harm may come." 

After we moved back to the state, my husband had urged me to talk to sons about money because his social security income was minimal.  I refused to.  I loved as my heart guided me to.  I never felt my sons owed me anything.  My husband assumed they had good income, and should be responsible for us.  The cost of living now was way more than it was when we raised our sons.  My younger son worked to provide for a family of 5 which was not an easy task.  My older son sometimes asked me to double check his tax return before he filed it online.  I noticed he had to pay part of his health insurance and dental insurance.  State income tax, federal income tax, and money withheld for social security accounted for a big chunk of his income.  The auto insurance in our state was the highest among all states.  After paying for all the necessities such as rent, utilities, his car payment, gas, auto insurance, phone bill and the Internet, there was not much money left for him to hang out with his girlfriend and friends.  As a mother, all I ever wanted for my loved ones was for them to be happy, healthy, and well.  I was proud of sons that they worked hard and stood on their own.  I told my husband, "I don't want to talk to sons about money as long as I can manage with the little income we have."  Our older son sometimes asked if I needed money.  I told me I would let him know if I ever needed money.   

I also talked about the issue of respect.  My husband easily got upset when people did not show him the respect as he had expected.  After the restaurant years, sometimes he thought others including relatives did not treat him with respect because he had no money (or was not rich).  I said, "You know I have been sensitive to people's emotion since I was young.  At times I can feel he or she looks down on me while I sit among other people. Oftentimes, I let it be because their opinion of me is their business, and I have no control over how others choose to treat me.  I stand in my truth, and know that what matters the most is I do not look down on myself.  In time, some change their view of me, and we become friends.  Don't let other people's words or demeanor bother you.  Sometimes we do have to stand up for ourselves, and let others know how we feel."

After I finished talking, he looked downward for a while.  Then he said, "Make a doctor's appointment for me."  I called some clinics nearby, and most said the earliest appointment was a few weeks away.  I made an appointment with a clinic where a doctor would see him in about a week.

One day I drove to stores to buy grocery.  When I was home, my son seemed to be somewhat happy.  (Our older son lived with us.  His father was in the bedroom with the door closed.)  He said, "Dad had a talk with me while you were out shopping.  He is actually proud of me!  He is proud of XXXX too (his younger brother / our younger son)!"  He went on to tell me what his father said.  I was surprised.  What my husband said about sons was what I said to him the other day.  In my heart, I wondered if he was finally more at peace with life.  My son said, "Dad said part of him wanted to die, yet part of him wanted to live.  Why did Dad say that?  Doesn't everybody want to live?" With his warrior mentality, it was hard for him to understand that his father was really weary of life.  Then I learned his father asked him to quit his job and find another job that would pay him at least $200,000; he also asked son to buy a house for me, it must be a new house, and it must be over $300,000.  My son tried to explain he would not quit his job.  His father would not listen, and went back to the bedroom.  My husband was out of touch of the reality.  (According to online data, the average income of our state is close to $50,000, and only 8% earn $200,000 or more.)

Two days later, I went to join a spiritual gathering.  Only a few people were there.  As soon as I entered, powerful energy filled me / surrounded me.  Whenever this happened, I often let myself bathed in the energy instead of paying attention to what the speaker / facilitator said.  Months after my husband passed away, I watched the video on YouTube.  It was then I realized the message was right on about the situation with my husband.  For examples, "We do not have the ability to change anyone else's reality.  We don't have the ability to shift their perception how they feel, what decisions they are going to make . . . if we take it on ourselves for others, we are not doing our service justice."  After a break was the healing session.  Again, I was in a powerful field of energy.  Afterward, the clairvoyance healer said she saw five spirit guides surrounded one person.  She was deeply touched by their love for that person.  

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At the clinic, the doctor said my husband's blood pressure and heart beat were normal.  We were relieved to hear that.  The technician drew blood from my husband for analysis.  Since my husband's abdomen was abnormally bloated, the doctor said he needed to go to a hospital for scans to find out what was wrong.  However, we must wait for a green letter which would probably arrive in a few days.  The letter would let us know which hospital to go to, and we must bring the letter with us to the hospital.

My husband seemed to be more upbeat than he had been.  He asked the doctor for medicine to heal him.  The young doctor said, "Sorry, we don't have a miracle pill."  The clinic scheduled the next appointment that was about a month later; they assumed they would have received the results of the scans at that time.

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Several days later, I called the clinic because we had not received the letter.  I was told it would probably take about a week to 10 days.  Meanwhile, I could see my husband's condition was getting worse and worse.  On the 10th day, I told my son to call the clinic about the letter and asked if the doctor could see him as soon as possible.  The doctor said she could see him the next day.  One minute, my husband, our son and I were feeling hopeful that the doctor would see him the next day; the next minute, everything fell apart.  Later that afternoon, we heard the loudest sound of explosion that came from within my husband's body.  My husband clutched his chest in extreme pain, and liquid poured out of his mouth.  He hinted for us to carry him to the bathroom, and later onto the bed.  My son called the clinic, and was told to call 911.  My son went outside to wait for the ambulance.  

My husband continued to cry out in pain on the bed.  All of a sudden, powerful, powerful energy flowed into my head from above.  My right hand was raised about 2 feet above his chest, and energy poured into him.  My husband stopped crying in pain.  For a brief while, he lay there peacefully.  Then I saw my husband slightly tilted his head backward looking at the space above and somewhat behind him.  He weakly asked, "Is it time for me to leave?"  Still looking at that space, he said in a resigned voice, "Ok . . ."  All the while, I was like a generator of electricity.  I had to breathe fast and deep to keep up with the flow of energy.  I saw him slightly rose from the bed, and then dropped back onto the bed.  The light in his eyes was gone, but his eyes remained open.  I knew his spirit had left.  I wondered aloud in my mind, "Why?  Why?  Why now?"  (i.e. Why healing energy came now and not earlier)  The energy continued to pour into his body until the emergency personnel arrived.  They tried to see if he still had a heart beat.  It took quite a while until one said there was a heart beat, but it was barely audible.  We were told to follow the ambulance in our car.  However, the ambulance did not move.  After a while, we were told it was because they had to revive his heart again and again.  

At the hospital, we were led to wait in a small room.  Later, our younger son arrived.  A doctor walked in.  He hinted for us to say our last goodbye, and led us to where my husband was.  For quite some time (I did not know how long), my older son repeatedly asked the doctor to revive his father's heart.  The doctor and nurses complied because they understood.  My older son rarely cried.  That night he cried and was very emotional.  I realized why the energy came at that very moment in the apartment.  It would have been a devastating blow to our older son if his father was pronounced dead back then.  Furthermore, the extra time allowed our younger son to come to the hospital.  My heart was filled with gratitude for the divine grace and mercy.  I found myself enveloped in peace.  I knew some eyes were on me that night because of the different reactions from a wife and a son.  (Another example of not to judge because of what we see!)  At the end, the doctor put his hand on my son's shoulders, and told him the truth.  My son looked at me and said, "Mom, I have tried . . . I have tried . . .I have tried to keep Dad alive."  When we walked out of the hospital, it was past mid-night.

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I continued to recite Lord Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva every morning.  I prayed that my husband would come into our older son's dream to let him know that he was alright.  On the 8th day, my son dreamed of his father.  We were glad he was alright.  (see my posts published in March and April of 2022)

We received the green letter / envelope a month and 3 days after my husband had passed away.  

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While I was with the small church, I participated in the Quarterly Healing Service.  One time when the service was over, a friend who was a medium joyfully said to me in front of others, "I know it! I know it!  Today is your victorious day!  Many in the spirit world are talking about you.  You are famous in the spirit world!  They are excited that you have come!"  I was embarrassed and unhappy to hear that.  I did not want to hear 'today is your victorious day'.  I just wanted to serve quietly.  There was already some sort of misunderstanding that a few thought that I regarded myself as powerful or more powerful than others.  A friend seeing the expression on my face said, "She (the medium) does not understand you."  My heart was somewhat heavy when I walked out of church that day.  It might be I  foresaw what was to come.  (Re COOPERATION and the human drama of misunderstanding and The rest of the story about the drama of misunderstanding )  

I did not understand why the friend (the medium) said the spirit world was talking about me.  What had I got to do with the spirit world?  

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August is here.  Sorry, it takes me a long time to finish a post.  

Now I am going to focus on my next post to honor Lord Buddha and Earth Treasure Bodhisattva. ( Honoring Lord Buddha and Earth Treasure Bodhisattva )

Love and Blessings,

Q of D

P. S.  These two posts are about expectations He asked, "We all have expectations . . ."  and In Faith and Trust, I AM 

Lord Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva

Greetings!

 After finishing my last post  A Display Stand in a store with Buddhist Books in Chinese , I saw how intricate the divine plan was.

In the last quarter of 1999 in the early morning hours, a man's voice, loud, clear and authoritative, woke me up.  I thought someone in the neighborhood was talking, but everywhere was so quiet.  It was the strangest sentence that I had ever heard.  Later that day, I called my younger son who just started his freshman year in a university.  I said, "Son, the message must be for you because you are wise . . ."  My son said, "Mom, the message must be for you because you are the one who received it."  Not knowing what to make of it, I tried to put it behind me.  However, more strange incidents happened.  (Re Words of Christ Part 1 ) 

In 2000, I finally went to the library to look for answers from books.  I eventually learned we all had spirit guides and angels.  During those years, I borrowed many English spiritual books from the library, but had not gone to the Chinese books section to look for spiritual book.  Everything is in divine order.  My introduction (or reintroduction * 😊) into Buddhism while I lived in the other state was in divine timing and of significant importance.  ( * In readings, I was told I had lived numerous lifetimes.  I had studied many different religions, and was not fixated on any religion.)

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In the early months of 2012, two things happened at the same time.  Our older son found another job in a state close to our home state, and my husband was hospitalized for the second time.  (Re Life is as God is - Turbulence is a life energy )  Though the teacher of the Thursday Circle and the stranger from another state had told me that I would live in that city / state for the rest / the last phase of my life, I was at peace with the move to a state close to our home state.  (Re Archangel Metatron and the Healing Session )  

In Nov. 2013, I had a phone reading by a known psychic / angel channel that lived in another state.  The psychic had instructed all her clients not to tell her anything until she finished relating the messages or information she received.  She saw that I had moved.  From my angels and guides, she 'got' that 'due to the circumstances, the divine plan had to be adjusted.'   (Re Fall only into the Divine Emotion of Love, the Creative Force )

In July 2012, our older son got a job in our home state.   We moved back and rented an apartment that was not far from our younger son's house.  Our daughter-in-law was pregnant with the third child.  Our younger son had to go to work during weekdays.  He asked us to go to their house and play with the kids (4 and 2 1/2 years old) so that our daughter-in-law could have some rest.  Most mornings we made some food and brought them over to their house.  I stopped chanting Amituofo in the morning.  (From time to time I still heard Amituofo when I came out of my sleep in the middle of the night, while I was out shopping, or sitting among other people.)

I was not disciplined in spiritual practices.  I saw it as my shortcoming, or, it might not be.  In readings, I was told I had lived many disciplined lifetimes.  In my Mar. 2006 reading, the psychic said I came to live an ordinary life as an ordinary person, and I wanted to live as an ordinary person in every way; however, I must also accept the truth that I AM.  What she said resonated with me.  Over the years, living an ordinary life as an ordinary person really helped me to relate and connect with others.  Meanwhile, it was also true that more could be manifested through me when I accepted my truth; in doing so, I was (am) serving others as well as myself since we were (are) one.  When we stood in our truth, we were serving one another for the highest good of all.  (Re The Lesson of Importance and Our Self-perceived Shortcomings and Disadvantages )

After our third grandchild was born, sometimes my daughter-in-law asked me to go along to the zoo and malls so that I could keep an eye on the kids.  It was a joy to be there with them.  Later, they moved to a city that had good schools.  That city was not near where we lived.  With 3 kids, they had a busy schedule.  We visited one another once in a while.

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My husband seemed to have let go of the practice.  He used to practice openly, and had stopped doing that after his second hospitalization.  However, I knew he had not completely let it go.  There were nights I woke up and saw him practicing on bed.  He lay down to sleep as soon as he realized I was awoke.  One night, I told him that there was no need to hide it from me if he still chose to do it.  He said he was only stretching.  I let it go.  There was no point of arguing over it.   One would only change when he / she was ready. 

After we moved back, I was the first one to go for walks in the school fields.  My husband said he did not feel like going for walks.  It was only much later that my son said he had seen his father practicing in the bedroom while I was out for walks.  He questioned his father who said he was only stretching.  He did not tell me because he really wanted to believe that was the case.  Besides, he only saw his father did that once in a while.  My husband eventually went out for walks by himself.  There was a period he suddenly chose to go out hours before sunrise, i.e. when outside was still dark.  I sensed something more was going on.  Later, I raised my objection telling him his waking up in the night disturbed our sleep; our son worked long hours, and needed a good night sleep.  The following few nights, he still woke up at that particular hour.  He looked agitated, but complied with my request.  I usually walked near where I lived.  He walked much farther than I did.   

      

A chance meeting in a restaurant in 2016 was an answer to my prayer.  My husband eventually joined his friends at the restaurant daily no matter rained or snowed.  Like him, most of his friends had retired.  They came to the restaurant at different time from 10 am to 2 pm.  My husband said he was usually among the last ones to leave the restaurant.  He said he often listened, and did not say much.  However, sitting among his friends for 3 to 4 hours everyday had definitely helped him.  I was very grateful for the divine grace.  The grace was not just for him, but for the family too.  

Divine grace is ever present for everyone.  However, sometimes we see them as nothing special or mere coincidences.  We fail to recognize the grace and blessings in our life.  Recognizing the grace, beauty, mercy, and wonders in life is the greatest gift to ourselves.  When we do, we live in the constant flow of love, appreciation, and gratitude.  Love modifies our views of life's situations, and gratitude is the best medicine for healing.  With appreciation, gratitude and love, we live in ease and grace; we see beauty and magic wherever we are despite of what happens around us.

A few months into 2020, the state issued the stay home order because many people had been hospitalized with covid-19.  The restaurant they used to gather closed its doors for dine-in and only kept the drive-through open.  It remained that way until the latter part of 2021.  

My husband used to walk for about an hour before walking to the restaurant to join his friends, and came home around 1 to 2 p.m.  He now had plenty of time on his hand.  He spent his day reading the same book** that he had read numerous times.  (** The official book of the practice, re It was his life, and it was up to him how to live his life - Part 2 )  Later, he went out for walks longer than usual.  When he came home, he slept again.  He woke up when lunch was ready.  It was the same old pattern while he practiced those moves.  There was a time I asked him to cook lunch so that he had something to do.  It did not last long.  He said he had cooked for others all his life, and did not want to cook anymore.    

Around mid-Nov. 2020, he came home and announced he would not go for walks until winter was over.  Unlike me, weather never deterred him from his daily walk.  Something must have happened, yet he would not say anything.  

Except for a couple of weeks in Feb., that winter was milder than usual.  April was nice and warm.  He knew the weather had been good because we went to stores twice a week.  In late May, 2021, he resumed his daily walk.  Some weeks later, he said he had a little discomfort in his abdomen.  He would not see a doctor.  When meals were ready, he would not eat saying he had no appetite.  He thought fasting would do him good.  He insisted on eating nothing for several days.  He lost weight and energy.  He began to sit on bed as if meditating, and came up with ideas to heal himself.  For instance, he bought milk and drank a lot of milk.  He did not drink milk before.  I told him it might cause upset stomach.  He said I was wrong for everybody knew milk was nutritious.  Of course, it did not go well.  For some days, he suddenly ate mangoes as his three meals.  Mango was one of my favorite fruit.  He always said he liked vegetables and not fruits.  I told him he should not simply eat mangoes for the day.  He would not listen.  He stopped eating mangoes when he had more discomfort.  (He always said it was not pain, but some sort of discomfort.)  When we urged him to see a doctor, he gave us that kind of look as if he was sure he would be fine.  He said, "Don't worry!  I am not going to die!"  

This time around I observed what went on.  I was concerned, but was not worried as I was years ago.   All of us moved on from the current physical life at a certain point.  As life is a continuum, death is not the end.  My concern was - with his blind belief in a dark entity / force, he might find himself stuck in the lower sub plane of the astral plane.  

There were books with stories that everybody went to heaven where we would meet up with our loved ones even neighbors and lived happily ever after.  Was that the heaven we looked forward to?  Many of us had lived hundreds or thousands of lifetimes.  We must have been a member of many different families.  Likewise, we could have a number of partners / soul mates during those lifetimes.  Was living with our earthly family happily ever after the purpose of living a physical life?  How many heavens we lived in or would live in?  These came to my mind as I was writing, and I thought of my post A Play on the Stage of Life . 

Did all people go to heaven(s) or the higher sub planes of the astral plane after they died?  Some professional mediums and people that could see (clairvoyant) had seen earthbound entities.  There were people that died and did not know they had died.  In a book, I read about a man who died in a shipwreck over 200 years ago still hanging onto part of the ship waiting to be rescued.  In my post The Dream of Three Japanese Soldiers, the soldiers did not know they had died and the war had long been over; in Why did he thank me?, the boy that fell off the cliff also did not know that he had died.  There were many reasons that ghosts / spirits of the deceased remained earthbound, e.g. some felt they had unfinished business (were being murdered, still very much attracted to a loved one / loved ones), some feared what their afterlife would be, those with strong addictions might want to stay to get a feel of drugs or alcohols from others, and some might simply want to stay around.  

My husband seemed to have nightmares quite often.  Sometimes he moved his hands as if fighting off something.  Sometimes he made sounds as if he saw something terrifying.  In later days, he said he felt very miserable because he could not sleep.  Still, he was adamant that he would not go to see a doctor.  

One day in July 2021, I was looking for one of my notebooks in the plastic boxes.  Mostly, I used those 70 page notebooks to record some of the things that happened in my life.  Some days I did not write anything at all.  I had over a hundred notebooks in two large plastic boxes.  I had not expected to write a blog.  Therefore, my notebooks were not organized.  Sometimes I had a hard time finding the notebook with the experience that I wanted to share. 

Anyway, I saw a notebook with Chinese words on the first page.  As I had mentioned, whenever I read something inspiring, I picked up any notebook and wrote it down on the last few pages.  Therefore, I was curious what I had written down on the first page of a notebook.  It was Lord Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva (also known as Earth Store Bodhisattva or Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva).  (Please note that what I had copied down was not Earth Treasure Bodhisattva sutra or his vows.)  If I recalled correctly, I watched a video on YouTube.  The video was with Chinese words and no picture.  As I watched, my heart was deeply touched.  I decided to write down the talk.  I paused the video from time to time in order to copy down the words.  It was not long.  It took up only 3 and 1/2 pages, and about 5 to 6 minutes for me to recite the talk.  (I did not recall when I watched that video.  I could not find it on YouTube now.)

I had forgotten what I had copied down.  I realized how timely it was for me to re-read Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva.  It was another experience of grace.  In his talk, Buddha talked about Earth Treasure Bodhisattva's great compassion who vowed to save all lost souls that had fallen into hell.  With my limited English, I could not translate the portion of Buddha's talk that accurately described my husband's condition.  I went to YouTube.  I found the English translation of that portion from Buddha Sutra Readings under the title of Earth Store Bodhisattva Mantra and what can the Bodhisattva do for you.

"In the future, men or women may long be bedridden and in spite of their wishes be unable either to get well or die.  At night, they may dream of evil ghosts, or family and relatives, or of wandering on dangerous paths.  In numerous nightmares, they may roam with ghosts and spirits.  As days, months, and years go by, such people may weaken and waste away, cry out in pain in their sleep, and become progressively depressed and melancholy.  These things happen when the force of karma has not yet been determined, which makes it difficult for them to die and impossible for them to be cured."

This video was an hour long, and had 16 chapters.  It was much, much longer than the video I watched years ago.   At first, I wanted to print out the above from YouTube, but did not know how to do it.  So I had to write it down on my notebook.  When I was done, I happened to glance over at the time on the computer.  I was surprised and overjoyed to see 1:53 p.m.  153, one of the numbers that turned out to be of great significance in my life.  (Re The Number I set for 3 old luggage bags )

There were instructions in the talk as what to do for someone that was in that kind of state.  I did not know any temple near me.  People were still pretty much living in the shadow of the stay home order.  I knew my husband.  He put up a wall when we talked to him.  Therefore, I could not talk to him as what to do.  Since healing energy came through me sometimes, I had prayed for energy to flow through me to him if it was in divine order.  Healing energy did flow through me to him when he was hospitalized for the first time, but it had not happened since then***.  ( *** Powerful energy flowed into me one more time.  I shall write about it in my next post.)  I greatly admired Earth Treasure Bodhisattva's love and compassion to save all lost souls.  I decided to recite the Chinese version of Buddha's talk that I had copied down three times every morning.  I set the intention to recite the talk for all sentient beings and Mother Earth.  (I did not specifically mentioned my husband's name since all sentient beings meant for all.)   When my son and my husband were not home, I recited the talk three times.  If one of them was home, I quietly read the talk with my heart.

During those weeks and months, I found myself in an expansive field of energy whenever I recited Lord Buddha's talk on Earth Treasure Bodhisattva.  I did not see any change of behavior in my husband.  I held onto the faith that what I did mattered.

(Next posts Divine Grace and Mercy and Honoring Lord Buddha and Earth Treasure Bodhisattva)

Love and Blessings,

Q of D